by E. L. Todd
My plan was backfiring. “Ward, sit down.”
“Next to her?” he asked. “No thanks.”
“Now, “ I hissed. I pointed at the chair.
Ward was twice my size, almost a foot taller than me, and had the strength to move a mountain. So it was amusing to watch him obey me. He sat in the chair and turned his glare on his sister.
“Ward, your sister and I will never get along,” I said. “And I’m fine with that. She doesn’t like me and never will. But she’ll be nice to me in front of your family and our son. That’s all I really care about. And I don’t want you to lose her. So, you two need to make up so we can move on like adults.”
“That’s not good enough,” he said darkly.
“You can’t force someone to like someone,” I said. “And I understand why Willow feels that way. Just let it go, Ward. She and I are willing to be civil to one another. We need to put this behind us because we’re having a baby. And I want our son to know his aunt.”
Ward still looked pissed. “I can’t let you treat Clementine that way,” he said to Willow. “I can’t allow it. I’m sorry.”
“I won’t say or do anything to her,” she said.
“Even so,” he said. “I can’t stand by and watch you make her uncomfortable.”
“She doesn’t make me uncomfortable,” I said. “Her opinion is irrelevant to me.”
“I do respect her, Ward,” Willow said quietly. “She’s trying to keep us together because she knows how close we are. And I admire that type of selflessness.”
“See?” I said. “Look, we’re off to a great start.”
Ward sighed. “You’re lucky Clementine loves me so much that she would put up with this.”
His words made me look away. I didn’t realize my behavior was dictated by love. I didn’t think about it while it was going on. I just did what I thought was right. But I guess that was the reason why I put up with Willow’s bullshit. I just didn’t realize it.
“I know,” she said. “So, I’ll do whatever you want to make this work. Just don’t push me away, Ward. I want to be involved. And now that you’re leaving…I don’t want us to part on bad terms.” Her eyes watered at the end.
That seemed to dampen Ward’s anger. “I’m not leaving forever, Will.”
“But we both know it won’t be the same.” She blinked her eyes to keep the water away.
Maybe I should give them some privacy…
“Hey.” He put his arm over the back of her chair. “It will be different. But Clementine and I will return often. My boss gave me a lot of vacation time, and I promise we’ll be around. You know how much I love my niece and nephew. I’m going to come and see them no matter what. And you can come and visit us whenever you want. We’ll pay for all your expenses.”
Willow took a deep breath and tried to keep her emotion in check.
“I know this is hard,” he whispered. “It’s hard for me too. But you’ll never lose me.”
Now I was getting teary-eyed.
“I wish you didn’t have to go…” Willow crossed her arms over her chest.
“I know,” he said. “But this is what I want. I want to have my own family—with Clementine.”
She nodded. “I understand.”
He gripped her shoulder. “It’ll be okay, Willow. We’ll still see each other for the holidays. I’ll still come out for the birthday parties and celebrations. I promise.”
“Why couldn’t you have fallen for an English woman?” she said with a light laugh.
He smiled. “I tried, Willow. I really did. But Clementine is the only woman I’ve ever wanted.”
“What is it about her?” she asked like I wasn’t sitting there.
“I have no idea,” he said. “But that’s the beauty of it. Love exists for no reason at all. It’s just there. And because of that, it can never die.” He turned my way and stared at me with an expression I couldn’t identify. But he’d given me the look before, at the most unsuspecting times. Sometimes it happened when we watched TV after dinner. Sometimes he gave it to me when I dried my hair after getting out of the shower. And sometimes he gave it to me when we made love. I didn’t know what the look meant, but I knew it meant something.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Conrad
I felt bad for my friend. I never expected Sean to react that way. Was it that big of a deal that Roland liked dudes? It wasn’t weird to me. I’d known him as straight for most of my life but it still wasn’t difficult for me to accept.
Roland slept on my couch for a few nights. I suspected he didn’t want to be alone even though he never admitted that. I slept on the other couch so we were in the same room. It seemed to make him feel better.
When I was at work I didn’t mention anything to my dad. I wasn’t sure if Sean told him what happened. And if he didn’t know, I assumed Roland didn’t want him to know. I kept it to myself.
I didn’t mind spending time with Roland and helping him get back on his feet. But I did miss Lexie. When I wasn’t around her I wondered what she was doing. When the Yankee game came on I wondered if she was watching it at home. She didn’t call me, and there were countless times I wanted to call her.
When I was at home, Roland and I played video games and didn’t discuss the reason why he was staying with me. It seemed like he didn’t want to talk about it. He just wanted to forget about it, to have a break from reality. When I was at work he stayed at my apartment and worked from his laptop. I noticed his phone was off all the time.
“I appreciate you spending time with me,” Roland said when we finished the game.
“No problem, man. I’m always here for you.”
“I’m sure you miss Lexie.”
I did. “You’re more important.”
“So, you really like her?”
I shrugged. “She’s cool.”
He shot me a significant look. “Come on, Conrad. I’ve seen you with her. She makes you happy.”
