by Nikki Lane
There was about thirty seconds of silence before Kieran said, “It would have been a little weird, though. Don’t you think?”
“What would?”
“When you met his kids, and they were the same age as you.”
I glared at him. “He doesn’t have kids. At least, I don’t think he does.”
If he did, Kieran’s comment wouldn’t be far from the mark.
“Whatever, getting into a relationship is not what I need right now.”
He grabbed a handful of napkins from the dispenser to wipe his face. We must have been the two most non-elegant eaters on the planet.
“Do you really think a guy who sleeps with a girl who’s as drunk as you say you were that night is looking for a relationship?”
I hadn’t thought of that. But Kieran didn’t know the whole situation.
“Why do you care?” I said.
“I’m just saying.” He picked a piece of tomato out of his bun. “I’ve had plenty of one-night stands and that’s not how they work.”
“Are you bragging about one-night stands?”
“Do you think you can really see yourself with a guy like him?”
“Maybe. He’s good looking. He’s successful. Stable.”
Kieran scoffed. “And?”
“Is that not enough?” I’d decided on one last bite before my stomach exploded.
“What happens when he’s a decrepit 106-year-old, and you’re still young and beautiful?”
“I went on one date with the guy. I didn’t say I wanted to marry him.”
I dropped the rest of my burger and pushed the plate away. “So, if some attractive older woman was interested in you, you wouldn’t go out with her because of her age?”
“Is she rich?”
“You’re impossible.”
Kieran picked up the rest of my burger and shoved it into his mouth.
“I was going to save that,” I whined.
“Sorry,” he mumbled with a mouth full of food, not sounding sorry at all. “I’m not saying I wouldn’t sleep with some older hot chick. But it’d just be for sex.”
“Wow,” I said.
“You’re joking yourself if you don’t think that’s what this is for him.”
My leg started shaking under the table. He gave me something to think about, fine. But he wasn’t the expert on relationships. Had he even had a serious one? By his proclamation of numerous one-night stands, I was guessing that was a big fat no.
Kieran paid for dinner and refused to let me pitch in. The breeze picked up on the way back, and we stopped at one of the surf shops to buy hoodies. Matching hoodies, per Kieran’s insistence. The smile on his face was so goofy when we checked ourselves out in the mirror that I couldn’t resist giving in.
My phone rang, and when I pulled it out of my purse, I was shocked to see Callum’s name. I’d ignored the call. A few seconds later and three texts pinged.
“Is that him?” Kieran said.
We were almost to the house.
“I’ll call him later.”
Shelby and Chris were nowhere to be found, so Kieran and I trudged upstairs. The toll of the day was settling over me, not to mention the food baby in my stomach lulling me to sleep.
When I came out of the bathroom, Kieran looked unsettled, like there was something on his mind that he wanted to say.
“What’s going on with you?” I asked.
His stare shifted from the blank flat screen to me. The way he was lounged back on the bed, he had to look back and up to see me. His emerald eyes flickered around my face. “What do you mean?”
“You have a strange look on your face.”
“Do I?”
“Are you okay?”
Kieran sat straight up on the couch, shifting his body so that he was closer to me. A faint hint of his cologne hit my nose.
“Yeah,” he said. “Never been better.”
I knew he was lying, but I didn’t have the energy to talk about it. I slipped into bed and said goodnight, hoping his mood would change in the morning.
* * * *
The shift of the mattress woke me. I sat up in bed. The room was dark, save for the low light streaming in from the balcony. The sheer curtains fluttered back. I slinked out of bed. My nose was flooded with the smell of salt water. Kieran was outside, leaning against the vinyl railing. My eyes fell on the strong line of his back. His shoulders were hunched in.
What was it about the nighttime that made him this way? I’d never had trouble sleeping, not until Kieran moved next door. Insomnia was a mystery to me, but I knew lack of sleep could profoundly affect your mental and emotional health.
“Kieran?”
He looked back at me, the moonlight reflecting the sadness of his face.
“I was trying not to wake you,” he said. “So I came out here.”
I joined him by the railing. “It’s okay.”
There was a comforting stillness during this hour. Almost as if time stopped to give you a chance to catch your breath. The ocean lapped in the background.
“Sometimes I just can’t turn my brain off,” Kieran said, still looking at the horizon.
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
He looked at me intently. I could almost see the struggle behind his eyes.
“I don’t think anyone can help me.”
Such a sad thought. Hope was a dangerous thing to lose.
“Come on,” I said, reaching for his hand. “You can’t stand out here all night.”
Kieran hesitated but eventually took my hand. He’d respected the space between us in the bed, which both surprised and disappointed me. I wasn’t going to pretend I didn’t miss being in a relationship. I did. Badly. The idea of another one-night stand turned my stomach. And I wasn’t convinced that’s what this wouldn’t be for Kieran. I knew I needed more than that. I wanted more. But my body ached in a way that was almost impossible to ignore. One that wasn’t satiated during that night with Callum.
I led Kieran back to the bed. I had no plan. I just knew I couldn’t leave him alone outside on the balcony all night in a battle with himself.
