Koko growled, “This belongs to me! Tiny imps, bow down to me, and you, you carnivorous, disgusting, stick figures, you don’t count. Kiki, bite me!”
Tic and Tac objected. “We are the owners as it belonged to our brother, Zric. Even elderly demons...”
Koko growled again.
“Ah, we mean, elder demons can’t fight inheritance rules. The Great Lord wouldn’t allow it.”
“I will not be denied!” roared Koko. “This was promised to me by the Great Lord, and I will have it. Hey! Back off, stick people! Kiki! Call your pets!” The only response from the great hellacious beyond was a snarl. The imps jumped on Koko, slipping and sliding, but getting enough purchase to scramble at most of Koko’s eyes.
The mannequins made a play to get the ball by sending in one of the kid-sized models to slip into the middle on a stealth mission, hoping the demon and imps were too distracted by their rumble to notice. Koko, having eyes on the back and sides of his head that the imps couldn’t reach, wasn’t fooled, and he swiped out a glutinous foot and encircled the ball, pulling it toward him, coating the crystal in a layer of slime.
The imps jumped on the ball like it was a hand grenade, and suddenly all three parties were in a scrambling pile as if a football was loose. This was my chance.
I opened my bag and pulled out a full bottle of Manischevitz wine, which I’d had Rabbi Stein bless. I opened the bottle, took a few slugs, missing my mouth so some dribbled on my ruined shirt. I finally drank about half, grimacing at the cloying sweetness but figuring ingesting holy wine might be good for me, like vitamins. You don’t know if they really help, but you take them on faith.
I removed some cotton from my bag and retrieved a small bottle of gasoline I’d collected from the emergency five-gallon canister we kept in the garage. I soaked the cotton in the gas, shoved it into the wine bottle, and lit the whole thing on fire.
I said a little prayer and lobbed the Mazel Tov cocktail over my head. It crashed onto the floor, right in the middle of the monsters’ mash.
The explosion threw bits and pieces of mannequin, imp and demon, as well as crystal, in every direction. The fire caught the nearby bedding, and before anyone could say boo, the area was in flames.
Koko emerged missing arms and other chunks of his body, braying a scream of frustration. He opened his portal and returned to Hell, screaming his sister’s name.
The imps and mannequins didn’t make it. The mannequins charred in the direct flame. The imps were on fire and were missing golf ball-sized pieces from their torsos and legs, all the time still arguing about whose fault this disaster was.
“Why did you get me involved in this?” yelled Tic, running in circles.
“Because the ball is our property!” hollered Tac, patting out flames.
“Not anymore, and now you get to be Koko’s pet!” taunted Tic.
“What did you call me?” Tac pulled on Tic’s horns.
“You mean who did I call you? Koko’s pet! Koko’s pet!” Tic punched his brother in the stomach.
“I don’t know about that!” Tac punched back.
“Maybe Kiki’s pet!” sneered Tic.
“If I’m that, who do you think you’re going to belong to? Humm? The Dark Prince might take special interest you, you utter failure!” Tac slammed his fist into his brother’s nose, connecting hard.
“What? I can’t hear you!” Tic stuffed his stubby knuckles in his ears, ignoring the gushing blood.
The two collapsed into their portal, which had opened again. The last words I heard were, “Big sisters aren’t going to like this.”
Chapter Eleven
We’d destroyed the ball but trapped ourselves in a burning building, and I swear, it wasn’t my fault.
Okay, it might have been a little my fault, even all my fault, but I’d have to live with it.
Now that the ball was destroyed, we had to get out. Flames flickered around us, but it was the smoke that concerned me. Going low, we scrambled to the entrance, which was farther from the flames. I didn’t make it. I slipped on some Koko slime, fell, and slid across the linoleum, right into a smoldering lump of plastic mannequins. My pant leg caught on fire as the flame found fresh purchase on the fabric. I had nowhere to roll on either side, so I screamed and flapped my leg in the air, panicking as the heat singed my leg. Shura jumped into action, holding my leg down with one enormous paw while she squatted on my leg and peed.
