I got choked up. “You’re…here.”
“I am.” He searched my eyes, undoubtedly noticing something I’d hoped he wouldn’t.
But it’s too late.
Jace took a few steps inside the house, then reached out and gently wiped the tear that had fallen from my eye.
“Good to see you, man,” Nathan called as he stood up from the couch. “You know, I’m craving a calzone from Berretti’s. I have a half hour before they close at nine. Either of you want anything?”
“No, thanks,” Jace said, never taking his eyes off me.
“I’ll be back, okay?” Nathan limped past Jace, out of the house.
Silence filled the room.
“Why are you crying?” he asked.
“I just…” My voice trembled. “I didn’t think you were coming back.”
Without hesitation, he pulled me into his arms, enveloping me in his warmth. I resisted for a moment, but it felt like…home. Feeling his heart beat against my cheek caused me to break down. I let everything out—everything I’d been keeping inside for the past three years. I’d tried so hard not to feel anything, but right now I failed miserably. In this moment, I felt everything. Every moment of longing, every skipped heartbeat, every iota of pain…and love seemed to hit me all at once.
He whispered over my hair. “It feels so damn good to hold you.”
I moved back to look at him. “I couldn’t imagine why you left so abruptly. I thought you’d changed your mind about staying.”
Jace wrapped his hands around my face. “I told you I was moving back here. How did you think I was gonna get all my stuff? I had to bring it back somehow.”
Feeling stupid, I wiped my eyes and laughed. “I don’t know. I never thought about it.”
“Clearly.” He pinched my cheek lightly. “I had a lot of loose ends to tie up.”
I swallowed. “Did you see Kaia?”
“I had to formally end things with her, yeah. She’d already broken up with me, but I needed to talk to her and properly close that relationship—apologize to her.”
“How did she take it?”
“She said she knew she’d made the right decision once I let her leave Florida so easily after Mom died. She’s accepted for some time that it was over, so it was no surprise to hear me confirm I wasn’t coming back.”
“Well, I’m sorry…for her. I know how it feels.”
He nodded. “I know you do.” He looked down at his shoes. “Fuck.”
Wiping my eyes, I said, “I’m pissed that I couldn’t control my emotions tonight.”
He shook his head. “I’m not. It’s allowed me to see how you really feel.” He leaned in. “You know…I was thinking about you the entire drive here. I know you’re with someone, but I couldn’t help feeling like every mile closer to you I was closer to where I’m supposed to be. It’s kind of messed up that even if I can’t be with you, I still want to be where you are. At least here I know I can protect you.” He placed his hand on my chin. “Look at me.” He brought my eyes to his. “I will never leave you again. Do you understand?”
Just then, a banging on the window startled me. It stopped and then started up again even harder.
Niles’s voice came through the glass. “You’re a fucking liar!”
My heart dropped to my stomach. I looked up at Jace. “Oh no.”
He stayed cool as a cucumber. “It’s okay. We weren’t doing anything.”
Absolutely dreading it, I knew I had to open the door. When I did, I was met by Niles’s heated stare.
“What the fuck, Farrah?”
“It’s not what you think,” I pleaded.
“Really? I came by to surprise you because you said you weren’t feeling well. I spot his truck outside. Nathan’s car is nowhere in sight. Then I look in your window and see him practically kissing you, and you’re trying to tell me nothing is happening? You think I’m that stupid?”
“We didn’t kiss,” I insisted. “We were talking up close. That’s all.”
Jace intervened. “She didn’t ask for any of this. She didn’t know I was coming tonight. I just got here.”
Niles looked between us. “I don’t know what to believe right now. All I know is what I saw. And it looked like you didn’t exactly mind having him in your face.”
I chose to be honest. “I’m sorry. I’m very confused right now.”
He ignored my comment and turned to Jace.
“You think you can weasel your way back into her life? She told me how you manipulated her when she was younger and then left. Now you came back and saw she’d moved on, so you’re playing games with her again.”
Jace remained calm. “I never meant to hurt her, but don’t you claim to know anything about our history. You don’t know shit.”
Niles pointed to the door. “Can you please leave us alone?”
“Actually, no,” Jace said. “I’m not leaving her alone with you when you’re this angry.”
That didn’t surprise me, especially after Jace’s promise to protect me.
“Niles, let’s go to my room and talk in private for a minute, okay?”
With his arms crossed, Jace stayed in the same spot, standing guard as I walked away with Niles.
I closed the door to my room, and my raging boyfriend laid into me.
“I can’t believe this. What the fuck, Farrah?”
“Nothing happened beyond what you saw. We were talking, and things got a bit intense. I hadn’t expected him to come here. Jace had nothing to do with why I stayed home tonight. I didn’t lie to you.”
Niles made no effort to lower his voice. “I don’t get it. This guy tore your heart out. Why are you even talking to him, let alone allowing him to manipulate you?”
“My history with Jace isn’t something I expect you to comprehend. But it’s a part of me I can’t erase. He lives here in Palm Creek now. He’s Nathan’s best friend, and that means he’ll always be in my life.”
