by Cecilia Fyre
“Yeah, he said he might’ve overdone it with the Dramamine. The tequila didn’t help, either.”
“Tequila?!”
“I didn’t know he was feeling sick, or I wouldn’t have let him near it.”
“Oh dear.” Lea rubbed her face.
“Right? Okay, I better get our prince to bed. We both need to pretend to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed tomorrow.”
“Are you staying with him?”
“Of course. Don’t you worry, sweetheart. Your guy’s safe with me.”
“Thanks, Stuart. I’m looking forward to meeting you soon.”
“Likewise, doctor.”
“Call me if he or you need anything, okay?”
“Will do. Goodnight.”
“Night, Stuart.”
3
“Lea, wake up. Dr. Holm!”
Lea struggled to emerge from the fog of sleep. Someone was trying to rouse her. But she was so damn tired. Why could they not just let her sleep? She forced her eyes open. “What happened?”
It gradually came back. She was at work, and it wasn’t an on-call shift. She was supposed to be working. So why was she conked out in the staff lounge?
Kathy hovered by her side, biting her lower lip anxiously. “You were just going to sit in here for ten minutes to finish your notes. That was an hour ago. I thought I should check on you.”
Lea pushed herself up. Her heart raced. "Damn. Thanks, Kathy, I'll be out in five minutes." When Kathy looked dubious, she added, "I promise. Just going to wash my face."
“All right.” Still looking doubtful, Kathy started for the door, throwing Lea a couple of anxious glances to check she wasn’t dozing off again.
It was only eleven in the morning and the break room was empty. Lea rubbed her eyes. What was the matter with her? Why was she so tired lately? She’d done nothing but sleep when not at work and still, she felt exhausted. She’d never fallen asleep at work before.
She gathered the notes that had spilled off her lap and onto the floor. Maybe it was iron deficiency? She’d had problems with that in the past sometimes. Or the gray New York winter was getting to her. But London had been just as gray. Or maybe she was just getting old. Or…
The iPhone vibrated in her coat pocket. She had taken to carrying it around at work. Until Ricco was back on dry land she wanted him to be able to reach her.
Lea didn’t much like the phone. She barely knew how to make a call on it, and she hadn’t given the number to anybody. But she needed an update on his condition, so she took the call even though she already felt guilty for slacking off on company time. “Hey, darling. How’re you feeling?”
“Morning, doc.” He sounded a lot better. “It’s still a fucking boat, but I haven’t puked on anyone today, that’s something.”
She grinned. “Agreed. That would make for hyper-real reality TV, though.”
“You bet.” There was a pause, then he said, “Hey, I wanted to say thanks, for last night.”
“Don’t mention it.” She was determined that he shouldn’t ever feel bad about being vulnerable with her.
“You saved me again, and you did it from all the way over there,” he insisted. “You’re amazing, doc.”
“I didn’t do anything,” she said. “I just talked some sense into you.”
“Yeah, I need that frequently.”
“I’ve noticed. Make sure you don’t overdo it today, okay? Take plenty of breaks, and get as much fresh air as you can. Stay hydrated. Nothing will make you feel worse than not replacing the fluids you lost.”
“Will do,” he said, sounding meek. “Ginger tea is pretty nice, actually. Stuart’s asked the staff to bring me top-ups every half hour. And we’ve filmed smack bang in the middle of the ship. That seems to help, too.”
He sounded so much more cheerful, and a weight fell off Lea. “I’m glad to hear it. Try and eat something. Small bites here and there. And no coffee or alcohol, okay? And try cutting back on the fags.”
There was a smirk in his voice. “You know that that’s a really rude word here, right? Go wash your mouth out, sweet girl.”
“Oh, shush, you,” she said, also grinning. “Call me if you need anything else, okay?”
“Um…”
Lea’s heart sank. Could there really be more bad news? “What is it?”
“I had a message from the network suits this morning,” he said in a quiet voice. “Something needs my presence there Monday morning.”