“Well, she’s giving me good sex,” I said. “Of course she makes me happy.”
“There’s more than that,” he said quietly. “I can see it.”
“Not you too,” I said with a sigh. “Our relationship is meaningless. But we are good friends.”
“There’s no such thing as people having sex and just being friends,” Roland said. “That kind of relationship doesn’t exist.”
“Well, it does for us.”
“Just don’t hurt the girl,” he said. “She seems really nice.”
“It’s more of the other way around,” I said with a light laugh.
“Meaning?”
“She’s the one always pushing me away. It took us months before she would share a bed with me. And she flipped out when we cuddled. This girl is the most detached person I’ve ever met.”
“Maybe she’s just trying to protect herself.”
“Whatever the reason is, she and I have no future together,” I said. “She’ll never want me that way.”
He studied me. “Are you saying you want her that way?”
“Of course not,” I blurted. “But people keep acting like I’m the reason we aren’t together. In reality, it’s both of us. If I told her I did want something more she would never speak to me again. I know her in ways no one else does.”
“I understand why you don’t want something serious,” Roland said. “But why doesn’t she?”
I didn’t see the harm in telling him the truth. “She used to be married. Her husband cheated on her with her sister. She swore off relationships after that. And I don’t blame her for that.”
“That’s hard,” he said quietly.
“Yeah…”
“You guys are a lot alike,” he noted. “Both broken from old relationships…”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t start that shit.”
He shrugged. “Just saying…”
We watched the TV in silence when there was a knock on the door. I wasn’t expecting company so I wasn’t sure who it was. After
I looked through the peephole I saw Lexie on the other side.
“Hey, baby,” I said when I opened the door. “Sorry, I haven’t called. Just been busy.”
“That’s okay.” She held a pizza box with a large box of Tupperware. “I made something to cheer up your friend.”
“You did?” I tried to look inside the plastic. “What is it?”
“A cake.”
“Homemade?” I asked.
She nodded.
“Ooh…you know, I’ve been depressed too.”
She laughed. “You can have some too.”
I took everything from her hands then gave her a quick kiss. “That was nice of you to bring this by.”
“Of course,” she said. “Well, I’ll see you later.”
“Whoa, hold on.” I put the box down then turned to her. “Where are you going?”
“I’m sure you guys want to be alone,” she said immediately.
Roland came to the door. “Not at all. Please join us. There’s too much testosterone in here anyway.”
“Are you sure?” she asked. “I don’t want to intrude.”
“Get in here.” I grabbed her waist and yanked her inside.
Roland opened the Tupperware at the table. “Ooh…chocolate.”
While Roland was preoccupied with the food, I pulled Lexie to my chest and kissed her hard on the mouth, realizing how much I missed her touch for the past few days. One hand cupped her face while the other kept her against me.
She returned the embrace and she gently slipped her tongue in my mouth.
My cock twitched and I wished Roland would get the hell out of my apartment.
Lexie pulled away, leaving me cold. “Enough of that…”
I growled because I wanted her.
Lexie joined Roland at the table. “And I got a pizza from Conrad’s favorite place. Well, it’s my favorite place too.”
“Sweet,” Roland said. He sat down and began to eat.
I joined them at the table and sat across from Lexie. But it was distracting because I couldn’t stop staring at her. I wished she were sitting in my lap. It was difficult not to be affectionate with her like I normally would. But I knew being happy in front of Roland wasn’t the best idea. It would only remind him that he was alone.
“You guys have been having a good time?” Lexie asked Roland.
“Yeah,” he said. “Roland has been making this a lot easier on me.”
She nodded.
I hadn’t told her what Roland was upset about. And she didn’t ask.
“Conrad is a good friend,” she said. “He’s very sweet and thoughtful.”
“He’s a good guy,” Roland. “That’s why he’s my best friend.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?” she asked.
“Nothing can beat homemade cake,” he said with a chuckle.
I was glad he was doing a little better. A few days ago he was practically a corpse. Lexie seemed to cheer him up.
“It’s the way to a man’s soul,” she said. “Every time I cook dinner for Conrad he acts like I’m Superwoman.”
“You are Superwoman,” I said.
Lexie ignored my comment. “I don’t know what’s going on in your life but I’m always here to talk if you need someone.”
“Conrad didn’t tell you?” Roland asked, mildly surprised.
“No,” she said.
I gave him a meaningful look. “I’d take your secrets to the grave, man.”
Roland turned back to her. “My boyfriend left me because I didn’t tell my parents I was gay. And when I did tell them, my dad…he’s not happy about it. And I lost my boyfriend anyway.” He picked at his food and stopped eating it.
“Oh…I’m so sorry.” She rubbed his shoulder. “I should have brought more cake…”
Roland chuckled. “There’s not enough cake in the world, Lexie.”
She continued to give him a sad look. “I wish there was something I could do.”
“It’s okay,” Roland said. “Conrad has been good company.”