Just then, the sprinklers came on, which meant there had been no need to urinate on me, but Shura hadn’t known that, so as disgusting as it was, I couldn’t complain. Expecting fresh water, I held my sooty face up to the ceiling and my charred leg in the air, only to be hit with smelly, brown liquid from the rusty sprinkler system.
We heard the sirens and knew help was on the way, but I was scrambling to figure out how to exit without the firefighters and police finding us.
“Okay, Shura, we’ve got to play this one stealthy. Let’s stand with our backs to the wall at the entrance. The main flames are straight ahead; that’s where they’ll head first. Maybe we can sneak by.”
The security roll-down reversed course and rolled up, and the cavalry dove in. Shura and I waited until the first wave passed and then scooted around the corner straight into a familiar face.
“Captain Morgan! How nice to see you.” I sounded foolish even to myself, and Captain Morgan rubbed his eyes and sighed. The cop behind him clapped both hands together in prayer position and started mumbling.
“Officer Bob! Wow. Both…of…you.” I scraped my toe across the linoleum. “What a coincidence to see you here.”
Captain Morgan spoke, and his tone was wry. “Let me guess. Were-gorilla?”
“No.”
Officer Bob tried. “Imps?”
I nodded and touched my nose. “Two imps, plus a demon named Koko-something, and a horde of animated mannequins enchanted by Koko’s sister. It’s complicated.”
The police officers stared at me, open-mouthed.
“Hey, I wouldn’t hang like that too long, gentlemen. A lot of smoke here. Anyway, good to see you. I need to jet.”
Captain Morgan placed a hand on my arm, took a sniff, and backed away. I couldn’t blame him. I was covered in wine, wolf urine, and foul sprinkler water, and on top of that, my pants were charred and smoky, as was my face. There was no way I was nothing less than rancid.
“Yeah, sorry about that. I know I smell bad.” Captain Morgan shot me a look. “Okay, I smell well and truly awful, but if a wolf had peed on you, I don’t think you’d be fresh either.” I placed both of my hands on my hips and winced as I heard a firefighter go down hard, yelling, “What is this slippery stuff on the floor?”
Captain Morgan ignored everything I said and gave me a stern look. “You can’t leave, Mrs. Friedman. You are our only witness to what happened here. You will need to make a statement. A complete statement. Don’t leave anything out.”
“As much as I’d love to, I need to get back home, get cleaned up, and hunt down a vampire to free a friend, all the while tricking said vampire into believing I still have a crystal ball that I do not have. It’s a full to-do list, and I’m running out of time. I’ll make a statement later.”
“Oh no, you don’t.” Captain Morgan braved my arm again. “Officer Bob, please take Mrs. Friedman’s statement now.” He jutted his chin at me. “Then, you can go take care of that to-do list.”
“Fine. Officer Bob, here is my statement. I was searching for a crystal ball, one which can tell the future. It was hidden here by Zric, the imp you met, remember? Pascal, the vampire, kidnapped my friend Liam, who is also a vampire, but a good one, and is holding Liam ransom until I get the ball. I snuck into the store with Shura.” I gestured toward the wolf.
“Then we hunted for the ball, which we found, but not before we were attacked by mannequins, two imps, and a demon. The demon’s sister is a demon-witch, and she hocus-pocused the mannequins but was work-from-home, so she wasn’t here in person. Meanwhile,
the ball showed me a glimpse of the future in which Pascal uses the ball to watch my children and husband, very stalker-y, so I knew it was too dangerous to keep. As the ground crew from Hell argued over the ball, I threw a Mazel Tov cocktail and destroyed it. Now, I have to go save Liam without the ball, which will be tricky.”
To Officer Bob’s credit, he wrote all of this down without a word, only asking me to repeat a few things here and there. He’d been with me in the museum when we fought Zric and freed two people of Japanese spirit animals, so his brain had expanded. Not to mention the were-gorilla. That was a show-stopper if ever there was one.
Officer Bob chewed the end of his pen. “I only have one question.”
“Yes?”
“What is a Mazel Tov cocktail?”
