He brushed her cheek again, and the look in her eyes brought a deep longing to his heart. Before he knew what he was doing, he bent and kissed her gently.
It was a sweet, tender kiss, and though it didn’t last long, Hunter couldn’t help thinking this was the perfect way to spend an evening and how much he wanted more.
RaeLynn pulled away first, doubt and confusion in her eyes, like he’d done the wrong thing.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I thought that we, uh...but clearly I shouldn’t have done that. I apologize for overstepping.”
She shook her head slowly. “No. It was nice. I wanted to kiss you. But I just don’t know what the point is. I can’t stay. I have my own life to get back to, and as much as I want to be here for you, I can’t give up everything I’ve worked for.”
The unspoken to raise someone else’s kids hung in the air between them, and he understood. She didn’t need to say it. She’d been very clear on her feelings all along. Unfortunately, his heart hadn’t yet fully grasped the concept.
“I understand,” he said. “If I thought it would help, I would ask you to stay. But I made that mistake with my late wife, and I won’t do it again. I want you to stay, but only if that’s what you want.”
She nodded slowly. “Trust me, it’s as hard for me as it is for you,” she said. “I’d given up on the idea of romance for myself, and now here I am with one of the truly decent men in this world, someone that I could actually see myself falling for. But our lives and our dreams are too different, and I think we have to just stay friends.”
* * *
The next morning, RaeLynn slowly sipped her coffee as she tried to forget about the kiss she’d shared with Hunter.
She shouldn’t have kissed him back. Not that it hadn’t been a good experience for her. It had been one of the best kisses she’d ever received. Okay, fine. The best. She just hadn’t expected it to impact her this way. Hunter was everything she wanted in a man. And everything she didn’t. Kissing him had only made her confusion worse.
She’d said she never wanted a family. Said she never wanted this life. But here she was living it, and none of it was as bad as she’d imagined. She enjoyed spending time with the kids. Enjoyed the camaraderie and the friendship on the ranch. Loved how everyone helped each other. It seemed like if one person needed something, tending to that need became important to all.
That hadn’t been her experience growing up. Even though she harbored some resentment against her mother for the life they’d lived, she also knew her mother had just been doing the best she could. She hadn’t had the same resources. Hadn’t had people there to support her. It was too bad her mom hadn’t been comfortable accepting help from Ricky. If she had, RaeLynn’s experiences as a child could have been different.
She stared out across the porch to where Hunter was loading the kids into the SUV to go to church. She supposed she should help him, but she still wasn’t sure how she felt about going. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe in God or didn’t like church. She’d been inside dozens of churches in small towns for various stories. It was just that a lot of the people she knew at church said all the nice things about being there for each other and helping each other out, but so many of them had let her down. Maybe this was one more area where she needed to learn to give people a chance. Just like she was seeing a new side of family, maybe this would give her a new view of church.
Lynzee noticed her and waved. It was too far for RaeLynn to hear what the little girl was calling out, but the giant wave was hard to miss.
She’d missed church the past Sunday, along with everyone else on the ranch, given the chaos with the children. This Sunday, it was harder to use that excuse since everyone else was going. She did have a story to write about this community, and church was a big part of that, so it was hard to justify not attending.
Tucker suddenly broke free from Hunter’s grasp and ran off. She couldn’t not help him. It looked like there was only one thing left to do. She was going to church.
RaeLynn reached Hunter’s side just as he caught up with little Tucker. She helped Lynzee into her car seat, noting that the other two girls were already in the vehicle. The ranch SUV was nice, with plenty of room for all the children. When she was a child, she remembered how hard her mom had to save to get a van that would fit everyone.
Hunter joined her on the other side of the SUV and got Tucker strapped into his seat.
“Thanks for the help,” he said. “This is the first time I’ve had to do it by myself, and I clearly don’t have all the kinks worked out yet. Wanda is in charge of the coffee ministry today, so everyone else left early. I told them I’d be fine, but I’m glad you’re here.”
RaeLynn smiled at him. “It looked like you had everything under control,” she said.
The smile he gave her made her feel warm inside. “It’s nice of you to say that, but I was just chasing a toddler.”
“That’s what toddlers do. You’re doing great, so don’t be too hard on yourself.”
“Want to ride with us?” he asked.
It would be silly of her to say no. But it meant committing to going to church and staying the whole time.
She gave him a small smile. “Sounds good,” she said.
Once they got on the road, Hunter said, “We haven’t really talked about it, but it sounds like church isn’t really your thing.”
RaeLynn shrugged. “It’s not that I don’t believe in God. I just never seem to fit in with all the church people.”
Hunter nodded slowly, keeping his eyes on the road. “I can understand that. You’ll know a lot of the people there today. So hopefully, it’ll be just like getting together with friends from the ranch.”
Wanda had told her something similar when she’d expressed apprehension about going.
RaeLynn took a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves. It was ridiculous to feel this nervous about going to church. But maybe it was because she was still keeping a big secret from them.
