And, unfortunately, I was smart enough – and critical enough – to know that’s all it could be.
A dream.
“Unite. Divide. Destroy. It doesn’t matter what our nations do. What matters is I will be the one leading my people against your pathetic wall and securing your borders and taking back our lands.” His eyes are glittering with the idea of his future victories.
He’s obsessed. He wants to be an undisputed king. He wants to rule. He’s as bad as Celectate Wood – except Celectate Wood knew better than to admit what he truly wanted. King Arkran is as much a fool as he is a mad-man.
“I don’t know anything about the Wall so I can be of no use to your plans of conquest.”
“That’s not important. I have other means of tackling that priority. What I need from you is facts – about Kirath. I know Celectate Wood makes his home there. I know he lives in a palace that hides great fortifications and secrets. I’ve been told it would take years to lay siege to it. With your father as a High Lord, I’m sure you had plenty of access to the place?”
Oh, he had no idea. Exploring the palace was a popular hobby of Aspen, Selena, and I until that frightening event on the rooftop. I could walk its interior with my eyes closed and still find my way. But fortifications? I knew little of those. Celectate Wood could hide things in plain sight – it was highly unlikely I discovered any of his secrets.
“Any of those facts would be of no use to you unless you can get over that wall. And you can never do that. It’s built to keep things stronger than you away from our land. There is no possible way to breach it.” I tell the lie as earnestly as I can. Nightmares came over the wall four years ago and ruined my life forever. There is no telling what else could destroy Kelba if the wall was simply an imitation of strength.
King Arkran shakes his head. “A wall it may be, but it does not keep everything out. It cannot keep us out any longer, either. I have resources that I will call in when the time is right to deal with that portion of the conquest. Until then, I need to know every inch of what is behind it.”
“What resources?” But I know before I even ask the question. I see the answer written plainly on his face.
Shade.
Shade had been over the wall. He knew its weaknesses. Its strengths. Perhaps, he even knew a way to disable it. Fear. Anger. Disgust. Bitterness. They roll in my gut. All this time he’d said he wanted nothing to do with King Arkran – nothing to do with my kind or their wall – and he’d been spying on them. Plotting against them. Of course, he would want revenge on us. We were cowards to him. Monsters.
And I know exactly what he thinks of monsters.
“What is it that you want?” I ask, struggling to keep the emotion from my voice. Above all things King Arkran must not know I am troubled.
He’s too ecstatic with his plans for the future to pay any attention to my sudden change in mood. “I want to be the man who takes back what was stolen from us. I put the old ways behind us once to make us stronger. It is time to redeem your nation from its strangling depths and strengthen it too. I will go down in history books as the man who reunited the kingdoms and brought a unified Kelba to peace and prosperity. I will be a hero. I will be important. And, for centuries to come, people will remember my name.”
“So you want to be Calaisar?” I shake my head with a soft chuckle. “You want to be a god.”
His brow furrows. “There are no gods. There is no Calaisar. That ancient religion of your ancestors is dead and buried. There are only men – and men have the willpower to make themselves gods.”
“And that’s what you think you’ll become by doing this? A god?”
“I will be immortal on the pages of history books for millenniums to come. Is that not being a god? I will occupy a portion of people’s minds for ages. Is that not being a god? I will be praised and worshiped as ‘Kelba’s savior?’ Is that not being a god?” He pauses in his brief self-glorification to gesture fondly with his hands. “You could join me along with others – an adviser by my side.”
Like he’d offered Axle. All I want to know right now is how Axle turned down the king’s offer without sentencing himself to a dramatic end. Of course, the surly warrior hadn’t shared that portion of his wisdom with me.
And now I had to climb out of this shit with my own technique. Technique that, for the past two months, was growing dimmer and dimmer. I try to find that piece of myself that once existed. The girl who knew how to play political games and wage and extinguish warfare with words alone.
And – in the dark recesses of my mind – I have one thing to offer him.
