Knocking the cap off on the edge of the table, I fall back onto one of the chairs and tip the bottle to my lips. The cool liquid goes down too easily, making old habits to drown everything out so bloody tempting.
I’ve no idea how much time passes before the sound of the doors opening pulls me from my own head. When I look up, Dec and Liam are heading my way with more beer.
They both drop down beside me and pass me a new bottle. Nothing’s said as we all open them and take a swig.
“The girls are with your mum,” Liam says, and my stomach twists.
“Fuck. I should go—” I go to stand but a hand on my shoulder stops me.
“They’ve got it covered. Stop worrying about everyone else for a few minutes and just take a breath.”
I do as he suggests and drag in a few good lungfuls of air. “The business is going under. This place could end up repossessed and—”
“And we’re going to sort it. You won’t lose any of this.”
“No, no, you don’t—”
“Enough,” Dec snaps. “All you’ve done since the day we met is help me. You practically rebuilt my house from the ground up. You supported me starting the business. You were there for me with everything with Nicole. We will not allow you to do this alone, Ben.”
The determination on their faces chokes me up. Fear that the tears stinging my eyes might just escape if I acknowledge their support means I tip my bottle to my lips instead.
“Thank you,” I say eventually.
“Whatever you need,” Liam agrees before silence surrounds us once again. We’re guys, we don’t really talk about feelings and shit, but I don’t need it. They’re here; that’s all I need to know that they mean everything Dec just said.
We’ve almost drunk our way through the bottles the guys brought out when the sound of the doors opening floats around us. Nic and Liv step out and walk over to join us.
“Is she okay?”
“She’s gone to bed. She’s exhausted.”
They both give me sad smiles—it’s their way of saying that she’s not okay. I really wish that conversation about Nick could have happened in private, but I guess it’s too late now.
We stay out on the decking, drinking and chatting long into the night. Once we decide to hit the sack, I follow both the couples up the stairs and watch as they go into their rooms for the night.
There’s a stabbing pain in my heart as I head towards my own room alone. Forgoing my bedroom door, I push down the handle on the one opposite. Nothing in this room is like I remember, but just knowing it’s where she used to be brings me some kind of comfort. Sitting myself down on the edge of the bed, I think about how I could have handled all of this differently. I thought not telling Lauren about her dad the second I got here was for the best. Allow her to mourn the man she thought he was, to say goodbye to the father she believed she had, before I hit her with the truth. But after the way Mum found out tonight, I’m starting to question that decision.
Knowing that sitting here wallowing isn’t helping anyone, I get up to leave, but the sound of giggling coming from one of the guest rooms stops me. Will any of this get any easier?
Knocking softly on Mum’s door, I push it open and poke my head inside.
“It’s okay, I’m awake,” she says quietly.
Walking in, I make my way over to the bed and sit myself beside her.
“I’m so sorry, Mum. My intention wasn’t to hurt anyone in all of this. I was trying to do what I thought was best for you.”
“Shush, now,” she soothes, placing her tiny hand on my forearm. “You should have stood up for yourself and what you wanted.”
“I couldn’t do that to you. The business and this house are the only bits of Dad you had left. I just—”
“They’re just things, Ben. No matter where I live, or where I work, your dad will always be with me.” Tears sting my eyes and she brings her hand to her chest. “Your dad was the love of my life. Even to this day he holds my heart in his hands. I don’t need to be in this house to remember him. You should have fought. If I’d have known, I’d have told you the same thing back then. Nick was ruthless. Everyone seems to think I wasn’t aware of the kind of man he was, but I experienced it better than anyone.”
My fists clench as I vividly remember some of their more heated arguments. I used to hide just out of sight waiting for the hand he raised to come down on her. I never witnessed it, but I’d put money on the fact some of Mum’s illnesses were due to his fists.
“I really fucking hate him. He took everything from me. I wasn’t going to allow him to do that to both of you, too.”
“Oh, baby.” Mum tries to wrap her arms around my shoulders, but I’m not the baby she remembers, and her arms nowhere near meet. She ends up with her head resting on my chest as I hold her to me. “We did lose everything. We lost you.”
Thank fuck she’s looking down; it means she misses the fight I lose with my tears as she sobs her own.
I angrily wipe at my eyes, frustrated with myself that I’ve allowed him to break me.
When Mum does pull her head up and look at me, she doesn’t miss the emotion written all over my face. She places her hand softly on my cheek and stares into my eyes. I suddenly feel like a little boy again.
“You and Lauren were made for each other. I knew that the first time I caught you together. There was something about the two of you when you were close, an unbreakable connection. It was just like your dad and I had. You’ve no idea how I feel, knowing I played a part in ruining that. I knew about the two of you, but I didn’t do anything to help. There are so many things I could have done. I—”
“Don’t, Mum. It’s too late now. What’s done is done. She has every right not to want anything to do with me after what I did.”
“That’s just it though, Ben. She’s still angry. That’s a good thing.”
“How?”
