I eventually manage to get access, and by the time I look up from emails, quotes, and invoices, it’s already dark out.
It’s well gone midnight when I pull up outside Mum’s house, so I’m not surprised to find it in darkness. It feels weird not driving my old BMW, but I’m guessing that’s long gone after my disappearance. It’s certainly not sitting here, waiting for my return.
Flashing from the living room catches my attention the second I open the front door. When I get to the doorway, I find the telly playing to itself and Lauren fast asleep on the sofa.
Switching it off, I crouch down in front of her. “Lauren, you need to go to bed,” I whisper.
Her eyelashes flicker, but she’s doesn’t show any other sign of waking. Reaching forward, I place my hand on her shoulder. She’s freezing.
Without thinking, I slide my arms under her body and pull her up against me. She immediately nuzzles into the warmth of my shoulder.
I don’t move for a few seconds as I allow myself to enjoy the moment. Dropping my nose to her hair, I breathe her in. My heart races at just being able to hold her again.
“Ben,” she whispers. My entire body aches with my need for her.
My arms start to burn by the time I get us up to her room. Kicking the door open, it immediately hits me that although my room was like a time warp when I walked in, hers is very different. Gone are all the girly things she used to try to make the place look like home when she first moved in, and in their place are generic ornaments and fake flowers. It almost looks like a guest bedroom, and it saddens me that part of our past has vanished.
Regretfully, I lower her to her bed. I’m desperate to crawl onto it with her, but I can’t imagine that would go down too well when she wakes.
I’m just standing up when her eyes flutter open. The pain she’s in makes the light-blue I’m used to so much darker.
“Ben?” My name is a whisper on her lips like she doesn’t believe I’m really here. Tingles shoot up my arm when her fingers brush against mine. “Please.”
Looking back at her open bedroom door, I hesitate. I want more than anything to crawl into bed with her, but I’m fairly positive that she’ll regret it.
“Lauren…I…”
“Just lie with me. I don’t want to be alone right now.” The hollowness of her voice has my body moving before I’ve even thought about it. Not that I would ever deny her what she needs.
Toeing my shoes off, I pull my hoodie over my head and drop it to her floor, waiting for her to change her mind. When she doesn’t say any more, I climb onto the bed and lie down beside her.
We’re not touching, but the heat from her body burns into mine. Fisting the sheet beneath me, I fight not to roll over, not to touch her.
Tension crackles between us. The only sound surrounding us is our heavy breathing. It’s the only clue I have that she’s as affected by our closeness as I am.
I suck in a sharp breath and my muscles tense when she moves, her arm sliding across my stomach and wrapping around my body. She presses herself against me and holds tight.
“Make it stop. Please, just make it all stop.”
“I’m so sorry, baby.” She stills the second the last word falls from my lips, and I worry she’s going to pull away. But after a moment or two, she relaxes again, and I wrap my arms around her. Silent sobs shake her body, her tears soaking my shirt.
I wish I could take it all away. I remember all too well the pain of losing my dad. Sadly, the only way I know how to make her forget is something she’ll probably regret in the morning.
I must eventually fall asleep, because when I pull my eyes open the next morning, I’m alone in Lauren’s room. Sitting up, I look around, hoping she’ll still be here. I almost smile when the handle of the door on her en suite moves—that is, until I get a look at her. She looks incredible wrapped in a fitted black dress, and her new womanly curves make my mouth water, but the moment I get to her eyes, all my thoughts are forgotten.
“Fuck, Lauren.” I rush to get off the bed and she bursts into tears.
“No,” she demands the second I’m in front of her. I’m desperate to comfort her, to give her anything to make her feel just that little bit better, but she wraps her arms around herself and turns her face away, cutting me off. “You need to leave. Last night was…”
“Don’t do this,” I all but beg, reaching up to cup her cheek.
“No, Ben. It was a mistake. All of this is a mistake. You need to leave.” She doesn’t look at me as she pushes me towards her bedroom door. “Get out. Please, just get out.”
The second I step foot in the hallway, her bedroom door slams behind me.
Her cries sound out around me as she falls back against the door. It breaks my heart that she won’t allow me to support her through this, although I guess it’s no less than I deserve.
Falling down onto the edge of my bed, I try to decide what to do. I really have no desire to go and listen to what an incredible man my stepdad was. How he was a doting husband and father and all the other bullshit I’m sure people will spew. He was nothing but a controlling arsehole, but I guess that’s not really the kind of thing you can say at someone’s funeral.
I know Chris was probably right yesterday when he said we need to be there for Mum and Lauren, but I’m not really sure what good I’ll do.
In the end, it’s the thought of the two of them dealing with this alone that has me rummaging through the small bag I brought with me for something suitable to wear to this damn thing.
Chapter Seven
Everyone’s already in the crematorium when I arrive, so it’s easy to slip in at the back unnoticed. The room’s packed; I can’t help but wonder who everyone is. Other than immediate family, I never knew Nick had any real friends, and I can’t imagine any of the women he used to spend time with would show up.