“Or I could give you something better.”
King Arkran laughs. It sends shards of ice down to my clenched knuckles. “What could you possibly give me that is better than Kelba?”
“You like to collect things, if I’m not mistaken.” I take my time scanning each object he’s placed in his room. A set of manuscripts, tattered and falling apart. A fossilized sword thousands of years old. A diamond necklace that shares amazing characteristics of Kelban heritage. And – at last – a jade pendant. I knew from years of research who the jade pendant belonged to, once upon a time.
Gasan. Gasan, the ancient ruler and self-made god, wore a jade pendant.
“I do.” King Arkran pauses long enough to glance over his collection with pride. His similarities with Celectate Wood both terrify and intrigue me. “I have spent thirty years gathering ancient artifices. My collection will be written in history books some day.” Once again, he pays homage to his “future” accomplishments.
I know my offer will be accepted.
“You seem to be missing something, however.”
King Arkran looks at me, curiosity replacing the pride in his eyes. “What is that?” he asks, not bothering to hide the irritation in his voice.
I had prepared for a moment like this – known it would come one day – but it still hurts as I retrieve the Celect dagger from beneath my skirt – Landor’s dagger – and hold it, palms up, towards him.
“W-what? Where did you get that?” King Arkran’s eyes shine with suppressed excitement. His fingers twitch. He wants it. He wants it badly.
“My brother gave it to me when I was ostracized. He was a Celect Knight. I offer this as a token of my good will and good faith. I will consider your offer to advise you on the conquest of Kelba. Until then, consider this a down payment on my stay here within your borders.”
“Let me hold it!”
I hand it over. The moment the slim blade leaves my hands, something rips inside of me. I cage it in, like I’ve always done, and put a mask on my face. I know what it feels like to be Shade now. And it hurts. I am burning and can’t let the fire show.
King Arkran admires the smooth craftsmanship. The red emblem in the pommel of the hilt. The reflection in the blade. “And not a scratch on it!” he muses. “Very fine condition.” He looks at me.
I know I will live.
I was right. He was a fool, because only a fool would trade the valuable information I can give him for an artifact.
That’s how Axle stayed alive. He offered King Arkran something better. Who else would have retrieved the jade pendant for him?
“Yes. Yes. We can put future plans aside,” King Arkran agrees. He slides the blade between his fingers. It doesn’t even cut him. “An absolutely splendid work of art.”
He sets Landor’s dagger above the fireplace, on the mantle, and gestures for me to follow him out of the solar. I spare a glance over my shoulder, one last time, and the emblem glints at me, as if saying “goodbye.”
That was the last piece of my home. The one chain binding me to Kelba and to my family.
I’ve never felt so broken.
King Arkran steps onto the podium. Everyone in the room shifts their attention to him. Had they all really been waiting this whole time? Shade and Axle are in the same spots they occupied when I left them.
Shade’s eyes search mine and he frowns. Obviously, he d
oesn’t like what he sees.
“The Kelban . . .” King Arkran’s voice resounds through the entire room, “. . . shall stay. Return to Agron. Give Otis my edict. As of this moment, she is an official citizen of our land and one of my subjects.”
The hell I am, but I keep silent.
“Your highness, she . . .” Dirk isn’t going to let me go that easily. His eyes are alight with flaming rage. “She is a curse to us. If you value our safety please . . .”
“Do not attack me, Dirk of Brunt!” King Arkran’s voice takes on a new note – one filled with icy warning. “I did not hear the same hypocritical thinking when your mother was recognized as a citizen, did I?”
I look at Dirk, shocked. His mother was a Kelban? How could he have such hate for his own flesh and blood?
Dirk lowers his eyes and steps away.
“This meeting is adjourned!”
Shade and Axle are waiting for me at the entrance where they’d dispatched the guards. Not surprisingly, there are two different guards now. I am the last one to leave. The king kept me longer than the others because he wanted to know exactly how he should clean his new artifact and make it shine like I had. It took me a good half-hour to explain.
