He began to pull the pieces of himself back together, he could fracture later, but not here. Fel didn’t deserve to watch him fall apart over what was essentially his first dose of reality.
Aldon stood. “We’d better figure out how we’re getting out of this city.”
Fel nodded, but otherwise remained silent. At least he wasn’t pissed off anymore. His hands moved, though this time it wasn’t quite Sign Aldon recognized some of the motions. After a few minutes there was an ambient glow, the temperature had dropped a few degrees, and there were seats. The dust and broken fragments were gone. It was the first time Aldon had watched a Chanter at work. He was aware now, too, that each move required a level of education he probably didn’t possess himself. All students were given basic enchanting courses that covered an array of information like how an object’s size and density needed to be able to hold and maintain the enchantment. Fel used some improvisation, doing things that seemed to stem from those basic concepts in ways that Enchanters never explored, because it wasn’t as natural to them. It was the sort of ingenuity that rooted in a thorough understanding of the basics.
When Fel finished, the space was livable. Though they both agreed they would need food before moving forward.
“I’ll have to leave to get rations,” Fel signed, “I know the cooks so getting two portions shouldn’t be an issue. I’ve worked a few protection enchantments in the walls. Should keep you safe until I get back.”
Aldon nodded. He would have offered to go too, but he was thankful for the respite from company. He had put on a brave face, but he’d only covered the cracks and they wouldn’t hold long.
“We’ll work on an escape when you get back,” Aldon signed.
Fel agreed, then he turned at the last second.
“What?” Aldon asked, fidgeting.
Fel paused, a grin forming, then signed, “I’m grateful you’re not an asshole.” Fel was smiling and Aldon couldn’t tell if it was genuine or fake, but the effect was...startling. He looked kinder, younger. Happy.
“Sit tight. I won’t be long.” Then he left.
Aldon sat alone in the cozy lighted room. He slowly let his emotions bubble back up and out. Tears began to spill down his cheeks, his mind turning numb as it sputtered to catch up. Aldon let himself fall backward, his breathing turning into ragged, almost gagging spasms. He didn’t know how long he had, but there was no stopping it now. His entire perception of the world had just been executed. He needed just a few minutes to mourn.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
SHE’S KILLING HIM SOFTLY
1
Not a sound the entire drive so far. Every face was grim as they jostled along, the road and scenery changing around them. Their destination loomed in the distance: Ceol. Jade had followed the signs toward it and knew nothing else except that they would reach it in ten miles.
Of the eleven that had started this mission, seven remained. Jade kept her eyes forward as she drove, thoughts turbulent.
She tried very hard not to think about the sizzling spark in her fingertips or how the relic had suddenly started. The green glow around the steering wheel. The fact that there was no sane reason they should be moving right now. Jade tried to think about the lost members of her team. Loss that should bother her, even if abstractly and not personally. Death may have lost its impact over the years—sickness, hunger, caught by the Vanguard, or just beaten and left for dead there were so many ways to die back home—but those lives mattered all the same. She believed that and knew that to be true, but the only thing she could ponder on that long, rickety drive was had she just enchanted something?
Jade stopped in front of an inn, the first that she could find, and waited. No one moved.
“I’ll go check us in,” she offered. She shoved her hands in her coat pockets to keep from studying them.
“Hold up,” Kirst stopped her, pulling her aside to whisper, “Just so you’re aware, they aren’t exactly friendly to Legion soldiers here. Ceol is infamous for its crime and vocal support of Chanters. In other words, let’s not advertise that we’re Legion, yeah?”
Jade nodded and stepped into the Inn to find rooms. She retained no memory of the conversation, but had a list of room numbers and keys when she returned to the crushing silence. Jade leaned back in her seat and shut her eyes. She needed a stiff drink and a night’s sleep, only one of those would come easily.
Dian crawled out, leaving the door open as he found his balance. He had said nothing the entire ride, barely moved. His fancy sword now shaped like a cane.
