“I’m so sorry,” he said. “Maybe I could fix things if I talked to him. This wasn’t your fault.”
Tears streamed down her face. “No. It’s a done deal. The contracts were signed this morning.”
“What are you going to do now?” he asked.
“I’m going back to Denver. I need to pack up my things in the office, and I need to start looking for a new job. While the new publisher says they’ll try to keep most of us on, I’m not confident I still have a place there. I need to start getting in touch with my contacts to see if I can find something else.”
“Why not stay here and figure that out?” he asked. “Let’s work through this together.”
RaeLynn shook her head. “No. What this showed me is that I was wrong to allow myself to get distracted by our relationship and the kids. I love them, don’t get me wrong, but I have to follow my dreams.”
Hunter’s heart hurt. He wanted to argue with her, to tell her they could find a way to make it work. But all he could think about was that last argument with his late wife and how she’d told him that being here was stifling her dreams.
The next time Hunter had seen her was to identify her body. Driving after having too many drinks had killed her. Counseling had finally convinced him that it wasn’t his fault she was an alcoholic, but part of him wondered if she would’ve needed to drink so much if she hadn’t felt stifled by being with him. He couldn’t do that to RaeLynn.
Hunter took a deep breath. “I care about you, RaeLynn. You know that. Your dreams are important to me. If that’s how you feel, go. Pursue your dreams. I’ll be here praying for you. You find what you need, and I’ll cheer you on from afar.”
They were the hardest words he’d ever had to say, but every word was true.
She nodded slowly, like she understood what he was trying to say. He loved her, something he hadn’t been willing to admit until now. Part of loving someone meant letting them go if being with you was going to hurt them.
“Will you at least say goodbye to the kids before you leave?” he asked. “I know you’ll be back to visit Ricky and your mom from time to time, but it would be nice if you let them know that yourself to reassure them.”
RaeLynn nodded. “I figured I’d say goodbye to everyone tonight at dinner. I’m leaving first thing in the morning.”
“Thank you,” he said. There wasn’t more to say, so he turned and left. When he got back to his cabin, Wanda must have seen from his expression that something was wrong.
“She’s leaving,” he said, his heart aching at those simple words.
Wanda looked confused, so he explained.
When he was done, Wanda said, “I’ve seen Ty and Ricky negotiating contracts. This was not an overnight decision. Her boss would’ve worked on this sale for weeks, maybe even months. RaeLynn didn’t lose her job because she missed a call last night and today. I’m going to stay here with Bella, and you need to go talk to Ricky to figure something out.”
Ricky was on his way to see Hunter when they ran into one another outside the main office.
“I was just coming to see you so we could talk about what happened last night,” Ricky said.
“I agree we need to address that, but I think there’s a bigger issue at hand.”
He explained everything to Ricky, who nodded. “You’re right. If the contract was signed today, they must’ve been working on it for quite a while. I hate to say it, but he probably kept her here to keep her out of the way while they were finalizing the deal.”
By the time they got back to the ranch house, Ricky had already rattled off several contacts he had in the ranching community who could help with the situation. They couldn’t save RaeLynn’s job, but they could find other opportunities for her. It wouldn’t save their relationship, but it would at least give RaeLynn her dreams.
“Now go get that girl,” Ricky said, nudging Hunter when they were finished making a list of contacts who could hopefully help RaeLynn find another job in her field.
Hunter shook his head. “My problems with RaeLynn are bigger than just her losing her job.”
RaeLynn’s mom walked into the room. “What do you mean?” she asked.
He didn’t want to reveal RaeLynn’s secrets, nor did he want her mom to feel bad. But they all needed to understand exactly why things were not going to work out between the two of them.
“Last night, when I left her alone with the kids because of my emergency, she was reminded of what it was like growing up and missing out on so many opportunities because she had to look after her own family. She’s promised herself never to have a family so nothing stands in the way of her dreams. The situation last night reminded her of that promise.”
Ricky looked confused, but Luanne nodded slowly.
“I’ve been trying to make amends with her for that. I thought we were in a good place.”
This was why he hadn’t wanted to say anything. “I know. And you are. But it doesn’t negate the promises she made to herself about living her life and not letting anything get in the way of her dreams.”
Ricky made a noise. “Family supports you on the way to your dreams,” he said. “If we had known she was by herself with the kids, we would’ve gone to help. I didn’t even know you hadn’t come home with them from the picnic.”
Luanne sighed. “I knew. She called me at the end of her hike to ask for a change of clothes because the baby had spit up all over her. I asked if she wanted me to stay and help, but she told me she’d be fine. I should have checked on her, and I didn’t.”
The expression on Luanne’s face made him realize how difficult the situation was for them all.
“It never occurred to me to give her extra support,” Luanne said. “She’s always handled everything on her own. I asked too much of her as a child, and that’s hurting her as an adult.”
The sorrow on her face brought a pang to Hunter’s heart. He knew the resentment RaeLynn held, and seeing how badly it made her mother feel gave him more sympathy for both women. They were both still trying to heal from their pasts.