“It means she still cares. It means it’s not over, no matter what she might try to tell you.” My heart starts to race as her words settle in. “Don’t give up.” Reaching up, she places a kiss to my cheek before settling herself back into bed. “Never give up, Ben.”
I leave soon after, but Mum’s words stay with me as I lie in my own bed, staring at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to claim me. I wonder if what she said is true. Would things have been different if she’d have said something? Somehow, I really doubt it. Nick still would have found a way to get what he wanted. He might have just gone about it differently.
Chapter Ten
“Morning,” I grunt, walking into the kitchen to find both Nic and Liv cooking up something that smells fantastic.
“I hope you don’t mind. We raided the cupboards.”
“Knock yourselves out.”
I get myself a coffee before refilling Dec and Liam’s, who are sitting at the table watching their girls. Both of them have freshly fucked smug smiles on their faces.
“Which one of your headboards was banging all night?”
“Ours,” Dec and Liam say in unison as the girls deny everything while turning a nice shade of pink.
“Mum said you can stay, not that you could turn the place into a knocking shop,” I say with a laugh, falling down onto a chair with the guys.
“Oh please, like you didn’t get up to all sorts here when you were a teenager.” Everyone falls silent and realisation dawns on Nicole as to what she just said. “Oh shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t think.”
“It’s fine. You’re right, though. I’ve done my fair share of sneaking around in this place.”
“Is that right?” Mum asks with a wink as she joins us.
“It’s probably best we change the conversation.” Mum laughs, and it’s the first time since I’ve been back that I’ve seen her smile meet her eyes.
She walks over and gives me a hug. “Everything’s going to be okay. You’ll see.” I nod at her because I don’t want to ruin her good mood, but right now I’m getting fed up of everyone telling me that.
We’ve just finished eating when my phone vibrates in my pocket. Pulling it out, my brows pull together at seeing Liv’s name on the screen.
“What the hell is this?”
“It’s your surprise.”
“You got Rita fucking Ora tickets for tonight?”
“I did.”
“How? It sold out months ago?” I ask, totally forgetting any attempt to cover up my slight addiction to the singer.
“It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I got them.”
“You’re a fucking legend.” I jump from the chair and have her in my arms in seconds. I spin her around as she squeals and the others all laugh.
“So you want to go then?” she asks as she tries to stand steady once I’ve lowered her to her feet.
“Fucking right I do. I seriously can’t fucking believe this.” The smile splitting my face hurts as I stare down my phone once again. I’m going to the fucking O2 tonight to see Rita fucking Ora. What did I do to deserve friends like these?
“This is so fucking awesome.”
“It’s good to see you smile again, dude,” Liam says, clapping me on the back.
I guess that’s why the muscles in my face are aching so much; they haven’t really been used a lot lately.
“So what’s the plan, then? We’ve got hours until the concert. There’s no way I can sit around here waiting.”
The girls announce that they’d like to go shopping, so we end up spending the afternoon walking up and down Oxford Street while Dec and Liam carry their bags.
We have a great afternoon, but seeing the four of them together is only a massive reminder of what I don’t have. I’d give just about anything to follow Lauren around each and every shop, holding her bags and giving her my advice, which of course would be that she always looked incredible.
I tried phoning Erica before we left the house this morning, but all my calls went straight to voicemail. I may be bouncing about what tonight is going to hold, but everything she told me yesterday isn’t far from my mind. I intend on making the most of having my friends here, but I need to find out just how bad a shape the business is in, and even more, I need to find out what exactly Nick did to Erica.
Before I know it, Dec, Liam and I are all sitting in Mum’s living room, waiting for the girls to appear.
“Seriously, how did Liv get those tickets?” I ask Liam.
“I think someone was selling them on or something. Cost us all a damn fortune.”
Guilt twists my stomach that they’re all out of pocket trying to cheer me up. “I can pay for them all.”
“Don’t be stupid. This is on us,” Dec argues as we hear footsteps and giggling descending the stairs.
“I think I’ve changed my mind about going out,” Liam announces the second Liv walks into the room wearing a little black dress.
He immediately sweeps her into his arms, followed by Dec who does the same to Nic. I once again feel like the gooseberry of the group. Awkwardly, I manage to squeeze past them and walk out to the driveway with my head down.
Mum’s words from yesterday ring in my ears. Is it too late? Is what she said true? Are we over? Has she really moved on?
Once they’ve finished manhandling each other, they join me and we head towards the tube station to take us into the city centre. Liam and Dec are oblivious, but I get sympathetic smiles from the girls. They seem to have a better understanding of how painful it is seeing them all loved up and happy.
Nicole and Liv choose a popular gastro pub for dinner before heading towards the O2.
As we stand outside waiting in line, I’m more grateful than I think I’ve ever been for a distraction. The prospect of spending an hour or two watching Rita up on stage is enough for me to push everything with Mum, Lauren, Erica, and the business to the back of my mind. I know as soon as tonight’s over that I’ll have to deal with them all once again, but for now, I’m just going to enjoy myself.
The seats are fucking incredible for last minute, second-hand tickets.