“There being Canada?”
“Yeah… I’m gonna fly to Ottawa tomorrow from Miami. I’ll be in New York on Monday for another meeting. And then it’s on to Florida.” He sounded stressed. “But since I have to come home for that meeting I get to see you Monday night, right? Early as fuck start Tuesday to haul ass, but—” He broke off. “Shit, I forgot to ask: Are you even free Monday night?”
“I can be,” Lea said. She needed to find some time to go over study files, but she could bring them to his house. He’d not be early. “It would make much more sense if you could stay down in Miami though.”
“Welcome to my life.” He sounded exhausted.
It had to be hard, dealing with everything while doped up on anti-nausea meds. Lea felt a twinge of irritation. With better planning, some of this crazy running around, and the resultant stress, could surely have been avoided? He had to learn to say no sometimes. But now was not the time for a lecture so she merely said, “I’m sorry, honey!”
“Thanks.” He sighed. “Listen, I better get back. Spielberg’s daughters have taken a shine to me, I gotta go flirt with them some more.”
“Are you trying to make me jealous?”
“Is it working?”
Lea chuckled. “Not really.”
“And I was trying so hard.” He gave a theatrical sigh. At least their banter seemed to have cheered him up. “I’ll call you when I’m off the damn boat, okay? Can’t wait until we dock tonight.”
“I bet you can’t,” she said. “Call me then. But if you need anything, be in touch.”
“God, don’t jinx it.” His voice vibrated with distaste.
“If you feel bad again, see the doctor right away, okay? Don’t be a hero. There’s no award for that at the Oscars.”
“I’ll be a good boy today,” he said, sounding sincere. “Thanks, doc. Talk soon, miss ya.”
“Miss you too. Take care, darling. Bye for now.”
“Bye.”
Lea smiled as she slid the phone back into her coat pocket. Thank goodness he was feeling better. That must be horrible, being so sick and still having to work. Poor darling.
She stood. Suddenly, the room tilted and she sat again heavily. Her heart hammered, her hands were sweaty. She didn’t exactly feel sick, but there was definitely a strange, vertiginous sensation. Oh the irony. Maybe she should have some ginger tea herself.
What was going on with her? First the tiredness, and now this. And then she remembered that thought that had tickled the back of her mind just before Ricco’s call.
She cast her mind back. It was almost exactly four weeks since that first night they’d spent together. They’d had sex a few times since then. But it couldn’t be… they’d used protection. And there hadn’t been anything worrisome about it afterward. But would she have known? She’d not paid much attention, content in the knowledge that Ricco had to have experience for two in that area.
Maybe he had noticed something, and just not mentioned it. But that wasn’t like him at all. It was rare that a faulty condom went unnoticed, but not unheard of.
Her hands were clammy and shaking, and her heart beat at several hundred miles an hour. This was bad, very bad.
The thing was, Lea didn’t want children. She never had. The possibility hadn’t even crossed her mind in years. She was thirty-five for crying out loud. Unwanted pregnancies shouldn’t be a concern now.
Lea forced her racing thoughts to a stop. No sense in panicking before she was even sure. The truth was, she had no idea how he would
react to news like this, and what he would want.
Maybe he’d be over the moon.
That would make things so much worse. Her hands began to sweat. She didn’t want children. Not even with Ricco bloody Como.
The rest of her shift went by in a daze. Lea considered liberating a pregnancy test from the ER supply cabinet and get it over and done with right away. Nobody would notice if one test went missing. They were a dime a dozen and not under lock and key like narcotics. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Every time she turned in the direction of the cabinet she froze, then hurried away and busied herself as far away as possible.
She and Dr. M were due to discuss study results in the afternoon, but her heart wasn’t in it. Dr. M raised his eyebrows a few times when she fumbled through a statistic. When he asked if she wanted to go for a drink Lea declined, muttering that she had to run some errands.
