“I enjoy the children. But there’s so much I haven’t gotten to do with my life, and I don’t think I’m willing to give that up right now.”
Luanne dropped her bag on the living room floor. “You’re talking about your childhood, aren’t you? If only I had done things differently.”
RaeLynn shrugged again. “You did the best you could. And I don’t regret helping to keep our family together.”
Her mom nodded slowly. “I know. I have a lot of regrets in my life, but the thing I don’t regret is that I let myself love. Sure, I made some bad choices, but every single one of those bad love choices also brought me a blessing. I wouldn’t have any of you kids if I had chosen not to love any of the men in my past. I can’t regret that. So don’t keep yourself from loving someone out of fear of making a mistake. Your mistakes are how you grow and how additional blessings come into your life. You just have to have a little faith.”
The truth was, RaeLynn hadn’t really allowed herself to fall in love before. Sure, she’d gone on a few dates here and there, but she’d never let anyone get too close. When she was younger, it had been because of her family obligations and the fact that she didn’t want to be like her siblings, starting families too young and then struggling. As she’d gotten older, she hadn’t wanted anything to come between her and her freedom to finally pursue her dreams. But at what cost?
RaeLynn looked at the other woman. “But taking a chance on Hunter means that if we get our hearts broken, there are also four kids who will be hurt.”
Her mom flinched slightly at her words, but she nodded. “I get that. It doesn’t mean that you have to rush into anything. It just means you need to give him a chance.”
A chance. RaeLynn would probably be here for at least another week, maybe more. And then what? Denver wasn’t so far that she couldn’t come on weekends. Truth be told, she’d planned on coming at least some weekends to spend time at the ranch and get to know her family here better. It wouldn’t be an ideal relationship, but what then? What if she did get to be in charge of the magazine? How could she handle balancing being at the ranch and needing to be in town for work?
So many what-ifs.
“At some point, we’d have to come to terms with the fact that my life is in Denver and his is here,” RaeLynn said. “I don’t know how to reconcile that. It isn’t fair to put him and the kids through that.”
Her mom shrugged. “You don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. I think you’re selling yourself, Hunter and the chance of a future short by not even giving it a try. I’ve never seen you look at anyone like that before, and he looks at you the same way.”
RaeLynn tried not to laugh, but in doing so, a strange sound came out. “He was avoiding looking at me the whole time,” she said. “You want to know about trying to have a relationship with him? Okay. Fine. We kissed the other night. He’s barely talked to me since. It’s almost like he’s avoiding me.”
“Have you asked him to find time to talk? He’s probably just as scared as you are, for all the same reasons. He knows his responsibility is to those kids, and he probably doesn’t want them falling in love if you’re going to leave. But you owe it to him, and yourself, to at least try. Set boundaries to keep the kids safe, but give each other a chance.”
RaeLynn had to admit she’d been waiting for him to make the first move, and she hadn’t tried very hard to talk to him. Maybe she’d pull him aside at dinner and see if they could talk while they had plenty of supervision for the children.
At dinner, she found herself nervous, looking for the perfect opportunity to talk to him. It seemed like everyone was busy chatting and catching up with her mom, especially Wanda, who’d known her back in the day. Hunter was occupied with the children, and it felt wrong to interrupt him.
Just when RaeLynn had given up hope, her mom turned to Hunter. “Ricky tells me the old wishing well is still around. Have you taken RaeLynn to see it yet?”
Hunter shook his head. “No. I didn’t think of it.”
“There’s some historical significance there since it was the first well dug on the ranch,” Ricky said. “You two go see it, stretch your legs and work off that meal.”
If that wasn’t obvious matchmaking, RaeLynn didn’t know what was.
Hunter nodded. “I can do that. As long as you all don’t mind watching the kids.”
RaeLynn’s mom held her arms out for Bella. “I’ve been dying for a chance to hold the baby.”
Hunter grinned as he handed her the squirming infant. “She just finished her bottle and will need to be changed in a few minutes.”
“I can assure you I know how to change a diaper,” she said. “And I saw where you all have a little play thing set up for the babies, so we’ll be just fine.”
Hunter held his arm out to RaeLynn. “Shall we?”
* * *
Hunter wasn’t stupid. He knew this was an obvious setup. But the truth was he felt like he owed RaeLynn some kind of explanation. They hadn’t talked much the past few days, and that was his fault. He’d been avoiding her, mostly because he didn’t know what to say. He liked her. That kiss had played through his mind more often than he’d like.
“No one goes down here much anymore,” he said as he showed her out the back door and down a small path. “But it’s a pretty little spot, and even though the well’s been sealed off and hasn’t had water in years, it’s still a nice place to sit.”
The sun was not quite setting yet, but it was low enough in the sky to cast shadows in the cooling air. He took her down the familiar path and smiled as she gasped in appreciation.
“I didn’t know this tiny garden even existed,” she said. “It’s a shame no one comes here, because it’s lovely.”
Hunter smiled. “I understand it was one of Rosie’s favorite places when she was alive. She loved the roses and used to come sit here and study her Bible.”