“Lay your head here,” I said, patting my lap.
Kieran did as he was told.
“Now try and relax.”
I ran my fingers through his soft hair. It was a trick my mother used on me so I’d fall asleep. Ten minutes of that and I was out like a light.
“Did you always have this problem?” I asked.
“No,” he said. “Just these last five years or so.”
I grazed his forehead with a firm touch. I could feel his body relaxing.
“Have you tried medicine?”
It took a few seconds for him to respond. “Once. But I had bad reaction to it. Sometimes the weed helps.”
“Maybe a psychiatrist?”
“My parents tried to get me to go,” he said. “But I couldn’t do it. Confessing things to a stranger just didn’t feel right.”
I continued to stroke his hair. His eyes were closing.
“Confessions? Sounds juicy,” I said. “Anything you can share now?”
A small smile formed on his face. “There is one.”
“Go on.”
“Earlier when we were showering, I was picturing you naked.”
I smiled wide. “You are one sick puppy.”
Kieran’s smile grew. He quieted while my hands worked over his head and neck. After a few minutes of silence, I’d noticed his breathing turned rhythmic.
Holy shit.
Kieran was asleep.
Chapter 11
I looked forward to the days I’d come home and see Kieran mowing my grass. And I meant that in the literal sense. Actually mowing grass. I traipsed up the driveway, home from work and so ready to put my feet up.
“I love having you as my lawn bitch,” I said as he approached me.
He wore his usual work uniform of cargo work jeans and boots. A bandana was wrapped around his head.
He opened his arms. “C
ome here and give me a hug.” He was covered in dirt and grass.
I wrinkled my nose. “No way.”
He grabbed my arm and threw me over his shoulder. My ass bobbed in the air.
“Kieran!”
He carried me to the front door and settled me down on the ground. I stumbled back as all the blood that rushed to my head was now rushing back out.
“How was your day?” he asked, smiling.
“Fine. Another eight hours of educating the youth of America. How was yours?”
“Better now.”
“Why is that?” I asked, opening the door.
“Because you’re home.”
My cheeks flushed. “You’re so full of it.” I walked into the house, feeling the relief of the air conditioning.
“I’m serious,” he said, leaning his toned and tanned arms on either side of the doorframe. He knew better than to come in the house with his work boots on. “It always makes me happy to see my favorite neighbor.”
“You mean the only neighbor who still talks to you?”
“That, too.”
“How much longer you got?” I asked, nodding toward the yard.
He looked back. “Almost done.” He swiped the bandana off his head, revealing his messy head of hair. “A few of us are going out later tonight. Why don’t you come out?”
“I dunno,” I said. “What about boobs for brains?”
“What about her?”
“I don’t think she’d be too happy to see me there.”
“She won’t be there. It’s not like she’s my girlfriend or anything.”
“Then what is she?”
“A girl…who is a friend sometimes.”
“And the other times?”
“Does it really matter?”
Any idiot could tell that they were more than friendly. Besides, it was written all over his face.
“Why don’t you finish what you’re doing, and I’ll fix us something to eat.”
“Is that a yes?”
“That’s a I’m hungry, how about you?”
“So…yes?”
I laughed. “Go,” I said. “You’re letting all the cold air out.”
He smiled and headed back to work.
Forty minutes later and I managed to cook spaghetti with a jar of tomato sauce without burning the house down. Kieran finished the lawn in no time, and after getting cleaned up, he breezed through the front door.
“Smells good,” he said.
“Hope you’re hungry. It’s not every day I crack open the jarred tomato sauce.” I grabbed a few plates and the silverware while Kieran fixed us something to drink.
I scooped the spaghetti onto the plates.
“How is it?” I asked as he shoveled a forkful into his mouth. He always ate like it was going to be his last meal.
“Just like Mom used to make.”
“That good, huh?”
“Not really. She wasn’t a great cook.”
“Hey,” I said, dealing a light smack on his arm.
“Ow…that hurt,” he whined.
“I barely touched you.”
“I have a low tolerance for pain.”
“I can’t believe you said that.”
“I was just kidding. It’s not as bad as Moms.”
I grabbed his empty dish. “No seconds for you.”
“Hey,” he said, pushing back his chair. He seized my arm and pulled me onto his lap. “I’m not finished with that yet.”
I handed him the plate, tucked my hair behind my ears, and leapt off his lap.
“I love your crappy food. Reminds me of home. Besides, my tastes buds aren’t what they used to be.”
I let out a short laugh. “Wow, and the compliments just keep coming. I’m sure they really miss you back home. I bet you were a real treat to have around.”
“I was the favorite child,” he said.
“So, I’m guessing you’re the only child.”
“Very funny.”
He brought his plate to the sink, rinsed it, and stuck it next to mine in the dishwasher. “And I’ll have you know I was voted most charming in high school.”
“I’m sure you had throngs of women falling at your feet. I bet it was hard to keep up.”
“It was a challenge, but I managed.”
I shook my head and smiled. “I can picture it all so clearly.”
