by Bold, Diana
Julian hadn’t believed him, but he also hadn’t cared. He’d been determined to stand by his friend, to lend his support, time, money, and reputation to see that Michael got out of this mess, no matter what he’d done.
He’d been ashamed when both Emma and Dylan had immediately believed in Michael’s innocence. Why hadn’t he? He’d assumed the worst, and he realized that he’d lived his entire life that way.
He’d blamed Ethan for Nathanial and Elizabeth’s deaths, parroting his angry, grief-stricken parents. He’d allowed that to rob him of his little brother’s love, of the only family he had left. Then he’d run away from Jane’s love as well, too afraid to risk his heart again.
He couldn’t help thinking that Jane had taken a risk herself, coming to tell him what had happened to Michael. Now that everything had settled down, could he do any less? Yes, she might refuse him again, but if he didn’t even try then he had only himself to blame for the long lonely years to come.
A WEEK AFTER GOING to Julian’s home, Jane walked down the hall toward her bedroom, dreading the thought of another long lonely night. The big old house seemed far too empty now that Emma was gone.
Although it was still early, she’d chosen to retire to her room with a book. Perhaps, lost in the pages, she could banish her melancholy. She wanted to pretend, if only for a little while, that she was someone else, someone other than a forgotten spinster who had nothing to look forward to but an eternity of her own company.
Entering her room, Jane put her book down on a nearby table and bent to light the lamp next to her favorite reading chair.
“Hello, Jane.”
Startled, she shrieked and whirled toward the source of the deep male voice... and found Julian lounging in the middle of her large pedestal bed.
“How did you get in here?” She stared at him in stunned surprise. Her heart hammered erratically in her chest, the sudden fear giving way to desperate hope.
“Through the window.” His smile was wicked. “Did you think you were the only one adept at sneaking into people’s bedrooms?”
“I suppose not. I just wasn’t expecting you.” Now that was the understatement of the year.
Even after the tentative truce they’d reached the night she’d told him of Michael’s arrest, she’d never dreamed he’d seek her out.
Greedily, she drank in the sight of him, so handsome, his black hair and clothes a stark contrast to the snowy white counterpane. Holding her gaze, he came to a sitting position and dropped his long legs off the side of the bed.
“You said we should talk.” He shrugged. “I thought I’d raise a few eyebrows by knocking on your front door at this time of night.”
She took a few hesitant steps in his direction and wondered if she looked as terrible as she feared. Her hair was scraped up in an unflattering bun, and her serviceable brown dress did nothing for her pale complexion.
“How is Michael? Did you get a chance to speak to him?” She wanted to know how their mutual friend fared, but she was stalling, terrified that she’d misinterpreted the reason for his unexpected visit.
“I’ve seen him several times.” He sighed and loosened his cravat, exposing the strong column of his throat to her interested gaze. “He claims the earl committed suicide. At first, I didn’t believe him. You see, I know what they argued about. Michael found out that the son of a bitch murdered his mother all those years ago.”
“Poor Michael,” Jane blurted, stunned. “It must’ve been terrible for him to confront his father with such knowledge. But if he says the earl killed himself, then I’m certain that’s what happened.”
“Apparently, you have more faith in my friend than I do. I feel like the worst sort of ass for not believing him all along.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. The important thing is that you were willing to stand by him, even though you thought he was guilty.”
“Well, at least I manage to do one thing right. I rallied a rather formidable defense. I alerted Emma and Dylan of Michael’s predicament, even though he begged me not to. They are both standing steadfastly by his side, and Emma’s father has enlisted the help of an entire retinue of solicitors.”
“You don’t think he’ll be convicted of murder, do you?” Jane shuddered at the thought.
Julian shook his head. “I doubt it. There will be quite a scandal. People will whisper behind his back for years to come. But I doubt anything else will come of it. Right or wrong, his position will protect him.”
“That’s good. I’ve been sick with worry ever since I heard what happened.” She took a deep breath. “Is that why you came here tonight? To talk about Michael?”
Julian shot her an irritated glance. “Do you really think that’s the only reason I’m here?”
She stared across the distance that separated them, knowing her heart was in her eyes. “I hope not. But I wouldn’t blame you if it was.”
“Come sit beside me. I don’t intend to spend the rest of the evening shouting at you from across the room.”
The rest of the evening? That was encouraging.
She realized how foolish she must look, frozen in place in the middle of her bedroom. After all, she’d been waiting for this chance her entire life. She climbed up on the bed and gingerly sat on the very edge.
“I won’t bite.” A short burst of exasperated laughter escaped Julian’s lips. He gave her a devilish grin. “At least, not unless you want me to.”
She stared at him, surprised by the sexual innuendo and uncertain how to react.
He sighed, and his knee brushed her hip with startling intimacy. “I’m here, sweetheart, against all my better judgment.” He met her gaze with heartbreaking directness. “You know how I feel. The next move is up to you.”
She bit her lip, overwhelmed by his willingness to give her a second chance. It couldn’t have been easy for him, given the way she’d treated him.
