by Kiera Cass
Jerking away, I couldn’t even bring myself to look into his eyes. What had I done?
“Wait five minutes and then go back,” I whispered urgently. “For my sake, please tell no one.”
I was already walking when he simply replied, “If you wish.”
I moved toward the Great Room with my head high, trying to convince myself that if I simply looked confident, then no one could possibly suspect I’d just kissed someone who was decidedly not my intended. Who was a foreigner. Who was, by every measure I’d been taught to value, a commoner.
He’d been right; everywhere I turned, people were giving me knowing looks and thankful smiles. They’d finally come to respect me at the very moment I’d let them all down.
I walked up to the head table, kissing Jameson on the cheek. He gave me a warm look but continued his conversation with King Quinten. I was counting the minutes until that man left, taking his entourage with him. I needed everything to go back to normal.
But I was starting to wonder if there’d ever be a normal. Since the moment I’d locked eyes with Silas Eastoffe, I’d felt something. The string was pulling me, taut and unyielding. I couldn’t help but notice I still felt that pull as he walked into the hall, eyes downcast, as if he couldn’t muster the strength to fake any kind of happiness.
I’d said he couldn’t burn me. I still believed that. If I was going to go up in flames, it would be my own doing.
Eighteen
I INHALED DEEPLY, TAKING IN the scent of freshly blossoming flowers. Though I could have happily spent an hour by myself in the maze of hedges in the peaceful gardens of Keresken, it was surprisingly pleasant to sit by Queen Valentina as Jameson and King Quinten practiced their archery. Jameson had beautiful form, and I was sure Quinten must have at some point as well. These days, the arching of his back made pulling the bow securely a bit of a challenge. Still, I could see in his steady fingers and the sureness of his gaze that he knew precisely what he was doing.
Valentina and I took refuge in the shade of several large parasols being held above us by palace servants, and we watched as Jameson let another arrow fly. It hit very close to its mark, and he turned back to me, raising his eyebrows and clearly waiting for praise.
“Bravo, my lord!” I called, swallowing hard immediately after. It was difficult to get the words out. There was a secret kiss hiding in my throat, blocking all the words I knew I was supposed to say, halting all the actions I knew I was meant to do.
I feared that something about the set of my smile or the shade of my eyes was going to give me away. Any minute, Jameson was going to know that I’d betrayed him. And even to this second, I couldn’t explain how it had happened.
I also couldn’t change it. The best I could hope for was to forget it ever happened and continue walking steadily toward Jameson and the crown. I sighed, turning to Valentina.
“I want to thank you again for yesterday,” I began, trying to restart our easy conversation from the night before. It was much harder when things felt so official.
“I did very little in the grand scheme. You orchestrated everything. I can see why your king favors you so much.” She looked over at him admiringly. There really was no other way to look at Jameson.
Then why did you kiss someone else?
“I . . . I’m still not sure what made him choose me,” I started, stumbling over the words. “Some say it’s because I make him laugh.” I tilted my head, still not sure what the true answer to this question was. I supposed Etan would have said it was my pretty face. “How did you meet King Quinten?”
She shrugged. “There isn’t much to say. I have been at court with my parents since I was a child. The court is large, so we didn’t truly cross paths until a few years ago. That was that.”
I cast a knowing look at her. “That sounds close to my story. Amazing what can happen when you leave the country for a palace.”
“True. The castle had all but been our home for years; we only left it to travel.” A whisper of a smile crept onto her lips. “I’ve been to nearly every country on the continent,” she boasted. “My parents wanted me to see the world.”
“I envy you. You already know how small my world is.”
She nodded. “Maybe your king will be more adventurous, take you to meet the princes of each land. It will serve you well; there is an education that can only be received through travel.”
For the majority of my life I’d had no reason to think that I needed to see anything more than the hills near Varinger Hall or the sunrise on Colvard River as it cut by the capital. But meeting people from across the continent was enlightening, and now I ached to know more.
