Annoyingly jovial, he took a large bite, juice spraying out and running down his chin as he bit down. He wiped it off with the back of his hand as he happily chewed. The crunching echoed through my head, and I had to go sit down away from him.
Tossing back a pain pill, I raised my ice-cold beer in salute to him and took a swig. “Hair of the dog. Now what the fuck you doing down here? And what the fuck’s with the vest getup?” I took in his black leather vest with a patch that read “PROSPECT” and raised a brow, waiting for him to answer me as I let another swallow of cold beer trickle down my throat and settle in my gut.
“We trailered down here because we’re picking up a bike we’re supposed to customize for some rich fuck. I’ve been trying to get in touch with you for damn near three months, man. When they told me you had left the WTU and you were out, I was pissed ’cause you never fucking called me or anything, bro. So when Snow, our prez, needed a prospect to travel down here with Gunny to pick up this bike, I volunteered. I’m a prospect for the Demented Sons now. Gunny is my sponsor.” The fucker was smiling like the Cheshire cat.
Truth be told, I had really missed his sorry ass. We had been through a lot of shit together, and we were probably closer than some actual blood brothers.
My head hung low because I knew I’d been a straight-up shit with the way I cut him out after I left BAMC. I simply didn’t feel like I was human enough to function, let alone be the friend he probably needed then. Truth be told, I still didn’t, and I really hoped he got on his bike and left soon. I just wanted to wallow in my misery alone. I was not the friend and partner he remembered.
I was merely a vacant shell of that man.
“Dude. Colton, man, what have you got here? Anything? You got a woman around here or something?”
Did I have a woman?
Fuck. I hadn’t had any pussy since the night I left the WTU with all my worldly possessions crammed in my bike’s saddlebags. Truth be told, I couldn’t even fuck her because I kept seeing blonde hair and blue eyes in my head, and the dumb bar whore I had picked up didn’t look anything like her.
My angel had been the last woman I’d slept with. When I couldn’t keep it up no matter how much the whore messed around, she laughed in my face and told me to call her when I didn’t have such whiskey dick. I told her to fuck off and booted her out of my hotel room.
“Fuck no.” Didn’t want one either.
“Bro, ditch this shithole and come back with me. I’ve told Gunny all about you and everything we’ve been through, and he wants to meet you. He was in the Marine Corps—I try not to hold that against him.” He laughed. “I told him I wanted to bring you back with me if I could find you. I hoped maybe you could look at prospecting too, if it seems like a good fit for you and the club.” He seemed to get real serious as he looked down at the apple core he’d been rolling in his fingers. “It was rough when I first got home, bro, I ain’t gonna lie. I felt fucking lost. Everything I’d known was gone, and there isn’t much call for a spotter in the civies’ world, you know?” He looked back up at me, and for a moment, I saw the same emptiness in his eyes that I felt to my very soul.
“Come on, bro, this is the brotherhood that I know you’ve been missing. With the club, we say what we mean and mean what we say, and we have each other’s backs. Always. I can’t leave you here like this. I love you, bro.”
April 2016
IT WAS A CHILLY day for late April, but the sun was shining warm and bright, so I thought maybe Remi and I could take a walk up to the park.
We’d been in our new apartment in the 14Forty building for almost a year. The rent was a little higher, and I hated to leave Mrs. Burns, who had turned out to be an amazing babysitter for Remi over that first year, but I loved the old exposed bricks of our new apartment and the proximity to my job and everything downtown.
I was a sucker for historic buildings and being downtown, so when a one-bedroom opened up at the end of my old apartment’s year lease, I took it. Remi had celebrated her first birthday that January, and we moved in on the first of May.
The new apartment had meant money was a little tighter, but since I was able to walk to work and Pam, who lived down the hall, babysat Remi for me for a great rate, it helped offset the rent. I was still setting aside little chunks of money out of my check here and there though. I called it my “someday” account, for “someday I was going to buy a house or start my own restaurant.”