I find Mum, Lauren, and Chris in the front row with a couple of others I recognise, and I spot Erica and some work colleagues a few rows back. Guilt hits me that I haven’t found time to see Erica since our first meeting the other day. Hopefully, once today is over, we’ll be able to catch up properly and she’ll be able to help me shed some light on what might or might not be going on with the business.
Hiding in the shadows, the music starts as a small commotion at the entrance causes people to look around. Moments later, a man walks in. Marching past the rows of seats, he makes a beeline for the front. Looking forward, my heart sinks when I find Lauren looking back at him as if she was waiting with a sad smile on her lips.
I can’t take my eyes away from them as he steps up to her, pulls her into his arms and kisses the top of her head. He whispers something to her before resting his lips against her head and comforting her.
Fuck. That should be me.
Rubbing my hands over my face, I try to keep my stomach from turning over at the thought of some other guy touching her.
When they eventually part, he pulls her into his side and they take their places in the front row.
I fight the urge to walk out. I didn’t want to be here in the first place, but now I’ve also got to watch as another man comforts the woman who should be mine.
They stay huddled together as he whispers in her ear. My fists clench as my imagination runs wild about what he could be saying.
Her demands that I leave her room this morning suddenly make more sense. I thought she just didn’t want me there, but in reality, she spent the night in a bed with a man who’s not her boyfriend.
My stomach clenches, and I suck in deep breaths to try to settle it. Thankfully, the vicar stands and starts the ceremony. It might be the last thing I want to listen to, but it’s a welcome distraction from the man currently holding Lauren in his arms. I knew coming here was a bad fucking idea.
Sensing that the service is about to come to an end, I slip out of the side door. There’s no way I’m giving that motherfucker any more of my time. It’s bad enough he got that much—although he’s probably up there lau
ghing that I had to watch another man with Lauren the entire time. The image of him holding her while she cried is burned into my mind.
That should have been me.
I should be the one comforting and supporting her. Me. That motherfucker took that away from me the day he made me leave. He allowed an opening for another man to step in and sweep her off her feet.
But instead, I’m in my car, racing towards the one place I know I’ll get some solace. Although it’ll still be filled with memories of her. I can’t seem to go anywhere in this city without reminders of our short time together.
Pulling up into the deserted car park, I turn off the engine and rest my head back. I don’t shut my eyes for fear of seeing them again. Instead, I just stare up to the blue, cloudless sky above. It’s too good a day for that arsehole. It should be dark and miserable to match his heart.
Fire continues to burn through my veins, and the muscle in my neck pulses with my need to release some tension.
My phone vibrating in my pocket drags me from my depressing thoughts. I intend on ignoring it, but when I see Liv’s name looking back at me, I find myself swiping to answer.
“Hey.” My voice comes out sounding weak and pathetic even to my own ears.
“Well, that pretty much answers my question about how you’re doing.” Blowing out a breath, I try to come up with something to say. Thankfully, Liv fills the silence. “It was the funeral this morning, right? Did you go?”
“She’s got a boyfriend,” is the answer that falls from my lips.
“Oh.”
“I should have expected it, but when I found out she was still living at home, I just assumed…”
“I’m so sorry, Ben.”
“I should just come back and get on with my life.”
“Is that what you really want?” My response is a sigh, but it’s all she needs to hear. “No, I didn’t think so. As much as I hate to say it, that’s your home, Ben. Your mum, the business…Lauren...”
“Lauren’s not mine anymore.”
“It doesn’t mean she won’t ever be. Not everything you want in life falls into your lap. Sometimes, you have to put a little work in. It’s time to fight for what you want. For what you deserve.”
Liv’s words stay with me long after she ends the call. I’m once again left wondering if this is where I’m meant to be.
I avoid the wake. I’ve no patience for shitty small talk about a man I hated. Instead, I stop at a shop, pick up some beer and spend what’s left of the day in the bastard’s home office, trying to dig my way through the backlog of emails sitting in his Inbox.
When the front door opens, it’s with Chris and Lauren attempting to carry my drunk mother into the house.
“She overdid it a little,” Chris says, not that her state really needs any explanation.
“I’ve got her.” Taking over from Lauren, I help Chris get her up to bed.
“She’s really not handling this well. I’m worried about her,” he says, turning to me once we’ve shut her bedroom door. “I’m so glad you’re here to keep an eye on her.”
“I’ll do whatever I can.” I immediately regret the thoughts I had earlier about heading back to Devon. How could I even consider it when Mum’s falling apart?
I say goodbye to Chris, agreeing that he’ll come back in a few days with paperwork and Nick’s will, so everything can be sorted. I bite my tongue to stop myself demanding he gets everything together faster so we can put that dickhead behind us for good.
A little of the fire from earlier flows through me when I find Lauren staring out the sliding doors at the garden. She’s still wearing the dress from the funeral and it hugs her curves and arse perfectly. My old desire burns through me, mixing with my anger and jealousy. It’s a dangerous combination.
“How are you doing?” I ask, although I immediately feel stupid for it when Lauren turns her dark eyes on me.
They’re cold. Her pain hits me. I’d give anything to take it away right now.
