Walking over to a stand that held various brochure advertising the offerings at the gym, I located the one pertaining to self-defense. I perused the information, pleased with what I read—then stopped short when I saw the price tag. There was no way I could afford it on my current budget. I closed the brochure and went to put it back on the stand but paused as I took in the picture of the female on the cover. She was in a fighting stance, appearing proud and confident. What struck me most about her was the fierce look in her eyes. I envied that look in ways I couldn’t even begin to process.
A tap on my shoulder nearly made me jump out of my skin and brought me out of my reverie. When I spun around, Derek Mills stood before me looking apologetic.
“Shit!” I said, clutching my chest. “Don’t sneak up on me like that!”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to. I called your name three times but you must not have heard me.”
“You did?”
“Your name is Val, right?” he jokingly asked. He was smiling but there was a peculiar look in his eyes, almost as if he knew that wasn’t my name. My stomach dropped. I’d need to get used to responding to a different name or risk blowing my cover.
“Yeah…Val. My name is Val,” I told him, desperately trying to get used to the sound of my new name rolling off my tongue. Derek narrowed his eyes at me curiously, then relaxed into an easy smile.
“Well then, Val, what brings you here? You ready to cash in on that free trial month?”
“I don’t know yet. I was just looking over the brochures. Is the self-defense class included in the trial?”
“Everything you see listed is included. However, I should let you know that the self-defense class only meets twice a week. To get the full training benefits, you really need to take the class for three months.”
My shoulders sagged from the mere thought of how much that would set me back.
“I’ll have to think about it,” I told him. “I’ll definitely do the free trial, but I’m still relatively new to the city. I need to find a job before I can commit to anything longer.”
“Hmmm, maybe I can help you out. What kind of experience do you have?”
“I hate to admit it, but it’s not much. Just waitressing and bartending for the most part.”
“Actually, you’re in luck. A buddy of mine owns a restaurant called Carmella’s. It’s a trendy new place he just opened and he’s looking for a good waitress. So far, things are going well for him. The restaurant is hopping and the tips are good from what I hear.”
“Where’s the restaurant?” I asked, feeling a shred of hope for the first time since coming to this city.
“It’s only about five blocks from here. Oh, and I should also tell you—the job would be off the books until he gets his feet under him. I hope that’s okay.”
Off the books!
I couldn’t have planned this better myself.
“Yes—definitely yes! It’s perfect! Oh my god! I could kiss you right now!” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I was mortified. Derek’s eyebrow shot to the ceiling and my cheeks instantly flamed twenty shades of red. Trying to adapt a calmer disposition so I didn’t seem so embarrassingly desperate, I smiled awkwardly and explained my overzealousness. “I’m sorry. I’ve just been struggling with trying to find work and this couldn’t have come at a better time. How can I get a hold of your friend?”
“Ryan. His name is Ryan Foss. I can call him if you want.”
“That would be great!”
As he dialed the phone, I practically bounced with anticipation and silently prayed for Derek’s friend to answer the call.
“Ryan! Hey, man! Are you still looking for help at the restaurant?” There was a brief pause, before Derek smiled and gave me a thumbs up. “Good, because I have the perfect girl for you.”
13
It was a day for firsts. Things had been happening so fast and I had a serious case of first day jitters. Everything was almost too good to be true and I had to fight the urge to pinch myself. For the first time in a long time, I felt optimistic about the future. The stars were aligning and opportunities awaited me—and I had Derek Mills to thank for all of it.
After speaking with him a week ago, I’d interviewed and landed the job at Carmella’s restaurant. His friend, Ryan, seemed like a decent guy. His burliness reminded me a lot of Ben and we hit it off right away. I was scheduled to work my first shift at four o’clock today.
Because of that, I felt confident in my ability to afford the self-defense class. The first one was this morning. Dressed in hand-me-down sweats and a fitted tank, I slipped into my Nikes and headed out with a feeling of excited anticipation.
When I entered the room where the class was held, there were about a dozen other women there. All sat on the floor on a large center mat doing various stretches. They all looked like they knew what they were doing and it was intimidating. It meant I’d look that much more foolish if I failed. I looked around for the instructor, but it appeared as though he or she hadn’t arrived yet. Following the lead of my fellow classmates, I began to do some stretching of my own.
“Good morning, everyone! Who’s ready to start kicking some ass?” asked a male voice. My head snapped up from the downward dog position I’d been in. Derek Mills stood in the front of the class. I hadn’t realized he would be the actual instructor. “Most of you know the drill but I’m going to be a little more thorough with explanations today since we have a new join. Ladies, please welcome Val.”
He pointed in my direction. All the women turned and murmured their greetings.
“Thank you,” I said with a timid smile. It was daunting to learn that I was the only new person in the class. However, I didn’t have much time to fret over it because Derek began speaking again.
“We’re going to start with a quick warmup. I’ll keep it simple today. Forty jumping jacks, run in place for two minutes, and eight squat thrusts. We’ll do four reps of that combo.” Unfolding the muscle-corded arms from across his broad chest, he walked over to a stereo system. Flipping a switch, the sounds of Maroon 5 filled the space. “Let’s go on three. One. Two. Three.”