The cage around my rage is slowly starting to recede. And when I look at Shade – at the boy betraying my homeland – the bars start to fracture.
He moves forward to say something. I elbow past him.
He grabs my arm and stops me. I want to pull myself free, but I resist the urge. If I pull free my hand will start swinging, and I know his jaw will suffer the consequences. I’ve never hit him – but I know enough about him to know what his reaction would be.
“What happened?” he asks, his tone somewhere between intrusive and worried.
“You were right. He wanted to use me for his own gains.”
Axle swears under his breath.
Shade doesn’t say anything. He just looks at me, his eyes searching mine for the secret I’m hiding. The reason for the enraged glitter dilating my vision.
“And?” Axle prods.
“I gave him what he desired.” I lower my gaze. It hurts too much to look them in the eyes. “I exchanged the last piece of my home for citizenship. For my life.” I stare at my naked leg. The imprint of my dagger is still cold against my flesh.
“Kyla . . .” And when he says my name, I know he knows. He knows what I gave the king. He knows what it meant to me. He knows why it hurts.
“Everything’s gone now.”
“Kyla . . .”
My name on his tongue – a tongue that’s been dooming my kindred to King Arkran’s maniacal dreams – shatters the restraint around my anger. I rip my arm from his grasp. “And you . . .” I glare at him pointedly, “. . . can go to hell for all I care.”
“What?” Axle asks, mouth agape. “Kyla, what’s wrong? Why . . .”
Shade says nothing. He knows. He must know why I’m angry. His eyes narrow and he cranes his head to the side – in that wild manner that resembles an animal. “What did he tell you?”
He does know.
“You know damn well what he told me. And don’t you dare deny it. Don’t you dare . . .” My lips are trembling too much for me to finish the sentence.
Axle looks between the two of us in confusion. “What the hell is going on?”
“What’s the matter, Shade? Can’t tell your friend what a back-biting, two-faced son of a bitch you really are?”
Axle’s face pales. “Shade . . .” His tone holds warning – along with a touch of fear.
Shade ignores him. His eyes are only for me. “Whatever he told you . . . are you really such a fool to believe it?”
“Yes. Yes, I am a fool. A fool to let you blind me – to trick me – into thinking you weren’t a vengeful bastard under the king’s drunken thumb. But I won’t be again. Not after this. You . . . stay the hell away from me! I don’t want to see you. Look at you. Hear you, even!” I turn my back on him.
“Kyla . . .” Axle starts to say.
I run away.
I find my room easily, having mapped it out earlier in my head. I slam the door behind me.
I sit down by the fire. All this time I’d thought he honestly didn’t care. That he didn’t want my kind to pay for what they’d done to this land. For the lies they’d made up about him and these people. I’d been naive.
I won’t be again.
I stare at the flames, and it isn’t the smoke that brings tears to my eyes. For a while, in the moments at the dining hall and up in the towers of the palace, I’d really thought he might be different. That the hero I’d once imagined him to be might exist.
Fool.
The doorknob clicks as someone opens it and steps inside. I keep my back turned. I’m in no mood to hear Axle’s useless explanations about his friend’s mood and character any longer.
I don’t wait for him to speak first. “You can tell Shade to go to hell. I’m not listening to your little lies anymore.”
“Once was good enough, but I appreciate the reminder.”
Shivering, pulsing anger slides down my arm and into my fist. It’s Shade.
I keep my back turned to him.
“We need to talk,” he says.
How many times had I said those very words to him?
And what had he said to me?
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
He takes a moment to breathe. I hope it pissed him off to hear his own words thrown back in his face. Now the bastard knows what it feels like.
“You don’t understand,” he tries again.
“The hell I don’t.”
“Kyla . . .” His voice is strained – like his restraint is on the verge of snapping.