He watched as RaeLynn walked around in appreciation. It was a small, private spot that was the perfect place for talking. But how should he start the conversation?
“I guess we should talk about the other night,” he said.
“The other night?”
“You know, the kiss.”
RaeLynn nodded, like she’d known it was coming. Maybe she didn’t know what to say, either.
“I probably shouldn’t have done that,” he said. “I know you’re leaving, and it’s not fair to either of us to start something we can’t finish.”
“I was thinking the same thing,” she said. “But I can’t deny that we share something special, and I’m not sure what to do about that.”
Her words hung heavily on his heart.
“I know,” he said. “I can take a broken heart. Wouldn’t be the first time. But I think about the kids, and I wonder how they will feel when you leave. It’s clear they already love you. But they’ve all been through so much, and I’m not sure I can break their hearts again.”
The look of understanding on RaeLynn’s face made the words easier to get out. He’d been rehearsing a version of them for quite some time, and he felt a weight come off his chest now that they were out.
“I feel the same way,” she said. “My mom thinks that I should give us a try, but I don’t know what that would look like.”
If she’d been talking to her mom about him, she had to feel something serious. Had he been wrong to keep his distance?
“Let me ask you this,” he said. “Would making it work include figuring out a way for you to live on the ranch and be happy?”
“I have a career,” she said. “I don’t know how to pick it up and move it here.”
“Fair enough. Would you be willing to try to figure out a way to do so?”
It was early in the relationship to be asking those questions, but Hunter was thinking about his heart and the kids.
“I don’t know,” RaeL
ynn said.
Maybe he was being selfish, but that wasn’t a good enough answer.
“Let’s just leave it at friends, then,” he said. “I like you. Sometimes I think we could have something more, but I hope you understand that I have to think about the kids.”
RaeLynn nodded. “I do understand. Sometimes I wish my mom had made the same choice, but as she reminded me today, we would be missing parts of our family had she done so. I’m just not ready to change who I am.”
Hunter gazed out across the landscape at the setting sun. He already knew the dangers of going down that road. He turned back to RaeLynn. “I don’t want you to change who you are to be with me. You’d eventually grow to resent me, and we would both be unhappy. That’s what happened with my late wife, only I was too dumb to realize it at the time. Now I understand that love is about letting the other person be free to be who they are and giving them the opportunity to live their lives to the fullest.”
RaeLynn gave him a sad smile. “I appreciate that more than you’ll ever know.” She held her arms out to him. “Hug?”
He gave her a hug as requested, savoring her sweetness and wishing this wasn’t, in essence, a goodbye hug. Yes, they’d still see each other, still talk, but they’d just agreed that anything more between them was impossible.
When he let her go, the air between them had changed. He would’ve liked for things to be different between them, but he also knew that this was for the best. He just wished the best thing for everyone wouldn’t hurt his heart so much.
Chapter Eight
RaeLynn had just finished the rough draft of one of her articles about Columbine Springs when a knock sounded at the door.
She got up to see Hunter and the kids. Hunter looked a bit panicked.
“I hate to impose,” he said.
He was always worried about imposing. He hadn’t really talked to her other than the usual pleasantries over the past couple of days, so she could see why he might be nervous asking her for help now. The last time they’d spoken, he’d told her he wanted to keep their distance so the kids didn’t get too attached. So having him on her doorstep with all the kids meant something was wrong.
“It’s not an imposition. Come in.”
She opened the door and ushered the family inside, realizing that her cabin was much smaller than his, which was saying a lot, considering his was already so compact. She’d never had all the kids in here.
“One of the trucks broke down during feeding on the other side of the ranch. Usually, I would send some of the other guys, but they’ve been sent on another errand out of town. It’s just me, and I’ve got to get out there and get those guys home.” He glanced at the kids. “Wanda is at a church thing with the other ladies. I think your mom even went with them. I hate to call any of them and interrupt. I saw you moving around the cabin, so I knew you were home. Is there any way you could give me a hand?”
RaeLynn had stayed home from a movie night at the church to work on her article. Writing had been a struggle over the past few days, but she’d gotten so much done tonight.
“RaeLynn, do we get to be with you?” The girls spoke almost simultaneously, looking at each other and then at her.
Hunter gave her an apologetic look, like he’d just realized it had been a bad idea to bring the kids with him to ask her. But he couldn’t have left them home alone.
“I just got finished with work, so it would be no trouble. Have they already had their supper?”
Hunter shook his head. “Wanda brought over a container of soup to heat up, and I was just about to do that when I got the call.”
He looked dejected and sighed. “I’d bring them with me, but four kids and four ranch hands are not all going to fit.”
She could tell he really didn’t want to ask her to do this but also that he was in a bind.
RaeLynn took the baby from his arms. “It’s okay. I know you’re worried about taking advantage of people, but remember that everyone here loves you, and they want to help.”
She gestured toward the door. “Let’s head on back so we can get dinner going.”
The kids ran out ahead of them while Hunter waited for her to close the door behind her.
She looked over at him. “You could’ve just texted or called,” she said.