“Well, it’s his loss,” she said. “He should have been more patient with you. And he should have let it go after you did tell your parents.”
“I think he’s a piece of shit who’s back with his ex,” I blurted. “And I don’t like him at all.”
“He said he’s not back with Ander,” Roland said quietly.
“What does that really mean?” I demanded. “Maybe he’s avoiding a label but that doesn’t mean he’s not fucking him. There’s no reason why he shouldn’t have taken you back. The only explanation is he already moved on. And that’s just fucked up. If I ever run into him I’ll break his jaw.”
“Don’t,” Roland said. “Please.”
“Don’t defend him,” I said. “He’s a jackass.”
“I thought you liked Heath?” Roland asked.
“I did—before all of this,” I snapped. “Seriously, how could he turn you away after you told your parents? After you told him your father was disappointed in you? He’s a heartless piece—”
“Stop,” Roland said quietly.
I fell silent, knowing my rant wasn’t helping.
Lexie spoke next. “I know this is really hard right now,” she said gently. “But things will get better—eventually. That seems impossible because of the pain you’re in, but you’ll make it through every passing day. And then finally, you won’t even realize you’re depressed anymore. It’ll happen so slowly but so fast at the same time. Just stay strong.”
I suspected her wise words came from her experience with divorce.
“Thanks,” Roland said. “You’re a really nice person.”
She smiled at him. “You’re just saying that because I brought you cake.”
Roland laughed. “Yeah, maybe.”
***
After we finished eating, we played a video game. Lexie was pretty good for never having played before. She sucked in the beginning but picked up on the skill. She even beat me a few times.
“You’re a cool chick,” Roland said.
Lexie kept playing then shot his head off. “Am I so cool now?”
“Actually, you’re cooler,” Roland said.
I was glad Roland liked Lexie but I didn’t want him to like her too much. It seemed like everyone in my family was falling in love with her. That wasn’t in my best interest. They would pester me to be serious with her. Or they would tell me off for not being serious with her. They just didn’t understand our relationship.
We finished the game after midnight. I was tired because I had work tomorrow and so did Roland. I was tired of sleeping on the couch because it wasn’t the most comfortable piece of furniture in the room. But I didn’t want to leave him out there alone.
And I wished I could get a quick lay.
Roland lay down without changing his clothes. “Tonight was fun.”
“It was, “ I said.
Lexie stood up. “Well, I should go. Got a big day tomorrow.”
I didn’t want her to leave. I hadn’t spent any real time with her. “Stay here.” I grabbed her hand and yanked her back to the couch.
“It’s bedtime for you guys,” she said.
“Sleep with me.” I pulled her to me, trying to position her on my chest.
“No.” She quickly moved away.
“Come on.” I pressed my lips to her ear. “It’s the next best thing. I miss you.”
“I shouldn’t…” She tried to move away again.
“I’m not letting you go.” I pulled her back to me, forcing her against me. “Now deal with it.”
She didn’t fight. But she looked at me in surprise. “Deal with it?”
“Yeah.” I pulled the blanket over us and pressed her into the back of the couch. Then I wrapped her leg around my waist. My arm moved around her ribs and I finally felt comfortable, more comfortable than I felt for the past few days. “Now stop arguing with me.”
“When did you get this pushy?” she asked.
“I
don’t know,” I said honestly.
“Why are we sleeping on the couch?” she whispered.
“It helps Roland sleep if we’re in the same room.”
“Oh…” Her eyes softened. “It’s nice that you’re there for your best friend. Really sweet.”
“I’d do anything for him. He was there for me when Beatrice—” I hated thinking about her. “He’s always there for me.”
“He’s lucky to have you. And you’re lucky to have him.”
I kissed her forehead. “And I’m lucky to have you.” I felt her take a deep breath when I kissed her. She seemed surprised by the affection and the words. Then I cuddled close with her and went to sleep, holding her like I used to hold my teddy bear when I was a child.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Sean
“You need to talk to your son.” Scarlet’s voice came into my ear while we lay in bed.
I stared at the ceiling and pondered everything Roland told me. When he said he needed to talk about something I assumed it had something to do with work. I expected him to say he knocked up some girl before he would reveal he was gay. It caught me off guard because I never suspected, even for a moment, that my son preferred men.
Scarlet watched me, her hand resting on my chest. “Sean.”
I couldn’t ignore my wife forever. “I just…I can’t believe it.”
“What’s the big deal, Sean? Does it really make a difference?”
“No, of course not,” I said. “I just…I had no idea.”
“Neither did I,” she said quietly.
“It doesn’t add up,” I said. “When he was growing up he snuck girls into the house. I caught him having sex with that girl in the living room. I never saw him with a guy…”
“Maybe he was in denial about it…”
“Or maybe he’s just confused,” I said. “Maybe Heath manipulated him—”
“Don’t say that.”
I turned to her, wondering what she was thinking.
“Skye obviously knew about everything. And she doesn’t question it. And he said this has been going on for a year. He’s not confused, Sean.”