Columbine Springs Community Church was like every other church she’d visited over the years. She’d already driven past it dozens of times during her stay, so why did this feel different? Helping the children out of their car seats provided a welcome distraction from the aching feeling in her stomach. She had zero reason to feel nervous, but something about this visit felt like things were about to change, and she wasn’t sure she wanted them to.
She carried the baby and held Phoebe’s hand as Hunter walked in with Tucker and Lynzee. To anyone not from the town, they probably looked like the picture-perfect family. From the way Bella always reached for her first, RaeLynn kind of felt like they were. That was making it harder and harder for her to think about leaving.
The article needed to be in by the end of the week, and it was almost done. She’d been working on some other assignments, but they seemed to be slowing to a trickle. She’d called Gerald several times and only gotten his voice mail. Obviously, things were going smoothly without her. She felt a small pang in her heart at the thought of being so unnecessary. Work was what had been driving her, and she desperately needed it as an excuse for everything she was trying to avoid. Hunter led her back to the Sunday school area, where Eleanor was checking in the children.
“Oh good,” Hunter said. “I know I need to get all the official stuff filled out, but having you handling the children today makes it a little easier.”
RaeLynn thumbed through the notebook used to check in the children and smiled at how this tiny church still did things old-school. Some of the churches she’d visited recently had moved to computerized systems, but given the hardships the town had suffered, they likely couldn’t afford it here.
After Eleanor scanned a couple of pages, she looked up at Hunter. “Everything is already in order. You’re on the list for being allowed to pick up and drop off the children. You’ll need to have anyone from the Double
R who’s helping you added, but you should wait until they pass the background checks officially before adding them.”
Hunter inhaled sharply, like he wasn’t expecting that answer, but the social worker laughed. “I’m sure it will all be fine. I know I’ve come off a little hard-nosed on the situation, but I have a new boss, and everyone is under a lot of pressure. You’re doing a great job, and I’m sorry if I haven’t told you that.”
Hunter nodded slowly. “I know you know what’s at stake for these kids. I dearly love them, and this is important to me.”
“I know,” she said. “And I think your love for them is going to go a long way.”
Another family approached the check-in desk, so Hunter stepped away and gestured down the hall. “The nursery for the baby is down here,” he said.
When they dropped the baby off, the hallway was quiet, and RaeLynn turned to him. “She’s right, you know. Social services would rather the children be with a loving family. Anyone can see that you care deeply for them and would do anything for them.”
The tender look he gave her touched her heart. “That means a lot coming from you. And I’m sorry that we haven’t had a moment to talk about last night.”
RaeLynn shook her head. “We don’t need to right now. Life is busy with the kids, and church is about to start. We can talk when the time is right.”
Though everything she’d said was the truth, she also knew she was stalling. She didn’t want to hurt this man. Didn’t want to hurt herself. She wasn’t sure how to navigate a relationship with him. She couldn’t give him forever, and she believed he was the kind of guy who wanted it. He deserved it.
She shouldn’t have kissed him last night.
As they walked back into the main lobby, everyone greeted Hunter, and he introduced her in a way that felt like much more than just This is the reporter doing a story on the ranch. The eyes on her told her they suspected she meant something to him. Of course, they’d all seen her carrying the baby and helping him with the kids, which was probably something the average reporter wouldn’t do. Maybe she was losing her objectivity.
Okay, fine. When it came to this story, she hadn’t had any objectivity at all. That fact became even more evident as she spied the rest of the Double R crew. Their warm smiles made her stomach hurt even more.
As Hunter guided her into a pew next to Ricky, RaeLynn just wanted to cry. At some point, he was going to bring up his regrets over the past, as he often did, and she knew she was going to break. And then what would he think of her? Would he hate her for being here all this time and not telling him who she was?
The church music started, and while she knew she was supposed to be comforted by the songs of forgiveness and hope, all they did was make her feel worse.
None of this was in her plan. She certainly didn’t need to hear a full-blown sermon on the power of forgiving and letting go of the past. She didn’t hold anything against Ricky, not now that she’d gotten to know him. Her mother was another story. Part of her wished her mother could hear the sermon. Would RaeLynn feel better if her mom didn’t despise Ricky so much?
What was going to happen if her mother found out about all of this? That was a worry on her mind. At some point, she would know she’d written an article on the Double R. RaeLynn had told herself she would cross that bridge when she came to it, but the bridge was more rickety over troubled waters than she’d anticipated.
Ricky nudged her and handed her a handkerchief. She realized tears had started rolling down her face, so she took it. She wasn’t usually an emotional person, so why now? Why this? She dabbed at her eyes, appreciating that the old man still carried old-fashioned cotton squares in his pocket.
Hunter turned to her and noticed her tears. He put his arm around her and gave her small squeeze. Nothing inappropriate, just a small comfort from a friend, and his arm didn’t linger inappropriately. But inside, her heart yearned.
