by Black, Tasha
A wolf stood in the window seat.
But to call it a wolf seemed almost a laughable understatement. The creature was enormous, easily the size of a small horse. Its fur was long and thick - it shimmered in the moonlight, gleaming blacks and browns with a creamy undercoat.
As she watched, it lifted its noble snout, seeming to take in the scents of the outside world. The window was thrown open and the curtains shivered in the breeze.
Ryan.
This wolf was Ryan.
She didn’t believe it, even as she realized it must be true. She knew he was a wolf. And the moon was full tonight.
She had pictured a wolf like the small gray one she admired at the zoo - shy and slender.
But this… this beautiful creature was like something from a fairy tale.
As if on cue, the beast gathered itself, muscles bunching, and leapt out the window.
She could hear claws clambering on the metal porch roof. And then there was nothing but the sound of the wind in the trees.
She squeezed her eyes shut.
There’s no way I can sleep again now.
But soon she was drifting, dreaming of running through the woods with her own set of silken paws.
* * *
When she awoke fully a few hours later, the sun was just rising pink over the tree in the front yard. The window was closed again but she was shivering with cold.
She turned over for Ryan, but he hadn’t returned.
In his place there was a folded piece of paper with her name on it.
Addison
Fury rose in her chest.
A note.
He didn’t feel about her the way she felt about him. And maybe he felt that by doing what they had done last night and nothing more, that he had done her some kindness.
As if withholding his cock would protect her heart.
Where had he disappeared to last night?
Notions of some sexy she-wolf rushed into her thoughts, followed by the image of Ryan laughing at her naiveté as he coupled with the other wolf, the way she had longed to do with him.
And then he hadn’t even had the decency to get rid of her in person.
She had no need to read his cowardly note. She already knew what it would say. Something along the lines of:
I’m sorry about last night, I like you as a friend. I feel a connection. Thank you for helping me trick my grandma. Can we forget what happened?
She pulled herself out of bed, grabbed the piece of paper and tossed it in his garbage can.
She could not forget what happened.
And she was done playing games with him, with her own heart, and, for that matter, with his grandmother. She deserved better than lies, even if they were crafted to give her happiness.
“The truth will set you free,” Addison muttered to herself as she dragged her clothes onto her shivering body.
The idea of telling Ryan she wouldn’t see him anymore felt about as appealing as ripping an organ out of her body.
But the sooner it was done, the sooner she could move on with her life, pick up the pieces, and find a way to see color in the world when he wasn’t in the room.
20
Ryan
Ryan felt like he was walking on air.
It was as if he didn’t need sleep or food, or any comfort in the world, now that he had the confidence that filled his chest.
She’s mine.
No matter how difficult it was, no matter how she might react, he had to tell her.
He would tell her.
The nurses at the station greeted him and he waved back, his benevolence extending even to grumpy Maureen Wellington, who begrudged him a half-smile, surely responding involuntarily to his own joy, which seemed to pour off him in waves.
He had left Addison a note, exuberant enough to make sure she knew how much she meant to him, restrained enough not to frighten her. He hoped.
Tonight they would talk.
But not until after he had paid a special visit to Sticks & Stones, the town jewelry store.
He would explain everything about life mates to her. If she was worried about mating with someone older and more established, he would make sure she knew he was willing to live wherever she wanted to live, follow her education and career wherever she wanted it to take her.
No matter how much convincing it took, he would bring her around to the idea of sealing their mating bond tonight. He would make sure she knew he was dedicated to bringing her nothing but joy for the rest of her life.
And by this time tomorrow she would wear his ring for real.
“Ryan,” Candy Wilkinson said. “Earth to Ryan Stevenson.”
Her voice was filled with mirth and he wondered how many times she had said his name.
“Hey, Candy,” he said. “How’s it going?”
“Did you get Mrs. Henderson in 102?” Candy asked.
“Yes,” he said. “She’s doing fine.”
“You’ve got someone waiting to talk to you in the lobby,” Candy said, waggling her eyebrows.
That was odd. He hoped it wasn’t Grandma Stevenson. She wasn’t the type to get bored and bother him at work. She normally had a brisk rundown of friends to meet with during her visits.
“Thanks, Candy,” he said, heading for the elevator.
He pressed the button for the lobby and gazed through the glass. The bare forms of the trees were swaying under a glorious sky, branches uplifted like arms. It was as if the Pennsylvania landscape were celebrating along with him.
The elevator dinged and the door slid open.
The lobby was a blur of movement, nurses traversing the halls, patients coming in and out. Call lights flashing.
Addison stood at the center, an unmoving island in their midst.
Her shoulders were slumped, and she wore a downcast expression until she saw him coming.
“Addison,” he said. “Are you okay?”
He moved to put a hand on her shoulder, but she jerked away, and he lowered his hand at once.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Ryan,” she said, her eyebrows scrunching up like storm clouds. “I’m only here to tell you that I can’t keep doing this.”