“You’re something else, you know that?” I shout to Liv as the support act takes to the stage. “You’ve no idea how badly I need this.”
“I think I do.” She winks at me, and I’m reminded of everything she went through recently and how she knows better than anyone what a good distraction from reality can do.
Wrapping my arm around her shoulder, I kiss the top of her head. Liam smiles at me from next to her and I nod back. These guys have been my family for the past six years, and they mean more to me than I think they’ll ever understand. They were exactly what I needed in those first few months after leaving London, and the fact that they’re here now when I need them is everything to me.
Feeling a little choked up, I’m glad when the band leave the stage and the crowd erupts in excitement for the lady of the night.
Butterflies explode in my stomach as the anticipation builds. The only thing that would make tonight better would be if Lauren were here to experience it with me. I look to my left, at the random lady patiently staring at the stage, and my excitement wanes.
I missed her so fucking much when I was in Devon, but being here, with her practically in touching distance, is even worse.
The concert is more than I ever thought it might be. I’ve wanted to see her live ever since I first heard her voice on the radio a few years ago. My desire only got worse when I Googled her and discovered she looked as good as she sounded. I’ve taken plenty of stick over the years about my obsession, but I couldn’t give a fuck. She’s hot and her music is sweet, so what’s not to love?
The whole time she’s singing, I completely forget about all the bullshit surrounding me, all the unknowns about my life. I embrace every second of the freedom she provides me with. I breathe that little bit easier with her voice filling my ears.
“So?” Liv asks as we walk from the arena once the show is over. “Was it everything you always dreamed of?” I don’t miss the little smirk on her lips.
“It was incredible. Thank you so much.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Please tell me we’re not heading home yet.” I’m buzzing after that and really not ready to deal with reality.
“No, we’re heading to a club.”
Liv takes the lead and we follow her down to the tube station and further into the city.
The second we emerge from the underground, I know exactly where we’re going. I remember the little chat she had with Erica yesterday, and I realise they were planning this night. Erica never wanted to go anywhere but Fire back in the day.
As we approach the club I used to know so well, I notice some obvious changes. The orange Fire signage is long gone, replaced with a more upmarket look. It’s now called The Avenue, and everything’s black and chrome. From the few people outside, it no longer looks to be filled with drunk students and has a slightly higher quality clientele, something I’m relieved about.
“This place looks nice,” Nicole says from behind me as we queue up to get in.
They chat away, but I don’t hear most of it. The anticipation that’s running through me is the only thing I can focus on. If Erica had something to do with these plans, then there’s a very good chance she’s here…and Lauren could be too.
My heart thunders in my chest as the bouncer gestures for us to enter. I immediately take the stairs up to the second floor. I’ve no idea if it would still be Erica’s choice, but it’s the only thing I have to go on if we’re going to find her.
Dec orders us all shots of whiskey and I quickly down mine, not wanting to take my eyes off my surroundings for a second.
Tingles run up and down my spine. I know she’s here somewhere. I just need to find her. My mouth waters as my imagination runs wild. I vividly remember us dancing here, the way her body felt against mine. How badly I needed her that night.
It’s only a few seconds before the sea of people in front of me parts just right and my eyes land on her. She’s wearing a deep red dress that�
��s wrapped around her perfect curves. My fingers twitch to feel them once again as my eyes run down her long, exposed legs to her black high heels.
Fuck me.
Making my way back up over every delicious curve that’s moving in time with the music, I eventually get to her blonde hair that’s pulled away from her slim neck and piled on top of her head.
I’m getting closer before my brain’s even registered that my legs are moving. I’m only a few feet away when someone steps out from the crowd, places their hands on her hips, and pulls her backwards.
My fists clench as my temperature soars. I stare at where he’s touching her and fight my need to rip his hands away.
Raising my eyes, I take in his perfectly pressed white shirt, braces, and then his overly gelled hair. If I didn’t hate him when I saw him touching Lauren at the funeral, then I do now.
Every muscle in my body tenses as I watch their hips grind together.
“Whoa, dude, what’s…oh!” Dec stands beside me, watching the same car crash that I am.
“I need more fucking whiskey for this.” Turning, I walk back up to the bar and order another round of drinks.
“Hey, we didn’t think you were coming,” I hear a familiar voice say behind me.
Spinning around, I find a very happy Erica smiling at me, but when I lift my eyes over her shoulder, I find the same anger on Lauren’s face that I’m sure was on mine not so long ago.
“I think I should leave.”
“Don’t you fucking dare,” Erica warns. The vicious look in her eyes has me rooted to the spot. “Ben, you remember Danni, right?” she says when Lauren’s friend comes to a stop beside her. A similar hatred fills her eyes as she looks me up and down.
“Danni,” I say with a nod.
“Hmm, look what the cat dragged in,” she slurs, curling her lip up in disgust. “You’ve got some nerve showing your face here, you know that?”
“Danni, stop, please,” Lauren begs, coming to stand beside her best friend.
“And this is Joe,” Erica interrupts.
Losing the Forbidden: Forbidden Series #2 Page 8