Pam was a sister of one of my coworkers, Sylvia, and charged me next to nothing because she adored Remi and said she just wanted some extra spending money. I didn’t see how Pam needed the extra money since her husband had a great accounting job at Wells Fargo down the road, but who was I to judge?
We still only had one bedroom, so I had Remi set up in there and we shared the closet while I slept on my pull-out sofa. Okay, most nights I was too lazy to pull it out, so I just slept on the sofa.
I bundled Remi up in her pink faux leopard jacket with a matching hat.
“Look at how stylish you are, pretty girl.” My comment elicited a big dimpled smile as she patted her hat just like she understood every word and was pleased with my compliment.
As she chattered away, I placed her in her stroller, slipped on her little shoes, and we headed out. At two years old, I knew she’d rather walk, but it was easier to keep her corralled on the way there. Not to mention she was invariably tired on the way back, which translated to “Carry me, Mommy!” and she was a heavy little stinker now.
As I turned to lock the door, I noticed a man carrying a box. After he reached a door down the hall, he juggled the box to one arm and slid the key into the lock. I couldn’t help but notice how good-looking he was. He paused, and I realized he caught me gawking at him.
“Uh, hi! Are you moving in today?” Wow, that was smooth and brilliant sounding. My face heated all the way to my ears, and I knew I must match Remi’s hot-pink stroller. Obviously, I’d lost all ability to be suave and flirt since graduating college and becoming a mother.
Embarrassed, I tucked my hair behind my ear and prayed my face calmed quickly.
“Why, yes I am. Why? Are you offering to help?” Laughing, he set his box down and came down the hall toward me. He extended his hand to shake mine. “Michael. And you are?”
As we shook hands, I noticed his sandy hair was a little in need of a haircut, and I wanted to touch it to see if it was as silky as it looked. His eyes were a soft green, and his smile was slightly crooked. My belly gave a little flip as I experienced the appreciation of a good-looking guy standing so close to me. Heck, what could I say? I was human, after all.
“Oh! I’m Steph, and this is my daughter. My little Remi. We were heading out to the park to enjoy the sunshine. I don’t mean to keep you. Welcome to our little corner of the world. We’ve been here about a year, and we love it.” Even after I let go of his hand, the warmth from his grasp lingered.
Leaning over, I covered Remi again with her little blanket she had kicked off. Surprisingly, he knelt down to her level and smiled at her in greeting. When he touched her chubby little fingers, she lit up and giggled.
“Dimples on a dark-haired, blue-eyed princess. Ahhhh, I’m slayed.” Dramatically, he held his hand over his heart and rolled his eyes back in mock dismay. This elicited further giggles from Remi, and I couldn’t hold back a small chuckle of my own. Giving a last small wave to Remi, he smiled at her and then stood, meeting my eyes.
Remi waved and said, “Bye-bye!” not realizing he wasn’t actually leaving when he’d waved.
With a chuckle, he waved again before returning his gaze to mine.
“I don’t exactly have any of my kitchen things unpacked and thought I would go grab dinner somewhere tonight. So, if it wouldn’t be too presumptuous of me, it sure would be nice to have the company of two beautiful ladies. And did I mention I’m new to the area and don’t really know anyone? Have pity on a poor lonely guy? I promise I don’t bite.”
At those words, I was take
n back to a night outside a college party—one I wasn’t even going to attend—and a set of dimples, paired with blue eyes that matched perfectly to my beautiful little girl’s.
I looked down as my smile slipped. After composing myself, I met his eyes again. Reviving my smile, I took a deep breath.
“We might be able to do that. We can meet you at the little diner up the road if you’d like? It doesn’t look like much, but they have amazing food, great staff, and it’s clean. It’s up about six or seven blocks. Will that work?” I looked at him, expecting him to back out any minute.
“Sounds perfect. Say, around six? I figure that will keep you from having your little one out too late. Unless you would like to do five instead?”
“No, six is great. So, I guess we’ll see you there?”