“I hope so. What about you? Do you hope to finish this education? Go to those final few countries?”
Her smile faded. “The king is most preoccupied with his kingdom.”
“Oh.” I wasn’t entirely sure what that meant, but I assumed, whatever it was, it gave them cause to stay close to home. Coroa, at least, wasn’t much of a journey.
“It makes me miss my parents,” she said in a voice so quiet I almost didn’t hear it. When I looked at her then, she didn’t seem so much like a queen anymore, but more of what she was: another young girl trying to make her way in the world. “I have little trinkets from our trips. . . . This necklace,” she said, touching the silver oval tied around her swan-like neck. “My father got me this in Montoth from a little gypsy woman by the side of the road. I have a feeling she didn’t make it, if you catch my meaning.”
I nodded, wondering whose neck it had been around once upon a time.
“She was a nice lady, though. Fiery. My father gave her more than she asked. He was kind like that.”
“Then I would very much like to meet him one day.”
Valentina kept her eyes on the horizon and her hand on her necklace. “I wish you could. I wish you could have met both of them.”
I sighed, knowing I’d just ruined what was shaping up to be a great conversation. “I’m very sorry.”
Her gaze went over to the king. “So am I.”
I didn’t understand the sudden tinge of anger in her tone, but I didn’t have long to dwell on it. In the distance the maids were arriving, trays of delicacies in their hands.
“I’ve heard you have an interest in foreign cuisine. I took the liberty of having some dishes made especially for you.” I gestured to the approaching army of servants and watched as her face lit up.
“You did?” Her tone was incredulous.
“Yes. I . . . I wasn’t misinformed, was I? You certainly don’t have to eat any—”
“No, no! I’m thrilled!” She exclaimed as tray after tray was set on our blanket. “I know this one,” she said. “You usually make these for Crowning Day, right?”
“Yes. I tried to get a few things that were unique regionally and then a few associated with Coroan holy days. These pies over here? They’re for the solstice and have golden syrup in them.”
She picked up one of the treats and popped it in her mouth. I was adventurous with most things, but strange foods always gave me pause. I admired that, even in this, she plowed forward.
“Delicious. And these?” She went from plate to plate, asking questions and eating as much as she could stomach. When her smile was unguarded, she looked younger, more hopeful. In this tiny moment, I saw a Valentina that had not been present in the Great Room or on the jousting field. She was a clear beauty; even when she was frowning it was undeniable. There was something about this face that made me understand how she could be placed on a throne, be adored by the masses.
But then I thought of some of the comments the Eastoffes had made and realized she didn’t seem to be adored in that sense. I supposed the people had never seen this smile.
“This is the nicest thing anyone has done for me in a long time,” she said, basking in the sun. “Thank you.”
“You’re very welcome. Come visit anytime you feel the slightest bit peckish.”
When she giggled, the
sound flew high and danced in the trees.
“Valentina!” King Quinten snapped, motioning to his bow, as if her laughter was interrupting something of the highest importance. That bright smile disappeared in an instant, and all the light around her died. She demurely nodded her head, then picked up a pie to cover her mouth.
“He’s such a tyrant,” she muttered under her breath. “I swear, if he had the stamina, he’d hunt down joy itself and shoot it through.” A moment later she remembered herself. “Please don’t repeat that.”
I picked up a small pie to obstruct the view of my mouth as well. “Don’t worry. If there’s anything I understand, it’s the value of a certain level of privacy. Mine’s dropped considerably recently, and I can’t imagine yours. I wouldn’t say anything. Besides, I think you’re right. He’s a bit of a grump.”
She pressed her lips together, suppressing her smile. “So, Lady Hollis, what are our plans for tonight?”
I could feel my heart beating fast. Things were really starting to turn around. “King Jameson has recently gifted me with a set of golden dice. I’m trying to learn some games.”
