Unmanageable

by Lavinia Kent

  “I am sure you’ll let him know. I really am sorry that this happened. It certainly wasn’t what either of us imagined. I mean, I’ve always known how Dad felt about working women…” Her voice trailed off. What else was there to say. This was not a fairy tale where things were going to magically work out, and it wasn’t a television movie where this moment would suddenly erase all the problems she’d had with her sister. “So, what are you going to do?”

  “I’m not sure yet—and to be fair to Greg, we’ve only had about two free minutes together since Dad’s speech. I’m sure we’ll talk about it tonight, however.”

  And didn’t that sound like a fun wedding night. She should ask about herself, ask how Charlotte saw her fitting into the firm, but it was clear her sister wasn’t thinking about her. She didn’t blame her, it had been a lot to take in. But still, it left her feeling even more adrift—and sure that her whole life was changing.

  Turning, she saw her father standing by the window, looking out at them. He smiled and gave a nod.

  Her stomach burned.

  She should go in, say something polite while making it clear she wanted to talk to him at a less public time. There must be something that could be salvaged from this mess. Maybe instead of closing the Forbidden Cove office, he could separate it, give it to her. It would be far from what she had dreamed of, but it would be something.

  Or she should go and tell him exactly what she thought, let him know how she felt about his half promise. Only, had he ever made her a promise? Even a half one? Or had it all been her own wishful thinking, her belief that all her hard work would pay off?

  Nodding back, very briefly, she turned to look out over the water. No, this was not a fairy tale. “I’m glad to have had the chance to talk to you, Charlotte. I know things haven’t always been smooth between us, but I truly do wish you the best. I hope you and Greg can come to terms. You looked so happy during the wedding.”

  Her sister’s voice sounded wistful. “I was.”

  “I think I’ll say my goodbyes now. It’s time for Brian and me to be heading out.”

  Charlotte reached over and took her hand. “He really does seem nice—I know I’ve only met him for a few moments, but I could see how he looks at you…I do hope you can be happy too, Veronica.”

  “I wish the same to you. Somehow, we’ll find a way to make this work for us.” She leaned forward and placed a kiss on her sister’s cheek. “I’ll see you when you’re home from the honeymoon.”

  “Please keep all my clients happy until then? I may need them on my side.”

  She smiled, but didn’t answer. Dealing with her sister’s clients was not high on her list of priorities. Hell, she truly didn’t know if she was ever going back to the firm.

  In fact, she might be pretty sure she wasn’t.

  And oddly, that thought bothered her far less than she would have imagined.

  Head high, she walked into the dining room alone.

  And then she saw Brian across the room. He was talking to one of Greg’s friends, and even from here Veronica could see that he was eager to be gone. He lifted his eyes, a flash of relief, a big smile.

  And suddenly she realized she wasn’t actually alone.

  * * *

  —

  Brian pulled the large car up in front of Veronica’s house. She smiled at him weakly and slid out. He followed. There was no way he was going to ask if she wanted him to come in. He was not leaving her alone tonight, not after that scumbag of a father had acted like that.

  She looked at him. He could see her debate whether to say something and then decide either that an argument wasn’t worth it or that she actually wanted him there. He could only hope for the latter.

  She waved at the car. “I meant to ask about this earlier. Is it yours? Another part of your past life?”

  “I wish—well, no, I don’t. I borrowed it from a friend.”

  “Another player?”

  “A teammate, but on a totally different pay scale. Does the name Tim Coyle mean anything to you?”

  “No. Should it?”

  All he could do was smile. He couldn’t wait to tell Tim. “No, I don’t think so.”

  She turned and headed to the house. “We should have stopped and picked up Baxter. I could really use the silly boy right now.”

  “You’ll have to make do with me instead.”

  Stopping, she turned to him. “I just might manage with that—although I’ll ask that you not lick my face.”

  “As long as I can lick other parts of you.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

  The smile did not reach her eyes. “What did it feel like when your knee went out?”

  That was a little out of the blue, but he understood where she was coming from. “It hurt, but not as much as you would think—that came later, when the shock wore off. But I imagine you want to know about my feelings, not the physical pain.”

  “Yes.” She started up the stairs and entered the house.

  Brian followed behind, waiting until they were inside to answer. “It’s complicated, because it wasn’t all at once. I mean, at the time I knew it was bad, but I was much more concerned with immediate things—that the goal hadn’t gone in, that I could get off the ice without looking too injured, whether they’d let me back in to finish that game.”

  “You thought you might be back that game?” She slipped off her shoes and walked into the kitchen.

  “You always do—if you’re conscious. Nobody ever wants to think beyond that.”

  “And when you knew it was bad?”

  “Do I remember you mentioning that you have some whiskey? I think we could both use some.”

  She went and opened a cabinet over the refrigerator, shifting up onto her toes, that tight skirt stretching. A hundred lewd thoughts filled his mind, but he concentrated on her. This was not the time for such thoughts. That would come later, when he was sure she was ready to be distracted.

