"Because Barbie's so much better?" he said.
"I know, I know. It's a placeholder name. Definitely not for the long term. But it's working for me right now."
"Okay…Barbie. The question's still out there. What do you think of me? Who do you think I am?"
I ground my toe into the road's surface and now I really had scuffed my shoe. "Um, honestly, I kind of forgot about you. No offense," I said hurriedly. "It's not like I forgot you existed, I just didn't think about you. It hadn't occurred to me that we'd be in school together this year until I bumped into you yesterday morning."
"Excellent."
I took a half step backwards. "That's a good thing?"
"It's exactly what I've been going for. It's nice to get some positive feedback, since I can't really ask any of the others. Counterproductive to my mission and all that."
I clutched my uniforms a little tighter. "So that's your mission? Fading into the background?"
"Not entirely. I've been watching. Keeping tabs, and learning."
"Why?"
"Information is power."
"Stephanie Yates says my cheerleading uniform is power."
"Well, she would say that. And it is, of a sort. It had the power to make Phoebe notice you. But that didn't work out so well, did it?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "I have a bigger room."
"And no clothes."
I pressed my lips together into a straight line then blew out a little sigh. "There is that."
"Phoebe always wanted to be popular, but she was never able to get it right." Joe hitched his backpack a little higher on his shoulder. "She tries too hard. When she saw your uniform, she was attracted to its power. She thinks you're going to be her ticket in."
"Her ticket into what? Tenth grade? Dude, she's twenty-three."
"Doesn't matter. In her mind, she's still in high school, trying to be cool."
I rolled my eyes, which Joe probably couldn't see under the feeble glow of the streetlight from across the road. "It's not like I'm gonna be inviting her to any keggers."
"When she figures that out, you're really in trouble." Bad lighting or not, Joe must have noticed that I was struggling to hang onto my multiple cheer uniforms, because he reached over and plucked three of them out of my arms. "You're a lot like me, Barbie. I want to help you."
"Thanks," I said, hugging my remaining uniform to my chest. I was quiet for a couple minutes, but there was something I had to say and I finally spit it out. "No offense Joe, but I'm not sure I'm like you. Skulking around, spying on people," I hiked my cheer uniform in closer to my chest and did little air quotes with my fingers, "'gathering information'…it's kind of freaky."
Joe laughed. "That's not all I do. I'll let you in on a secret. When I'm not 'skulking around' gathering the information I need to protect myself, I'm in the damn library. I'm getting the hell out of here. If I'd thought a cheerleading uniform was the way to do it, I'd be the one with the skirt and pompoms." Joe's chest swelled with pride. "At the end of this year, when they announce the senior class valedictorian, it's going to be me."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah. I've talked with my counselor, and it's in the bag. I'd have to fail all my classes for anyone to even come close to my GPA at this point. That means a full ride scholarship to college, and you know what that means?"
"Goodbye Anderson clan," I said.
"That's right."
"Wow. Grady told me that you were smart, but valedictorian? That's amazing. Congratulations."
A pair of headlights swung around the corner and backlit Joe's face in kind of a creepy way, and his expression didn't help matters. It was like a mixture of surprise and fear, and something else that I couldn't quite put my finger on. "Grady? Grady Carrico?" he asked.
"Yeah, Grady said you guys were in the same math class, and that you were really smart."
Joe's eyebrows knit together. "Are you and Grady, like, friends?"
"Sort of." I saw now that it was Kaia's car coming. She must not have been paying a lot of attention to the side of the road, because she nearly passed us before screeching to a halt right next to us. She leaned across the passenger seat and held out her hands in "what the fuck" formation.
Joe reached for the handle, but paused and turned to me before opening the door. "I don't think it's a good idea for you to hang out with Grady Carrico."
"Tell me about it," I said. "Believe me, I'm trying to extract myself. At first I thought he was going to be a raving Jeebus lunatic, but he turned out to be really nice, and I don't want to hurt his feelings. I'm working on it." I tapped my toe. "Could you please open the door, it's freezing out here. Polyester's not the warmest material you know."