“A Molotov cocktail made with a bottle of Manischevitz wine and gasoline.”
“I should have guessed. You are free to go.”
“Great, thanks. I’ll just retrieve one thing…” I ran into the store and came back, shoving my find into my bag.
Shura and I fast-timed it to the trusty minivan, which sat complacently where we’d left it, although two patrol cars were parked right next to it, which explained why Morgan and Bob barely twitched an eyelash when they saw me. Sighing and praying at the sight of me was a mild reaction, given our history.
The night was clear, and the stars twinkled against the dark background of the universe. The broad expanse of unfathomable space reminded me how small and insignificant I was and how I couldn’t know the Eternal’s plan. I could, however, do my part by taking care of my own backyard. That included keeping my family safe and getting Liam back in one piece.
Chapter Twelve
Our house was dark and empty, and though I knew everyone was gone, it startled me just the same. Blaze tore around the house to greet us in the front.
Did you get it? Are you okay?
“We’re fine. Just a little banged up.”
Blaze wrinkled his beak, which baffled me. You smell horrible.
“Shura peed on me.”
Blaze looked a Shura, and they did a mind meld.
You were on fire?
“Just a little. Now isn’t the time to review the specifics.”
How is it that you always come home like this?
“Talent. God-given talent, and at least I do come home. Which I need to remind Nathaniel about so he doesn’t leave again.”
I took a quick shower to get the nastiness off me and gulped two cups of coffee to get the energy I needed for what I was about to do. The fact that I burnt my tongue didn’t surprise me.
I went into the garage where we kept the tools, did a little improvising, and then grabbed my tomahawk, magically back with me—handy that—and my phone, which I put in my pants’ pocket. I wanted to be light and quick, so I used a drawstring backpack to hold a few other things, only one of them heavy, and readied to take off.
Blaze stopped me by putting his enormous wing on my shoulder.
You need backup.
“I need my family back.”
You can’t do this alone.
“Maybe not, but Shura is in no shape to tag along, and I don’t know how a bird your size could manage the inside of this building.”
Shura padded up to us both and gazed at Blaze.
Shura is offended that you say she is in no shape to help, and I will stick to the air. Between the two of us, you won’t be alone.
Allies. Unusual ones, given, but allies nonetheless.
“Thank you.”
Blazed pursed his beak. Again, I was perplexed by this.
I have become oddly attached to the young ones. Shura body-checked Blaze and gave him a look that said it all. Pups. Who doesn’t like pups, you moron?
I laughed, and it felt good.
Our trio flew or drove downtown on empty streets so still that traffic lights were unnecessary, though they blinked on and off just the same. The city held its breath as its people slept, restored, and prepared for the coming day. A few windows were bright in the inky landscape, startling in their luminance, sharp-edged against the night. I took a deep breath and smelled the water, a sign of how close we were to the lake. This part of the city was practically lakefront, but it had yet to see its value realized. One day, the city would hire developers to turn this area into an outside entertainment strip like Baltimore Harbor, and everyone who lived here would have to go somewhere else.
That, however, was not happening now. Now, we headed to a vile, degenerate part of town.
The brick building had five floors, but the last time I’d been here, Pascal was on the fourth. I didn’t know if this was his daytime lair or just a building he haunted, but either way, there wasn’t another living creature in or near it. Even the rats stayed away.
I parked my minivan at the curb hoping it wouldn’t be stripped by the time I came back. That silver Toyota Sienna had proven remarkably resistant to theft, body damage, and breakdown. Steady was my steed, and suburban mom enough to repel vandals and troublemakers. If they wanted it, they’d have to take it as is, with its potato chip crumbs, empty juice boxes, and changes of clothes for every size child. They might be surprised by the batting helmet, Easy Cheese, and multiple shoes, none of which had a mate.
But, the real reason I didn’t worry was simple. I had a guard wolf.
Blaze circled the building and gave a quiet hoot to tell me the coast was clear. Shura sniffed at the base of the building, looking for ways in and signs of other beings besides Pascal. I didn’t expect a trap on entering because Pascal wanted me here, but leaving carrying Liam, who was most likely injured, would be precarious. I didn’t want any surprises.