“I’ll bring money. It’s much more fun when there’s something on the line,” she offered, as if this were some piece of great wisdom.
“We can invite our ladies, too, if you’d like.”
She shook her head. “No. I’d like to just be with you.”
I smiled. “Absolutely, Your Majesty.”
At the title she rolled her eyes. “All right, it was fun when I was making you grovel, but you can just call me Valentina now.”
“I can always grovel for old times’ sake if you get bored later.”
She giggled at that, too, but pushed the sound away quickly. I could see King Quinten blow out a huff, but he took his time looking back at us. His eyes glanced off Valentina and swiftly settled on me, and I felt a chill. I may have finally gotten through to her, but I was still little more than an insect to him. I looked away quickly.
I reminded myself I was here to accompany Valentina, and if she was satisfied, I was doing my duty . . . but I knew that once I was queen, there would always be a Quinten in my life. Dignitaries and envoys would come and go, and I would be in the middle of it all, unable to hide. Some would probably like me well enough, but there would always be some who felt satisfied with ignoring me.
I pulled my chin up, and I thought of Valentina. We ladies in our gilded cage, we had to make the best of it.
Nineteen
IT DIDN’T TAKE LONG FOR Valentina to tire, which worked out just fine for me, as I had business of my own to attend to. The parcel was light, and, thanks to the painting outside their rooms that Lady Eastoffe had told me about, I knew where I was heading.
I was technically there to see Scarlet, but there were butterflies plotting a riot in my stomach. I felt too many things at once to know what they truly were. Would Silas be there? Would he try to talk to me? Did I want him to?
The kiss had been a surprise. No, not a surprise, a mistake. Certainly, Silas was easy to talk to, easy to understand. There was an undercurrent of goodness to everything he did, and the way his family so clearly valued each other made me want to be closer to not just him but all of them. And he was his own kind of handsome, with those blue eyes and that angelic smile. Yes, there was something very charming about Silas Eastoffe.
But seeing as he was not Jameson Barclay, it really didn’t matter. Charm wouldn’t give me a crown or bring hope to a kingdom. Charm was nice, not necessary.
I squared myself in front of the door, bracing myself for whatever—and whoever—might be on the other side, and I knocked.
“Lady Hollis! How nice to see you!” Scarlet greeted me, opening the door wide.
“Just the person I was looking for,” I said, ignoring the pang in my heart. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”
“Not at all. Please, come in.” She motioned that I should enter, and I walked in, taking in the space.
There was a small fireplace and a table that was maybe big enough for four with six chairs crammed around it. There wasn’t much for decoration, but they did have some flowers on the set of drawers beneath the window. Two doors led to where their sleeping quarters must have been. I felt a little bad for Scarlet, as she must have been sharing a room with her brothers, with no space to herself.
The only thing that saved the apartment was that one window. It was large, matching the size of all the others down that particular outside wall, so that every chamber in the palace, regardless of size, had a wide pane of domed glass letting light in. I stared at it, thinking her view was so very different from mine.
“You see that building over there?” she asked, pointing to a small stone structure with a thatch roof and a large chimney that was expelling smoke even now. “That’s where Silas and Sullivan are working.”
“Really?” I asked, coming close to the window to inspect.
“Yes. And if Sullivan needs my tiny fingers to finish off a piece of jewelry or Silas needs me to polish a sword, they put a blue handkerchief in the window. I’m always keeping my eye out for it.”
“That’s such a remarkable skill they have,” I commented in awe. “I can sew, but that’s where my talents end.”
“Not so!” she protested. “You dance so well, and you are twice the conversationalist of anyone in Isolte.” I didn’t want to tell her that was hardly a compliment. “But I admire my brothers, too. It’s unique for anyone in Isolte to pursue something that might be considered artistic. And even between the two of them, what they do is so different.”
“How?” I asked, looking at the glassless window of the outbuilding, trying to make out if that was Silas or his brother moving across it.