For a thunderstruck moment, he wasn’t sure what she meant.
“I can’t pretend to be your fiancée anymore,” she went on. “I won’t be coming to Thanksgiving dinner.”
“But, Addison,” he whispered, unable to string together a question.
What had he done?
“I don’t need your mystery favor,” she said bitterly. “And I don’t want you paying off my loans. Just help Bianca and I’ll consider us even.”
“Addison,” he repeated helplessly.
“I don’t want to see you again,” she told him, closing her eyes. “Do you understand.”
“Yes,” he whispered.
“I don’t ever want to see you again,” she repeated softly.
He closed his eyes, fighting back tears.
When he opened them again she was gone.
“Dr. Stevenson, are you okay?” one of the receptionists called to him.
“Fine, Lois, fine,” he said.
He headed back to the elevator, which was mercifully empty.
As it ascended he looked back out over the woods. The breeze must have died down. The trees were still now - they had never really been dancing in the first place. Only the cold wind had made those bare bones look like they were stirring in their slumber.
I’m nothing without you, Addison Sparrow, he thought to himself. Nothing at all.
21
Addison
Addison tried to focus on the cold air in her lungs and the soothing presence of her two best friends.
“Oh man, my phone just buzzed again,” Mei said. “We’ll be lucky if we can carry everything back if she keeps adding stuff to the shopping list.”
Before leaving, they had informed Helen Thayer that they were headed to the co-op, and told her to text them if she though
t of anything she needed. Since then, she’d added another item on just about every block of their walk.
“Why are we walking again?” Bianca asked.
“Because it’s good for you,” Mei said. “Gentle exercise is very important during pregnancy. You don’t want sciatica, do you?”
“I hate to break it to you, but at this stage of the game, sciatica isn’t really an issue,” Bianca said, patting her still-flat belly.
“Well, I needed a walk,” Mei said. “It feels like the only thing we do together these days is work. Between our pregnancies and mates and fiancés…”
“Fake fiancés,” Addison corrected her. “And that’s all over, anyway.”
“What do you mean it’s over?” Bianca asked. “Aren’t you supposed to be having Thanksgiving with them tomorrow? Isn’t that, like, the whole point?”
Addison shook her head, wishing she’d kept her mouth shut. She couldn’t exactly distract herself with a walk among friends if all they did was talk about what she wanted to distract herself from.
“I just… I can’t keep it up anymore,” she said.
“You really like him, don’t you?” Mei asked.
Addison nodded, walking a little faster.
“Have you told him how you feel?” Mei asked.
“What’s the point?” Addison asked.
“I know he hasn’t talked to you about mating,” Bianca said carefully. “But he really likes you, Addison.”
“He likes using me to trick his grandmother,” Addison said, ashamed of her own bitterness.
“You haven’t been in a situation yet where it would make sense for him to bring up mating,” Mei pointed out. “It’s not like you’ve been on an actual romantic date. Maybe if you tell him how you feel, he’ll surprise you.”
Addison stopped and buried her face in her hands.
“Addison, are you okay?” Bianca asked, putting an arm around her shoulder.
The tears prickled her eyelids, threatening to spill over her cheeks.
“Come on,” Mei said, guiding her to the stone bench on the corner that was intended for people waiting for the bus.
Addison sat and allowed her friends to coo over her a moment.
“Okay, guys, I’m not proud of this,” she said. “But I spent the night at his house.”
“Oh, wow,” Bianca said.
“Did you two…?” Mei asked.
Addison felt the blood rush to her cheeks.
“Well, we didn’t exactly, but… he did stuff to me, or… for me, I guess,” she stopped, at a loss.
“Nice,” Mei said, eyebrows raised.
“But he didn’t say anything,” Addison moaned. “That was his big chance, and he didn’t say one word about mating. And when I woke up he was gone. There was nothing but a note on the pillow.”
“What did the note say?” Bianca asked, her blue eyes wide.
“I have no idea,” Addison shrugged. “But you can pretty well guess.”
“Wait - what?” Mei asked.
“I basically know what it said,” Addison said. “There was no point reading it. He doesn’t want to be with me like that. He got caught up in the moment, you guys know the drill.”
Mei and Bianca exchanged a significant look.
“What?” Addison asked.
“Do you have the note on you?” Mei asked.
“No, I threw it in his trash can and took off. Why?” Addison asked.
“Because if you didn’t read it then obviously you don’t know what it said,” Bianca cried.
“He disappeared on me, guys,” Addison replied. “Actions speak louder than words.”
“He’s an emergency room doctor,” Mei said. “He leaves suddenly for a living.”
She’d left in too much of a huff to consider that he might have had other reasons for rushing out on her.
“He was just using me,” Addison said again, even as another possibility began to form in her mind.
“Think back,” Bianca said. “Has he ever treated you in a way that made it seem like he doesn’t care about your feelings?”