He slammed his hand on my bureau. “There’s no way I’m going to live in the shadow of some guy you used to fuck.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying it’s him or me. I won’t accept him coming around and brainwashing you under my nose, pretending he’s trying to protect you when he’s just trying to get in your pants again.”
I cocked my head. Maybe this was the catalyst I needed to take a break from Niles. Things hadn’t been perfect between us for a long time, even before Jace returned.
Forcing the words out, I said, “I think we need to take a break.”
Niles rubbed his temples. “I can’t believe this.” He shook his head, looking down at the ground. After a long silence, he looked up at me. “I was going to propose to you on Christmas. I hope you’re happy. Now you can stay in this shithole with your loser brother forever. I would’ve given you a good life. You never would’ve had to worry about another damn thing for as long as you lived.”
My head was spinning. Forget the proposal bombshell, but the nerve of him to call my brother a loser. He’d always patronized Nathan, and that should have been reason enough to leave him months ago. But now? I wouldn’t stand for him being so blatantly disrespectful. Not when my brother had worked so hard to turn his life around.
I smiled coldly. “Well, now you’ve just made my decision a hell of a lot easier.”
He opened the door and stormed out. “Call me when you come to your senses, but don’t ever speak to me again if you let him touch you.”
I followed him to the front door and watched him slam it as he left.
His tires screeched as he sped down the road.
Like a protective statue, Jace stood in the same spot where I’d left him. “He didn’t lay a hand on you, did he?”
Shaking my head, I rubbed my arms. “No, but he wasn’t happy.”
He came closer. “That’s my fault. But I’m not fucking sorry, Farrah. He’s not right for you. Not to mention, he’s a dick. I heard every word he said, and it took eve
rything in me not to go in there and pop him one. Do you know how many times I’ve had to stop myself from punching that guy since the moment I met him?”
I nodded. “I needed a break from Niles.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’ve been unsure of things with him for some time. I don’t think I should continue to be in a relationship if I’m so confused. Him calling Nathan a loser was the last straw. I need to be on my own—not in a relationship—for a while.”
Jace let out a relieved breath. “Follow your gut.”
“I don’t know if you heard…but he said he was going to ask me to marry him over Christmas. I’m not ready for that. So I’m glad this happened because I would’ve had to tell him no. That would have been a disaster, especially if he proposed to me in front of his family.”
“Yeah.” Jace gritted his teeth. “I knew about his plan to propose to you.”
“You knew? How?”
“He took Nathan aside over Thanksgiving, trying to convince him to go to North Carolina so you would go.”
That made me feel a tad sorry for him. “I know Niles can be an asshole, but I’m sure he’s very hurt right now.”
Jace’s stare burned into me. “Never mind how he’s feeling. Think about yourself, Farrah. You don’t owe anyone anything—not me, not Niles. When you decide to be with someone, it should be because that’s what you want. All I want is for you to be happy. I mean that with all of my heart. If he made you happy, I would support you being with him a hundred percent, even if I did want to kill him half the time.”
My exchange with Niles had depleted any energy I had left tonight. When I rubbed my temples, Jace took it as a cue.
“I should go.”
“No.” I put my hand on his arm. “Nathan will want to see you when he gets back.”
He placed his hand over mine and squeezed it. “Can I ask you a favor?”
“Okay...”
“Will you let me be your friend? I promise I won’t cross any lines—unless you beg me to.” He winked. “But seriously, I just want to be able to see you.”
I smiled. “I would like that.”
“I miss our conversations at night by the old pool. I miss everything about those days.”
Nathan interrupted our moment when he walked in holding a pizza box.
“Everything still kosher in here?” he asked.
“It is now,” I said. “You missed some major drama, though.”
He put the box down on the coffee table. “What?”
“Niles came by and threw a fit when he found me with Jace. He gave me an ultimatum, and we basically broke up.”
“Are you kidding?” Nathan’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. “This is, like, the best news ever.” His smile faded. “Uh, I’m sorry, though. Are you okay?”
“I think it’s for the best.” I sighed. “I’ve been needing space from him for a while.” Tilting my head, I said, “You knew he was going to propose to me, huh?”
“Yeah. I’m not gonna lie. I’ve been freaking out about that.”
“I don’t like how he treated you, Nathan. I turned a blind eye to it for a long time. I’m sorry I did that. Ultimately, he never truly made me happy either.”
“I’m sorry, sis. I mean that.”
Jace smacked Nathan on the back. “Listen, I’m gonna leave you two be. I’ve caused enough trouble for one night.”
“Good trouble, though, brother. Good trouble.” Nathan beamed.
“Dad has been eagerly awaiting my return anyway. Pretty sure he’s been living on Pop Tarts and pancakes the entire time I’ve been gone.”
He gave me a warm smile, and then he was out the door.
I went to bed feeling like a weight had been lifted. Only now I was anxious about what tomorrow would bring.
