by Cali Mann
“That’s better,” the professor said.
Why had he listened to Frank? I tilted my head. “Were you a guard?”
“Once,” she said. “A long time ago.”
I frowned. It was so strange to imagine our teachers having any other jobs besides teaching. Weird to think of them even having lives, but I guess they must have. “Did you hunt spirit shifters?”
She nodded regretfully.
I pressed my lips together. I’d escaped that fate—escaped being murdered at birth or being hunted down like a feral animal. Not that being Chuck’s trained monkey was any better.
“I was following orders, and I know that doesn’t excuse it.” Frank sighed. “But the lives I took will always stay with me and now I work to save the ones I can.”
I swallowed. It hurt to think of all those lives lost needlessly before the cure had been discovered. Most of them killed as babies before they could grow old enough for the madness to make them killers. I couldn’t blame Professor Frank for doing what she’d been trained to do and had been told was the only way to keep everyone safe—shifters and humans alike.
Professor Frank took my hands in hers. “Shifter lives are very long. You might find yourself doing many things before your time in this world comes to an end.”
Not likely. I wouldn’t have very much time here at all. No time to know better and do better. I just hoped that Alex and Drew and dammit, even Lucan would survive me.
There must have been something in my face because the professor squeezed my hands. “It’s okay, Sasha. Not everything goes according to plan.”
“That’s for sure,” I muttered.
“But know that we all want you to do well here.”
My eyes ran over the other students. Even Lucan’s pack gave me glares when I walked by. So much for the respect due to the alpha’s mate. “I don’t think you got the memo, Professor Frank.”
She sighed. “The Oracle has taken a great leap of faith inviting spirit shifters to Thornbriar. She has a vested interest in your survival.”
Yeah, the Oracle didn’t have to be here dealing with the day to day. She could take a ‘vested interest’ all she wanted, but she was far away in her palace. We were the ones stuck here. Molly and me. It’d be nice if the Oracle could stop by once in a while and make sure her ‘vested interests’ were all right. Maybe she could take out Chuck for me.
I met Professor Frank’s eyes. “Do you believe we should be here?”
“I do.”
There was nothing but heartfelt honesty in those words. Professor Frank believed in the Oracle; she believed in us. What would make someone feel like that? My brow wrinkled. “You know her?”
Professor Frank chuckled. “Yes. I knew the Oracle when she was a student here, just like you.”
“What was she like?”
She smiled. “She didn’t have the confidence you have, that’s for sure, but she knew what she wanted.”
“To be Oracle?”
“No, actually, that was the last thing she wanted. She only wanted to be free to make her own choices and live her life the way she wanted to.”
“Doesn’t sound that different to me,” I said.
“Well,” the professor said, “in order to have freedom, we must first have control.”
I waved my hand. “How can I control all this?”
“You can’t,” she said, pressing her hand to my chest. “You need to have control in here.”
I considered. “But I am in control of myself. I’m not prone to wild outbursts or carrying people off into the woods—” I blushed, thinking of Lucan.
“Are you really?” The question was very gentle and kind.
I opened my mouth to answer, but couldn’t.
“That’s why we practice. To develop our control.”
“How?”
“Think about drawing up your power, whichever one is active at the moment—”
“Fire.”
“A hard one, to be sure,” she said with a nod. “Draw it up and hold it, then let it go.”
“I’ll probably set the room on fire.”
Professor Frank chuckled. “Then find a safe place like a tub or the pools and practice there.”
I shuddered at the mention of the pools. Chuck’s words came back to me full force.
The professor patted my hand. “Practice, Sasha. And I’m around if you need me.”
I nodded.
Professor Frank unwound herself from her cross-legged posture, stood, and called to the class, “Move into your yoga series. Adele, take the lead.”
The student she spoke to nodded and ran to the front of the class.
