"Could you have parked any further away?" I teased, raising my eyebrow at him. We were right at the end of the car park.
He looked out of the side window and pointed to a space in the corner. "Yep, there's a free space over there."
"So funny," I muttered under my breath and got out of the car. The sun shone down and the place was fairly packed but I was hopeful that the day wasn't going to be boring and awkward.
We walked side by side towards the entrance, Lucas making some not so inconspicuous smiley looks at me. That was not a good sign. We couldn't happen so it was best if he just thought I was a massive bitch like Ava did.
"Good morning, two adults?" the barely past puberty guy behind the counter asked.
"Please," Lucas responded as he pulled his wallet out of his jeans pocket.
"That'll be thirty-five ninety please."
Jesus. Not only did neither of us really want to be here but it was costing almost forty pounds just to get in. It was my fault for suggesting it. "Lucas, I'll pay." He shook his head and handed over his card. "Come on, I want to."
He shot me a sideways smile. "So do I."
"Fine." God, he was frustrating. Just let me hate you! I softened. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." He grabbed a map and handed it to me.
Once he'd paid for our tickets we headed into the park. "Where to fist?" he asked.
I shrugged. I really couldn't have cared less but since I'd made us both come and he'd just paid I had to try to enjoy it.
"Elephants."
He nodded once and repeated, "Elephants."
In a large enclosure were the elephants. Bonus: baby elephant. I started to enjoy the zoo for real and Lucas was smiling more. As much as I didn't like to admit I needed something - unless it was peace and freedom to forget - I did need to do something normal, something fun that didn't involve stumbling or puking at the end of it.
But as much fun as I was having I was left with the heavy drag of guilt. Why should I get to have fun when my dad was lying in a box? I managed to stem the guilt enough to enjoy the day for Lucas and myself but it was hard. Whatever I did I felt horrible.
We slowly made our way around the zoo and I felt like I could breathe a little easier. Although Lucas wasn't the best at playing it cool, he hadn't even tried to touch me, respecting my boundaries.
Suddenly, he stopped walking and said, "Let's go in there."
I looked to where he was pointing and read the sign above the door. "Bat cave. No way, not happening," I replied, feeling creeped out already.
"Are you scared?" he asked, grinning like a Cheshire cat.
"No, I'm not scared."
"Well, that's good, we can go in then," he said with a cocky smirk that I just wanted to punch off his face.
Gritting my teeth, I seethed behind a tight smile. "Sure."
I followed him into the building and turned my nose up at the musty scent. It smelt dirty and it was dark. I wanted to leave already. A tall, skinny man stood before our small group, ready to give us the tour.
I wrapped my arms around myself, praying bats wouldn't fly at me. If that happened I was fucking out of here. Fighting the urge to cling to Lucas, I followed Tall and Skinny behind the group of six others. Lucas walked closely behind me, too closely, actually. Even though he didn't touch me I could feel him. The loss of sight made me hyperaware of his presence.
Dimly lit lights marked the path. The six other people - all middle aged - looked up with curiosity. Lucas half looked. He glanced up between looking at me.
He bent down and whispered in my ear, "You scared yet?"
I couldn't answer. A shiver ran down my entire spine.
Keep calm and get it together. You do not like him.
"Tegan, you okay?"
No. I wasn't.
"Fine," I muttered, pretending something caught my attention in the dark corner of the room. I could just about see so Lucas must have known I was ignoring him but he looked towards the group. Tall and Skinny started spouting more information on bats and this time I looked over. Bats were creepy so the less information I knew about them the better but it was a hell of a lot better than focusing on what Lucas was doing to me.
"Okay, everybody," he said to the group, clapping his hands together. "This next part is a very small room so you will need to go in twos. While the rest of us wait we can have a look up in this tree where you will see bats sleeping."
The first two went in and after a few minutes it was our turn. I tugged on my sleeve, biting my lip. Don't look at him. The dark, confined space forced us together. I could feel the electricity. My lungs felt like they were made of lead. I needed fresh air. My skin was alive. My bloody skin!
The air thickened. His arm brushed mine so lightly I barely felt the physical contact but my traitorous heart felt it. Blood pumped around my body so fast I felt faint. I wanted to believe it was completely down to being a little claustrophobic but I couldn't quite force myself to believe that.
His breathing came quicker, heavier, and I knew he felt the charge, too.
I need to get outta here.
Spinning around, I took off in the direction we came.
"Tegan?" Lucas called. Then I heard his footsteps thudding behind me. I ran faster.
I blinked rapidly, desperately trying to stop my tears from spilling over - I don't cry - and sprinted out of the bat cave. My eyes stung as the brightness of outside pierced through.
Pushing myself harder, I ran and ran, my thighs screaming in protest.
People looked at me whiz past them like I was crazy, but I didn't have time to worry. I ran and ran, turning corners randomly without any planned direction. When my legs finally felt like they were made of jelly, I stopped next to a building and slid down the brick wall.
What's wrong with me?
Chapter Eleven
Lucas
Whoever said women were complicated was understating - seriously understating. A whole new fucking word was needed to describe Tegan. She ran from me like she was running from a serial killer.