He nodded. “I know. I kept trying and chickening out. I know where we stand, and I don’t want anyone getting too attached. But...” He trailed off and picked up his pace slightly.
“But what?” she asked, catching up to him.
“It’s stupid. I don’t know why I even thought it. We know nothing can work between us, and even though I know you’re willing to help me as a friend, when I’m around you, I can’t help wanting something more.”
The kids had already reached the house and run inside. Even in these few precious moments alone, they weren’t really alone. The baby wiggled in her arms like she wanted to be free to run with the others. She’d probably been cooped up most of the day and was tired of being held. It was hard to have an adult conversation with so many distractions.
“I know,” she said. “I appreciate that you’re trying to keep firmer boundaries, but it kind of hurts to have you keep me at such a distance. I miss the way we used to talk and joke around. I hate that you sit at the other side of the dinner table from me now, rather than near me. Surely, there’s got to be a better way to manage things.”
He stopped and turned to look at her. The expression on his face made her heart hurt. She felt bad for calling him out on his behavior because she didn’t want to hurt him. Didn’t want to hurt herself. So where was the balance between not hurting each other by spending time together, and not hurting each other by not spending time together? How had they become attached so quickly? Whatever this was, they both felt it, and while it seemed both wrong and impractical to deny it, it was wrong and impractical to admit to it.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “This is new to me. I’m not used to having feelings for someone, let alone feelings that I shouldn’t have.”
He gestured at the door to his house, which was only a few feet away. “We should get in there before they set something on fire.”
RaeLynn laughed. “Is that a possibility?”
Hunter shook his head. “Of course not. Everything has been extremely babyproofed in accordance with the guidelines of social services. Eleanor said I might have gone a little overboard with it actually, but I’m not taking any chances on losing these kids.”
He walked up the steps and into the cabin. How could she not like him? There was so much good in Hunter, especially with how well and deeply he loved others.
Fortunately, the kids hadn’t burned the house down. They’d actually gone straight to the coffee table in the living room where they must have been sitting before they came to get her.
“There’s a coloring contest at the community center,” he said. “The kids all have it in their heads they’re going to win, and they’ve been working diligently on their entries.”
RaeLynn walked over to where the kids were working. “What’s the prize?”
“A new bike,” Phoebe said, looking up at her with stars in her eyes. “I always wanted a bike, and Lynzee lets me ride hers sometimes, but we have to take turns. If I win the coloring contest, I would have a bike all my own, and we could ride together.”
Lynzee looked up from her drawing. “And if I win, I’ll give her my old bike. That way, we’ll both have bikes.”
RaeLynn looked over at Tucker, who was just scribbling on paper.
“And what if he wins the bike?” she asked.
The girls looked at each other like they hadn’t considered that. Then Lynzee looked back at her.
“He just scribbles. He is not going to win.”
“I’m sure there will be a lot of entries. Someone else might win the bike even if your pictures are very go
od,” RaeLynn said, trying to prepare the girls for the possibility they wouldn’t win.
The girls looked at each other again, and then Phoebe shrugged. “We’ll just keep sharing Lynzee’s bike. But it sure would be nice to have a bike of my own. Don’t you think?”
It would indeed, and RaeLynn thought back to when she was a little girl and how she’d long for things like a new bike. She glanced over at Hunter, whose expression told her that, win or lose, once the coloring contest was over, the kids would all have bikes of their own.
“There’s a pot on the stove. You just have to heat it up,” he said. “I shouldn’t be gone too long, maybe a couple of hours. But there’s parts of the range with no cell signal, so don’t get alarmed if you don’t hear from me.”
“We’ll be fine,” she said, setting the baby down on her play mat. “I’ll get dinner started. You go on.”
She resisted the urge to give him a hug and a kiss as he left. They weren’t in a romantic relationship, but something about being here with him and the kids and talking about arrangements felt right.
After Hunter left, RaeLynn started dinner. She was grateful it was something simple to heat up. The soup smelled delicious, much better than one of the frozen dinners she had in the freezer. Wanda would be appalled if she knew, but RaeLynn liked having the convenience of something easy on hand so she didn’t have to depend on anyone else.
Maybe there was a little of Hunter inside her as well. As she started dishing up the soup, she called the kids. They all dutifully filed into the kitchen, which made her smile. It felt so much like home to her. So familiar and comfortable. She enjoyed her evening as part of a family, instead of spending it alone in her cabin. She used to think that she craved alone time, and while she did appreciate it from time to time, she had to admit that she equally appreciated times like these.
It did feel just a little bit lonely without Hunter, as if he held everyone all together. His presence had filled the tiny kitchen, and he was noticeably absent now. She got all the kids situated in their respective seats, noticing that since her last visit, Hunter had acquired a high chair that allowed the baby to sit at the table with them even though she still couldn’t fully sit up on her own yet. They hadn’t had a chair like this when RaeLynn had helped with her family. As much as she enjoyed holding the baby, this allowed her to help all the other children, especially since she was on her own. That’s probably why Hunter needed the chair.
Her Hidden Legacy Page 11
