by Eden Finley
“Sorry, I should’ve dropped you off,” Noah says.
“No, no. I’m being a little bitch. I’ll be fine.” I go to walk when Noah gently pushes me back against the wall so I’m no longer putting pressure on my leg again.
“You remind me of Damon.”
Jackson’s agent is an ex-baseball player whose career died when he got injured.
“He was the same as you back in college when he was playing ball. Always pushing, always saying he was fine when he wasn’t. Do I need to remind you where his career went?”
I give in and relax against the wall holding me up. “No.”
“Good. We’re already late to meet them. It won’t kill them to wait a little longer.”
I nod, and then we proceed to stand in complete silence.
Super fun. Not awkward at all.
“So, why is Jackson hating football?” I ask.
He never ended up telling me back in the car.
“Says Talon’s riding everyone hard. Whatever’s up his ass, it’s affecting the whole team.”
That’s probably my fault. I could singlehandedly be responsible for the Warriors not making the playoffs.
“I’ll talk to him when I get home,” I say.
“Because he’ll listen to you?”
“Something like that.”
“There’s so a story there …”
“No story,” I bark, a little too aggressively.
Noah puts his hands up in surrender. “Okay, fine, I’ll drop it.”
“Thank you.”
He rubs his chin. “For now. Maybe you should drink after all. Loose lips can be entertaining.”
“You’re a bad influence.”
“You know, Matt says that all the time. I don’t get it.”
I laugh. “Okay, I’m good to go now.”
But as we continue to walk, I can’t help wondering what Talon’s doing and why he’s been riding the boys hard. I wince at my thoughts, because, of course, I think of Talon and riding guys. Not the team. Just in general.
That’s a nice image.
I need to talk to him.
When we finally arrive at the bar, we make our way over to a table where Damon King and his boyfriend are sitting, too engrossed in each other to sense us approach.
Damon has his arm casually draped over Maddox’s chair and is leaning in to say something in Maddox’s ear. Maddox’s blond hair shines off the neon lighting, but it’s his smile that glows. Both he and Damon are all shiny and happy.
I’ve never seen a more in love couple. Apart from maybe Noah and Jackson. But Noah and Jackson are more primal. I’ve seen the way they look at each other from across a room, like they can’t get home fast enough to tear each other’s clothes off. What I’m seeing in front of me is something just as powerful—actually enjoying each other’s company.
There’s really only been one person I’ve had that with, and suddenly, we’re in a weird place we can’t climb out of because I’m too chickenshit to confront him.
Doesn’t help we’re apart. Or that we left on awkward terms.
I’ve imagined what his touch, his lips, his body pressed against mine would feel like for so long I still can’t believe he kissed me.
Gah. I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts. Maybe coming out with Jackson’s friends was a bad idea. It’s making my brain even more murky when it comes to Talon, which is why I came to New York in the first place—to get away from those thoughts.
Damon notices us first and pulls away from his boyfriend to stand and shake my hand. “Hey, Shane. Good to see you.” I’m about to tell him to call me Miller, when he acknowledges Noah. “Dickwad.”
“What have I done now?” Noah asks, sinking into his seat.
“You’re an hour late. Were you too busy doing your hair?”
I stare at Noah’s bald head.
Noah’s unperturbed. “It does take forever to look this good.”
“He’s covering for me,” I admit. “My leg’s still messed up, and I’ve been hobbling everywhere.”
“How’s the recovery going?” Damon asks.
“Slow. So fucking slow.”
“Don’t push yourself too hard.” As if reliving a memory, Damon’s face loses some of that couple glow I just witnessed. That is, until Maddox reaches for his hand and gives him a reassuring smile.
All I’ve wanted for years—is for Talon to stare at me the way Maddox looks at Damon.
Noah must sense my unease or takes pity on me for still being sweaty and panting from the easy walk, because he stands and offers to get me a drink.
“Beer. Whatever they’ve got on tap.”
“Thought you weren’t gonna drink,” Noah taunts.
“Yeah, me too.”
He doesn’t question it and disappears to the bar.
“So,” Maddox says, “are you currently happy with your representation?”
Damon covers his boyfriend’s mouth with his hand. “Ignore him. I told him not to do that, but he’s not a very good listener.”
Maddox mumbles something behind Damon’s hand that sounds like “I listen. I just ignore you.”
I smile. “I’ll keep you in mind if I run into any issues.”
Maddox pushes Damon’s hand away. “See. All you have to do is ask.”
“It’s unprofessional,” Damon says.
Maddox waves him off. “Professional smeshional.”
I chuckle. “It’s cool. Jackson talks you up all the time too, but Hewitt and Locke have been my guys from the beginning—”
“No need to explain,” Damon says. “I understand.”
Maddox leans in. “But you should know Damon’s gonna be the biggest agent in town soon, so you better get in while he still wants you. Fucked-up leg and all.”
I find Maddox hilarious, but Damon rolls his eyes and wraps his arm around Maddox to pull him back to his side.
Noah returns with drinks, and before long, one drink turns to two, and then three, and then I realize why you shouldn’t drink while on heavy pain meds. After three beers, I’m pretty loose.