Kieran made his way to the living room. “Is this you?” He was gazing at a small picture I had framed in the corner of the room, sitting on a bookshelf.
“Yes,” I said, hesitating.
“Why are wearing a UPS uniform?”
“It’s not a UPS uniform, dork. I was a Brownie.”
“What’s a Brownie?” he said, picking up the picture to exam it closer.
“Girl Scouts,” I said. “Did you even grow up on this planet?”
He set the picture down. “My parents both worked eighty hours a week. We were lucky when the nanny took us to the park. Sometimes, she would even sneak us McDonald’s.”
“How scandalous.”
“Is that your mom next to you?”
“Yeah.”
I walked toward the couch, sat down, and tucked my feet under my butt. Kieran followed my path and sat down next to me.
“It’s the last picture we took together before she left.”
“I barely saw my parents growing up. It wasn’t until high school when they started spending more time at home.”
“Ew, high school.”
A period of my life I’d never want to repeat.
“High school wasn’t so bad for me. Not at first.”
It didn’t surprise me. I was convinced boys had it easier. Girls had to navigate a whole social hierarchy that could turn into brutal battles that left you scarred for life.
“I’m sure you were the king of the hallways.”
“It’s a shame you didn’t know me back then.” A few silent seconds passed before Kieran spoke again. “Naturally, you would have been my girlfriend.”
“And how do you know that?” I couldn’t help myself. I was totally falling for this flirting.
“Because you would have been the prettiest girl in the whole school.”
“I have to hand it to you Keller…you know how to lay it on thick.” My cheeks reddened.
“Most charming,” he replied.
He reached his arm up over the back of the couch. “So, about tonight…
“I’ll take a pass.”
I’d promised Shelby I’d let her gripe about her boy problems until my ears bled.
“Come on,” he insisted. “I’m not above begging.”
“I think I’d like to see that.”
Kieran slid to the floor and grabbed both my hands.
“Please, Rose. Please, come out. Please. Come on, Rose. For one measly drink.”
Every time he said it, he shook my arms up and down.
“Pretty please. Pretty, pretty, —”
“Okay, okay!” I relented. “I guess one drink couldn’t hurt.”
Chapter 12
I volunteered to be designated driver since I’ve witnessed the level of intoxication Kieran and his friends could reach. I was planning on just a beer anyway. When Shelby got around to calling, I told her where to meet us so we could talk in person.
“I thought I was driving,” I said as Kieran headed toward the driver’s side of my car.
“I’m not drunk yet.” He reached out his hands for the keys. “I’ll drive us to the bar.”
“Is this some kind of male domineering thing?”
“Just give me the keys,” he replied. “I promise you it has nothing to do with that.”
“Fine.” I tossed them over and hopped in the car.
Kieran had to push the seat back to fit behind the wheel. He lifted the steering wheel so that it wasn’t hitting his knees. He was meticulous about adjusting the rear view and side view mirrors.
“Seatbelt, please,” he commanded.
“It’s alr
eady on.”
He checked the mirrors one more time. “Let’s roll.”
I found a radio station we were both happy with, Kieran’s eyes never leaving the road. He maintained two hands on the wheel at ten and two.
“You’re hyper-vigilant driving is quite surprising,” I said.
“Why is that?”
“No particular reason.”
He glanced over at me before focusing back on the road. “I’m an excellent driver.”
“Okay, Rain Man.”
He laughed. “Despite what you know of my behavior, Rose, I take operating a motor vehicle very seriously.”
“Well, it’s nice to know you take something seriously.”
He remained quiet for the rest of the ride.
The bar was packed with people. The place was dark, and the music was loud. I followed Kieran inside where his friends were already waiting. We found a table and settled in with something to drink.
“Just a beer for me,” I told the waitress. I checked a text from Shelby as Kieran ordered a round of shots for the table.
“You want to dance with me?”
I shook my head. “I’m going to need a lot more of these,” I said, picking up my beer.
“Come on,” he said, standing up. “One dance.”
He held out his hand to help me out of the booth and led me to the dance floor. Kieran didn’t have a shy bone in his body. He pranced around the dance floor, coaxing me to do the same. I couldn’t help but giggle as he swung me around. We were a little offbeat but having fun nonetheless. I fanned my face as the club music faded out, and the DJ blared some announcement about slowing the pace down.
Kieran didn’t hesitate. He wrapped his arm around my waist and drew me in close. “One more dance?” he asked.
“Sure.” I rested my arms around his neck, feeling the soft cotton of his shirt against my cheek.
“You look really pretty tonight.”
I flinched, unsure how to react.
“What?” he asked.
“What are you doing?”
This didn’t feel like his usual playful flirting. The way he had my body pressed to his wasn’t helping.
“I can’t pay you a compliment?”
I didn’t know how to respond, and when I didn’t, we just continued to dance.
We swayed, clung together, one of his hands pressed against the small of my back. When the song ended, I spotted Shelby come in through the crowd. Her eyes locked on Kieran and me, a questioning smile on her face.