“It’s a ‘not date’ dinner, then.” He winked.
Until dinner that night, I hadn’t realized how long it had been since I had sat down and had actual adult interactions. Michael and I sat and conversed in an easy banter through dinner, dessert, and coffee. We were still sitting at the old flecked Formica table with the glittery red 50s-style booth seats talking as little Remi began to rub her eyes, dropping her cookie she was still working on.
“Well, that looks like my cue. I didn’t realize so much time had passed,” I said as I looked at my watch, noting the late hour. The diner was nearly empty, and the waitress was wiping down the tables around us.
As I stood and gathered Remi’s little toy cell phone and her jacket, he stood and unbuckled her from her booster chair, lifting her until her head rested on his shoulder. The simple paternal gesture tugged at my heartstrings, while the overprotective mother in me was antsy with a man I didn’t really know holding my child.
“You’re good with children,” I noted.
With horror only a parent can understand, I watched Remi grab his shirt with a grubby little hand, which I quickly tried to loosen and wipe with a water-dampened napkin.
“I am so sorry. She got cookie all over your shirt!” Shit, I couldn’t believe she had just messed up his clothes.
“No worries. I’m used to it after my nieces and nephews. They made it their singular goal in life to christen me with anything and everything they could. Man, I’m going to miss them,” he said with a look of longing. I knew from our conversation that he came from a large, but close, family down by Davenport, and he’d moved here to take a supervisory position with a construction company that had expanded to the Des Moines area. Because I missed my family too, I understood his ache for home.
Even though I tried to pay for Remi and me, he intercepted the waitress when she moved to hand me my order slip. It made me guilty because I’d never intended for him to pay for our meals, especially after he had made it sound like our “not date” was definitely just two people sharing company over food.
“No, you don’t need to pay for us. Please, I can get it.”
“Of course not. Just because I said this wasn’t a date, per se, I still invited you. It’s my treat. Please, I insist.” Without waiting for me to argue further, he handed cash to the waitress for both tickets.
He continued to hold Remi while I put her coat on her.
“Let me help you get her out to your vehicle.” Kindness shone from his eyes, which made my worry seem foolish.
I slipped on my jacket and grabbed her bag, tucking her bib, toy, and sippy cup in it before slinging it over my shoulder. “Thank you again, Michael.”
“It is my absolute pleasure,” he replied as he held Remi with one arm and opened the door for me with the other. Glancing at him, I walked out the door and over to my SUV with him next to me in companionable silence. It really had been a good night.
Michael was extremely polite and handsome. And he had a great personality too.
After I’d buckled her in her seat and tucked her blanket around her legs, she mumbled sleepily as her eyes fluttered open and then closed again. Her little head dropped off to the side of her seat as she snuggled into her small cuddle blankie. Giving her a gentle kiss on her head, I ran my hand against her cheek.
“You’re a good mother, Steph.” His soft voice startled me, as I’d forgotten he was there. It wasn’t until I turned to find him standing behind me with his hand resting on the top of the door that I realized how close we were.
It made me a little self-conscious as we stood there without speaking, and I shifted from one foot to the other.
“Ummm, so, thank you again for dinner.”
“I told you, it was my pleasure.” He reached over and tipped my chin up so I was looking at him instead of the ground. As I met his green eyes, I swear I thought he was going to kiss me.
Instead, he leaned closer and placed a gentle closed-mouth kiss to my cheek. “Thank you for the wonderful company.” He stepped back, allowing me room to close the door and get in the driver seat to start my SUV. With a shy smile, I backed out to head home and gave him a little wave, which he returned with a smile of his own.
Well, that was an unexpected end to a beautiful day.
June 2016
MICHAEL AND I BEGAN spending more time together. Over the past couple of months, we’d had dinner a few times here and there, but we mostly watched movies at my place so Remi could go to bed and not disturb her schedule.
He’d frequently texted me to tell me he was thinking about me and hoped all was well or asked if I was having a good day. It made me smile, and I thought it was sweet that he checked on me like that. We’d developed a comfortable relationship that we hadn’t really defined.
