by KB Benson
“Well, the waters I suppose. The sirens, you see, are the muses of the lower world. ‘Their song, though irresistibly sweet, was no less sad than sweet, and lapped both body and soul in fatal lethargy, the forerunner of death and corruption’. That was Walter Copland Perry.” Kai smiles at his own memory of a time when he first heard the quote.
“Sounds like a monster to me,” I say, doubtful of his conviction.
He shakes his head. “No, not monsters. Survivors. Just like us. Imagine for a moment you are a—let’s say a cow.”
I can’t help but smile. “A cow?”
“Yes, I know it’s silly but just imagine it.”
I lean back in my chair, waiting for what he comes up with next.
“You are a cow and here come two-legged creatures dressed in strange clothes with rope in one hand, a stunner in the other, and a long rubble trail leading to a smokehouse filled with fire. They come to take your brother, your sister, your entire species away to feast. And soon come to take you away, too. Are we not monsters in the eyes of a cow? Or for that matter, monsters to the earth when we consume her living creations, when we destroy her with our garbage? In a sense, we could all be considered monsters. The sirens, to us, may seem like monsters; but they are simply trying to survive.” Kai’s eyes are bright with wonder, but soon they fade. “If they were real that is, but this is just a story.”
I’ve never heard of anyone talk about my kind that way, let alone that someone being human. “You don’t really believe it’s just a story, though, do you?” I ask. It’s not a question I expect him to answer; I know he doesn’t.
Kai pulls at the collar of his checkered shirt, the top button tugging against its hole about to come undone. “You’re quite observant for a girl your age. How old are you, did you say?”
“I didn’t.”
“Ah, well yes. Of course. I think it’s best if I get going; it’s getting late.”
I glance at the clock hanging above the cash register. We’ve been speaking for nearly two hours. “You’re absolutely right. I’ll walk out with you.”
Kai seems nervous at first, as my prey always do, but the excitement of our conversation burns behind his eyes. He nods, grabs his coat from the back of his seat, drops a few dollar bills onto the table top, and follows me out of the coffee shop.
The brisk air chills my cheeks, the wind tugging against my hair. His eyes dart across my body from head to toe, lingering a bit more than would be considered casual. His attraction is clear—whether to the temptation of my human body or to the lust of toying with danger, I’m not sure. Not that it matters.
“Can we walk together?” I lace my voice with innocence.
Kai wipes his palms on his pants as he glances down the street.
“Sure. I was taught to never leave a woman alone at night.”
“Excellent.” I loop my arm through his.
We walk in silence for a few minutes, my steps strategically placed to lead us to the ocean front. To the feasting ground. I don’t say much and neither does Kai. At this point, I know he’ll follow me. Maybe he’ll need a little prodding, but once we reach the sandy shores of the beach and I sing for him, he won’t have a chance for escape.
“Where are we headed?” Kai asks.
“I thought we could go for a nice stroll on the beach.”
He nods. “Do you often spend time at the beach late at night?”
I can sense he’s playing with me, toying with the idea of being alone on a darkened beach.
“That’s the only time I come to the beach.” True. Not in the sense he’s thinking, but true nonetheless.
I continue to pull us toward the ocean. I can hear the waves lapping against the shore, taste the salt in the air, and feel the mist even from this distance coat my skin. Even that tiny bit of ocean centers me and makes me feel at home. The moon is high in the sky, and I can’t wait to submerge myself into the welcoming arms of the ocean, Kai in tow. The pull is intoxicating, I can’t stay away from it. I have to sing for Kai now before I abandon him and throw myself into the ocean alone.
I turn to face him, parting my lips to sing my siren’s song.
“Iris,” Kai says, stopping his fate, his fingertips gently brushing my forearm. “You are a siren, aren’t you?”
His words catch me by surprise and I don’t have a response. “What?” I ask incredulous. How could he know?
“I’ve studied your kind all my life, yet I never believed I’d be fortunate enough to meet a siren in the flesh.”
He doesn’t look scared, standing at the edge of the ocean, on the precipice of what may be his short life. No, he looks intrigued and only has eyes for me. I stare at him confused.
“May I?” he asks.
He leans forward, his face mere inches from mine. His hot breath blows against my neck as he stares into my eyes.
“It’s said that your eyes are the window to your soul,” Kai mutters.
“I don’t have a soul.”
It doesn’t matter. Kai can see what I am in my eyes, the reflection gives me away.
“Amazing,” he whispers.
I stand as solid as a statue. He stands in front of me, his hands lightly holding onto my biceps. He releases his grips and lets his hands slide down my arms, his fingertips barely touching my skin. Small feathers have layered on top of my flesh from the ocean’s brief, misting touch, barely noticeable unless you know to look for it. Kai lifts my arm in front of his face, staring at the small feathers sparkling in the moonlight.
“I thought your unyielding opinion that you are a monster was odd, as though you hoped to scare me. Now I see what you are; and you, Iris, truly are beautiful. How lucky I am to meet you.”