“Say my name again, and I’ll carve it into your hide.”
I know I’ve gone too far the moment the words leave my mouth, but it’s too late. The silence behind me is like a sharpened dagger. I don’t want to see the anger – the pain – that must be in his face. His boots clip against the floor as he steps up behind me. Every muscle in my body is tight. Something clangs onto the ground beside me. I look at it. It’s silver and designed with ancient Kelban scribblings and ivy patterns.
One of his Illathonian blades.
“Outside,” he snarls. “Now.”
He stomps towards my curtains and throws them open, revealing the portico beyond. “I’m not going to ask twice.”
I grip the Illathonian blade and follow him. The sun is hiding behind the clouds, giving the entire mountain a hazy look. He stands on one side of the portico. I take the other.
“You want to fight, we’ll do it right,” he says, not a trace of any emotion in his face.
“I’m going to make you regret that you ever met me,” I whisper, rage curling around the words while my fingers curl around the blade’s hilt. It is light. It is lethal. And I am powerful.
“You’re a bit late. I already had that revelation the very first time I saw you.”
The very first time he thinks he saw me.
The very first time he spied on my land.
I lunge at him.
One-two; one-two; one-two our blades sing.
He deceived me.
I knock his blade aside with my momentum.
I am sick and tired of being deceived.
I pivot around, and he narrowly avoids the tip of my blade through his eye. Instead, it sweeps over the hair at his forehead. Several black strands fall to the ground. He looks at them, and then at me. A knowing spark flashes in his eyes.
“He wanted information, didn’t he? About Kelba? About your precious capitol? Don’t look so shocked. He’s been trying to plan an attack on that forsaken world since he took the throne a few years ago. It’s his sole desire – to go down in history as the man who took back what once belonged to us.” He chuckles. “It consumes him.”
“Like it consumes you?” I lunge at him. He blocks my strike, welding our blades together, so we can stare eye-to-eye. I show no
sign of relinquishing my stance or the strength in which I press the silver metal harder and harder against his own.
“Many things consume me, Kyla,” he whispers, “but fueling that man’s dreams for self-glorification is not one of them. Nor is wasting my time trying to determine the strength of a wall that hardly garners a single percent of my interest.” He forces me back with a sudden twist of his muscled arm. My feet slide easily across the smooth stone floor until I use the tip of his blade to steady myself. Sparks fly up from the ground as I come to a slow halt.
“You’re a liar!” I snarl.
“And so are you. I’d say we’re evenly matched, yes? Or am I wrong in thinking that you – for maybe a brief moment – actually considered his offer? Didn’t you? You thought about it. You wanted to know what it would be like to march back to your homeland as its conqueror. You wanted to know what it would be like to see the people who hurt you, who screamed for your death, who mutilated you, fall prey to a similar fate. You wanted to see it. You wanted to see it so bad you could almost taste the smell of destruction in the air, couldn’t you? And that’s why you’re so pissed off, isn’t it? Because, deep down, you hate them as much as I do. You hate them for the cowards that they are. You hate them for the cowardly human beings they have become. You hate that they couldn’t stand up just once – just once in their miserable lives – and fight. Fight for their lives. Their freedom. Their rights. But no . . . they cowered. They cowered and you paid the price for their cowardice. And it angers you! They threw you away – and you realize you were worthless to the very place you call your home. Isn’t that it?”
The rage consumes me. I hardly recognize the scream that rips from my lungs as my own. I just know I can taste the metal in the air between us as the Illathonian blades clash together again and again. I lunge, beat, strike, and swing at him with all my might. Blurs dance in front of my eyes. Blurs of light and dark and everything in between. The blurs turn into shards.
I realize what’s happening, but I am powerless to stop it as one of the shards shoots towards me. A white flash cracks me hard between the eyes. When I open them, I am blind. But only for a moment before the images surrounding me become clear.
Ostracized (The Ostracized Saga Book 1) Page 49
