“Do you even own social media?” Ash asks.
“Nope. But my manager does, I guess, because apparently I have an official account.”
“Beer?” Ash heads back to the fridge.
“Yeah, man. That’d be great. Sorry to hear about you being booted from the playoffs,” East says as he takes the seat next to me.
“I’m not too sad about it,” I say. “I broke enough records this year to keep myself from being a free agent, anyway.”
“The Giants snagged you right up again, huh?” Ash says as he rounds the island and hands East his bottle.
“Damn straight. My agent called me this morning.” I drink harder from the bottle, reminding myself that’s what’s important. My career. Not my past.
Fuck. We’ve all gone through so many things, and my boys either think I’m emotionally stunted or living a fairly carefree life, because rarely do they ever try to dig into what makes me tick.
I could take it as an insult, but I don’t, considering the few times they’ve asked about my burns, I give them a blunt answer: fire when I was young, and leave it at that.
It’s funny, to look at this group on the outside. We’re the most fucked up F.R.I.E.N.D.S. entourage to ever not become a TV show, yet here we are, closely tied through tragedy and pain.
“Quit looking so pathetic, Benji,” Ash says, and has the gall to bop me on the forehead with his spoon. I snatch it and fling it back at his face.
He doesn’t duck in time. “Shit! I forget about those damn reflexes.”
“Go jerk off somewhere else,” I say.
Easton chuckles, but we’re interrupted by the ancient lift again, this time dispensing Locke, Carter, Lily and—
Astor.
She’s at the back, in a pantsuit, of course, her hair perfectly straight and slick, like melted chocolate trickling down the nape of her neck. Her eyes, a serious, unearthly blue, hit mine as soon as I reach them.
She breaks contact first by paying attention to Lily at her hip. Lily’s gabbing something, using sounds that resemble the actual English language.
“Did Lily just say Uncle Ben?” I say, rising from the stool and heading over, arms open.
I’m amazed at how much she’s grown. Lil’s spiked up in height, has longer hair, more teeth, and is much more opinionated on matters previously thought unimportant to me. Like the preference toward ice cream versus cake, Disney dolls versus empty water bottles as toys, and pulling at any and all arm hair she comes across.
“Unless jujumaba means Uncle Ben,” Astor says, “I’m guessing she means anything but you.”
She probably gets that last trait from Astor.
“That’s her new word for apple juice,” Carter says, and gently takes Lily from Astor.
“Only this amazing woman can interpret my daughter’s secret language,” Locke says, clapping East on the shoulder, then slapping palms with Ash. He reaches me, and we do the bro handshake hug. Locke is the closest I’ll ever come to a true brother.
“More like, she has a meltdown until I figure out what she means,” Carter says, and gives me an arm squeeze. “It’s like our personal game of Hellhole.”
“Wanna drink?” Ash asks.
“Absolutely,” Carter breathes. “Pinot Grigio if you have it.”
“Excellent. That goes perfectly with my cream sauce.”
We all go silent as Ash, a giant dude with a shaved head who prefers leather vests with no shirt underneath to show off his copious amount of tats, talks about pairing wines with pasta sauce and sifts through his wine rack.
“We know you, and we love you,” Locke says to him, “But we still don’t have a fucking clue what to do with you.”
Ash winks as he uncorks a bottle.
“Astor, you want anything?” Easton asks, ever the gentlemen.
Dude steals my thunder through his voice alone. I suppose I gotta give it to him, seeing how standing in front of her dumbly doesn’t get the same point across. I meant to grab Lily, toss her around in my arms a bit, but then Astor’s goddamned jewel-filled eyes distracted me.
I feel Astor’s steady gaze on mine, especially when the arch of her perfect brow sends surprisingly bright tingles directly into my dick.
I clear my throat and step aside, sweeping my arm out to indicate the empty stool. “After you.”
“Mm,” is all she’ll say, but she sits primly on the seat I vacated, her pert little ass cupping the wood effortlessly.