  A half-full bottle of whiskey appeared. Not a great brand, but definitely drinkable. He reached behind and took out two tumblers. “Ice?”

  “Yes, please.”

  He brushed past her to the refrigerator and put a few cubes in each. Veronica added the whiskey. Handed him his, then held hers up. “To better days.”

  “And better nights.”

  She snorted. “You are such a man.”

  “And that’s just how you like me.”

  Walking back to the living room, she sat down and swung her legs up on the couch. He moved to sit beside her, lifting her legs to his lap. He took a good slug of the whiskey, then set it aside, beginning to knead the arches of her feet.

  She moaned—a moan that had his cock wondering if it should come to attention.

  Another moan. “God, you’re good at that, but you haven’t finished telling me about when you learned of your knee.”

  “You want me to tell you what it was like when my world came to an end?”

  “Yes. I don’t want to compare my day to that, but…You have me wondering if I am still thinking I can get back in the game when that’s never going to happen.”

  “It’s not easy to compare, but not for the reasons you think. The thing with me is that it was much more gradual. When it first happened, they weren’t sure how it would heal—or if they were, they weren’t telling me. It was almost six months before I truly had to face up to it being over. If I understand what you’re actually trying to ask me, it’s more complex. I never had a choice. You can decide if you want to fight or not.”

  Veronica sipped her whiskey, and he could see her thinking. “I’m trying to focus on what you said the other night—about finding a way to move on.”

  “Did I say that?”

  “Something like it, something about finding a new life.”

  “I certainly didn’t mean immediatel
y. You don’t even know yet if things are hopeless at the firm. I mean, even if your father doesn’t make you a senior partner, you’ll become partner sometime soon, won’t you?”

  A loud exhale. “Probably. I mean, who knows what Greg will do, but yes—and if he didn’t, I could probably find another firm that would promise to make me partner in a couple of years. I’ve built a strong client base doing all the summer work for people here. I think a bunch of them would go with me if I left—even if I can’t force the issue. It has to be their decision.”

  “That doesn’t sound so bad, then.”

  “On some level it isn’t, really. I have choices. And it’s my own fault if I thought that when my father said I’d be happy with his plans, he had any idea what he was talking about. It never occurred to me that he had any choice besides either me or Charlotte.”

  Brian resisted the urge to comment on what he thought of her father—and that yes, she probably should have realized it earlier.

  “The problem is,” she continued, “I don’t want to work at another firm. You know, it was one thing to work at a place I might have a stake in. I don’t want to work at a firm just for the sake of becoming partner, of earning money. Am I making any sense?”

  “If that’s how you feel. I’ve never been quite sure why taking over your dad’s firm was so important to you. But I also knew you worked hard at it and I’d never tell you what to want—at least not anyplace but in bed.” He pressed his thumb hard into her instep, enjoyed another of those deep moans.

  “You’re distracting me, but I don’t want you to stop.”

  “I won’t.”

  “I don’t want to work for Greg, or even Charlotte—and I don’t have it in me to fight them for control, assuming that’s even possible, which it probably isn’t.”

  “Okay.”

  “But if I don’t do that, what do I want to do?”

  Again, he held silent. He wanted to suggest she go back to public interest, but that was her decision to make.

  “I mean, this is what I’ve worked at for the last five years.”

  “I know what that feels like. I wish I had an answer that would make it easy.”

  “And do I even want to stay here, stay in Forbidden Cove, under these circumstances?”

  That caught him off guard. Was there even a possibility that she would move?

  She took another gulp of whiskey, a large one. “I mean, I’ve always thought I loved it here, but suddenly I feel so disconnected. I love the ocean. I want to live by the ocean, but does it have to be here? Maybe I should go somewhere else, have a fresh start?”

  “You don’t need to make that decision tonight.” That was a reasonable answer. It was much better than screaming yes, yes, yes.

  “I know.” She finished her whiskey. “I should have brought the bottle in here.”

  He handed her his, still mostly full. “You need this more than I do.”

  “I shouldn’t,” she said, but she accepted the glass. Took a sip, turned and considered him. “How would you feel if I came with you?”

  “I don’t even know where I’m going. I mean, I did get my MCATs yesterday and—” He wasn’t going to let them get ahead of themselves.

  She rose up. “What? You got your MCATs and you didn’t tell me? How were they?”

  He felt heat rising on his cheeks. “Pretty good actually. And I was going to tell you today. I figured we could celebrate after the wedding.”

  “We still can.” She sounded determined.

  “No, that’s okay. We can celebrate when I get in someplace, assuming that I do.”

  She glared at him. “Don’t be like that. I am sure that you will. And I do want to celebrate—although, you’re probably right that tonight is not the best. I don’t want your success overshadowed by my problems.” And then she leaned back. “But we’ve gotten away from the point—how would you feel if I came with you?”

  “We’ve already established that I have no idea where I am going.”

