“Get your hands off her!”
I dropped to the ground almost immediately at the sound of the voice, my hands hitting the floor to minimise the impact. I knew the voice the moment I heard it but there was something more satisfying about looking up to see Isaac standing tall and strong with a telum in his hand here to protect me. Isaac however hadn’t noticed that the demon had the dagger. I had to be the one to get it anyway.
I jumped to my feet as the demon and Isaac broke into combat. Isaac was a lot stronger than the demon and he was also faster. Every swipe of his telum the demon couldn’t avoid and every swipe it got weaker. I knew I had to grab it now, so I lunged forward to grab the demon’s hand but as I did the demon managed to use its force and threw me across the room.
I felt myself collide with the steel wall and the sound of my body hitting the wall echo through the room. I slid to floor and every inch of me was suddenly in pain. I felt it in my back, my arms and my head. I tilted my head from the floor I lied on, unable to get up as fast as I could before. The whole moment had distracted Isaac. His eyes meet mine and I saw his pain. He was worried about me, he was physically hurting over the pain I was in. I realised though that he was so worried about me that he was completely distracted from the demon, and the demon realised to. In the flash of a second I watched the demon plunge the dagger straight into Isaac’s chest and Isaac turned his head away from me and gasped for air before his body went limp and he fell to the floor, and that’s when I cried out.
“ISAAC!”
I sat straight up right as I realised I was finally awake. Sweat dripped down my forehead, it dripped off most of my body and I felt hot and heavy. My breathing was also uneven I struggled to get it back into a normal rhythm. I wiped the hair that stuck to my forehead and slicked it back into my pony-tail as I tried to calm myself down. It was just a dream, it wasn’t real.
It was a dream, but it was the same dream that I had been having every single day for the past three weeks. It had been three weeks since I had left the council and returned back to Isaac’s. It had also been three weeks since I had seen the Isaac that I thought I had been getting to know. For three weeks I ended up knowing a harsher, and cold Isaac. It had been three weeks since that dream had started.
I thought after seeing the same dream over and over again I would start to adapt to it, but I never did. It scared me every time, and it just kept getting worse. I was thankful that I had never woken up screaming Isaac’s name. I couldn’t even imagine what I would have to tell him if he had heard me. Everything about the dream was so irrational. I wasn’t so afraid of demons anymore, and I could fight, and I had a mark, and Isaac wouldn’t look at me the way he did in that dream, so why was I so terrified?
In three weeks, not too much had happened. Hadley continued to train me, constantly. We ran ever second morning together at seven. By now I was used to getting up and running with her for nearly an hour. It was good to run actually. The fitter I got, the easier I got, but it was also good to just think, and clear my head. It was kind of refreshing in a way I didn’t expect it. I was getting better at the boxing too. At first my muscles only ached and it seemed like I was getting nowhere, but with time my arms stopped hurting and I started to get stronger.
I continued to read the books Eve had given me. Felix had started to test me on what I had been reading, and the reading became more like studying, something I didn’t feel opposed to. It helped me remember the different type of demons and what they did and whether they were archaic or shadow. As for my reading on the dagger and Annabeth, I found myself avoiding it. Mainly because whenever I read something about it, read what she had to say, it started to make me feel like I wasn’t real. Like I was a made-up, the idea of me was a legend. Annabeth’s last diary didn’t read much like sunshine and lollipops anyway.
Isaac was never around. He and Hadley would still argue constantly and Isaac would never allow her to go with him on his outings. Some days they wouldn’t even speak to each other, and others they would just acknowledge each other, but it wasn’t good. It was practically the same between Isaac and me, although we didn’t argue, but only because he wouldn’t give me the chance. I would try talk to him, ask him what’s going on, but he would shut me down quickly and leave before I could harass him anymore.
I hated what Isaac had become because I didn’t think this was what he was like. He seemed so kind, and while he had also seemed too tough and stubborn, he used to at least treat me differently. Whatever had gotten to him wasn’t leaving him alone, and he wasn’t going to talk about it either. He didn’t talk about his feelings though, I had noticed that, and right now neither did I.
I had decided that this morning to take Hadley’s advice about taking out my frustration on the punching bag. I had frustration that I needed to get out and right now, punching things felt like a good way to do so. All of this time had left me with more time to think than I would like. The more I thought the more I found myself thinking about Rhys, and the more it hurt my heart. I missed him just as much as I missed my uncle. I still couldn’t see them though, and I didn’t know if I ever would.
I thought of my uncle more, with that thought. If Rhys never saw me again he would move on. He would finish high school and go to college, probably a college far away, and he was smart enough for that. He would meet new friends and he would meet a girl. He might meet more than one girl, but one day he would meet the right one, and he would finish college, get a good job, get married and have kids, and I wouldn’t be around for any of that, but the worst part is that he wouldn’t even remember I wasn’t around for all of that.