I stood and shook myself out, getting ready for yoga. When I’d first seen Focus class on the schedule, I’d laughed, but it was fast becoming my favorite class. No one bothered me here. I didn’t have to take notes or answer questions. I moved my body through the poses and tried to forget everything I had to do.
But something about what Professor Frank had said stayed with me. I couldn’t control my life or my circumstances until I had control of myself. And I’d thought I did, but I wondered. Was I really doing what was best for me? I was going to go mad and drag Drew and Lucan down with me. Or I was going to die. The best scenario was that Alex got to live, free from harm. But who would protect him when I was gone? Chuck would kill him if I didn’t do what he wanted, but who would stop him from—just for kicks—killing him after I was dead?
I lay down in corpse pose and stared at the ceiling above me. The gym rafters were bare, all of their pipes and wires out on display. What if I didn’t do what Chuck asked? What if I completed my mate bonds and stayed sane? Was that even an option that I could consider?
12
Sasha
I tossed and turned all night, but by morning, I was determined. I didn’t have any choice. Better to get it done, get it finished now than spend my time worrying about it. I couldn’t sit through classes. I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. I, Sasha Wren, was going to be known as a murderer long after I’d gone. I hadn’t ever had any really big plans for my life. I always expected to die from the spirit shifter madness, if nothing else. But at least if I’d killed as a crazy person, I wouldn’t have known I’d done it. I’d have been out of my mind.
After throwing on some clothes—I honestly didn’t even know what they were—I headed out to walk the grounds. Poseidon lumbered along behind me, but he didn’t say anything. Just as well—I couldn’t have taken any of his banter in that state.
While I walked, I tried to drum up my courage and my fire. I forced all my anger into it. My anger at myself for getting in this whole stupid mess. My anger at my mother for bringing Chuck home. My anger at Chuck for doing this to me. For making me into a killer. My flames beat against my chest, and my fingers sparked.
Dragon roared inside me. She wanted out. She wanted into fly away in the bright blue skies and never see this place again. But then Alex would be dead. And somehow Chuck would go through with this plan anyway and I’d be Sasha Wren hiding away in a cave somewhere, waiting to go mad.
We’d wandered into the woods. The trees were losing their leaves as winter set upon us. I wasn’t a coward, but I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to kill the headmaster. Damn you, Chuck. I slammed my fist into a tree, and flames ran up it into the dead branches. The dry leaves exploded into a bonfire. A slow smile spread across my face as I watched. I could do this. I could save Alex and be done with this terrible bargain finally.
“Shit,” Poseidon muttered, and a blast of water drenched the tree. “Are you trying to start a forest fire?”
“I’m sorry,” I said, forcing as much innocence into my voice as I could muster. I splayed my hands on his chest in a classic ‘protect me, big man’ move that I’d seen my mother do a million times before. “I don’t know what happened.”
He fell for it—hook, line, and sinker—patting me on the back and telling me it was alright. “You need to be more care
ful with your powers, Sasha.”
I bit my lip and fixed him with big eyes. “I will.”
Because I wouldn’t be around to use them anymore. I knew I could kill Larkin this way. If I was fast enough, she’d be dead before she could muster a response. I just had to get her when her guard was down. I had to keep walking and stoking my fire until I knew I could do it again.
After I felt confident that I had my fire ready to go, I led Poseidon back to the buildings and into the dining room to get breakfast. But when I sat down to eat, I couldn’t stomach it. My fear and worry curled up in a ball inside of me. I shoved the pancakes around the plate. The empty dining room echoed back my loneliness. I should have found Drew and said goodbye or something. But he’d be better off without me. He wouldn’t die like some did when their mates died. There was no way we’d been mated long enough to cement the bond like that. Drew and Lucan would be okay.
Poseidon put away two stacks of pancakes and a pile of bacon. My lip curled. At least someone got something out of this.
Afterward, I found myself at the headmaster’s door. I couldn’t put this off anymore. My stomach swirled. I knocked, aware of Poseidon behind me but ignoring him, while I pulled my fire to me. Unlike at the pool which must have dampened it, I could feel it roar to life inside me.