She was damn fast and between being momentarily stunned and having to dodge a big crowd, I lost her.
I was relatively sure the attraction I felt to her was reciprocated but she had a harder time dealing with it. Sure, it was a little complicated but life was a bitch and you rarely got an easy ride for long.
I jogged in the direction I'd seen her take off in last and hoped I'd find her soon. Fuck, I was an idiot. I had to keep pushing it that little bit more and keep getting closer. The girl had a whole heap of issues and here I was trying it on like the dickhead I was.
After looking for what seemed like hours and just before I headed back to the car to see if she'd gone there, I spotted her behind the bird enclosure. She was sitting on the floor with her arms wrapped round her legs and her head resting on her knees. I'd never seen anyone look so down and defeated.
She stared into the distance, empty. I felt like a prick for not being more understanding. My heart went out to her. I liked her too much already. Shit, I was in serious trouble.
Walking slowly, I made my way over and sat down.
"Tegan?" I whispered. She closed her eyes and lowered her head. "Tegan?"
She finally opened her eyes and looked over at me. "Sorry," she whispered.
"You don't have anything to be sorry for. I shouldn't have-"
She held her hand up and said, "No, it's not your fault. I overreacted."
Overreacted to what exactly?
"Let's just forget it and move on, yeah?"
"That would be good, I feel pretty embarrassed."
"Don't, it's done."
"Thank you. I could really do with a friend right now."
"Friend," I said. "Right, I can do friend." For now. "What do you want to do?"
She took a deep breath. "I'm ready to go if you are?"
I smiled weakly. Of course she wanted to go. I'd rather stay but I'd pushed it a bit too much for one day. "Yeah, come on."
We stopped off in the gift shop first so she could buy some of the overpriced zoo crap.
"How cute is this?" she said with that beautiful half smile, holding up a soft meerkat toy. I smiled and took it off her, holding it along with the zoo mug, pink snake, penguin key ring, monkey pen, animal sweets and a hoodie with an elephant on it.
"Aww, Luke, we're definitely getting some of these." She just called me Luke. Only my mates called me that and she hadn't met any of them yet. I liked it way too much.
I reluctantly looked away from her to see what she'd added to the pile. Hats. Two of them. If she thought I was wearing a hat with an animal on it she had another thing coming. "Tegan, I am not wearing this."
"Of course, you will, they're cute."
"Yeah, cute's not really the look I'm going for."
After picking up eight sticks of rock, she was finally ready to go. I didn't like any kind of shopping unless it was for cars or car parts so I was bored out of my fucking mind in the gift shop. When she walked over to the tills I could've kissed her and the woman serving.
Tegan rummaged in her bag, looking for her purse. I handed over my card.
"Lucas, no. You can't pay for all this."
"Too late," I replied, smirking at her as I started to punch my pin number in the machine.
"But you paid entry. It's fine, really."
"I know it is." I took my card back and grabbed the bags. Tegan's eyes didn't leave me as we left the shop and headed to the car park.
"You shouldn't have paid for all my stuff," she said, frowning.
"I wanted to. I brought you here."
"I know but..." Sighing, she replied, "Thank you."
"You're welcome. I had a good time." Despite being at a zoo over the age of eight.
"I enjoyed it, too, actually."
Actually? She didn't expect to enjoy it?
She pulled the hats out of the bag, putting one on herself and holding the other out.
"Oh, no. I'm not wearing that."
"Yes, you are. Lighten up and stop being a baby."
Ironic her telling me to lighten up when she looked like she was fighting for every damn breath.
She reached up and put the cap on my head. Perfect. I kept it on because I was rewarded with a rare smile. I'd handle looking like a dick if it meant she didn't look so sad for a while.
"See, you look good," she said, laughing at me. I looked like an idiot.
"Just get in the car!"
We got home an hour and a half later. She had put the hoodie on and had the snake around her neck. I knew she was only seventeen but for the first time she looked it, too. This was how you were supposed to be when you were a teenager, carefree and acting stupid.
"They should pay you for all the advertising."
"Oh, whatever. I look great and you know it."
She did.
I pulled into the drive and the front door opened. People came pouring out. My heart froze. Dad? Leaping out of the car, I prepared for the words I never wanted to hear.
"What?" I said.
"Where were you? We were worried," Mum said.
The relief was overwhelming. Dad was okay. "Sorry, traffic was bad on the way back."
Alison smiled at Tegan but got nothing back. You didn't have to be a genius to see that their relationship was rocky. Tegan barely looked at her mum, or Ava for that matter. I didn't know what the deal was but I wanted to find out.
***
After a restless night's sleep, trying to think of ways I could help, I finally had an idea. But they were leaving shortly so I wanted to get Tegan's number and move the plan to texts.
She just needed someone impartial to talk to. I'd imagine her friends and family were too close but I wasn't. People found it easier to talk to someone they barely knew and right now I was definitely someone she barely knew.
"Ava," I said, stopping her outside Grace's room. I took her bag. "Think I can get Tegan's number?"
She smiled, shoving her hip out and tilting her head. "Did she already say no?"
"No," I replied, trying not to laugh. "Look, I want to try to help her but I have a feeling she'd just shoot me down if I asked now."