Noah glances at Damon. “Pool table opened up.”
Damon’s out of his seat less than a second later. “Oh, it’s on.”
“They’re competitive,” Maddox says to me as they disappear toward the back.
“I can see that.”
When a couple of women walk by, I don’t miss the way Maddox’s gaze trails after them. They’re in tight dresses that show off more skin than they cover. I contemplate what Maddox checking them out means—if anything—and my confusion must show on my face.
“I’m totally allowed to look. Damon gets to check out guys all the time.”
“You do know they weren’t guys, right?”
Maddox bursts into laughter. “I’m bi, dude.”
My heart beats hard, but I try not to let it show. “Oh.”
“Wasn’t until I met Damon that I considered myself, uh, less than straight.”
“Wait, so only Damon? All the others have been women?” Rude much, inconsiderate asshole? “Sorry. That’s, like, personal.” But it’s not like I meet anyone I can relate to—probably because I haven’t been open about that side of me.
“That’s okay, I’m an open book. I used to fool around with my college roommate who may or may not be a certain teammate of yours, but we don’t talk about that in front of Damon and Noah.”
“Ah. Got it.” I take another sip of my beer, but now Maddox is eyeing me warily. “What?”
“You have questions.”
How is my mouth still dry? More beer goes down my throat. “Isn’t that … wrong to ask questions about that stuff?”
Maddox scoffs and moves into the seat next to mine. “I’m, like, the hardest person to offend. I’m best friends with Damon’s sister, and after hearing the shit that comes out her mouth, nothing coming from you is gonna shock me.”
“I’m just wondering if you freaked out about it all. Suddenly liking guys.”
&
nbsp; “Nope. Not at all.”
I’m envious of the way he says that so easily and fast. It’s not like I had a hard time realizing for myself, but I’ve never talked about it with anyone, so I guess in my head I’m still working it out.
“I had trouble labeling it,” Maddox continues, “but if anything, Damon was the one freaking out. He didn’t want to be an experiment and get his heart broken.”
My glance darts over to Damon playing pool. “How’d he get over that?” Because it’d be really handy to know.
Maddox does the wary-eyed thing again. “He fell victim to my charming personality.”
With another sip for courage, I turn to him. “My very straight best friend kissed me, but now he’s ignoring me.”
Maddox’s mouth turns into an O. “You know how I said nothing could shock me? I was wrong.” He reaches for his own drink. “So, I’m guessing you’re thinking of taking a walk on the gay side?”
“I … I’ve … uh, you know, been there, done that.”
“So, you’re …”
“Yup. Just like you.” I don’t miss the way I evade saying the actual words, and I don’t think he does either. I’ve never said them aloud though I know them to be true.
“We should start a bi club!”
“We should do what now?”
“Don’t mind me. I say impulsive nonsensical stuff all the time.”
I let out a small laugh.
“You’ll get used to it. So, this friend … you don’t want him or …”
God, how do I explain Talon and me? I don’t think it’s possible. “I’m worried he realized he was wrong and is walking away.”
“Oooh, so you’re the Damon in this situation.”
I rub the back of my neck. “I guess?”
“Well, I can’t speak for the other guy, but if Damon had never given me a chance, I’d hate to think what we would’ve both missed out on.” He glances over at his boyfriend with the same look he was giving him when we walked in—the look that tells everyone in this bar who Maddox belongs to.
“Okay, but this guy is now ignoring me. Do I push or leave it and wait for him to come to me?”
Maddox purses his lips. “That’s a tough one, because while I had no trouble wanting Damon, it’s not something everyone would be okay with. Not many guys wake up one day and go hmm, maybe I’ll try dick today.”
I laugh. “That’s how it was for you?”
“Sort of. I was more attracted to Damon as a person rather than to his cock. Although it turns out I’m fond of that too.”
I love that Maddox has no filter. “Thanks for making me feel better about this, but it’s not exactly helping. I’m the one hopelessly and pathetically into the straight guy who’s freaking out that he kissed me.”
“We need to ask Damon and Noah. They’d have better advice than me. I’m all about diving in and thinking of consequences later.” He goes to wave the other two back over to us, but I grab his hand.
“Can we not … I mean, no one knows about me. Like no one.”
Maddox’s eyes widen in shock. “Shit, man. Did we, like, just become besties?”
I cock my brow. “Is that the impulsive thing again?”
Maddox waves me off. “Wait, your friend who almost kissed you doesn’t know either?”
My gaze tracks Damon and Noah to make sure they’re not coming back over. “He thinks I’ve always been as straight as him.”
“I won’t say anything, I promise. I already know what Damon would say anyway. He’d tell you to run away from the straight guy as fast as you can. Even if it did work out with me, he’s been burned pretty bad in the past.”
“What really made him give you a chance?” I ask.
“What, my stunning personality hasn’t won you over yet?”
Okay, it has a little bit.
He relents. “Fine. He thought Matt and I were a thing, got jealous, and then decided I couldn’t experiment with anyone else.”
Well, when he puts it that way, panic claws at my chest. What if Talon ends up finding some other guy because I’m in New York and avoiding him?
No, wait, the ball was left in his court. I challenged him and he backed down … which Talon never does.