  “I know—and I think I actually like that. I’ve fought for security for so long and now I like the idea of freedom. And, yes, I am very aware that I am not in the right place to make this decision, but it feels right—just like you said you felt about med school. Besides, from what you’ve said, it’s not like you’ll be living on the streets.”

  No, it certainly wasn’t. Still, he didn’t know what to say. He suddenly, desperately wanted her to come with him, but it was too early in their relationship for that, wasn’t it? And this was her emotions talking. She truly might feel differently in the morning. “If you want to come with me, I won’t say no. But you need to be sure, and tonight isn’t the time to make that decision.”

  “I’ll grant you that, but I don’t think I am going to change my mind. This truly feels right. If it doesn’t work—and I think it will, my gut says it will—then I’ll find something else. It’s not like I plan to move in with you and give up my life—I simply want to find a new one, one hopefully with you in it.”

  His head was going to explode. She was offering him everything he wanted, everything he hadn’t even dared to think about because he knew it was impossible, but he knew better than to believe that she truly meant it—or at least that she’d mean it in the morning. “I would like that, but you’re not ready for us to have a relationship. You didn’t even introduce me as your boyfriend at the wedding.”

  “Is that your problem, that I didn’t introduce you as my boyfriend?” She sounded a bit angry, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to be the focus of all her mixed emotions—at least not if they were coming out as anger.

  If she really needed to release emotion, he was sure he could find a better way. “No. I’m just worried that you’re moving ahead of yourself, that you’ve gone from trying to decide if we’re a couple to this.”

  She set her glass down, leaned back and stared at the ceiling. “I know, but I’ve actually been thinking about it for a few days. I keep surprising myself by realizing how much I care for you. I even used the word love in my mind once. It terrifies me, but it feels so right.”

  He almost swallowed his tongue. Love. She was using the word love? “I think you’re just feeling lost.”

  She turned on one hip, facing him fully, swinging her legs away from him. “No, it’s a lot more than that. I haven’t wanted to face it, but today forced things. I don’t know if I love you, but I think I might. I’ve never felt anything like this before. I feel safe when I’m with you. I feel happy when I’m with you. I feel desired when I’m with you. And when I’m not with you, all I want is to be with you.”

  And how was he supposed to respond to that? “And if I feel the same?”

  “Do you?”

  Did he? “I haven’t really thought about it.”

  “I don’t believe that.”

  “Maybe I’m terrified too. I mean, until five minutes ago I thought there was no long-term hope for us, unless I gave up my dreams. I still wanted to figure out how to keep seeing you, but I’ve watched so many relationships fall apart over distance and I’ve seen the hours you work at the firm and I know what type of hours I’ll be facing in med school. It all seemed impossible.”

  “And now?”

  “And now I can’t believe you’re the one pushing this. You’re the one who couldn’t even face up to the fact we’re having a relationship.”

  “I know.” She hung her head, stared down at her hands. “I wish I could change that, could have made myself realize a little faster what’s important in life.”

  “But you didn’t.”

  “No, I didn’t.” She raised her head and turned to stare at him. “How do I convince you that I mean it, that I might not understand it, might not have the right words, but that I do mean it?”

  * * *

  —

  Veronica felt like she was holding
her heart out to him, waiting for it to be slapped away. Did he understand how hard it was for her to say these things? She understood completely why he thought it was too soon, why he didn’t trust her to know what she was feeling, but she did know. She knew like never before.

  She’d had a good life for so long. She had not been unhappy. If anything, she’d been far happier than most people she knew. But with Brian, she saw the chance for not just a good life, but an extraordinary one. When she was with him, the world was a better place.

  He reached out and took her face between his hands, holding it so that their eyes locked. “I think the only way you’ll convince me is to keep saying it. You need to say it tomorrow morning when we wake up. You need to say it in a week when I’m tired from studying and you’re frustrated from doing your sister’s work.” He held up his hand. “I know you think you’re going to leave the firm, but I also know that if you do, you’ll do it the right way, and until then you’ll continue to do what needs to be done—and despite your mixed feelings, you’ll do what is right by Charlotte.”

  She nodded, knowing he was right. She might be ready to make big changes, but that didn’t mean she’d suddenly become irresponsible.

  Brian continued, “And I need you to say it in a month, when I decide if I’m moving into the city to take a couple of actual classes to see if I am still capable. I need you to say it when you do leave the firm. I need you to say it when we move to the city together and are arguing about where to live. I need you to say it when I’m spending too much time with other students in med school and you’re feeling neglected. I need you to say it when you get offered a dream job and it’s not in the same place that I need to be.”

  Wow. And she’d thought her mind was spinning before. “And what do we do then?”

  “I don’t know, but do you think we can figure it out together?”

  She paused. He was asking a lot. He was asking for everything. Was she in a position to give it to him? Would she regret it in the morning? “Yes.” She said it with firm conviction. “I do think we can do it together. I admit that I don’t have all the answers. Right now, I’m not sure if I have any of the answers, but I do have faith in us. I do know that my life is so much better with you than it could ever be without you. And if that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.”