Chapter Ten
Gavin
I felt like such a jerk for refusing to see Travis again for a mistake he’d made before I’d even known him. But then...I had my reasons too. And they were good ones. Now, a week after I’d last spoken to Travis, I wasn’t so sure.
I’d been working extra in the store, giving Kyle his afternoons and weekends off, just to keep my mind off Travis. Really I shouldn’t have been so worked up over a guy I’d only seen a few times. But when I liked someone, I fell quickly. I knew Cindy would understand that, and be able to offer me some advice or at least listen to me whine, but I also wanted to give her some space in case she was out with Lyssa or something. I would have hated to interrupt one of their dates. However, I did want to meet Lyssa sometime, when they were both ready for it.
Someone pulled up in front of my store, and I instantly perked up, hoping it would be Travis coming to say hi to me, letting me know that we could still be friends, despite my unwillingness to risk a cheater cheating on me too. But it was just a couple of teenagers going to a shop down the row from mine. I went back to looking through my sheep rearing magazine.
A familiar truck pulled up in front of my store and my stomach tightened. I’d hoped to see Travis again, but at the same time I had wondered what it would be like, too. Was he coming here to yell at me? Was he angry with me at all?
Travis gave me a half smile as he came in. It wasn’t all that cold out, but he still had on a jacket anyway. He came in silently and went to the same section of yarn where he’d found the previous skein. I’d changed that display, though, so I couldn’t blame him for looking a little lost, and after a moment I came over to him.
“Hey,” I said. He was a customer, just someone shopping in my store, I reminded myself. I wish that was easier to get through my head.
He looked at me longer than was necessary, and I thought maybe he looked like he’d missed me too. “Hi. I finished that ball I bought from you.”
I was surprised. I’d figured it would take him longer than that. I hadn’t gotten the hang of knitting right away and I’d had to restart, or “frog” as people often called it, my first scarf project multiple times. That scarf had taken me nearly a month and I’d given it up twice before finishing it. “That’s great. Are you here for more of the same yarn?”
He gave me a quick nod. “I am. I looked online. You know, to...”
Travis didn’t have to finish that thought. I knew what he was getting at. “It’s okay. I get it. This yarn is only available through me and maybe three other stores, but they’re in Arkansas. I buy it straight from the farm.” I pursed my lips. I was at work. In my shop. And yet I wanted to talk about something really personal. I didn’t usually mix personal things and my store, unless it was something with family, but this was different.
“I thought about making it just a very short scarf. It took a long time to get it right. I watched a lot of videos on YouTube. But I decided I want to make it longer, like a real scarf. I’d like to be able to wear it when it’s really cold out.”
He was rambling and I just nodded along. I knew what he was thinking, and where he was going with it, even as he spoke. “I’m glad you came back in.”
Travis looked like he wanted to say something, then he shook his head. “I’m trying to pretend that it doesn’t matter what you said. Really, it shouldn’t. You’re just a guy I met and went out with once. Just because you know the terrible thing I did and then decided I wasn’t worth it shouldn’t mean that much to me. But it does, and that sucks.”
If that was what he’d chosen to say, I couldn’t imagine how bad the thing was that he’d decided not to let out. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled. I was sorry too. I didn’t regret breaking things off before we got started, but I was sorry for hurting him.
He jerked his head in a quick nod. “Yeah. Me too.” He sighed and pulled a skein of the same yarn out of the shelf where I had them stocked. He reached for a second new skein, but then pulled his hand away before taking it.
“You only need one more?” I asked.
“Yeah. I think so. And, if I need more, I can always come back, right? I mean, it’s a long drive from Springfield, but...” He shrugged.
I smiled. “You can always come back here. Just because we didn’t work out...” That wasn’t the right way of putting it. “Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Yes, you did. But that’s okay.” Travis stepped away from me. I wasn’t sure why the distance he put between us hurt me as much as it did. “I can’t change what I did. All I can do is try not to be that jealous and insecure again. And it would also help to not go on dates with guys related to the guy my ex is dating. Then maybe no one will have to know about my big mistake.”
That would probably help. I could admit that what I knew about him had complicated things significantly for us. But at the same time, I couldn’t wish him the best and send him on his way. As dumb as it was, I wanted to be able to move past what he’d done for myself. “I wish I knew how not to worry that you’d cheat on me too. I’ve never wondered that about anyone until now.”
“Not even with your ex?”
I shook my head. “I never wondered if Cindy was cheating on me. I’m pretty sure she hadn’t, but if she had I never knew about it. She never tried to hide her phone from me, she never got off a call quickly when I walked in the room, she never went to work early or stayed out late.”
Travis brought the yarn up to the counter and I checked him out. Then I expected him to go. He seemed like he didn’t want to be there anyway. But then he put the yarn down on the couch and, without a word to me, he went back to his truck. A minute or two later he came back in, along with a small duffle bag. He sat down on the couch and pulled out his scarf. Still behind the counter, I admired his work. From as far away as I was, I couldn’t see every imperfection that there was in his work, but I thought it looked pretty good. The scarf definitely looked better than anything I’d been able to make as a first project.