With immediate vitriol, I want to rip that suit off her and see if she still wears lace underneath.
In order to staunch the inappropriate thought—her fucking family is here—I search blindly for my beer bottle on the kitchen island and notice it’s empty.
“I got you, bro,” Ash says, and slides over a fresh one.
“Maybe you should own a restaurant,” I say to him, “Since you treat your patrons so nicely.”
“I just want to get you drunk enough to consider investing.”
The beer freezes halfway to my mouth. “Say what?”
“Doesn’t it make sense?” Ash asks, focusing on the steaming pot in front of him and stirring whatever’s in it.
“Not really,” I say. “Since I don’t know a parsley stick from a potato.”
“There is so much wrong with that sentence,” Locke says. “But money doesn’t have to know recipes.”
“You, too,” Ash says to him. “All of us, actually. I want all of you to invest in my new venture.”
“But … why?” East asks. “You have enough money.”
“It’s not about money, you idiots.” Ash grabs the salt shaker, spins it around like a circus monkey, likely for the ladies’ benefit, and then grinds it into his sauce.
Lily cheers from her perch in Carter’s arms, then throws her toy bunny at Ash, who catches it before it hits the fire of the gas stove.
“Nice one, booboo,” he says to her. “Give Benji some competition.”
“Wait—you have to elaborate here,” Carter says. “Because … because Locke and I, we’re not exactly rolling in it.”
“Not yet,” I say, and Carter rolls her eyes.
But, I’m happy to see it’s more of an exasperated response and not one filled with animosity. As these months have gone by, I’m seeing her less as a gold digger and more as Locke’s soulmate, an actualization I never thought I’d come to, but there it is. I can’t lie and say her presence in his life hasn’t helped him.
“So, you want us to squander his inheritance on high-risk business decisions,” Carter says.
“Excuse me,” Ash interjects. “It’s about doing something together. Being a part of something I think could be really great for all of us. No, I don’t need the money, but I’d sure as hell like the camaraderie.”
“Yeah, because only you know what the fuck you’re doing,” East says. “We’d just be along for the ride.”
“Not so,” Ash replies. “I’d loop you in on everything, all the plans, the construction, the menu. Your opinions will matter.”
“Until you trump them,” Locke mutters, then seems to second-guess himself. “Those maple-bacon cupcakes gonna be on there?”
Ash splays out his arms, one holding a spoon, the other Lily’s bunny. “What the fuck have I done to any of you?”
East and Locke both jump in with their opinions and questions, and—oh yeah, what kind of restaurant it would even be—but they turn into white noise, because I can’t help but notice how Astor isn’t doing, saying, or reacting to anything going on around her.
Since I’m the closest, I ask in a low, unobtrusive voice, “You okay?”
“Like you care,” she snaps. Quietly.
“Annoyingly, I do.”
Something doesn’t seem right. Normally, Astor’s got her back ramrod straight and is willing to spar with any male specimen that dares to stare at her legs. But right now, she’s looking at the marble countertop like it contains a roadmap to where she’d rather be.
“It’s not like y
ou to be so quiet,” I say. “Especially when a business contract is involved. I’d think you’d be all over this. You know, stating terms. Demanding clauses. Shit like that.”
“I don’t care what Ash or anybody else does with their money,” she responds.
In a normal environment, Astor’s a chameleon I’m desperate to have reveal her true colors, but in this one, where she has Locke on one side, Carter and Lily behind her, and men who would kill to protect her protecting her flank, why would she….
Hmm.
“Where’s Mike?” I ask.
“God, what is with all of you and having those be the first words said to me as soon as I step over the threshold?”
I purse my lips and look to the ceiling. “Actually, my first words to you were, ‘Did she just say Uncle Ben?’”
Astor glares at me.
“Which you promptly squished into a gutter,” I finish.
Unexpectedly, she puts a hand to her head. “I don’t know why I’m here. I shouldn’t have come.”
I grow serious. “Astor, what’s going on?”
“Nothing. Everything.”