There was a Walgreen’s close to the hospital, but Lea decided to get clear of Manhattan and anyone who might recognize her before picking up a test. Instead, she bought one at the small mom and pop style pharmacy on her block, belatedly realizing that if the test was positive and she stayed in the area there would now always be at least two witnesses to the beginning of this chapter in her life – the little old Chinese pharmacist who always smiled so kindly at her, and his wife.
When Lea finally closed her front door her heart was in her throat. She dropped bag and coat in the usual place by the door and toed off her shoes. Then she stood in the middle of the living room, clutching the discreet brown pharmacy bag, staring at nothing.
She had never had to do this test on herself before. In previous relationships she’d gone on the pill when it had gotten serious, and no casual hook-ups had ever resulted in even the suspicion of a mishap. She knew how the test worked, of course, and she had done it plenty of times for her patients.
What she couldn’t fathom, though, was why she had not suspected something was up sooner. She’d been very busy, and since her period wasn’t completely regular she’d not thought twice about it. Only now, casting her mind back, did she realize it had been at least six weeks since the last one. There hadn’t been any need to take the pill for some time before Ricco, and it hadn’t even occurred to her that that would change so quickly. And they had used protection.
But leaving that up to the guy was never a good idea. Men simply weren’t to be trusted, not even a sweetheart like Ricco. But the blame game was pointless, it wouldn’t change anything. And Lea had yet to confirm her suspicion, anyway.
In a trance she finally went into the bathroom. Later she could never really remember the next fifteen minutes. She came back to herself sitting on the sofa wearing only knickers and a T-shirt, with no clue where she’d left her pants. She was freezing and shaking, staring straight ahead while holding a small white stick in icy, trembling hands.
The little digital window on it read ‘pregnant’.
Where was Ricco?
He was in the city, he’d texted Lea the moment he’d landed. He’d go straight from JFK to a meeting, his text had said, but if she got to his place for six and bring a huge take-out that’d be awesome.
She was relieved that he had recovered and was thinking about food. She left work bang on time at four and went to her favorite Thai restaurant en route, loading up the car with boxes and bowls of the most delicious Asian food in New York City. She was determined to show Ricco how delicious take-outs could be. It didn’t have to be noodles from the dodgy little Chinese place around the corner from his house every time.
And a decent meal would be the perfect preparation for the difficult conversation they had to have afterward.
Lea had considered not to mention the pregnancy at all, and just end it without fuss. Working at the hospital gave her access to a discreet solution. Nobody had to know. She didn’t want this child. It didn’t fit with any life plans she’d ever had.
But when it was time to pick up the phone and make an appointment with the OBGYN department she found she couldn’t do it. Not without telling Ricco first, anyway. Sure, it was her body. But the thought of continuing with their budding romance after keeping a big thing like this from him just wasn’t in her nature. The ultimate decision would be hers, but she could only make this decision and still look him in the eye if all the cards were on the table. She tried not to think about what she’d do if he was excited about the prospect of being a dad again.
At the penthouse, she put all the food into the refrigerator and settled down with her research data. Six pm came and went, but no Ricco came with it. At six-thirty he texted to apologize that his meeting had overrun. He'd had to placate some people but would be home after this one drink.
Lea took this calmly enough. She’d chosen the dishes at the Thai takeout because they could either be eaten cold or heated up quickly and without loss of flavor.
Then it was eight, then eight-thirty. At nine, Lea, frustrated and hungry, ate the green Papaya salad, which placated her somewhat, it was so delicious. Then she settled down to watch some Hell Riders episodes, Carl and Bob by her side and a succession of cups of tea within easy reach.
At ten, she was annoyed and resigned. The urge to call him and be a bitch was strong, but she suppressed it. It wouldn’t serve any purpose. And in a small, secret corner of her heart she felt a tad relieved that they wouldn’t have to have that talk tonight.
At eleven her eyes started to fall shut, and Lea decided to go to bed. Ricco could wake her when he finally found his way home.