Shura sneezed as if she’d smelled something unsavory, but her look told me she didn’t suspect anyone else was inside, and I let out a relieved breath. I’d been worried about collateral damage, but it seemed it wasn’t a problem. I didn’t know whether to knock and enter, or try an alternate, stealthy way, but I figured Pascal sensed me by now, so I opened the front door and crossed the threshold. A small overhead lamp struggled to provide illumination, but it was faint and wan, the light losing ground to the encroaching darkness. This was Pascal’s version of a welcome mat.
“Honey, I’m home!”
There was a whisper of movement, like a snake’s belly over leaves. “Pascal? It’s me. I’ve come to trade the ball for Liam. Don’t make we wait in the entrance like I need a hall pass to continue.”
“Do you have the ball?” Pascal’s voice came from everywhere.
“Yes, it is in my bag. Where’s Liam?”
“Up top. He only has a few hours before sunrise.”
“So, let’s make this quick. The ball for Liam.”
A snicker, followed by Pascal’s voice, slithered in the murk, “Come find me, then.”
“Why the subterfuge? This is a simple exchange.”
“Nothing is simple, Jess. You should know that.” His voice rasped like sandpaper.
I shook my head. “Forget it. I’m getting Liam. I’ll leave the ball on the front stoop once he’s safe. I’m not playing games, Pascal. I don’t have time or the energy for that.”
“I’m not playing games either.” His voice grew faint.
Shura stayed at the entrance to guard our escape route, and I followed Pascal’s voice and headed up the stairs. Every step I took led me into deeper and deeper blackness. It was if all the light had folded up on itself and slipped away, not able to bear the weight of the evil in its presence. I remembered my training session with Ovid and, once again, thanked his precognition.
I closed my eyes to help me concentrate on my hearing and took a final step up the first flight of stairs. The stairs from ground floor to first floor were concrete, but as I felt for the next step, I realized it was wood. My hand held the banister, and I placed my foot on the step, pressing on my foot with even force, avoiding a creak. I did the same with the next step.
And, the next. And the next.
I stoppe
d at the top of the second set of stairs, cocked my head to the right, and listened. It was an eerie quiet without the usual background noise caused by mice, electricity, and people. No birds nested inside. Not even a cockroach touched my feet. This was no-man’s land.
I took in a sharp breath and drew icy air into my lungs; even the warmth of the evening was forbidden in this place. The hair on my arms stood on end, and if I could have, I would have run. This was no place for mortals.
I had no choice, however, as Liam’s life depended on me overcoming my fear. I squared my shoulders and listened harder, bringing all my attention to what my ears could tell me.
There. Not the third floor, but the fourth, where he was last time. Keeping my eyes shut, I took the third flight on swift feet, barely touching each step. I sniffed and smelled burning candles, the old kind with yellow beeswax. I inhaled again and caught another smell, dry and fetid, coming from behind me. I whirled with ‘hawk, swiping in a long arc, but met nothing but air. Pascal emitted a sound that wasn’t quite a laugh and wasn’t quite a wheeze, more of a phlegmy rattle, and the oddness of it jangled my nerves. I realized that he was clacking his teeth together like a dangling skeleton in biology class. Metal hit metal, and my head rang with the sound, leaving me with a buzzing noise that blocked out any other sound.
I shook my head to clear my ears, which was a futile and stupid thing to do because it meant I stood in place instead of moving. Pascal hit me hard in my chest and swept his leg so I lost my footing. I doubled over and smashed my forehead on the steps, my feet flipping out from under me, and slid on my stomach to the last step. Something in my knee popped. The pain came a moment later, and I sucked in a breath as it lanced though my calf and the arch of my foot.
My ears rang, my right leg was almost useless, and it was so dark that I couldn’t see an inch in front of my face. I threw myself against the wall and removed my shoes, putting most of my weight on my left foot. I sheathed my tomahawk and lowered to all fours, saving my own life when Pascal whipped something heavy and metal in a horizontal sweep that crashed into the wall.
The Devil's Been Busy Page 25