I forced my fist into the punching bag and it swung away from my force, the chain creaking a little. I just hit it again as it came back, and I did this again, a few times. The thought of my uncle physically made me want to tear myself apart. That man’s whole life changed in one instant when his sister and her husband died. Not only did he loose his sister but he found himself looking after a young child, a whole new responsibility he didn’t expect. He adapted though and he raised that child and he made it his world. He left his home for her, to find the right job to give her the best he can and he didn’t think of himself, and now… if he didn’t remember me that would all be a waste.
I punched the bag more aggressively and it swung once more. I hit it as it came back, and I hit it again, and again, and again, and again, again…again…again. I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t stop letting the frustration out, but it’s not all frustration. I felt tears well up in my eyes as they started to burn. I punched it harder and I cried harder. I hadn’t cried for a while, I hadn’t let myself because I was trying to tell myself I was stronger than that, but I wasn’t sure if I was or not.
As my crying and frustration turned into a scream I knew I had to stop myself. That became easier than I had originally thought as the moment I stopped punching the bag I just cried I feel like sinking to the floor but instead I just leant on the punching bag and held it in place. I had to try calm myself down, and as I did I heard footsteps and I felt my body tense up.
I tilted my head from the bag to see Isaac slowly walking up the drive. His pace was slow and he wouldn’t look at me directly, I knew he had heard me. I felt myself swallow before I wiped the tears away from my eyes and straightened up. I didn’t want him to see me so weak, not right now anyway.
“Strange, you are never home in the middle of the day,” I said to him.
“I didn’t realise you noticed when I was home,” he said to me, lifting his head as I acknowledged him.
“Well, it’s kind of hard not to,” I told him. “The best way for me to tell if you are home or not is to check if I can hear Hadley yelling at you.”
Isaac just nodded at me. Something was different about him today, the way he was acting at least was different. I didn’t find myself wanting to be nice to him though, just like he hadn’t been to me lately.
“Kill any demons then?” I asked him as casually as I could imagine.
“Kill any punching bags today?” he asked immediately, looking directly at me.
I breathed in heavily. “I was just…letting some anger out.”
“A month ago, Lily, I never thought you would let anger out by punching something,” Isaac told me.
I didn’t want to admit that he was probably right. How would he know though? He hadn’t been around lately, and he had hadn’t known me long either, so how could he even say that? He couldn’t really, but that didn’t mean he was wrong.
“Isn’t this what I’m supposed to be doing?” I asked him. “Learning to defend myself?”
“Is that really what you’re doing right now?” he said, shaking his head a little.
“Why does it matter to you anyway?” I was in a real defensive mood now. “You don’t talk to any of us anymore anyway…you’re not even here.”
“I do care believe it or not,” Isaac told me.
I felt myself shaking my head. I didn’t believe that Isaac cared, because if he did he would be here more. If he cared he would just sit with me for once and talk, but that’s not how Isaac showed how he really cared.
“What is it they said to you at the council then?” I asked him, realising the punching bag from my grip. “Because I heard almost everything they said to you….and I get how you feel about the council. So what else could they have possibly said to you?”
“It doesn’t matter what they said to me,” Isaac said immediately.
“But it does,” I protested. “It matters to me, to Hadley and to Felix. We want to understand why suddenly you have some death wish that causes you to go out there every day and find a demon to kill.”
“It’s not a death wish,” Isaac said through his teeth, and I noticed that his hands had clenched into fists.
“It is,” I said sternly. “Cause you know, frankly if you want to go out there every day, I want to come with you.”
“No.”
His answer was immediate and I could tell I had hit a nerve, which I didn’t expect to. He was standing straighter then before and both his hands were still in fists, and looked even tighter than they were before. I felt myself breathe out and I didn’t want to really make Isaac angry, but I knew it was the only way to get what I wanted out of him.
“Why not?” I asked him, in the most confident voice I could manage. “I could get a few more kills under my belt, really prove myself as an Insigne…”
“Do you really want to know what they said?!” he snapped at me very quickly, his hands unclenching as he stepped forward.
“Yes,” I answered immediately, trying not to feel too intimidated.
He breathed out and started to shake his head. “They told me that…this would change you, Lily. They told me that you wouldn’t be this innocent little teenager anymore. This dagger…the stupid dagger is powerful and the one who can hold the dagger is also powerful. But power…power changes people…and I don’t want it changing you.”
I felt my breathing quicken as I felt myself process everything he had just said to me. It wasn’t really about me, was it? Something clicked though. He was grumpy when we got back from the council, but his death wish didn’t kick in really until he saw my drawing of the dagger. That’s when he couldn’t lie to himself about who I was.
“It won’t change me,” I whispered.
“But it already has!” Isaac stressed. “Look at you. Look what you were doing.”