It was time for her to put her heart on the line—to take a chance and reach for the love she’d always dreamed of. It was better to risk fresh heartbreak than spend the rest of her life alone and filled with regret.
Hesitantly, she reached for his hand.
He twined his fingertips with hers, and a shimmering warmth shot up her arm. He squeezed gently, as if to give her courage.
Smiling through a sudden sheen of tears, she leaned forward and pressed her lips against his smooth warm cheek. “I’ve been such a fool. I wanted to believe you cared for me. Truly, I did. It just seems so impossible that someone like you could love someone like me.”
“Someone like you?” He cupped her chin with his other hand and forced her to look at him. “What the devil do you mean by that?”
She shrugged, embarrassed heat rushing to her cheeks. “I’m nobody. A plain, dried-up old spinster. I lead such a quiet boring life. It’s difficult for me to believe you could ever be happy sharing it.”
“As long as you’re cataloging your faults, don’t forget blind and misguided.” Julian pulled her into his lap and hugged her fiercely. “Ah, Jane. You’re the most beautiful, exciting creature I’ve ever known. There are a thousand things I want to tell you, a million questions I want to ask. I could never grow tired of you. Not in a dozen lifetimes.”
She clung to him, stunned by the truth she heard in his words. His heartfelt speech transformed her, cracked the safe little cocoon of her spinsterhood.
Spreading her newfound wings, she somehow found the strength to make a declaration of her own. She pulled back, so she could see the expression in his dark eyes. “I love you, Julian. I never stopped. Not even for a moment.”
“Oh, sweetheart. I love you, too. More than I ever thought possible.” A tremor coursed through his big lean body. “Can you ever forgive me for leaving you? For not being there when you needed me?”
“I’ve already forgiven you.” Tears swam across her vision and obscured his beautiful face. She wasn’t sure if they were tears of happiness or if she was mourning all the lost years. “Just pro
mise me you’ll never leave me again. I couldn’t bear it.”
“I’m never going to let you go.” His arms tightened around her. “When we were young, it came so easily. I didn’t recognize it for the precious gift it was. Believe me, if I’d known you were the only one who’d ever make me feel that way, I never would have walked away.”
“Oh, Julian.” She couldn’t hold the past against him any longer. She knew how lost he’d been back then, confused and heartbroken over the loss of his family. He’d been running, just as she had been when he came back into her life.
Satisfied they’d worked things out for now, she pressed her mouth to his and kissed him with all the passion in her lonely soul.
For a moment, he remained passive in her embrace, allowing her to leisurely explore his beautiful lips. Then, with a deep groan, he deepened the kiss, devouring her with his turbulent need.
She fell into the kiss with complete abandon, clinging to his broad chest as all of her fears and doubts faded away and only love and passion remained. Before long, kisses were not enough, and they began to fumble with each other’s clothes. She worked on his cravat as he undid her buttons, and then suddenly, they were skin to skin, her bare breasts pressed against his chest.
His hands drifted gently over her curves, and she ran her hands over him as well, stunned by his smooth heated skin, the swells of his muscles, and the flat ridges of his stomach. He pressed her down onto the bed, then began to kiss her everywhere his hands had been.
She sighed and sank back into the mattress, her hands falling to her sides as she just let herself enjoy it. She’d waited a lifetime to be touched this way by this man. But not even in her wildest dreams could she have imagined such pleasure. She felt as though she was melting, a fire burning in the pit of her stomach, making her yearn for something more, something she couldn’t even name.
He drew back a bit and stared down at her, his dark eyes worshipful. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. “I knew you would be.”
His words made her feel beautiful, and she was stunned by how unselfconscious she was to be naked with him. She thought he was beautiful, too, but she didn’t say it. She was beyond words as his fingertips drifted down the soft curve of her belly and delved gently between her thighs.
She gasped, and he caught the sound with his lips, kissing her again as he gently explored her in ways she’d never imagined. Pleasure began to build within her, and she clutched at him, unsure what exactly was happening but loving every moment of it. He found the sweetest spot and focused his attention there until she was trembling and gasping into his mouth.
Just when she was sure she couldn’t take the pleasure any longer, he pressed his fingertip inside her, and she suddenly convulsed around him, crying out in surprised delight.
“Ah, sweetheart,” he breathed, holding her tightly against him as she slowly came back to herself. “I love to give you pleasure.”
She laughed softly, still stunned and breathless. “That was amazing.”
“Good,” he whispered, kissing her forehead with incredible tenderness.
Even though she was very inexperienced when it came to lovemaking, she knew that there was more. She gathered her courage and let her hand trail down his chest and lower, gliding down the soft arrow of hair until her knuckles brushed against the hard, hot length of him. He jerked and let out a soft appreciative sigh.
“Is this all right?” she asked. “May I touch you?”
“Yes, please,” he whispered, rolling on his back and gazing at her with hooded eyes.
She pushed up on one elbow and gazed down at him, stunned by his beauty. She still couldn’t believe that he was here, in her bed, and she was free to touch him however she wanted. Biting her lip, she reached out and lightly traced her hand down his body from chest to that huge hard part of him. It felt silky smooth and hot in her palm, and he covered her hand with his own, showing her how to stroke him, how to give him the same sort of pleasure he’d given her.