“Can I get you something to drink? I’ve got some coffee and tea,” I called out to him.
He’d been joining the two skeins together, but at my question he turned back to me. “Is it okay if I stay and knit for a few minutes? Despite our issues, I like being here. It makes me feel better about knitting, more confident about what I’m doing kind of, since you’re right here in case I have a question or something.”
I nodded. “Of course you can stay. Would you like a drink?”
His smile showed me just how relieved he really was at being allowed to stay for a while. “Coffee would be great. Thank you.”
Chapter Eleven
Travis
Wherever Gavin got his coffee, it was delicious. There was something subtly sweet about it and I had to force myself to slow down and not try to finish the cup as quickly as absolutely possible.
I felt the same way about Gavin, though. And that sucked so much. I wanted to take my time and enjoy him. Just being around him made me feel better. I wished that I could say something to make him realize that I’d learned my lesson about cheating and I wouldn’t be making that mistake again. I knew better than to hurt someone I really cared about like that again.
But it seemed like no matter what I said, nothing except my past mattered to Gavin.
His phone beeped and I looked over at him, curious about the message he was getting, especially as he met my gaze. “Dillon is going to stop by with some honey before he goes to Arkansas for some convention he’s speaking at. He should be here in about ten minutes if you want to take off in order to avoid him.”
I appreciated him thinking of me in that moment. “Why would you offer me that?” He had no reason to think of my comfort, or my needs. Not anymore. That would have made sense when we were dating, maybe, but not now.
Gavin just shrugged. “I still care about you. Still wish I could look past what you did. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. It’s weird for me that they’re d
ating. I can’t imagine what it’s like for you.”
I wanted to kiss him for that, but I knew my kiss wouldn’t be welcome. So I simply smiled at him instead. “I’ll stay.”
“You sure?”
I really wasn’t. “I don’t want to go.”
Then Gavin smiled at me. “I like having you here too.”
A few minutes later Dillon pulled into the parking lot. He was driving a different car than the sleek one I was almost used to seeing him in. This one was a practical sedan. Four doors and no attitude. I could almost hear Cal saying that in my head.
Dillon had two jars of honey in his hands, and he fumbled with them when he saw me. I lifted my hand and waved at him. He nodded to me, and then looked to Gavin as if he was able to telepathically tell him what was going on. I could practically hear the questions in his head. What was I doing there? Had we made up? I could tell he wanted to know what I was doing there at the very least.
“I thought Cindy only needed one jar,” Gavin said as he took them from Dillon.
“She decided to make an orange honey cake later this week, and it calls for a cup all on its own,” Dillon said before turning his attention to me. “I’m glad you’re here, Travis. I had something to ask you, and I forgot to get your number from Cal before I left for this convention.”
I had the sick feeling he was going to invite me to their wedding or something, and if he did I had no idea how I was going to handle that. “Okay...”
Dillon came closer, close enough to sit on a nearby seat, but not so close that he and I were actually sharing the same couch. I was glad about that. I wasn’t used to being around Dillon.
“Tickets went on sale for the new Marvel movie the other day, and Cal was telling me how you two used to always go to the Thursday midnight showings and then get breakfast at a twenty-four-hour diner after.”
I hated the reminder. I’d loved those times with him so much, and it was one more thing that he and I would never share again. “What about it?” I asked uncomfortably.
Dillon met my gaze. “I’d like you to still do that with him. He misses your friendship, and I’m pretty sure that you miss him, too. Traditions like that, they’re important. I want to see it too, which is why we were talking about it at all, but I’ll probably just go with Kyle, Gavin’s kid, that same night. So, if you’re interested, work it out with him. I don’t want him to lose the things that were important to him that you can still do as friends just because you’re not together anymore. Gavin and Cindy managed to make their friendship work despite their divorce, so I don’t see why you and Cal can’t be friends too.”
I saw the olive branch he was offering me and I appreciated it more than he would probably ever know. “You wouldn’t be jealous? Most people wouldn’t like their boyfriend spending time with an ex like that.”
But Dillon just shrugged. “I’m actually not a jealous person. I’m not going to pretend that it wouldn’t hurt to come over sometime and see you two in bed together, but I trust Cal. I know he cares about me and I know how much you cheating on him hurt him. He’s not going to cheat on me with you or anyone else.”
“You have a lot more faith in him than I did.”
Dillon looked away from me and he pushed his lips together like he was trying hard not to say something that he’d regret. I still wanted to know what it was.
“You can say it. Whatever it is you’re thinking, you won’t offend me by saying what a moron I was,” I told him.
Dillon turned back to me and the smile he gave me definitely looked uncomfortable. “I was just thinking that, actually. That I couldn’t believe how dumb you were to throw away your relationship with him so easily. You’re not even with the guy you cheated on him with. Like, you didn’t lose Cal because you fell in love with someone and met your soulmate or something like that. That would suck, but maybe he would have understood. You straight up just cheated to get back at him for cheating, which he never did.”