Joe frowned at me again, but he finally pulled open the door and hit the lever on the seat so that it flipped forward. I tossed my cheer uniform in Kaia's backseat, climbed in after it, and held out my arms for the ones Joe had. Once he'd handed them to me, he got in the car and slammed the door.
Kaia turned around to stare at all my uniforms in the backseat. "What the hell?"
I sighed. "Hey Kaia. I’m going to need to borrow some clothes for a while. Me and Monica kind of got in a fight. What size jeans do you wear?"
When we parked at the school Joe jumped out of the car, but Kaia stayed in her seat, so I climbed out of the back and into the front.
"What happened to you last night?" Kaia asked. "One minute we're IM-ing and the next thing I know you're gone."
"My mom made me get off her computer."
"Did you get any of the emails I sent yesterday?"
"I haven't been able to read them yet."
"So I have some bad news," Kaia began tentatively.
"Does it have anything to do with the fact that Derek Mottola's fucking Hannah Wiley?"
"Oh. Yeah. But I heard they were just going out."
"Well, if Derek did, in fact, 'tap Hannah's ass' last night like she said he would, then they're definitely screwing. Who told you they were going out?"
"Derek's in my third period English. One of his friends said something about her to him, and he didn't deny it."
"Great. Just fucking great."
"You should probably try to avoid dragging him into any more small, dark rooms."
"You think?"
Kaia shook her head angrily. "I shouldn't joke around, this is so messed up. He totally led you on, saying you should call him Ken since you were Barbie and being all flirty with you. Remember when Derek said he liked bitchy girls? Let's go see if he meant it."
We got to first period before Derek did, and we chose different desks on the other side of the room. That ought to send a message.
But it didn't. When Derek walked into the room there was still a desk open beside me, and he sat at it. "Morning Barbie."
I sniffed and turned my head away, staring at a yellowed poster of the Magna Carta tacked to the wall.
Kaia filled in the blanks. "Hi Derek. Did you have a nice time with Hannah last night?"
I shot a look at Derek just in time to see his face fall, and then become guarded. "It was okay I guess."
I had totally expected him to deny it, and I had my arsenal of snotty things to say all lined up for that response. The fact that he freely admitted seeing her pretty much ruined all of my cool snarky comebacks.
"Just okay?" I finally asked. "She made it sound like it was going to be pretty epic."
Derek looked at me seriously. "She had something I needed."
Kaia tossed her head. "I'll bet she did, if what you need is chlamydia. I hope you used a condom."
Derek shook his head and opened his mouth to say something else, but the bell rang and our teacher stared us into silence before writing on the whiteboard with a pen so squeaky a few people put their hands over their ears.
I sat with my back straight and proper all period long and actually took notes so that I'd have something to concentrate on besides Derek sitting next to me. I filled three pages with names and notes on Greek
gods and goddesses, and I drew a pretty cool picture of Prometheus stealing fire from the gods, but I kept my eye on the clock too. When we were twenty seconds from the bell I stuffed my notebook and pen in my backpack and stood up so that I had one foot flat on the floor and the other knee perched on my desk chair. The teacher gave me a dirty look, but the bell rang at the same instant and I sprang toward the door, calling "see you in sixth period" to Kaia over my shoulder.
"Barbie, wait up," Derek said behind me, but I kept on going, and with the head start I'd gotten there was no way he could catch up. I hurried down the hall but I couldn't move fast enough against the tide of bodies shuffling shoulder to shoulder. I followed the same path Derek and I took yesterday to get to my math class. Shit. There was Derek, waiting outside the door. Of course he would know a different short cut to the math wing. Still I hadn't expected him to be lurking there waiting for me.
I went to brush past him and go into my class, but he put his hand on my arm to stop me. "Barbie, you need to talk to me for a minute."
I stopped and looked him straight in the eye. "Derek, I don't need to do anything." His shoulders fell and my tone softened. "You don't owe me any explanations. What happened yesterday was a mistake." I took a deep breath. "My mistake. I already told you I didn't mean for it to happen. I know you like bitchy girls, so you're going to be in good hands with Hannah. I'm sure you expected me to freak out on you and everything, but seriously, I'm over it."