I fed it every bit of my anger at Chuck for making me do this and for threatening my brother.
Every bit of my fury at life for giving me the short end of the stick, always. Not allowed to live for me, I’d been bound by other people’s needs. I loved my brother, but had I ever done anything just for myself? I shook that thought away. I had no choice. I squared my shoulders.
“Come in,” Larkin called.
I stepped inside. Bile rose in my throat as I regarded her bowed head. She hadn’t looked up from her paperwork, dotting every ‘i’ and crossing every ‘t’. Inspecting the office, I verified that she had no visitors. I pretended to be dispassionate. I faked courage when mine was failing me every minute.
“Sasha,” Larkin said. “Good, I’d wanted to speak with you.”
I tried to force out some response, but my throat refused to work. Killer. Murderer. I could see the torches and pitchforks now. But it probably wouldn’t get that far. Poseidon would stab me with his shiny knife. Two lives would be over, in mere moments.
The headmaster rounded her desk, studying me.
She was brilliant. Larkin was. I wouldn’t have much time. She’d figure it out before I could act. A small hope kindled in my breast, and I swallowed. I didn’t have a choice. I was dead either way.
A small line crossed her forehead. She knew something was up.
Poseidon closed the door behind us. The thud of the heavy wood echoed through the office.
I’d never noticed before how tall the room was. How the walls rose around us, reaching toward the sky, covered in bookshelves and tapestries. Focus, Sasha, you idiot. I licked my lips.
“Do you have something to tell me?” Her eyes bored into me as if she could see what I was thinking.
I trembled. “Um, yes.” My voice broke, but I made the words come out. “But could Poseidon wait outside?”
“Whatever you say will come out one way or another,” she said.
“I know, but I’d rather just tell you first.” Larkin hadn’t been exactly kind to me, but she did care about her students. She would take the bait. Though it broke my heart. I didn’t want to do this. There had to be another way. Every nerve in my body sparked with energy, and I held it close. Professor Frank would be proud of my control. If I wasn’t using it to cause death.
Larkin nodded and gestured to my guard.
When the door closed firmly behind me, I sighed. I didn’t want to do this, but it was necessary. Telling it to yourself over and over again won’t make it right. My fingernails bit into the skin of my palms.
Larkin’s gaze went to my hands.
I was certain I’d broken the skin, and she smelled the blood. Fuck. Don’t vamp out on me now. I barely had the strength to do this without her being prepared and fighting back. I’d never make it. My thoughts swirled, and I couldn’t catch my breath.
“Sasha?” Larkin stepped closer to me, looking concerned.
Making myself exhale, I reminded myself why I was doing this: for Alex. I pulled up an image of my brother’s face after he’d been attacked with bruises and cuts across it. I had to keep him safe. No matter what it took. No matter who it harmed. I yanked on my anger, beating it and forcing it to flame.
“What is it you have to tell me?” Larkin asked, her voice patient.
“I want to tell you who is doing all this.” My gaze drifted to the carpet, tracing the lines across it. I was a killer. Sasha Wren was a killer. How could I even look at Larkin, knowing what I was about to do?
She lifted her palms. “Well, I’d like to know.”
“He’s not making this easy for me,” I hedged, shoving more power into my flames. I’d only get once chance at this. I had to make it count. Larkin was much older and faster and more experienced than I was. I needed to do this right. For Alex.
The headmaster chuckled. “We won’t make life easy for him, once we know who is behind this. The Oracle herself might have a thing or two to say.”
“How can she take them all on like that?” I mused, a stone settling in my stomach. This was the worst thing I’d ever done. It was a good thing I wouldn’t live much longer, because I’d turned into my mother—doing whatever powerful men said. Although I didn’t get the compensation of jewels and money.
“Who? The Council? The parents? Your mystery evildoer?” Larkin smiled. “With the balance of her four mates, the Oracle is able to manage her magic.”