For endless moments she touched him, learning all the secrets of his male body, so caught up in his heat and strength and beauty that she couldn’t be embarrassed or ashamed. Then, suddenly, he groaned and rolled them again.
He stared down at her, so much love and passion in his eyes she wondered how she’d ever doubted him. “I want to make love to you. Are you ready for that, Jane?”
She cupped his cheek, knowing that they’d gone too far to turn back now. She had to put her trust him, make this leap of faith. “Yes,” she whispered. “I love you, Julian. I’ve always loved you.”
“I love you, too,” he whispered, giving her another sweet kiss before pressing his knee between her thighs, coaxing her to spread her legs so that he could lay between them. She felt his hardness press against her core, and she couldn’t help but surge against him, wanting to be even closer.
He reached between them, and then he was pressing deeper, filling her. He suddenly thrust forward and there was a bright, hot moment of pain that made her cry out, but then he was inside her and the pain quickly faded, leaving only pleasure.
“Are you all right?” he asked, staring down at her, his body trembling with the need to hold back. “Did I hurt you?”
“It’s all right,” she assured him, rubbing her hands up and down his back. “It only hurt for a moment.”
He smiled, then flexed his hips again, and this time, there was only a slight discomfort. A few strokes more, and she started to feel that building pressure again. She clung to him as the storm burst inside her once more, and she sobbed his name as she gave into it.
A few moments later, he seemed caught up in a storm of his own. He cried out, too, and then he stiffened and collapsed atop her.
She cradled him to her, feeling more at peace than she’d ever been in her life. No matter what happened, she would not go to her grave as a virgin, completely untouched and unloved. She’d made love to the man she’d cared for all her life, and she couldn’t regret it.
For a long time, they just drifted in the pleasant aftermath, holding each other tightly. Finally, he broke away, staring down at her, his dark eyes fierce. “Say you’ll marry me, Jane. The uncertainty is killing me.”
“Of course, I’ll marry you,” she declared, laughing through her tears. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
Relief flooded his features, and he hugged her tight. “Thank you,” he breathed, his face buried in her hair. “Forgive me for throwing the miracle of us away when I was young and stupid. I promise you I’ll spend the rest of my life treating you like the rare and perfect treasure that you are.”
“I’ll hold you to that,” she whispered, tears of happiness stinging her eyes. “And I’ll never take you for granted either.”
They drifted in pleasant silence for a long time more, and Jane was more than happy to simply drift off in his arms. But he sighed, kissed her forehead, and reluctantly set her away.
“I must go,” he said. “I don’t want to risk anyone finding me here.”
“I have a very small staff,” she protested. “No one will come until morning.”
He pushed himself to a sitting position and smiled. “I’m afraid if I fall asleep in your bed, I’ll never want to leave it.”
She pouted a bit. “I don’t think I care if we’re caught. We’re to be married. Does it really matter?”
“Of course, it matters.” He gave her a chiding glance before standing up and beginning to dress. “I want to do this right, Jane. I want you to have an engagement party, a big wedding, everything that you deserve. The last thing I want is any rumors or ugliness to ruin it.”
She bit her lip, happiness swelling within her. He really had changed, and though she wished for nothing more than for him to stay, she knew he was right. She loved that he was protecting her reputation, and she decided to let him do everything he’d said for her. She sensed he needed to.
Then a horrible thought occurred to her. “Does this mean that we have to wait until we are wed to be
together like this again?” She now understood completely why Michael and Emma had risked their passionate embrace.
He gave her a sinful smile and came back and dropped a searing kiss on her lips. “We’ll find a way,” he assured her. “And in a few months, we’ll be together every night.”
He finished dressing, and then he went back out the window the way he’d come. With a happy sigh, she sank back against her pillow. Earlier this evening, she’d thought that all was lost, that she’d be a spinster forever, untouched and unloved.
But Julian had touched and loved her well, and now the future looked brighter than she’d ever imagined it could be.
Epilogue
Three weeks later...
Julian had always told himself that he didn’t need a family, but as he gazed around his drawing room on the night of his engagement party, he realized that over the years, he’d slowly built one of his own. Dylan and Natalia sat on the sofa, their dark heads bent together, her hand resting lightly on the imperceptible rise of her belly where their first child nestled. Michael and Emma were laughing near the fireplace, obviously deeply in love with each other. Michael had been cleared of all charges relating to his father’s death, and Julian had never seen his friend so happy.
Best of all, the woman he’d loved most of his life stood beside him, even after everything he’d done. They’d officially announced their engagement to their friends half an hour ago, and they would be wed at Christmastime, at Basingstoke Castle.
This was not the family God had given him, but they were his just the same and he was grateful for every one of them. His only regret was that Ethan remained half a world away, still convinced that Julian didn’t want him in his life.
Something of his sudden melancholy must have shown in his face, because Jane stepped closer, a concerned look in her eyes. “Is something wrong?”