Ava flicked her eyebrows up. "Well, none of us can get through so you might as well try. Right now I'd pretty much do anything to have my old sister back. I'm not that fond of the hard bitch she's being."
I felt like I should defend Tegan but it wasn't really my place and I could tell from the bitter atmosphere between them that Ava wasn't overreacting. She took my phone and punched Tegan's number in.
"Good luck, Lucas." She took her bag from my hand and walked downstairs.
Her 'good luck' didn't fill me with much confidence.
I followed shortly after Ava and headed outside where my family and Tegan's were saying goodbye. She gave me a wide birth, having little issue giving my mum, Jake and Grace a very short, almost awkward hug goodbye. When I stepped closer she tensed her body and turned slightly away.
What the fuck was that? I wasn't about to grope her. Rejection stung and it wasn't just because she didn't want to be anything more than friends, she couldn't even give me what she gave my siblings.
"Tegan," I said, once everyone was distracted walking Alison and Ava to the car.
"Don't," she replied.
What have I done now?
"No. What was that? Why'd you turn away?"
She looked at the floor, embarrassed that I'd called her out. Or she was bored. It wasn't always that easy to tell what she was thinking.
"Leave it."
I gritted my teeth. No way was she treating me differently to everyone else after telling me she wanted friendship, that wasn't right.
"I'm not going to leave it just because you say so."
"You make me feel again," she hissed, eyes so dark and wild she looked like a different girl.
It took me a minute to reply. "Why is that a bad thing?"
She laughed bitterly. "I don't want to. I can't do it so leave me alone."
"Tegan, come on, we need to leave," Alison called from the car. I was too stunned to move. She was fucking with my head and I didn't like it. I didn't do game playing or complicated and I wanted nothing more than to be able to leave her alone like she'd asked. But I knew I couldn't. Whatever was going on Tegan wasn't an easy person to walk away from.
She didn't find it difficult at all to walk away from me. She strode towards the car confidently, without a single look back. My eyes stayed on the car until it'd disappeared out of sight. She didn't peek back once.
Chapter Twelve
Kai
I opened the front door and groaned, rubbing my face roughly. Elle pushed past me, clearly on a mission. That mission being annoy the fuck outta me.
Closing the door, I turned around. She had her hands on her hips and eyes narrowed just enough to show that she was pissed about something. I racked my brain, trying to figure out what I'd done this time. I couldn't think of anything off the top of my head, nothing recent anyway.
"And what can I do for you, dear sister?"
"Don't, Kai."
"Don't what?" Fuck, what has she found out? My days of drugs and racing were over but there was plenty of shit I'd done that my family still didn't know about.
"I'm sick of you pretending everything's fine, that you don't still feel the temptation of drugs and shutting it all out. You stopped talking to us when Isaac died and look why."
Crossing my arms over my chest, I replied, "What the fuck's your point, Elle? Did you just come here to remind me of my screw-ups? You don't need to, you know, I remember perfectly well."
"Tegan."
Odd explanation.
"What about Tegan?"
"She's messing you up."
"God, I'm getting a headache. And how, oh wise one, is she messing me up?"
"You're secretive and you're avo
iding me."
"Perhaps because you're borderline psychotic," I muttered.
"Don't make jokes, Kai. I'm so tired of worrying myself sick about you."
"Then don't. Seriously, I'm not doing drugs again. Search the house if it'll put your mind at ease and get you off my back."
She huffed. "I'm not getting on your back. Excuse me for worrying but after seeing you throw your life down the toilet for so long I get concerned when things start to go the same way."
"Nothing is going the same way. Tegan isn't making me want to pop any pills."
"What's going on with her?"
"Nothing."
She narrowed her eyes more and moved further into the house. She was staying. "You're trying to save her when you've got enough going on in your own life," Elle said, sitting down on the sofa.
It was going to take me ages to get rid of her now she was sitting. Still, I followed and sat at the other end of the sofa; ready for a conversation I did not want to have.
"I'm not trying to save her."
"Of course you are. Why else would you be so consumed with this girl?"
That wasn't a bad question. I liked her, I did, but there was more to it than simple attraction to a girl that was out of this world beautiful. I couldn't explain it and I didn't understand it myself but I was drawn to her, much like the ecstasy really.
"I'm not consumed, Elle. She's kind of like I was before I got it together."
Elle's face lost the hard, pissed-off expression. "What happened to her?"
"Her dad died. She's not spoken about it but from what I can see they were close."
"That's awful. I knew there was something wrong from what I'd heard of her partying but I didn't know what. So, you're really not trying to fix her?"
"If it was possible to wave a wand and fix someone else's problems I'd do it. Unfortunately, life doesn't work that way. I know first-hand the only person that can really change you is yourself." Other people helped. Mum found me a good bereavement counsellor when she was training but I was the one that had to do the hard, painful work.
"You really have grown, Kai."
"Does this mean you'll back off a bit?"
She pursed her lips. "Umm, probably not. You're my little brother, and I love you."
"I love you, too, but I'm twenty-one now. You need to trust that I know what I'm doing, in my life and with Tegan."
Save Me Page 5