The rest of the group still argue over restaurant logistics, and when that fails, Lily’s there to demand attention as she scoots under Ash’s feet and latches onto the chainlink draping across his hip. I take the chance and lean in closer to Astor, which—fool me twice.
My mind forgot about her smell, but my nose sure didn’t. Something flowery—roses—almost remembered from my forgotten childhood, coupled with a citrus tang. Simply delicious.
“Consider me your unbiased sounding board,” I say through the thick of her alluring scent. Before she can glare at me again, I add, “Or your potential opponent. Maybe that’s the better one.”
Astor takes a casual sip from her wine, but I notice the shake of her fingers as she sets the delicate glass back down. “You’re not unbiased. You don’t want me on this case.”
Unwillingly, I draw away. “So, it’s about the SI Slaughters.”
“It’s the Delaney case now.”
My bones audibly creak inside my body as she tosses out my former last name like it means nothing. And it shouldn’t—there’s no reason for her to connect me. Still, I choose my next words carefully. “What’s got you all twisted up about it?”
She shakes her head. “I can’t tell you.”
“Because I don’t want you near that kind of danger? C’mon, Astor,” I say. “You’re my best buddy’s sister. By that title alone, I want to help. By defending you and keeping you away from twisted, terrible—”
“It’s privileged information.”
I shut my mouth. “Oh. Right. That.”
She sighs. “I’m in a quandary. There’s information I have to maybe narrow something down, and I don’t know if I want to use it.”
I school my expression. “Go on.”
“Well, in thinking about the little boy, Ryan? I keep picturing Lily in my mind’s eye.”
We both divert our attention to Lily, who snagged a whisk and a few plastic bowls from Ash and was giving East a run for his money as he knocks out beats with the end of two spatulas and she spears the bowls like she’s the daughter of Tarzan.
I briefly look to Astor, and notice we’re wearing the same, doting smiles.
“I’d be utterly devastated if she were ever put in that position,” Astor says softly. “Not only that, but I think of all the things—illegal, questionable, immoral—all those things I’d do to keep her safe. And I can’t help but think, Ryan’s parents would want that, too. They wouldn’t want him to have to undergo the kind of scrutiny my firm could drag him through, grown adult now or not.”
As she speaks, each feature in my face goes as smooth and cold as the marble beneath her fingers. “What is it you know about Ryan?”
“Hey! You two.” Locke comes up between us and throws his arms around both our shoulders. “What’s with the secret clubhouse meeting?”
Carter, who was busy picking Lily up from the floor, looks up, as do East and Ash.
Goddamn, fucked-up F.R.I.E.N.D.S. crew.
“Nothing.” Astor pushes back from the counter and stands. “I’m not feeling well. I think I should go.”
“Really?” All joking falls aside, and Locke studies his sister. “You don’t look so good.”
“Thanks for that.”
“No—I mean, you haven’t been seeming so hot these past few days. What’s been going on?”
“I asked her the same thing,” I said, and yes, it was the exact wrong thing to say.
Astor glances between us like we’re ganging up on her. “I’m allowed to have a bad day, okay?”
“Astor…” Locke tries.
“Leave me alone, Locke.”
“Is Mike home at least?” I ask, and I honestly mean it. I don’t want to think about her going home alone when she’s—
“It’s always about fucking Mike with you, isn’t it?” Astor whirls, facing me with her teeth.
I raise my hands. “Hey, I wasn’t trying to—”
“I can understand it coming from my brother,” Astor says. “Since he naturally hates anything with a Y chromosome that comes near me. But you? Why the fuck do you give a shit who’s waiting at home for me, Ben? Especially since—” she cuts herself off, even before I narrow my eyes in warning.
The room, once raucous and boisterous with the sounds of cooking, yelling, and Lily, has gone silent. Astor stands in the middle, an unwilling compass arrow pointing in the direction of a story neither of us want released.
Locke … I don’t know what Locke has heard about what went on with me and Astor years ago. All I know is, I don’t want him to find out about it now.