“Before we go in, I owe you guys...something,” Dian started, shoulders low. He traced his lips with a finger, speaking in broken fragments. “All of you performed admirably considering the circumstances. Obviously, we, uh...their attack was an ambush. One we did not anticipate. I apologize for that, if there was anything that could have been done, I would have seen to it, but they, it didn’t hold with their pattern or any intel I’d been privy to. I know we lost,” he cleared his throat, “Lost a few of our team. Gandry, confirmed. Ordessa and Wakefield didn’t make the rendezvous. Sona…had been there one minute and gone the next, unclear if she was killed or captured. I honestly can’t say whether any of them are dead or alive. Each of you can take time to rest. At least a few days, while I contact HQ and work out what we do now. I’d like to start a search for potential survivors, find our missing teammates, but I don’t know if that will happen. The Legion will have retaliated by now, so hopefully we can get a report from them…”
Heads low, they filed into the inn. Everyone meandered around in various states of vacant silence. Jade found Liam, near the far corner of the dining room with the Roseguard girl, and sat next to him.
“I need to talk to you,” she whispered.
No answer.
“Hey. It’s important,” she hissed, but he was staring past her shoulder. Jade followed his gaze to Caprice, who was slumped in an armchair. The girl had been miserable when they left, but now she looked completely dejected.
“I’m sorry,” Jade offered lamely, unsure if Caprice was listening to anything outside her thoughts.
Caprice turned her head, dazed, she blinked until her eyes focused. She had a kind face, friendly and open. The type to make you at ease and comfortable no matter your level of acquaintance with her.
“Don’t be,” she said after a minute, “I’m just trying to understand. You go around your whole career knowing the sky to be green, confident that it’s green, then suddenly…” she sighed. “Well. Then it turns out the sky’s actually blue.”
Jade patted her shoulder with a placating ‘there, there’ while she gestured ‘what the fuck is she saying?’ at Liam.
“He was with them,” Liam said, then when she gestured that she would need a bit more continued, “That politician we were looking for, he was working with them. Or, at least, he didn’t look like a prisoner from our perspective.”
“I can’t wrap my head around it,” Caprice said, clawing at her face with her fingers, “And I’m still officially sworn to protect him. It’s my duty. I’m his Roseguard while he’s in Vacua. He never mentioned his work to me, I suppose he wouldn’t, but I can’t help but feel betrayed. And confused, because I left him there, obviously, he didn’t need my help and we were all in danger if we stayed. I have no idea what to do.” Flames danced in her eyes and Jade quickly took her hand away.
“Yikes,” Jade mumbled as she stood and made her exit. Liam stayed behind, but Jade hardly noticed. She needed to talk to him, but it would have to wait. Dian would want to know what Caprice had seen.
She knocked on his door, to no answer, and was about to knock again when Amir appeared from an adjacent room.
“Good luck with that one,” he said, “Guy doesn’t handle defeat well. And this was one hell of a defeat.”
He left and Jade stared at the door, rethinking her plan. She raised her hand, then lowered it, then decided she’d just talk to him later. Then the door was suddenly open a
nd he was there. So very tall and so very close. She forgot what she came to say.
“What?” He said flatly, and he looked...unwell. They’d been safe for several hours, it was nearly morning, but his hair stuck out in odd directions. His eyes were a bit darker than normal, his posture completely slumped in a way that had nothing to do with the cane. He’d removed what she now knew had been a prosthetic, his pant leg tied off at his right knee. Her heart thundered in her chest.
“It’s...um. I learned something that I think you’d find interesting, but I’m thinking now might not be the best time.”
He threw open the door, walked back to the single chair in the room and fell into it. “What is it? Now or later won’t make a difference.” His eyes were hollow, red rimmed. Crying? He didn’t seem the type, but then she didn’t really know him all that well. Honestly, he was nearly a stranger.
“Caprice and Liam found that missing politician.”