“Sullivan’s work . . . he needs fire, but it’s much more delicate. The amount of metal he uses at one time is much smaller, so, all things considered, it’s much safer. He could probably do it indoors if he chose.”
“It looks like he sticks close to Silas as much as possible.”
She nodded. “Always has. I don’t think any of us understand him the way Silas does. People think he’s distant, but he’s not. He just doesn’t know what to say.”
I gave her a sad smile. “I know that feeling all too well. So what is it that Silas does out there, then?”
“It’s far more dangerous. He’s plunging huge chunks of metal into fire, pulling them out, and then hammering them until they bend into the right shape. He’s burned himself a few times, and at least twice we worried he’d really damaged his arm. Thankfully, we know how to stave off infection, so he’s been fine.”
“Thank goodness.” It was well known that healers in Isolte had made far more medical advancements than we had in Coroa. If Isolte could use our dances and music and art, could we not use their knowledge about medicine and herbs and the stars? I had a feeling that, if we asked, we could send people to study. My guess was both Jameson and his father would never have let their pride down long enough to make the request. “He seems to be good at what he does, though.”
“One of the best,” Scarlet bragged.
I smiled. “Well, his sister is an excellent teacher and friend, so this is for you. A thank-you for agreeing to help with Crowning Day.”
She took the parcel and walked over to the table. “For me?”
“Yes. And I want you to know that I’m trying to preemptively set at least part of my household. I’d happily have you in it, but I’m going to need some time with Delia Grace before I can convince her of your many virtues. I hope you won’t mind waiting until I can talk her into being a bit more . . . open-minded.”
She looked at me over her shoulder. “I mean this in the nicest possible way, but I don’t see Delia Grace ever being open-minded.”
I chuckled. For how little time she’d spent with her, Scarlet already understood Delia Grace better than most. I thought of her searching eyes that first day she’d walked into the Great Room; I wondered just how much this girl knew about
life in the castle.
“Besides, I’d have had to turn you down anyway,” she went on. “We’re hoping to settle out in the country soon, somewhere with a lot of land and quiet.”
I wasn’t sure how to take that news. I certainly felt a twinge of sadness, but there was also a rush of relief. At some point, I wouldn’t stand a chance of running into Silas down these hallways, of seeing him awash with the colors streaming from the stained glass. I really didn’t have room for more surprises—or mistakes—in my life. I could be free of them once he was out of the palace for good.
I snapped back to the present, trying to carry on a normal conversation.
“Coroa has some fine lands. I’m sure you’ll find something suitable.”
She unwrapped the gift and gasped in delight. “Hollis, I love it!” She hugged the dress to her chest.
“I left material in case we need to make it longer. You’re very tall.”
She laughed. “I know. And look at the sleeves.”
“I just thought you’d like to match everyone else when we finally get to do this dance, and I did so appreciate your help. Though Saul was my favorite dance partner of the day.”
“He hasn’t smiled that much in ages. That alone was a gift for all of us.”
Something about the wistful tone of her voice almost made me want to cry. I wondered if I’d ever understand all that they’d been through.
“Good,” I said, not sure what else there was to say. “Well, I’d better be off. Someone has a private meeting with Queen Valentina today, thanks to the insight of a certain new friend,” I said, eyeing her.
“The food?”
“I stuffed her full of Coroan treats. She loved it. Thank you.”
“Anytime, Hollis. Genuinely.”
She was still holding up her dress, pressing it against her to see how it would fit.
“Good day, Lady Scarlet.”
Her eyes changed. She must have abandoned hope of being called a lady ever again. I pulled the door shut behind me, making my way back to the queen’s rooms and thinking of how I’d laughed at Scarlet under my breath that first day in the Great Room. I felt so silly for not understanding then what I did now: we weren’t that different. Not her, not Valentina, not Nora. In the end, we made enemies with our heads, but we unmade them with our hearts.