Astor deflates, and I notice the shine to her eyes before she stares at the ground. “Just—I’m going home.”
“Astor, hey.” Carter comes up from behind, her voice the softest out of all of us. “Let me walk you out. Locke?”
Locke nods and takes up the reins of watching Lily.
I want to be the one to walk Astor out. I want to be the man who’s waiting for her at home, an arm slung over the couch, making a space for her where only she fits.
That errant thought, that surprising tug of need, is why I keep quiet and let her turn her back on me.
Astor doesn’t open up to many people and keeps a lot of things to herself. It means anything that brings her turmoil, she lets it storm and rage inside her, until the lava that coats her cools and becomes black rock.
It happened with her mother. I noticed, when she thought I wasn’t looking. And it’s occurring now.
I have to put a stop to it, except I remember the last time I tried to cover up and prevent the truth from breaking free. I broke Astor so badly she cracked in half. I can’t do that to her again.
Astor grabs her purse she dropped near the elevator and mumbles her apologies and goodbyes. The boys wave, respecting Astor’s boundaries by letting her go without urging her to stay.
I’m focused on Astor, and the way she moves without the usual pop to her hips that mesmerize me every time, and her refusal to turn and look back as Carter slides the doors shut between us.
All I feared is coming to fruition. Astor becoming involved, digging where she shouldn’t. Looking into the Delaney family would only bring destruction by pissing off the wrong people. It unearths grief that should’ve been shed over twenty years ago. It exposes a boy who doesn’t exist anymore.
I’m unaware of how much she knows, what Astor’s found, but it’s enough to carve hollows underneath her cheeks and shade the sky in her eyes. It’s more than enough to worry me.
Ryan Delaney is poison.
And he’s already in her veins.
14
Astor
Carter doesn’t say anything to me on our creaky descent to the first floor and out of Ash’s apartment.
That’s good, because I don’t know what words are supposed to float past my lips.
I hate being seen as weak, and
that’s exactly what I’d become up there, in front of everyone. In front of Ben. The worst part is, I don’t know why this case is becoming all-consuming, or why Ryan Delaney’s spirit haunts my soul in ways no client, nor boss, no lawyer, has ever weighed upon me.
I haven’t even seen pictures of him. Other associates barreled into his public school files, which couldn’t be deleted, and found his pre-school picture. The pre-victim, the happy boy with the healthy, whole family.
I didn’t want to see it, because there is too much Lily in my life for it ever to be okay to scrape over the facts of a child-related crime.
There it is. I’m worried. Terrified that by caring for a baby, I’ve made myself wounded prey in a cage full of hungry apex predators. And one of those feral creatures is Mike, my now ex-fiancé, a man I guess I never truly knew. Yet, I still wear his ring.
We’re outside, and I’m in the middle of thumbing my phone to call a car, when Carter speaks.
“You’ve got a tough case you’re working on.”
I briefly look up. “It’s nothing I can’t get over.”
Carter does a quick jig on the pavement, keeping warm. She didn’t bring a coat with her to walk me out, and even though I didn’t ask her to escort me, I’m pretty sure I’m a jerk for making her wait outside.
“C’mon, let’s go back into the hallway and wait,” I say.
We step inside a small corridor, low-lit with a lot of exposed brick. Ash’s place is a converted warehouse, and while there are a lot of luxuries, there are still a few quaint original touches. Like no doorman, or lobby, or any public area, really, with proper heating.
“What is it about this one that has you so upset?” Carter persists, but it’s gentle.
Maybe it’s her kind voice, instead of the gruff, blunt arguments I’m used to hearing, that has me mellowing, so I admit, “There’s a child. He survived, but he’s been hidden. And my boss wants me to flush him out.”
Carter nods, but her eyes, normally a shining gold, have darkened. “And you’ve figured out a way.”
“Maybe. I haven’t told anyone, because I don’t know if I want to do it. And that scares me. I’ve never second-guessed successful decisions. Ever. But there’s something about this boy…”
Players to Lovers (4 Book Collection) Page 41