Derek squeezed my arm harder and pulled me forward until our lips were less than an inch apart. "Yeah, well I'm not."
Blood buzzed in my ears. Derek's breath was hot on my face and god help me, I did it again. My lips reached out for his just like yesterday, but this time in front of witnesses. Our mouths met and heat surged through me. My backpack crashed to the floor and Derek wrapped his arm around to the small of my back, tugging my body against his until we were welded together.
I heard somebody whistle, but I wasn't able to peel myself away from Derek until I heard Ashley Sorenson's gloating voice. "Looks like you've got more in common with your cousin Kaia than brown hair and a fat ass," she said. I tore my lips away from Derek's and watched her pull a glittery pink cell phone out of her back pocket. "I can't wait to call Hannah."
8
It was only my second day of high school, and I already had three girls—members of my own cheer squad—hating on me. But I'd been thoroughly kissed twice, so that ought to count for something, right? Not really. I felt terrible for kissing another girl's boyfriend. Terrible. I avoided Derek as much as possible. I couldn't help but see him in first period, but our teacher had broken us into small groups to work on Greek god skits and Derek wasn't in my group. Kaia was, and it was funny how into it she got. She loved all that crazy stuff, gods and goddesses hooking up and backstabbing each other constantly. Personally, it reminded me way too much of real life.
Hannah and her friends stalked me in the halls. Honestly, every time Hannah stuck out her foot to trip me or hissed 'bitch' under her breath when I walked past, I felt a little less awful about making out with Derek. Plus, Hannah's "go to" insult was so predictable I was getting bored. Bitch. Jeez. I was slightly tempted to teach her some of the words my sisters used, just to break the monotony.
Hannah's stalking was kind of backfiring though. Every time she called me a bitch, I'd remember why she hated me so much. And instead of feeling bad, I'd feel Derek's mouth exploring mine, his strong arms coiling around me, and the floor would drop out of my stomach. But it couldn't happen again. It couldn't. I wouldn't go after another girl's boyfriend, not even a slag like Hannah.
On the day of our first driver's ed class, I was full of nervous energy. By the middle of sixth period cheer, I felt ready to explode. I looked at the clock high on the wall over the basketball scoreboard. Four more hours 'til driver's ed. Maybe the teacher would be late and Derek and I could…No! Don't even think about it.
"What are you doing after school?" I asked Kaia during sixth period cheer non-practice. "I've got a few hours to kill. Do you want to hang out?"
Kaia set down the paintbrush she was using to decorate a "Go Knights" banner and wiped the back of her hand across her brow. "Yeah, sure. I can only stay until four-thirty though."
"What's up at four-thirty?"
"Nothing, I've just got stuff to do." Kaia picked up her paintbrush and dipped it in the red bucket, then smeared a three-foot-high exclamation mark at the end of her banner. "What do you want to do?"
"Well, seeing as we're dressed for cheer, I dunno, do you want to try practicing?" I spoke in a low voice, since Hannah and her blisters were almost constantly in our space, but instead of one of them, it was a Lincoln girl who overheard me, and she raised her eyebrows, the look on her face wary but excited.
She moved a little closer to us, and whispered, "Hey. I'm Lisa. Do you guys think this is as much bullshit as we do?" She leaned her head, indicating the other Lincoln girls who kneeled in a group, working on some menial equipment-sorting task.
I glanced around, but none of the Hilltop girls were in our orbit right now. They were gathered instead around Amy, listening to her talk about god only knew what. Maybe Stephanie had an even more meaningless assignment for them, but my guess was they were just standing around chatting. "Absolutely," I said. "I'm not gonna spend the next year painting signs and forgetting how to cheer. Do you want in?"
"Where and when?"
Kaia suggested the wrestling practice room. It seemed like a good idea, since wrestling wouldn't start until winter and the floor was padded. It would be a good place to practice some two-leg stunts, and—my adrenaline began to pump—maybe even some tosses.