Like robots, we all began jumping jacks in unison at his command. Derek did the exercises right along with us. I couldn’t help but admire his godlike appearance. The elastic band of his blue gym shorts rested securely around his hips, while his gray shirt was fitted, stretching tight across hard pectorals and bronzed biceps as he performed the routine.
Once we were through the warmup, Derek turned down the music and faced the class. He didn’t even look like he broke a sweat, whereas I was huffing and puffing from the exertion.
“Ladies, please position yourself around the mat. I need a volunteer to help me demonstrate a new maneuver I’d like to teach you.” A bunch of women raised their hands. I nearly snorted. Who wouldn’t want to volunteer to be the student when the teacher looked like Derek Mills? “Ahhh, you ladies never disappoint. So many volunteers! But I think I’m going to break in the new girl today. What do you say, Val?”
“Me?” I questioned in surprise. “But I don’t know how to do anything yet.”
“That’s exactly why I want you. I want to get rid of any preconceived notions you might have about self-defense. A lot of people think it involves nothing more than punches and kicks. However, I teach more than that, including how to anticipate an attack and how to avoid it. That’s one of the things I want to teach today. You up for it?”
I shrugged.
“Um… sure. Why not?”
I walked over to the middle of the mat where he stood. Turning his attention to the class, he began to explain how to escape or defend a chokehold from the front.
“In this scenario, the attacker is trying to choke you and either push or knock you backwards. This attack needs to be countered quickly because you could hit your head if you fall while being pushed. In addition, if you land on the ground, you could have someone on top of you choking you.”
I froze at his
words, humiliation wrapping its slimy tentacles around my neck. Visions of myself, flat on my stomach on the kitchen floor, swirled in my subconscious until they became reality. I felt Ethan pounding into me from behind like a battering ram, relentless and unforgiving. Rooted to the spot, I was overcome by the visceral memories that tormented my dreams by night and cloaked me in shame by day.
Lost in a haze of these sordid memories, I completely tuned out Derek’s words. Because of that, I didn’t anticipate his next move. When his hand reached up to wrap around my neck, his grip was soft and anything but violent. Nevertheless, the reaction he sparked from me was instant.
“No! Don’t!”
Backing up, I instinctively slapped his hand away.
“Val, are you alright? I didn’t mean—”
“I don’t…I don’t think I can do this. I appreciate the chance and the free trial but I have to go. This just isn’t… it isn’t for me.”
I hurried to grab my things, completely aware of the sympathetic stares the other women were giving me. They could stare all they want. They didn’t know anything about me or about what I’d been through. Every last one of them could piss off for all I cared.
As I approached the doors that would take me back to my apartment, I heard Derek call out.
“Hang on! Wait! Let’s talk about this.”
I didn’t stop moving. I just needed to get the hell out of there and go back to the safety of my apartment—where I could make sure the window latches were securely locked and the door was barricaded closed. I could barely breathe in the vast openness of the gym.
I need air.
That thought had me turning on my heel and heading in a different direction. Instead of exiting through the interior door that connected the apartment building to the gym, I headed for the main doors. I needed fresh, clean air before I suffocated.
When I stepped out onto the street, a crisp October breeze assaulted my senses and instantly cooled my overheated skin. Leaning against the exterior brick wall, I brought a hand to my chest, closed my eyes and began counting to ten. I inhaled and exhaled, my measured breaths calming the racing beats of my heart. I’d only made it to five when I heard Derek’s hesitant voice.
“Val?” Slowly, I opened my eyes to meet his. Hazel irises the color of autumn stared back at me, the gold, green, and amber clouded with concern. “Just breath. I think you’re having a panic attack.”
I closed my eyes again and continued to count.
Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten.
Feeling relatively calmer, I lowered my hand back down to my side and directed a measured stare at Derek.
“I’m sorry, Derek. I can’t explain why—”
“You don’t have to explain anything,” he interrupted. “Many of the women in that room have been where you are. It’s not my place to ask questions. Every single one of you has a reason for being in that class. That reason belongs to you and you alone. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable. That wasn’t my intent.”
Natalia’s words from long ago rang in my mind.
“There are other men out there—kind and good men—who wouldn’t treat their wife this way.”
But I wasn’t Gia anymore. I was Val—a broken shell of the woman I used to be before meeting Ethan. Perhaps Derek was a kind and good man. There was no way for me to know and I sure as hell couldn’t trust my judgement. Still, in my head I knew Derek wasn’t Ethan. It hadn’t been Ethan’s hand on my neck back there in the class, but the hand of a man who was simply trying to help. I sighed and stood up straight.
“I know it wasn’t your intent. I overreacted.”
Almost instantly, relief showed plainly on his face.
“So what do you say? Want to come back to class?”
My face flushed from the mere thought of going back into that room. Seeing all the sympathetic stares from the other women was just too embarrassing. It was as if they could see through to my soul and to all the ugliness of my past, questioning why I had stayed for so long.
I shook my head.