“I’m just learning to fight,” I retorted. “I’m just frustrated, and can you blame me? All of this…is a lot no matter how much time as passed….and I thought that you would be here more. I didn’t feel so afraid of knowing this when I knew you were close by, and now you are just nowhere, Isaac.”
It was clear my words hit Isaac’s very similar to how his had hit me. There was no longer a look of anger in eyes, there was something else instead and I had no idea what it was.
“You really think all of this will help? You really think that any of this can prepare you for what happens next?” his tone was still strong, and I can’t make sense of his emotions.
“Yes, I do,” I answered him. “I am already born with the ability to fight demons, right? I’m just…refining my skills a little more.”
“Hit me then,” Isaac suggested with a shrug.
“What?” I asked, taken back.
“Hit me,” Isaac repeated. “Fight me.”
“I’m not going to fight you,” I said to him immediately, shaking my head.
“If you want to prove it to me, hit me,” Isaac said again, looking me directly in the eyes. “Do it.”
I stared at him for a moment and neither of us moved. I was trying to judge on whether or not he’s going to hit me first, but part of me knew he wanted me to make the first move. I swallowed a little and without any warning I took my first punch towards him, hoping to catch him off guard.
I had no such luck and he managed to catch my punch and before I could even react he had his hand around my wrist, like I’m nothing. It angered me. I took another swing at him, this time calculating the fact that he was going to catch my fist, so when he did, I used my leg to kick him. I only unbalanced him slightly, but it again didn’t even seem to faze him and with my fist in his hand he twirled me around, a little like a dance move.
I let out some air in huff. I was more than annoyed now and I just wanted to prove that I could fight him. So I just started to try hitting him again. I just threw punch after punch, hoping to hit him. Some did find their way to him, but he literally just shrugged them off. He was pushing me back though, making me walk backwards, and never hurting me though. Isaac grabbed both my hands at the same time as I tried a forceful attack on him. I felt my back hit up against something.
It was only now I realised Isaac had walked me all the way through the under covering parking and right up to the brick back wall. He looked into my eyes for a second as I tried to pull my hands from his, but his grip was tight, he was far too strong for me.
“This doesn’t prove anything,” I told him quickly.
Isaac just shook his head and let go of my hands. “Actually, it proves everything, Lily.”
He shook his head at me for a second and I thought he was disappointed, but not as disappointed as I was lost. Before I could open my mouth to even speak to him again he turned away from me and walked away. I felt my breathing become heavy as I didn’t move from the wall. He was disappointed because I thought I could win. That’s not what he wanted. He didn’t want me to change. To change? He barely knew me.
Was that true though? If someone asked me to tell them about Isaac I could tell him that he’s tough, he doesn’t like to talk about his feelings and that might have something to do with not having much of a family. He was protective by nature and liked to succeed in what he could. Maybe I knew more than I thought about Isaac, and right now he really was all I had. I didn’t want to need anyone though. I wanted to be strong and independent, but all I had proved today, was that I was weak, and Isaac isn’t.
Chapter Nineteen
For the first time in three weeks, I didn’t have the reoccurring dream. I thought I would be happy about it, but there was something so unnerving about it. I knew something in my mind had to change for the dream to stop, and the only thing I thought I had changed was that now… I didn’t think Isaac would be there to save me.
Walking out of the bedroom and into the kitchen I didn’t expect to find anyone other than Hadley, and to no surprise she was the only one there. In fact she appeared to be the only one in the apartment.
“No Isaac?” I asked her, as I stepped into the kitchen.
Hadley stood at the toaster, waiting patiently for her breakfast and her head only turned to me slightly when I spoke.
“What do you expect?” she said, like I had asked a stupid question.
I guess I shouldn’t have expected anything. Nothing I said to him yesterday was going to change whether or not he truly had a death wish.
“What about Felix?�
� I questioned her with a frown.
She shrugged as her toast popped. “I have no idea where he is, and I honestly couldn’t care. If those boys want to be anti-social dickheads who can’t ask for my help, I say, let them.”
Hadley had quite clearly had enough. I figured, usually she always helped when it came to killing the demons, and why wouldn’t she? She was definitely a good fighter, and she knew it too, so it really bothered her that they were leaving her out. Something told me it bothered her just as much as it bothered, me though.
“God, he just leaves all his crap around the lounge room,” Hadley spoke in a frustrated voice as she walked into the lounge room with her breakfast.
I walked out of the kitchen to see Hadley pushing pieces of paper together, angrily really, and I was sure she was going to rip some of it to pieces.
“What is it?” I asked her as I stood next to her and looked over her shoulder.
“Just his stupid research,” Hadley answered, without looking at me.
“Research?” I frowned. “Why would he need to research anything?”
“It beats me,” Hadley shrugged as she gathered most of it into a pile.
I was sure Hadley was just going to chuck everything aside, but as she lifted it off the table I saw her frown. Hadley shook her head a little as she started to flip through it all.
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