“We all could’ve done things better in the past,” Ricky said. “But we can’t go back and fix them. We can just do better now. I’ll go make some calls to see if anyone can help her out.”
Luanne looked concerned. “I don’t know if she’ll accept a job if she thinks you got it for her.”
Ricky scowled. “I wouldn’t ask someone to give her a job if I didn’t think she could do it.”
Luanne shrugged. “She still won’t like it.” Then she turned to Hunter. “I appreciate that you’re trying to give her the freedom she needs to follow her dreams. I know my daughter, and I know she loves you and the kids. I agree she needs her space right now, but please don’t give up on her.”
Though there was genuine love in Luanne’s words, Hunter knew it was impossible to get someone to fit into a life they didn’t want. Maybe RaeLynn did love them, but she didn’t want this life. And he wasn’t sure love was strong enough to overcome that.
He smiled at Luanne. “If God wants us to be together, He’ll find a way. I’m not going to rule anything out. I’m going to trust in God’s perfect plan, whatever that is.”
Selfishly, he hoped that perfect plan included him. But he wasn’t going to force anything on RaeLynn. If she wanted him, she had to make that choice. For now, he was going to go into the office and see if anyone in the ranching community knew of any opportunities available. He might not be by her side while she did it, but Hunter was going to make sure her dreams came true.
* * *
RaeLynn looked around the mostly empty magazine office. Her mom had told her she didn’t think the publisher’s decision to sell was based on RaeLynn’s lack of response. That was what many people at the Double R had told her. It would have taken time to execute the sale. Gerald hadn’t made any speedy decisions.
She suspected Gerald had given her the assignment at the Double R and then asked her to stay longer to write more stories in order to keep her out of the office since he knew she was against the sale.
She hadn’t wanted to believe that at first. Looking around the office now, she had to admit that her family was probably right. She walked over to her tiny cubicle and set a box on her desk. The small space hadn’t left room for many personal belongings. As she looked at the few family pictures she did have, she thought about how if she’d come back to her job here, she would’ve put a picture of the Double R family there as well.
She carefully packed the photos, hating the finality of her dreams crashing. Most magazines these days weren’t hiring staff writers. They worked with freelancers, and while she wasn’t opposed to a freelancing career, she knew it was a lot of work. The issue she was supposedly working on with all the ranch stories wasn’t even going to press.
This afternoon, RaeLynn was going to research ranching publications to see if any of them would be a good fit. There were so many great stories, and she hated to see them go to waste. As she picked up the file with her preliminary research on the Double R, she realized none of it had been a waste. She’d found her family there at the Double R, and her relationship with her mother and with her past had undergone healing. Her determination to realize her goals had also been reinforced. If only her heart didn’t hurt so much at the thought of not having Hunter and the kids in her future.
Connie, the office manager, came around the corner. “RaeLynn, you’re back. I’m sorry about all this.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” she asked.
Connie sighed. “I had to sign a nondisclosure agreement. They promised me a job with the new owners. I have two kids to support. What was I supposed to do?”
RaeLynn smiled at the other woman. “It’s not your fault. I just wish I could’ve changed Gerald’s mind.”
Connie nodded. “I know. You were so hyped up about saving the magazine that Gerald was afraid you were going to ruin it for him. His wife wants to retire to Florida, and this was the only way to do so. He invested everything he had into the magazine, so they needed the money from the sale to retire on.”
RaeLynn hadn’t realized that was the situation. She wished Gerald had just been honest with her. She could see how her strong desire to save the magazine could’ve made him feel like he didn’t have a choice about sending her out of the office.
“No hard feelings,” RaeLynn said. “Everyone did what they had to do. I just hate that my dream got squashed in the middle of it.”
Connie reached forward and touched her arm gently. “I don’t think any of us are worried about you finding somewhere new. You’re a good writer with a lot of drive and determination. You’ll find your place.”
They exchanged a few more goodbyes, a couple of hugs and promises to stay in touch. RaeLynn’s heart didn’t feel as heavy anymore, and part of her felt bad for blaming Hunter for her problems. It hadn’t been his fault. She wasn’t sure she could apologize, though.
Now more than ever, she needed to focus on her career, not on trying to make a relationship with him work. They had different lifestyles that weren’t compatible.
Ricky had offered to let her stay on the ranch. He’d told her she could do everything online from there, and maybe she could have. But RaeLynn knew she needed space from Hunter and the kids. They all did. Their hearts needed to heal.
When she got her things back to her apartment, she smiled at the kitten waiting for her. When she’d first arrived at the ranch, Hunter had told her Rex was hers, and when she’d left, he’d insisted she take him. He’d told her that if she needed to move for her job and couldn’t take the kitten with her, he would take him back, but he knew how much she loved Rex and wanted her to have him.
She picked up Rex and cuddled him. “Am I making the right choice?” she asked. The kitten meowed, which was no answer at all, but at least she wasn’t alone. Her phone rang.
“Hello?”
“This is Dirk McCormick of Western Ranch magazine.”
“Hello, Mr. McCormick. What can I do for you?”