“I don’t think so, Derek. Maybe I’ll go back one day. I just don’t think I’m ready.”
He raked a hand through his hair and seemed to be contemplating something.
“Look, you’ve got a lot of spark. I’d hate to be the reason for it to go out so I’m going to throw this out there for you to consider. I do personal one-on-one training.” My eyes widened and I began to shake my head again, but he held up his hand. “Hear me out. I teach the personal self-defense sessions differently. They aren’t one-on-one. I partner up with Hana, another trainer. I’ve found that having another woman present helps put the trainee at ease. Hana and I demonstrate technique until the trainee is comfortable enough to jump in. We work together to figure out what your boundaries are.”
Personal training?
I nearly laughed.
“That’s a nice offer but I’d never be able to afford personal training sessions.”
“You’d get the same deal. The first month will be free. If you decide to go on past that, we can negotiate a price that works for you. Remember, I’m the owner. I can do things like that,” he added with a wink and flashed me a cocky smile.
He had me backed into a corner. I’d be foolish to pass up the offer yet I still found myself hesitating.
“I don’t have to do anything until I feel ready, right?”
“Not until you’re one hundred percent ready. There won’t be any pressure at all. Scouts honor,” he said, holding up three fingers. This time, I did laugh.
“Okay, boy scout. I’ll try—but I’m not making any promises.”
His smile was wide as he extended a hand to me.
“It’s a deal then. See you tomorrow, say ten in the morning?”
“It’s a deal.”
14
I absently spooned a bowl of mushy oatmeal and stared at the clock. I had two hours until my private training session. With each passing minute, my apprehension grew.
Not having much of an appetite, I dumped the contents of the bowl and went to get dressed. Throwing on the same sweats and tank top I’d only worn for a short time the day before, I gave myself a once over in the mirror. One thing was certain—I left much to be desired. My short hair was pulled into a pathetic little nub at the back of my head. One of these days I’d scrape together enough cash to get a proper haircut. The old clothes on my body didn’t quite fit me right either. They were too tight in some places while too baggy in others. It’s no wonder why I lacked any confidence. I looked like a ragamuffin.
I eyed up the tips I’d left on the bedside table the night before and thought about the cute fitness clothing boutique that was three blocks away. My first shift at Carmella’s had gone remarkably well. While the tips weren’t quite as good as the ones I’d received at Teddy’s Tavern, I still managed to bring home three hundred in cash. It was a start at least—and it would be more than enough to get myself some new clothes for today. But then again, I also need to save for a new pre-paid phone so I could call Natalia.
I took in my appearance once again then glanced back at the cash. I wouldn’t need to spend it all, but perhaps a small splurge would make me feel better about the training session today. On impulse, I grabbed a few twenty-dollar bills and left the apartment before I could talk myself out of it.
Walking into the gym today felt completely different than it did the day before. The new workout clothes did wonders for my confidence. I was still nervous about what lie ahead but the butterflies in my stomach had significantly calmed. I no longer compared them to a swarm of bees. I felt like a new woman ready to conquer my first defense class.
Until I entered the training room.
Derek was already there. He was in the back of the room talking quietly with a pretty Asian woman. I assumed she was the woman named Hana who he’d mentioned the day before. They both looked in my direction when I cleared my throat.
“Here I am,” I said with timid shrug. I laughed nervously. “L
et’s just hope today goes better than yesterday.”
Derek beamed.
“I’m so glad you made it! Come on over and meet Hana, the training partner I mentioned.”
The woman smiled warmly at me, then crossed the room to shake my hand.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“It’s nice to meet you too, Hana.” Her hand was small, but the handshake was firm. Still, her tiny frame made me wonder how in the world she’d be able to defend herself against someone as tall and muscular as Derek.
“I was just talking to Derek about how to approach your sessions. Why don’t we sit on the mats and we’ll explain things to you? I thought it might be best if you knew what to expect before jumping right in to watching Derek and I demonstrate.”
“Sure, that sounds good.”
The three of us moved to the center of the room and lowered down to the mat. Once seated comfortably, Derek began to speak.
“I want to apologize again for yesterday. My defense classes have a sense of community. The people support and respect each other. Because of that, I tend to forget that a newcomer hasn’t had time to embrace that yet.”
There was something about him that I wasn’t able to figure out. I wasn’t sure if it was his friendliness, the way he looked, or a combination of both. I only knew I was drawn to him in an inexplicable way. I found his mere presence calming in ways I wasn’t ready to confront.
“It’s okay, Derek. Really. You don’t need to apologize.”
“Self-defense training is not just about the physical act of learning how to protect yourself,” Hana told me. “We teach Krav Maga here. Derek is the best. He taught me everything I know. And yes, Krav Maga involves real kicking and hand-to-hand fighting. That’s the core of self-defense. I don’t want you to be scared by that. Derek and I are here to teach you how to protect yourself from getting kicked and punched, as well as how to use kicks and punches to deflect an attacker. If at any point you feel uncomfortable, all you have to do is say so and we’ll change course.”
Leave Me Breathless: The Black Rose Collection Page 37