Late the next morning, the sun filtering through the gap in the curtains, Lea woke from a deep slumber. For a moment a feeling of disorientation prevailed. Something was…off. She knew this bed, this room. The ceiling with the exposed beams. But it wasn’t her ceiling. She’d been here before, but… She rubbed her face. Sleep just wouldn’t relinquish its grip. It took another minute or so before it all came back to her.
She was in Ricco’s bed, alone. And it was morning.
Lea sat bolt upright, fear gripping her. Where was he? Had he never come home? Had something happened?
She looked around. A Post-It note lay on the pillow next to hers that hadn't been there the night before. She picked it up, heart rate returning to normal.
Morning doc. Landing 9 am. Will call you then! X
Relief gave way to irritation. Why hadn’t he woken her when he got in? His side of the bed looked untouched. Had he not slept?
Lea snatched her phone from the floor. For some reason there were no clocks in this room, not even an alarm clock. Ricco used the buzzer app on his phone, but she was old fashioned and lazy. She liked being able to turn over, crack open an eye and know instantly what time it was without having to root around for a phone. Well, at least now I know what to get him for his birthday.
One glance at the phone and she scrambled out of bed. It was eight-thirty. At least she didn't have to work today.
Lea went into the bathroom, then upstairs for coffee. On the stairs she almost fell over Carl who lurked in the shadows. “You’re doing your best to kill us, aren’t you?” She petted him briefly, then went to figure out the coffee machine.
She wasn’t ready to give up coffee. Until she and Ricco decided what to do about the pregnancy she just couldn’t commit to it. She needed her fix. But it was starting to seem impossible to have that talk. Being in the same space, and conscious at the same time, was a surprisingly difficult feat to accomplish, but necessary for such a conversation.
Lea sat on the sofa and sipped her Americano. Even though she had slept well she still felt tired. At least she wasn’t suffering from morning sickness. She hoped that wouldn’t change. She never got nauseous, could count the times she had thrown up unintentionally on two hands, with fingers left over.
Her phone rang at ten to nine. Lea was using the iPhone more and more since Ricco seemed to have forgotten she’d ever had a different number. The thought made her mad and she stabbed the answer button rather hard. “You never even w
oke me up,” she said without preamble, all frustration bubbling out at once.
“Hey, good morning to you too,” he said. “Believe me, doc, I tried. You weren’t having it. I figured you needed the sleep, so I gave up.”
He was probably right. She could compete, and win, in the sleep Olympics right now. But she wasn’t about to tell him the reason over the phone, so she quickly changed the subject. “Did you sleep at all?”
“Never got a chance, I was home less than an hour.” He sighed. “Grabbed my shit and took a cab. This show is killing me.” He sounded exhausted, but something in his voice made it clear that he wasn’t in the mood for a grilling over where he’d been all night.
Lea kept her curiosity and misgivings in check. “I’m sorry to hear that, darling. Do you have some time now before you need to go and meet up with the crew?”
"A bit. Stuart is taking care of the cameras, and we're not meeting Mario Andretti until tonight. He's coming straight from some promo gig, and he's running late." He sounded weary and frustrated. "Once I get to the hotel I'll crash for a couple of hours."
“Good plan,” Lea agreed. “I don’t want to give you a lecture, but you had a rough few days. I worry about you.”
“I know, doc, and I appreciate it.” His voice was sad now. “I‘m sorry we didn’t get a chance to do, well, anything last night.”
“Me too. Sorry I slept like the dead.” Color rose in her cheek as she thought of the reason.
“Don’t worry about that,” he said. “Are you okay, though? You’re not working too hard?”
“Course I’m okay.” Lea tried to sound upbeat. She asked quickly, “When are you back? Friday?”
“Yeah. And I’m doing fuck all this weekend.” It was clear that he couldn’t wait. “Are you free?”
“As it happens.” She smiled. Something to look forward to at last.
“Do you wanna come over, and we try this being a normal couple thing everyone is raving about?” he asked. “Y’know, go to bed together, sleep in, have breakfast, do the Saturday shopping.”