Dian’s eyes shot to her, “What? Was he alive? Why didn’t they report—”
“Whoa, there,” she held up a hand, “It’s...well, it’s a bit complicated.”
He rubbed his fingers together, gaze becoming unfocused again. “Complicated. How?”
“From their perspective, he appeared not so much captured, but rather more the opposite.”
Dian stood again, “Are you saying the Ambassador was working with the Free Chanters?”
“That’s how it looked,” she cringed, watching him process the news. He began to pace, hardly minding the cane at all, moving well enough that Jade had to wonder how long he’d really needed it. “I’m sorry, for what that’s worth.”
He looked up at her, eyes focused for the first time since Meraton. “Do you know what this means?”
She shrugged, smiling awkwardly.
“It all makes sense,” He said, nearly laughing, that sort of insane laugh of the deranged. “We all thought it was insane to send a CCU on such a crucial mission. This was a foreign diplomat, there could have been a war over this and they send one single fucking custodial unit to spy around?”
“What are you saying? They knew?”
“Someone knew. Someone knew the Ambassador wasn’t in any danger. Send us to make it look like something is being done, then if anything happens and they lose a few convicted felons and some Legion wash-outs who’ll give a fuck?”
“Okay, that’s twice now I’ve heard you swear and, no judgement, but I am concerned.”
Dian moved closer, that manic energy forcing her a step back, though her eyes were locked on his face. The room was small, smaller than hers, and dark. She felt every beat of her heart. She could smell him now, sweat nearly masking the minty, pine forest scent. Somehow the combination was rather unfairly heady.
“We were fodder for a conspiracy that runs, I can’t even fathom how high. The entire integrity of the Legion is up for question, though my gut believes that Kannan had no idea.” He ran his fingers through his hair, mussing it up even more than it was. ‘Meria, she wished it were her.
“How are you so calm?” He was still close, but she hadn’t the ability to move. “How do you not care that your life was treated as worthless?”
She rolled her eyes, “Come on, if I got all choked up every time that happened I’d never get out of bed. My life has been worthless since whoever my mother was left me in a gutter in Montressor. My life was worthless when I was caught and caged like the other gutter-trash urchins. I had to fight and train, then maybe I was fed. So, I guess in that situation I was worth whatever wagers were won over my defeat or victory fighting other children for sport.”
His focus narrowed on her as he listened, not speaking as her words settled between them. “Rumors reach here,” he started, meeting her eyes again, “About the struggles in Harrowind, the sorts of things people in need might resort to,” He reached out for her hand, then stopped and dropped his back to his side.
Jade crossed her arms. “I didn’t tell you that for pity. I got a bit caught up in the moment.”
He shuffled a bit closer, boots bumping into hers. “Is that where you met Liam?”
Their eyes locked. “Yes,” she said breathless, then coughed and continued more clearly, “My first fight was supposed to be against him. But when we looked at each other we were able to just...understand, I guess. I was so small back then and he had won so many fights. I didn’t stand a chance. So we fought our way out together instead. He’s been my brother ever since.”
Dian nodded.
Somehow, they were breathing each other’s air. No part of him was touching her directly, but she could feel him. All the heat. Her lips parted, but she couldn’t remember what they were talking about. This was a moment. The sort that changed things. The sort where, for however long the spell held, neither of them could escape.
Knock-knock.
Jade jolted, springing back and tucking her hair behind her ear. Dian wasn’t exactly capable of springing anywhere at the moment, but he turned away from her. “What is it, Jesiah?”
“Door was open. Anyone could just walk by. You know, see things.”
Jade shook away the tingling, stomach flipping thrill of the last few minutes. “My word, would you look at the time? I should be somewhere else,” she slipped past and took off down the hall so she could throw herself on her bed and scream into a pillow.
2
Dian watched her leave. Jesiah had pushed into the room and shut the door, but Dian couldn’t move. That was the third time he had nearly done something very unwise. Impulsive. The strongest impulse he had ever had to fight. There was something in him that was starting to turn reckless. Some deeply repressed part of him that sought her chaos. It wasn’t that she was beautiful—though she was—but that now he knew her to be cunning and brave. She was capable, when she wanted to be, and she was doing all kinds of things to his body, patience, and peace of mind.