“Because, although it’s weird he’s not talking about a mating bond, the rest of us can see how much he likes you, Addison,” Mei said. “You’d have to be blind not to see it.”
“He’s just pretending,” Addison said.
“No one is that good an actor,” Bianca laughed.
“How do you feel, Addison?” Mei asked.
“I… I want him,” Addison said, stifling the words I love him. They were too much - out of place in this charade.
“Then have him,” Mei said. “Tell him how you feel.”
“Or we could break into the house and read his note,” Bianca suggested.
“Enough with the break-ins, Bianca,” Mei said, giving her friend a little shove. “Remember what happened last time?”
Mei’s phone buzzed again.
“We’d better get to the Co-op before Helen puts anything else on the shopping list,” Bianca said with a look of mild alarm.
“Are you okay?” Mei asked Addison.
“Of course,” Addison said. “Sorry to be such a baby.”
“Can you believe her?” Mei asked Bianca.
“I cannot,” Bianca said, rolling her eyes.
“What do you mean?” Addison asked.
“We mean that you constantly do this for us,” Mei said. “You listen and you sympathize. Always.”
“It’s about damned time you let us reciprocate,” Bianca said with a smile.
“Language, Bianca,” Mei teased. “You’re growing little ears right now.”
Mei’s phone buzzed again before Bianca could protest.
“Come on, guys,” Addison said. “Let’s get rolling. Before the co-op runs out of groceries.”
“Perish the thought,” Mei said, hopping up.
They began to follow the sidewalk into the village again.
And though Addison was still reeling from the events of the past twenty-four hours, she knew what she had to do.
I’d rather fake it with him than have the real deal with anyone else.
But telling him so would require ammunition, like the ingredients for two kinds of stuffing to bring to his Thanksgiving celebration.
And bravery.
But as she watched her two best friends chatting under the bare canopy as they strolled past the gingerbread Victorians on either side of the street, Addison knew she could be the bravest woman in the world when she had these two for back-up.
22
Ryan
Ryan’s feet pounded the pavement as he headed toward the college.
He’d finished up his paperwork as quickly as possible, changed into his running clothes, and left the hospital, texting his grandmother on the way out that he would be working late, but looked forward to spending the day together tomorrow.
Maybe he’d pull himself together by then.
He crossed Yale, ran past the Inn, and then headed down the path toward the woods.
If only it weren’t broad daylight, he would have stripped off his clothes when he reached the trees and let the wolf have control.
But as things were, his human side would have to bear this pain, with all its complex facets.
The loss was staggering. And details just kept coming, as if his pain paralyzed mind were sending out signals.
He wouldn’t be buying her a ring after all.
He wouldn’t get to feed her the turkey he and Grandma Stevenson were brining today.
He wouldn’t know what it was like to be inside her, to claim her and became one with her, see those dark eyes of hers shining with love as he filled her with ecstasy and the sense of belonging he knew she craved.
He wouldn’t see her ripe and round with his child.
He wouldn’t sit on the porch with her, sipping tea and watching the grandchildren play, sunlight dancing in her silver braids.
The pain was bottomless, and he wondered if he would survive it.
Wolves bon
ded for life, and often went mad with despair when they lost their mates.
But Addison wasn’t lost. She was in defiance.
She didn’t want him.
Fresh pain ripped through his chest and he picked up the pace, sprinting past the lamp posts that flanked the entrance to the woods just as lightning flashed, followed by a terrific boom.
A cold, slashing rain began to fall, and he was instantly soaked.
It was as if Mother Nature felt as he did, furious in her complaints, deluged with sadness.
He ran on, turning between the stone monuments that overlooked the amphitheater.
The woods below were dark and seductive.
The wolf nudged him, coaxing.
Ryan slowed down as he approached the stage.
Figuring the rain would keep the students away, he gave in.
He ducked behind a tree and peeled off his sopping clothes, stuffing them into a hollow trunk. Then he closed his eyes and allowed the wolf to come forward.
The edges of the rainy forest blurred, the cold sensation disappeared, and the woods came alive around him.
He had missed the delicious fragrance of squirrels and rabbits.
The crystalline scent of the creek called to him, and Ryan’s muscles bunched instinctively.
He sailed through the air, landing on steady paws only to leap again, traversing tree roots, fallen logs and new growth.
He slipped on a patch of oak leaves and skidded slightly on his haunches before leaping again, feeling the air between his paw pads as he soared.
Nothing mattered now but the delicious scent of small prey, the allure of the spring water, and the draw of his beautiful mate.
She’s not ours… the human tried to tell him from some place deep within.
But the wolf was unconcerned. She was their mate. That was all that mattered. The details would fall into place.
He crashed through a thicket and leapt one last time, finding himself on the granite cliff that overhung the creek, his favorite place in the forest.
He lifted his snout into the swirl of rain and wind, filling his lungs with the invigorating mist.