I tilted my head. “What do you mean?” I was stalling. My fingers itched to get this done, and my heart wondered why I was in such a hurry to doom myself. Today was the day I died. The stone in my stomach rolled over, and I had to hold back the vomit.
“She’s able to use her spirit magic to control the other elements and channel them to her will.”
I blinked. “That must be amazing.” My shaky tone didn’t match my words. I was as jittery as if I’d had four cups of coffee this morning. I hadn’t eaten or drunk anything.
“It gives her a great deal of power.” Larkin stepped toward me. “She’s also been instilled with the traditional power of the Oracle. That has a lot of ancestral history to it.”
“You can pass power down through ancestors?” My whole body was humming with the amount of fire power I’d called up. My limbs were twitching, wanting to shift into my dragon form. Maybe I could do that instead and flatten the office with my massive dragon body. At least then maybe I could get away. My eyes darted to the window and the blue skies beyond it.
Larkin’s hand came down on my arm, and I jumped.
“Sorry,” I said, forcing a smile. “I’m a little nervous.”
“It’s okay, Sasha. Whoever it is, we’ll fight him together.”
Tears threatened at my eyes. I grabbed Larkin’s hands in mine. My heart in my throat, I whispered, “I wish we could.”
She frowned, trying to figure me out.
I let my fire go. It rolled across my skin and roared over her.
When it bit into the skin of her arms, she cried out in surprise and tried to wrestle away from me.
Not letting her go, I forced the flames to attack her, battering at her natural coolness and igniting her hair.
Larkin stumbled toward the floor, her skin blackening under my assault.
I knew how much this hurt. Chuck had used his flames against me often enough, and he hadn’t meant to kill. Tears ran freely down my face now. “I’m sorry.”
The door creaked open behind me, and I heard Poseidon’s voice, “Are you all okay in here? I thought—”
I knew exactly when he realized what was happening.
“Dammit,” he roared, and a gush of water slammed into Larkin and myself, dowsing my flames.
I stared a
t my now empty hands, then the headmaster’s dark eyes. Shit. I am so fucked.
Catching her breath, Larkin soared to her feet and clasped my shoulders, yanking me to her. Her teeth came down on my shoulder, biting hard and fast. There was no give and take of pleasure like with Drew’s bites. Larkin savagely took, draining me. I slumped against her, my power gone.
My will was gone too. I hadn’t wanted to kill her. If I’d had any kind of choice, I would have done something else. My stomach flip-flopped. She was taking too much. I was going to die, not the way I expected, but justice all the same. My vision blurred and I closed my eyes, letting the blackness wash over me. I’d fought for Alex until my dying breath.
13
Sasha
When light shone through my eyelids, I tried to open them, but they were stuck together. Was I alive? Or dead? My throat was dry and parched. I opened my mouth to say, “water,” but no sound came out. If I have a throat and a mouth, I must be alive. I shifted, feeling sweaty sheets against my back. Where was I? But my eyes wouldn’t open. I swore silently. If I was alive, I’d failed. I’d have to deal with the consequences. Chuck was going to kill Alex, if he hadn’t already. My heart clenched. And I was probably in some kind of prison.
But my heart also skipped a beat. I was alive. Which meant I hadn’t killed the headmaster. I wasn’t a killer. Something inside me unfurled in relief.
A hand wiped a cloth across my eyes and some of the glue dissolved. I forced my lids open, wanting to know what was going on no matter what. The bright fluorescents shocked me and I closed them quickly.
The warm cloth ran across them again. “It’s okay, Sasha,” Drew said. “You’re okay.”
I peered at him, blocking out the bright lights with the back of my hand. “Where?”
“You’re in the infirmary.”
Not this fucking place again. I swear I’d spent more time here than in my classes. But Larkin hadn’t killed me. “Why?”
My throat ached with every word, but at least I could speak.