By the time the bell rang, Hannah had strolled by and called me a bitch at least six more times, but the rest of the Lincoln girls were on board with our plot. Kaia and I walked out together, not rushing. Hopefully we looked normal, because inside I was brimming with excitement and I really didn't want any of the other Hilltop girls wondering what we were up to.
The Lincoln girls moved in a group and turned left out the gym doors rather than right. We planned to all circle around and meet up behind the gym in the wrestling room in ten minutes. That meant I'd have plenty of time to talk to Grady. Because there he was—again—waiting for me outside of sixth period, just like he had for the last week or so. The other girls were starting to notice.
"Hi Mary," Grady said, his normal chipper enthusiasm muted.
"I'm gonna stop by my locker," Kaia said. "See you in a few, Mare-Bear?"
I wrinkled my nose at her, but I wasn't unhappy to see Grady, so I stowed the super dirty look I might have normally given her over the 'Mare-Bear.'
As soon as Kaia was out of earshot, Grady took my hands and spoke seriously. "I've been wanting to talk to you about what happened at youth group last week, but you've been so busy. Looks like you've got stuff to do again today, don't you?"
I nodded. I'd shaken Grady off one way or another every afternoon since that horrible day at youth group. I actually wouldn't have minded hanging out with him, but god forbid we wound up back there.
"I wanted to talk in person, but maybe we can just chat online later? I looked for you on Instagram but I couldn't find your profile.”
I smiled at him. He wouldn't have found me under Mary, Barbie, or Baby. "I don't have Instagram.”
"Really?" Grady looked genuinely surprised. "You should get one, it's a great way to stay connected with other Christians."
I shrugged and started to walk slowly down the hall. Maybe eight more minutes before I needed to hit the wrestling room. "I thought about it a while back. It just seemed like too much of a time suck." Actually I'd been afraid my mother or one of my sisters would try to add me and suck me into their online drama. As if they didn't fight enough in person.
Grady nodded. "I can get lost on there for hours. Huh. Well, I guess we're just going to have to talk the old-fashioned way after all. But you're busy, I get that. Can I have your cell number?"<
br />
"I don't have one."
Now Grady looked utterly flabbergasted, and I laughed. "I do have a home phone though," I said. "Want that number?" Shit. Why was I leading him on? But I'm not leading him on. I honestly want to be friends.
"Yeah, I do." Grady stuffed his hands in his pockets and ambled down the hall with me while I fumbled around in my backpack for a pen and some scrap paper. I wrote my number down and handed it to him. Grady pulled his right hand out of his pocket and handed me a little card. It had a Jesus fish on the left, and all of Grady's contact info in a list on the right.
Now it was my turn to look incredulous. "You have business cards?"
Grady's cheeks reddened a little. "They're fellowship cards. I'm going to an Alateen meeting tonight. I always bring my info with me in case anyone needs some extra support."
"Jeez, you're so nice!"
"Is that a bad thing?" he asked, his tone mostly kidding, but with a hint of injured.
"No, no, of course it's not. It's just that…" I hung my head.
"What?"
"Well, I haven't been entirely honest with you." Yeah. Far from it, in fact.
"Hey, Barbie!" Joe's voice, harsh and barking, made my head snap around.
"Is he talking to you?" Grady asked.
"Yeah, remember? That's my brother." Here it comes, it's over now. I took a deep breath. "He calls me Barbie. It's an old family joke. I don't even remember how it started." Oh crap. I was getting my babble on, and the lies poured out of me almost faster than my lips could move. What was wrong with me? "I have to go!"
I whirled around, my skirt swirling around the tops of my thighs, and jogged quickly over to where Joe stood with his hands on his hips. I slowed to a quick march and grabbed him by the elbow as I passed him. I yanked him after me, around the corner, and down the hall.
When we got to the commons I put my backpack down on a table and faced Joe.
"I thought I told you not to hang out with Grady," he snapped.
His tone startled me, and I spoke before I thought it through. "I can't help it if he's stalking me."
Say My Name Page 6