Fuck, maybe I’ve messed up worse than I thought.
A loud shout from the other side of the bar erupts as Damon cheers, presumably winning their game. As they pass their sticks over to people waiting for the table, I realize I’ve known Maddox literally fifteen minutes, yet he knows something about me no one else in this world knows. Whether it’s the drinks, his eerie similarities to Talon’s personality, or just that I’ve needed to talk to someone about this for so long, I don’t know, but now, it’s out there.
The others join us again, and more drinks are handed out, but Maddox’s words keep running through my head. I’ve been scared about a lot of things when it comes to Talon: being heartbroken, pining after him like a lovesick puppy, ruining our barely existent friendship, but I haven’t actually thought about what would happen if this was our real shot. What if it were to work out? What if I’ve fucked this up and he gets to experience it all with someone else first?
I stand suddenly. “I have to go.”
The other three were mid-sentence, talking about something I should’ve been listening to, so my abrupt announcement causes them to pause and look at me like I’m crazy.
In their defense, it could be true.
Noah stands too. “You want to crash at my place, or—”
“Uh, nah, that’s okay. You stay and keep drinking. I’ll catch a cab to the ferry.”
“I’ll walk you out,” Noah says.
Maddox jumps up. “I’ve got him.”
Damon looks at his boyfriend weird but then shrugs, and when Maddox and I make our way outside, he holds his hand out in front of me.
I go to shake his hand when he laughs.
“Your phone, idiot.”
“Oh.” I hand it to him.
“If you need advice or anyone to talk to or whatever … maybe a new agent who’s experienced with out sports stars.” Maddox winks.
“Wow. Am I being played right now?”
Maddox grins. “Seriously though. If I’m the only one you’ve told, I’m all you’ve got. When I went through the same thing, Damon introduced me to all his friends, and knowing someone else out there could relate to me without even having to talk about it helped.”
“Thanks. Can we, maybe, hang out again while I’m in New York?”
Maddox claps me on my shoulder. “Of course. It’ll be good to hang out with someone who I can talk football with. Damon’s all baseball, baseball, baseball.”
“And you want me to sign with him?” I joke.
“He can care about football if he has to. He has Matt.”
With a nod, I get in the back of the cab that pulls up curbside.
The trip home gives me enough time to both sober up and freak out. Logic tells me the difference between now and the hour until I get home won’t make a difference. It’s not like Talon’s on his knees right now about to suck off some random guy, and the only thing stopping him is my phone call, but it’s hard telling my irrational side that. Once the image is in my head, there’s no getting rid of it.
On the ferry, I send off a text.
Me: You gonna be around in about forty minutes?
The lights of the disappearing New York skyline become dimmer, and I take in the saltwater stench that’s uniquely New York Harbor.
I stare at the blank screen on my phone, almost not expecting a response, because it’s hard to tell if he’s avoiding me or I’m avoiding him, but my message was the last one sent. That means it’s his—
My phone dings.
Talon: Yeah, what’s up?
My dick. Yeah, I’m not gonna say that.
Me: Bored.
Talon: Aren’t you in the city?
Me: How did you know I went out?
Talon: Jackson.
Of course. And he k
nows because of Noah.
Me: Can I call you when I get home?
He doesn’t answer me, and when I finally get home and through the door, I don’t expect him to pick up when I call either.
My finger hovers over the icons next to his name and hits FaceTime. If he rejects the call, he rejects it. Not much I can do about that.
Surprising me, his face pops up on the screen as I fall back on my bed. With the grace of the two-fifty pound six-five beast that I am, I drop my phone, and it smacks me right on the corner of my eye.
“Motherfucker,” I hiss.
Talon’s laugh fills my room, and for a brief second, it feels like he’s here with me. I’ve gone six years without him and then spent six awkward weeks with the guy just to end up right back where I was as a twenty-one-year-old love-struck fool, who was devastated by Talon’s absence. The words I miss you want to fall out my stupid mouth, but I rein them in.
“You good now?” he asks, his voice smooth and effortless.
I grab my phone and hold it above my head, pointing the camera at me. “Yeah.”
Talon’s face appears on my screen, all perfect, good ol’ American charm oozing from him. “Guess it’s lucky it’s not your job to catch the ball, huh?”
“Yeah, yeah.”
Talon’s also in bed, shirtless, and his hair is mussed as if he’s been there a while. “So, what’s with the late-night call?”
“Late night? It’s barely midnight, Grandma.”
“Some of us aren’t on vacation.”
“Wanna swap places?” I growl.
Talon’s smile slowly falls. “Sorry. How’s recovery going?”
“Slow. My leg is useless. I couldn’t even walk a few blocks tonight.”
He frowns, and I think that’s more adorable than his smile. “Is that normal?”
“The physio says I’m on track, but I dunno. I thought I’d be further along by now.”
“When can you start reconditioning?”
“Not until the end of the season.”
Talon’s frown deepens. “Is that gonna be enough time? What’s your management plan? Where are you working out?” Quarterback Talon makes his appearance. The one who’s all business, and one of the reasons I find him so hot.
“I dunno. I’ll probably do it all here in New York.”