The first night we took our relationship to the next level, we were watching a suspense film, and I’d jumped after the main character was caught going through her maniacal boyfriend’s briefcase just when we thought she was safe.
Of course, that caused me to laugh nervously after it made me feel silly. Michael chuckled and drew me closer with the arm he had around my shoulder.
I’d turned to him, and we both stopped laughing. Silence reigned as we looked deep into each other’s eyes, and my heart raced for a minute in anticipation. He’d leaned forward, and his lips had touched mine hesitantly. When I’d parted my lips slightly, he ran his tongue along the opening of my mouth, sliding it in past my teeth and touching mine in smooth strokes. As his hand caressed my shoulder, I placed a hand on his chest and leaned in a bit.
His other hand slid up from my hip to the side of my chest. Gently, he rubbed my breast along the side and then slid it over and squeezed.
For a second, I was taken back to a night that seemed like ages ago and remembered calloused hands running over my entire body in worship and ownership. It didn’t take long for reality to return and realization to sink in that this wasn’t him.
I’m not sure what I’d expected or hoped for, but other than the anticipatory increase in my heart rate at the actual touch of a real living, breathing man and not my imagination… I really didn’t feel much.
Granted, we were still new in our relationship. And I’d had very few sexual opportunities since Remi was born.
Call me insane, but each time I’d experienced a crazy sense of betrayal toward a man I truly owed no allegiance. When I pulled back, I pressed my lips together, looking down at my hand resting on his chest. Trying to make light of what was suddenly an uncomfortable situation, I gave him a pat.
“Steph, I’m sorry. I hope you don’t think I was being too forward. I’ve tried my very best to be patient with you. You’re a special woman. I want you to know that.” He tipped my chin up, raising my gaze to his. I thought I saw a flash of irritation in his eyes, but it was gone so quickly I must have imagined it.
“No, it’s just… well, I’m not sure I’m ready for… well… you know.” My face heated, and I was at a loss for words. “I mean, there hasn’t been anyone at all since Remi’s….” I didn’t know what else to say. How did I describe Colton?
He wasn’t ever her dad, nor my boyfriend, but he held a spot in my heart just the same. I
didn’t want Michael to get the wrong idea and think I was a cheap tramp. Thankfully, he remained ever the gentleman as he stood and held my hand. Though I knew he was a little frustrated. It was evident by the slight bulge in his jeans, which caused my face to flame again as I quickly tried to look away.
“It’s okay, Steph. I understand. And when you’re ready to talk about him, I’m here. You think I haven’t noticed her father never comes by, nor has any visitation? But that’s your business, and I won’t pry. I think it’s time for me to head home. I have an early morning anyway.” He dropped a quick kiss on my head and turned to leave.
Without another word, he walked out my front door, and I heard him close the door to his apartment down the hall.
Why couldn’t I let go of Colton? He and I only had one single night together three years ago. He could be a total ass, have a girlfriend, or be married for all I knew. I needed to stop carrying around this stupid romanticized image of him.
Hell, he could be dead by now!
God, the thought of him being gone like that nearly brought me to my knees. Jesus. There was a tightness in my chest, and I fought to calm my breathing.
For Christ’s sake, I needed to forget about him. I was never going to see him again, and holding every man up to this fabricated image I carried around was pathetic.
Needing to burn nervous energy, I got up to tidy the kitchen and get ready for bed. I had a busy day tomorrow too. We had a huge executive dinner lined up, and I knew everyone wanted to make sure everything was perfect.
I’d just finished the dishes when I heard my phone ping. After I dried my hands on the kitchen towel and hung it on the stove handle, I picked it up.
Michael: I hope I haven’t offended you. I’d like to stop by after you get home tomorrow.
Me: It’s okay, really. And sure, no problem. :)
Demented Sons Series Volume One: Books 1-4 (Demented Sons MC Iowa) Page 7