She was keeping a horrible secret from all of them, a secret that had been hurting them for years. As the final bars of the last hymn quieted down, RaeLynn knew with a certainty that could only have come from God that she had to tell them the truth.
She’d always thought the whole church-and-God thing was like joining a club, but she knew deep in her heart that her general belief that there was a God had become something stronger. For the first time, she understood the faith that brought these people here to church, that brought the Double R family together.
She knew that no matter what happened next, God was going to help her, and everything was going to be okay.
Hunter seemed to understand her need for quiet on the way home. She didn’t want to talk about what had happened in church, which was fine, because the children wouldn’t have let them get a word in edgeways. They had learned a new song in Sunday school, and they were all singing at the top of their lungs.
When they got to the ranch, they drove straight to Ricky’s, where everyone apparently gathered for lunch after church. She’d been dreading this, the moment of truth. She hadn’t thought she would ever reveal it, but with each step onto the porch, her resolve strengthened.
Even though she usually took Bella, Hunter picked her up this time, and the sweet way he held the baby nibbled at the edges of her courage. How was Hunter going to take her news?
They got into the house, and RaeLynn found Ricky off by himself, staring out one of the windows as he sipped on a glass of ice tea. RaeLynn walked over to him.
“Thank you for your handkerchief,” she said.
Ricky smiled at her tenderly, just like she’d always imagined a grandfather would.
Except he didn’t know yet.
“It was a powerful sermon,” Ricky said. “I don’t blame you for getting a little teary-eyed. I hope it did you some good, and that you were able to give your troubles to the Lord.”
RaeLynn nodded. “It did, but it also made things a little more difficult for me. You see, I have something I need to ask your forgiveness for.”
Ricky stared at her. “You couldn’t possibly have done anything that would make me need to forgive you. You’ve got a good heart. Anyone can see that. I know you’d never intentionally hurt me.”
The man was laying it on thick, and her stomach was back in knots. Even though she’d never done much praying, she took a deep breath and said a quick prayer.
Feeling calmer, she said, “Ricky, I’m your granddaughter. The one you’ve been looking for. I’m Luanne and Cinco’s daughter. I’ve always known who you were, and I knew you were looking for me. But my mom said some things that made me afraid of telling you, so I vowed to keep it a secret.”
The older man’s eyes filled with tears, and RaeLynn’s heart tightened.
“I’m so sorry,” she said. “Please forgive me. I never meant to cause you harm. The more I’ve gotten to know you, the more I think there must have been a big misunderstanding with my mother. I’ve come to love you all so much that I couldn’t bear keeping my secret anymore.”
She was crying again, and tears were openly rolling down his face, too. At any moment, someone was going to come into the room and get mad at her for hurting the poor, dear man. Her grandfather.
Why had she come to the Double R and allowed everything she’d believed in to be so shaken?
Chapter Six
“The prodigal has returned.”
Hunter looked up from the picture he was helping Lynzee and Phoebe draw to see Ricky standing in the doorway beaming. Ricky moved aside to let RaeLynn into the room.
“I always knew I had a special connection with RaeLynn,” Ricky said. “Like she was one of us. And now I know she is. This is the grandchild I’ve been looking for all along. Cinco and Luanne’s daughter.”
Hunter stared at RaeLynn, who looked sheepish rather than excited.
“How did you know?” Ty asked, getting up from his seat. As the Double R lawyer, Ty
had been actively helping Ricky in his search and weeding out all the charlatans.
Ricky looked over at RaeLynn, who nodded.
“RaeLynn has known all along,” he said. “She was afraid to tell us all the truth, because her mother told her I wasn’t a good person. RaeLynn used the time to get to know me before revealing her identity.”
Hunter stared at RaeLynn. He obviously didn’t know her as well as he thought he did, not if she’d been harboring this secret from him. Maybe he couldn’t read her well, but there was something in Ricky’s words that made him think this wasn’t the full story.
Maybe he’d been foolish to think the kiss had meant something to her. He didn’t go around kissing a lot of women, but maybe that’s not how RaeLynn operated. They hadn’t had a lot of discussions about romance and dating, other than clarifying that neither of them were in a place where a relationship between them was practical. She was good with the kids and easy to talk to, and he knew a little bit about her past, but maybe he didn’t really know her that well at all.
He felt like he did, but with all they’d shared, he’d have thought she would have trusted him with this.
“No offense, but she’s not the first to make such a claim,” Ty said. “I hope you’ll understand if I request a blood test to prove it.”
RaeLynn looked scared, like she hadn’t expected to be met with such hostility. But she hadn’t been here when people had tried to worm their way into Ricky’s heart by claiming to be Cinco’s child, only to be proven scam artists. And even though it hurt that she’d kept such a secret from him, from all of them, Hunter had to believe that RaeLynn wasn’t like that. He felt certain of that, at least. That part of him wanted to get up, stand next to her, put his arm around her and tell her that everything was going to be okay. But that would reveal his feelings, and he wasn’t sure she felt the same way.
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