Chapter 24
* * *
Jace
If I was going to earn Farrah’s trust again, I had to start from the ground up. Three years ago, sex had first fueled our relationship. I had no doubt that intense attraction was still there, but it couldn’t solve this. If I wanted to earn her trust, I’d have to open up about difficult things just as much as I’d wanted her to do the same. With each year that passed, holding everything in had become more toxic for me. So I’d recently started seeing a therapist for the first time in my life. It was too early to tell, but I hoped it would help.
Farrah had been busy with school as the semester came to an end. I spent the majority of my time working on the transition to my new role heading up Muldoon Construction under my dad’s tutelage. I’d planned not to see Farrah until Christmas, although every night I’d been tempted to text her the song “No One’s Gonna Love You” by Band of Horses. I wished she understood that no one would ever love her as much as I would. Yeah, I’m doing a great job of handling this “let’s just be friends” thing. Still, I vowed to give her space, keeping all of that shit inside for now.
A few days before Christmas, imagine my surprise when I opened the door one afternoon to find a gorgeous brunette standing there—one I’d missed like hell.
“Hey.” My mouth spread into a wide smile.
“Hope it’s okay for me to drop by.”
My father spoke from behind a newspaper. “Trust me. You just made his day.”
“Thank you for outing me, old man.”
“Hi, Farrah.” Dad waved.
“Hi, Phil.”
Without me having to ask, my father folded up his paper and winked before heading to his bedroom to give us some privacy.
She stepped inside. “I just thought I’d come by and see how you’re doing.”
“I’m glad you did. I’d been trying to give you space after the drama that went down the last time we were together, but I’ve missed you.”
“How are things going with work?” she asked. “Nathan told me you gave your job notice in North Carolina, and you’re diving into the construction business headfirst.”
“Yup. Now that I’ve formally made that decision, I feel good about it. And things are in a much better place at Muldoon than they were three years ago. No real messes to deal with this time.”
“Good.”
Lowering my voice, I said, “I really need to get my own place. I love my dad, but I miss my privacy.”
“Are you planning to buy something?”
“Eventually.” I felt a desperate need to take her away somewhere. “Want to get out of here? Go for a ride? I’ll drive you back to your car after.”
She took a moment to answer. “Yeah. Sure.”
Yes. “Okay. Let me grab my keys.”
We ended up driving to a lake I’d discovered recently. It was about a half hour away. I went there a couple of times a week to clear my head in the middle of the day. I took her to my favorite spot under a shady tree, overlooking the water.
Farrah sat atop a rock and looked around at the gorgeous scenery. “This is really nice.”
“It’s my secret hideaway—not so secret anymore.”
“Thank you for sharing it with me.” She took a deep breath of the fresh air. “You guys are coming over for Christmas, right?”
“If you’ll still have us.”
She smiled. “Nathan is counting on it.”
I lifted my brow. “And you? Counting on it or dreading it?”
After a short delay that had me on edge, she answered, “I want you there, too.”
I smiled.
We took some time to enjoy the silence, no sounds but birds chirping and leaves rustling.
“So…I’ve been working on myself lately,” I eventually announced. “Finally seeing a therapist, which I know is long overdue.”
She reached for my hand. I didn’t realize how much I’d been starving for the contact until she touched me.
“That’s wonderful, Jace. You know, I stopped seeing mine a couple years ago, but I need to go back. Are you finding it helpful?”
“So far, yeah. I’ve only had two sessions. But we started with the tough st
uff. We talked about how my leaving town three years ago wasn’t about fear of Nathan or hurting him. It was my own guilt that made me feel I didn’t deserve you because of the blame I’d placed on myself. Until I’m willing to face those memories and face my role in everything, I won’t begin to heal.”
She let go of my hand. “Why do you think you’re able to face it now and not three years ago?”
“Ironically, it took the loss of one of my own parents to make me realize I don’t have forever to work it all out.”
My therapist had encouraged me to talk to Farrah more about some of the things I’d been keeping in—specific memories. As hard as it was, I decided to put that into practice.
I looked up at the sky. “Your mother was holding my hand that day. I think on some level she felt like she needed to protect me the way she would her own son.” My eyes shut tightly. “It was in those seconds, holding her hand, that I decided I needed to protect them. The guy was pointing the gun at your dad, and I counted to five before lunging forward. The gun slipped out of his hand, but he grabbed it before I could. And that’s when he...” I couldn’t finish the sentence.
With tears in her eyes, she reached for my hand again. “It’s okay.”
“I have to accept that I may have caused what happened. But when I made that decision, I felt like he was going to pull the trigger. I didn’t want your mom to have to witness that. I don’t know what would be different today if I hadn’t lunged. I don’t know if it would’ve changed the outcome or just the circumstances. But keeping it all inside, trying to block it out, has been toxic. When you don’t deal with something like this, it grows inside you like a cancer. And eventually, it will kill you. Guilt and negative emotions can kill you.”
“You’re so right,” she said. “I spent the majority of my teen years trying to hold it together, never wanting to show my pain or burden others with it. But the truth is, sometimes, even today, I’m so angry at the world, I just want to scream.”
I looked around at the vast lake. “This looks like a pretty damn good place to lose it. There’s no one in the vicinity.” I arched my brow. “I’ll scream if you scream.”
The Crush Page 23