“Fucking peachy,” she snaps. I watch from the doorway as she wrenches the fridge door open with more strength than I gave her credit for and pulls out a bottle of wine. I flinch when she slams it down on the marble counter and sets about finding a glass. I almost stop her and tell her to sit down, but if she’s anything like me, then I know she needs the distraction of doing something right now.
I wait her out. She knows I’m watching her every move, because every few seconds her hard eyes flick over to me. After drinking half a glass, she turns her glare on me. “What?”
“I’m worried about you.”
“Well, isn’t that fucking good of you?”
“I…I never stopped caring about you.”
“I don’t care, Ben. All of…that…is in the past. You made your choice, and I was forced to deal with it.”
Seeing the pain that I caused her staring back at me is too much. “What else is there to drink?”
Not being able to deal with the images of our time together on repeat in my head, I find myself a bottle of Nick’s old vintage whiskey and pour myself a generous measure.
“To everything we lost.” If she thinks for one second I mean her father, then she’s very, very wrong. The only thing I lost in all of this is her.
She raises her glass and then places it to her lips. My own drink burns my throat, but it never distracts me from her. I take in every movement as she sips at the golden liquid and swallows, followed by her tongue sneaking out to lick her bottom lip.
Fire fills my veins and my cock swells. I need to stop the images in my head. Those from the past are mixing with the one from earlier with her in another man’s arms. There’s only one way I know for that to happen.
Her eyes darken further, but I fear it’s with different emotions to those I’m feeling.
“What are you doing?” she asks in panic when I take a step towards her. Her body visibly tenses, anger vibrating off her.
“You lied to me.” I run my eyes all over her face for any more signs that I’m right. Her lids lower, her cheeks heat and her lips part with her increased breathing. “All of that,” I say, repeating her earlier words, “is far from in the past. This. Me and you. It’ll never be in the past, and you know it just as well as I do.”
I’m right in front of her, my hands resting on the cold counter at her back as I cage her against it. Her increased breaths mean her chest is heaving and her breasts are a whisper away from brushing against me.
Dropping my head lower, excitement explodes within me as I watch her eyes drop to my lips. But I don’t give her what she wants. Instead, I move to her ear. “Nothing’s changed. I can still see desire in your eyes. I can still read your body like it belongs to me. Let me take it away. Allow you to forget.”
A needy whimper falls from her lips. I go to move back, but her hands fist my shirt, stopping me from going too far.
Her breath caresses my face as she stares into my eyes. I can practically smell her need for me. Moving forward as if I’m going to make the first move, I brush my cheek against hers. She sucks in a breath as my scruff scratches her soft skin. “Be careful what you wish for, baby. You might not be able to handle the man I’ve become.”
A laugh falls from my lips when her tiny fists slam down on my solid chest.
“You arsehole. You think you can just turn up after all these years and that I’m going to fall at your fucking feet. You’re fucking delusional.” I allow her some space and take a step back. My eyes drop from hers and run over every one of her tempting curves.
“I can fuck you better than he can any day, and you know it.” The corner of my lip curls up in a smirk as she growls and flies at me.
I always enjoyed riling her up, but this is different. Our time apart means the tension between us is explosive.
She punches and slaps wherever she can make contact, but it’s only a few seconds before I capture her wrists and pin them both behind her back.
Her harsh breaths rush over my face as she star
es at me like she wants to kill me.
“You know I’m right, ba—”
Reaching up on her tiptoes, her lips press against mine, cutting off my words. My fingers release her arms and I crush her body against me. Her lips part the moment I run my tongue along them, and I’m hungrily welcomed inside. Her taste explodes in my mouth. It’s just as I remember.
Glass smashes at our feet as we collide with the island, sending our drinks crashing to the floor.
There’s no style or finesse to our kiss. It’s wet, dirty, teeth clashing and lip biting as we reconnect. My hands explore her new curves—they feel incredible. We still line up like we were made for each other. Her nails scratch at any bit of skin she can find as we fumble our way towards the door.
Grabbing onto her arse, I lift her from the floor. Her legs wrap around my waist and I begin walking us towards the stairs.
Ripping my lips from hers when my lungs burn for air, I focus on not falling with her in my arms.
She has other thoughts though, because no sooner have we broken apart than her lips are on my neck. She kisses and licks up to my ear. I lose my footing as she sucks hard on the sensitive skin, and together we tumble onto the stairs.
“Fuck,” I grunt, trying to keep my weight off her.
Giggling, her hands run over my head and I’m pulled down to her lips.
Hitching her leg up around my hip, I grind myself against her. She moans into my mouth and arches her back against the stairs in her need for more.
Her hands find the bottom of my t-shirt and, with my help, she pulls it from my body. Her dainty hands run down my back as I hungrily take her lips once again.
Lifting her, I slip my hands around her back and find the zip of her dress. In seconds it’s undone and I’m peeling the fabric from her shoulders. My lips skate down her neck and onto her chest.
I slip the lace covering her breast down at the same time she reaches for my waistband. Sucking her nipple into my mouth, I groan as her tiny hand slides into my boxers and she grips my length.
Losing the Forbidden: Forbidden Series #2 Page 5