“He kisses other guys though, at work, you have to know that he does that,” I said. Part of me wanted to lash out at him. I wanted to hurt him, to shock him and show him that Cal wasn’t as innocent as Dillon thought he was.
But Dillon’s eyebrows just went up. “Yeah, he does. And it’s hot. I’ve got a picture on my fridge of him kissing another stripper, and they’re in mesh underwear, and I had to put magnets over their dicks for when Kyle comes over because you can definitely see a lot through those. And yeah, if kissing at work is part of your definition of cheating, then sure, he cheats all the time. But it’s not part of mine. Unless he’s actually doing something sexual like a hand job or going down on someone or putting his dick in someone else, then to me it’s not cheating. We’ve talked about that. Maybe if you and he had talked about it and laid out what you’re comfortable with and found some kind of middle point, then things would have worked out for you two.”
Dillon was wrong, though. “There was no middle ground with us. I didn’t want him working there at all. Taking his clothes off for other people was more than I could handle. Everything else just added to it.” I took a deep breath. “The reality is that we should have broken up a long time ago. I wasn’t happy, not really, and he must not have been, either. If you’re really okay with us being friends again, I’d like that. And I do miss him. A lot. But I know that getting back together while he’s working there wouldn’t ever happen.”
Dillon smirked. “Yeah, well, he’s not going to stop stripping anytime soon. There’s plenty of guys his age looking for hot guys to stare at who aren’t twinks like me. And there are plenty of guys my age who have a daddy fantasy that like watching him, too.” He got up. “You’re welcome to be friends with him, though. Seriously. I’m all for you two being friends. I gotta head out, but I’m glad you were here. Did you and Gavin work out your issues? Asher mentioned there was trouble. It’s a small family and it’s a lot of gossip.”
Gavin sighed from behind the counter. “My issue is that he cheated on Cal. That’s not going to work itself out anytime soon. And you all should share less.”
Dillon looked really confused for a moment. “That’s why you two aren’t together? Seriously? Sure, there are some things that shouldn’t be forgivable. There are some very dark, very bad things that definitely go in that category. But cheating shouldn’t automatically be one of them, any more than divorce should be. Gavin, what if Travis didn’t want to date you because you’ve been divorced? It’s kind of the same thing.”
I looked to Gavin to see what he thought about what Dillon was saying. He did have a point there. “Thanks,” I told Dillon. And I meant it, too. My perception of him was starting to crack. The teenager that Cal left me for, that idea that I’d had of him, every horrible thing that I’d ever thought about him, they were starting to weaken. He’d shown me that he was actually a pretty decent guy. At least in this moment.
Dillon gave me a little half smile. We were on common ground. Maybe it was shaky, but for right now I could see a future where I didn’t hate him. And maybe he could see that, too.
“I should get going,” Dillon said after a few moments.
I nodded. I probably should go soon as well.
Dillon left, and once again it was just Gavin and I, only now the silence felt like it needed to be filled by something. I had no idea where to begin though. I wanted Gavin to see things Dillon’s way. I wanted him to at least consider the idea that just because I cheated on my last boyfriend didn’t mean that I’d forever be cheating on everyone I ever cared about again.
“He does have a point,” Gavin said.
It was pretty much exactly what I wanted him to say. “I think so too.”
Gavin smiled at me. “I think maybe I’d like to give us a second chance. If you’re at all interested, I mean.”
“I am.” We shared a smile, and then he got me a cup of coffee. I spent the next few hours knitting quietly on his couch.
Chapter Twelve
Gav
in
I considered my next date with Travis to be our first official one. We were meeting at a nice Italian place in Springfield. And now everything was out in the open. I was going into this date knowing what was probably the worst mistake he’d ever made, and I was still there. And he knew now that I had a hard time moving past big mistakes. Of course there were more things that we needed to find out about each other, but I thought we were in a good starting place. I’d even dressed up a little for the date. I wasn’t suit and jacket dressed up, but I was in a nice button-down shirt and a pair of slacks. I actually hadn’t worn either in years, and I was surprised they still fit me.
Travis was already seated and waiting for me when I came in. He waved to me and I headed over to the table. We were in a corner, secluded and romantic, and he’d already ordered himself a glass of wine.
I wanted to kiss him as soon as I sat down. Kyle was with Cindy tonight, so we would have the house to ourselves if he decided to follow me back home. I wanted to tell him that right away, but I knew waiting to at least see how the date was going to go would be better than jumping all in all at once.
“How was the drive?” he asked.
I’d had to drive an hour. I knew he lived in Springfield, so his drive was significantly less than mine had been, but all the best restaurants were here. “It was good. I hit very little traffic coming up.”
He was wearing a sweater. It looked soft. I barely resisted the urge to find out if it was as soft as it looked. I leaned toward him. Someone gave me a menu, but I didn’t look at it. Not right away. He didn’t look at his either.
Travis offered me his hand and I gave him mine. I’d missed touching him. I wanted so much to leave this restaurant and go to a hotel room with him, even though I was really hungry.
“I’m glad you’re here and that you gave us another chance,” Travis said.
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