Jesiah snapped his fingers in Dian’s eyes, shaking him from his thoughts. Thoughts that were, admittedly, wrong. Especially given the circumstances, their positions, and a number of ethical obstacles. He should be focusing on the conspiracy that got men under his command killed needlessly, the heavy loss of civilian life caused by the massacre in Meraton, or the fate of the unaccounted for members of his unit. Then why was it impossible to think of anything that wasn’t her?
“You have got to get a grip, man,” Jesiah’s voice hit him like a slap. He needed to sit. The pain was gone, now that he’d removed the prosthetic, but it had been a long time since he needed a cane and damn it he just wanted to sit for years.
Jesiah folded his arms over his chest and rubbed his eyes with his hands. “Did you hear? About the Ambassador?”
Dian nodded, thoughts of death and conspiracy twisting together with the way she had nearly let him...What the fuck was wrong with him?
“We don’t have to get into it now, but I imagine you’ve considered what this means.”
Dian’s eyes were straight ahead, unfocused, seeing things that were not in the room. “Impossible to say how high up this thing goes, though my gut tells me Kannan is clean.”
“What makes you say that?”
“The way she talked when she gave me this assignment. She seemed just as confused and unhappy about it, so I doubt she knew what she was sending us into.”
“Fair enough. Have you reported to command yet?”
“I have.”
“And?”
“Sit tight and wait for orders,” Dian let out a hollow laugh. “I suppose there isn’t much need for us anymore. We’ll probably stew here for a while.”
Jesiah nodded. “Figured as much. Might be for the best, though. We could all use the break.”
“Until command gets back to me, everyone is to stay in civilian clothes and not advertise that we’re Legion.” Dian looked at him now, his brain attempting to work properly for a change and forming plans, goals, thoughts that were safe for work. “Unfortunately, we picked a shitty spot to retreat.”
�
��Had the same thought, but Avaris was driving and no one was paying attention to where.”
A long silence followed. Dian lost the spark of clarity and drifted back into a tumbling miasma of unchecked emotions.
“Maybe you should get some sleep. Might clear your head a bit,” Jesiah offered as he made for the door. “And listen, I’m not judging here, but be careful.”
“Careful?” Dian looked up, blinking as sudden light from the hall blinded him. He hadn’t been paying attention to how dark the room was.
“Yeah, man, careful. Do you want me to just say it? You’re in serious lust for that girl, possibly more, and I don’t think you’re capable of turning that off. And after what I just interrupted, she’s obviously into it. So if you can’t stop, might as well attempt caution. Cause a girl like that could mess you up. Never mind your career, you may not make it out.” He sighed, then paused once more on his way to the door. “And turn some lights on, you’ll get sick.”
Dian chuckled as Jesiah left, but he didn’t move. Instead he scored his fingers over his face and leaned his head back. He could make it to the bed, but did he care enough to get up? His first go at command had been a complete failure. Not just the mission, but he’d lost lives. The worst possible outcome for a leader. Those lives were on him. And what made it that much worse was how little he could focus on that right now. Not since he sensed someone at his door and he’d opened it to find her.
By morning, Dian had slept worse than awful. He’d made it to the bed, but he couldn’t manage to sleep longer than a half hour before some sort of dream woke him. He needed a shave. He’d washed off the dust and grime from Meraton, but hadn’t cared enough to bother with much else. He stood before the basin and checked his reflection.
His hair was nearly standing on end. This was unacceptable. He was still in command of the survivors and that mattered. Whatever his personal guilt over the situation—or how much he may want to wallow in his failure—that was not an option. Cobalt Unit still needed a leader. The Colonel would be shaking his head in the afterlife. The rising star, falling.
Catalyst (The Second Cycle Book 1) Page 22