“I heard about the sale of Mountain Lifestyles. I’m hoping that the gap left by it will give us room to expand. You’re a talented writer, and I’ve been following your work for a while. I especially liked the piece you did on ATVs replacing horses on ranches and the advantages and disadvantages of that change.”
RaeLynn’s heart surged with warmth and pride. Gerald had told her she was taking a risk with that article, because people liked the nostalgia of the horses and wouldn’t want to read anything supportive of ATVs. It was nice to hear from someone who appreciated her perspective.
“Thank you,” she said. “I appreciate that.”
“How would you feel about coming to work with us, taking the vision you have and your passion for small towns and ranches to help elevate the content of our magazine so we can reach new readers? I know Mountain Lifestyles focused mostly on Colorado. We’re hoping for something that could be more suitable for a larger group of readers. Is that something you’d be interested in?”
Something she’d be interested in? That had been her vision for when she took over Mountain Lifestyles. As Dirk explained his offer, RaeLynn realized this was better than what she’d dreamed of. She wouldn’t have to scramble to figure out how to fund everything and eventually buy Gerald out.
Dirk would be the publisher, but he wanted RaeLynn as his partner. She could focus on what she’d already started doing and not have to worry about running the magazine. She’d also work more on planning out the vision and assigning stories to other writers to help capture her vision. It was exactly what she’d wanted to do.
She closed her eyes and thanked God for giving her this opportunity. It was far better than anything she could have imagined for herself. She eagerly told Dirk she’d be happy to accept his offer, and he told her he’d email the details so she could look everything over.
“Where are you and your staff located?” she asked. “Should I be looking at relocating?”
Dirk laughed. “I’m in Montana in the summer and Phoenix in the winter. We have offices in Denver, but to be honest, it’s wasted space because we don’t use it very often. Most of us telecommute, although we do get together there from time to time. So as long as you can get your work done, you can live in Timbuktu for all I care.”
Her first thought was that she could go back to the ranch. She hadn’t been home a full day yet, and already she missed the peace and solitude. As if to drive home the point, a siren wailed as an emergency vehicle drove past.
But she couldn’t go back yet. Staying at the ranch meant staying in love with Hunter and the kids. It would mean always being torn between her family and her dreams. She couldn’t do that to herself or to them.
They finalized a few more details, and when RaeLynn hung up, feelings of elation brought a smile to her face. If she’d been at the ranch, she would have run to the ranch house and told everyone so they could celebrate with her. Wanda would’ve probably made something special for dinner and maybe dessert. RaeLynn hadn’t even had time to go to the grocery store, so she’d probably walk down the block to her favorite restaurant and eat a meal alone. Prior to going to the Double R, she would’ve been perfectly content with that. Now, the idea of doing it felt a bit lonely.
She picked up Rex again. “At least I have you. My house might not be filled with the laughter and chaos that I’ve gotten used to, but we still have each other.”
The kitten dug its claws into her, and she placed him on the couch. Apparently, Rex didn’t like the sound of that, either. RaeLynn knew she’d just taken the kitten from its family. She kind of felt guilty for that, even though Hunter had said he would’ve had to find the kitten a new home anyway.
As she unpacked her belongings, the silence in her apartment grew even more oppr
essive. She turned on the TV for background noise but found it to be annoying. She switched it off and left her apartment to walk to get dinner. She’d splurge on her favorite meal and even order dessert. That would give her enough leftovers to take home and eat tomorrow.
On the way to the restaurant, the sight of all the families laughing and having fun put a strange pain in her heart. RaeLynn hadn’t even been gone a day, and she already missed Hunter and the kids. She was seated next to a family with a baby about Bella’s age, and it made the pain in her heart grow worse. She told herself she would eventually adapt to this.
When she’d first gone out on her own, she’d felt free and enjoyed the silence and freedom. But now, all it did was make her heart hurt more. When the waiter brought her food, she looked down at the plate. In addition to her usual meal blessing, she asked God to please help heal her heart. To help the time it would take to let go move quickly and easily, because while the baby at the table next to her laughed, all RaeLynn wanted to do was cry.
* * *
Though RaeLynn had been gone only a week, Hunter couldn’t take it anymore and went to see her. Ricky’s friend at the ranching magazine had told him that RaeLynn had taken the job and could do it from anywhere, but RaeLynn had chosen to stay in Denver. Hunter could live with that. Or at least try to.
He pulled up in front of RaeLynn’s apartment complex, hating how it lacked character and warmth. It was just a big mess of people living stacked on top of each other. But he would get used to it. He had to.
He walked up to RaeLynn’s door and knocked. He heard some shuffling, and the door opened.
“Hunter? What are you doing here? Is Ricky okay? The kids must be okay, because you wouldn’t leave them if they weren’t.”
Hunter nodded as he took off his hat. “May I come in?”
RaeLynn opened the door and gestured for him to come inside. Her apartment was neat and tidy, but devoid of any of the character of the ranch buildings. It didn’t feel like her in here. The kitten scampered across the floor, and he smiled. Now, that felt like home.
Her Hidden Legacy Page 15