“Lucky? If you know what I am, then you must know what lies ahead for you.” I gesture to the blackness of the ocean.
Kai looks out into the unending dark. He nods, “I do.”
“And you’d let me take you?”
“It’s who you are, Iris. I wouldn’t blame you for surviving.”
What kind of man is this?
“Good,” I say.
“Although,” he stalls. Typical human. “Although, I may be able to offer you something better than a single meal.”
“Something better?” I ask.
“Yes. How long have you been in Santa Cruz?”
I’m not sure where he’s going with this, but I answer. “Almost a year.”
“Where have you been staying?”
I shrug and gesture to the beach. “Near the ocean of course.”
“Oh, of course. I’m sorry, yes, of course. Well, I can offer you a room and board at my home.”
I know the look on my face isn’t convinced. I don’t need a home.
Kai can tell, though, because he quickly follows up, “And I can help you hide your true identity, keep people from being suspicious. It would be an honor.”
“It’d be an honor to harbor a murderer?”
“No, no, no. Not harbor a murderer, to protect a creature to whom most, if not all, do not even know exists. I want to be a part of your life. To really be a part of the history of mythology. Besides, I think I could help you find ‘worthy’ victims—steer you away from innocent lives.”
“You’re human. You’d kill me in a heartbeat.”
“And you a siren. You could easily take away my free will with a simple tune.”
I think for a moment. I am running out of ideas of where to get my prey. Taking too many bodies from one place leads to suspicion. The water’s surface rolls with the tension of my brothers and sisters—their thoughts carried to me on the advancing waves. “Why have I not yet found another? Why do I just sit on the beach each day? Why am I not like the other sirens? Why? Why? Why?”
Why? Because I’d rather not kill an innocent. Why? Because the ocean is the only place I feel at home, and I’d rather be in pain near it (even if not allowed in it) than anywhere else. Why? Because I’m not a siren. I stop my thoughts there. Of course, I am a siren.
I’m a siren who has had the good fortune of finding someone to help me, maybe not directly, but at least to aid me in fitting in as a human here.
“Alright, Kai. You have a deal.”
Kai looks surprised that I take his offer, but not relieved as though he knew I’d take it all along. “That is great news. But from here on out you will need to call me Mr. Demonas. You look like you could be seventeen years old. You’ll come with me to high school.”
“High school?”
“It’s the only way I can watch over you; besides, it will give you the opportunity to live a little while fulfilling your duty as a siren. Trust me, you’ll like it.”
I’m unconvinced.
“And if you don’t, you simply stop coming. But just try it.”
I sigh resigned. “Alright. I’ll come with you to high school.”
I push through Kai’s front door, a loud thud shuddering through the house as it slams behind me. Kai is immediately in the front hall.
“What is it, Iris?” His brow furrows and his mouth arcs downward.
It’s been nearly a year since he took me in, and he has proved true to his word. He has always protected me; even when the protection I needed was from myself. Like now.
“I can’t do this.” I sink against the stairs leading to the floor above us.
“Can’t do what?” He lowers to my level and places a hand gently on my head. “Tell me what’s happened.”
And I do. The moment my mouth opens the words spill out in a jumble of panic and fear, but I think he catches the gist of what I say. The confession frees my heart from the guilt and pain for just a moment, but before long it comes crashing back down into my rib cage.
“And you’re sure? You’re sure you love him?” Kai asks.
“I’ve never been surer. It’s like my body doesn’t know who to be loyal to—the moon and the sea or to Jace. I’ve never felt a competition like that before.”
I’m not sure if this even makes sense; Kai doesn’t know what it’s like to have a never-ending tug of war literally pulling his entire being in two opposite directions. If I give in to either side, I’ll break. Although, he may be the only human that could understand without actually having felt it.
“Oh dear.” Kai pulls me into his arms. It’s been getting harder and harder to take innocent lives, and Kai has been with me through all of it. He’s the closest thing I have to family here on land.
“Well, it sounds like there’s only one option. You’ll have to make a deal with Damion.”
I pull out of Kai’s arms. “No.” I mean for my response to be firm, but it comes out as a quiet, fearful whine.
“I know you don’t want to, but would you rather avoid Damion’s wrath or give in to the inevitable fate you’ve created for Jace? The full moon is almost upon us. It’s your decision.”
I hate when Kai is right. When the full moon rises, I will lose control and give in to the insatiable pull of the ocean tide; and Jace will follow me blindly into the feeding grounds.
“What do I barter?” I don’t pretend to hide my fear around Kai. He knows all too well my past with Damion.
“The only thing you can. Damion only ever wants one thing.”
I sigh. “I can’t do that. I can’t sacrifice another guiltless person for my mistake.”
“But isn’t that what you’re doing anyway? Jace will follow you into the ocean, he will be consumed by it. Yes, if Damion will take a replacement, it will be an innocent. But if you don’t try, one will die nonetheless.”
I know he’s right. It’s the monster I am that slaughters all these undeserving people. Kai may not believe I’m a monster, but I do. I’ve thought about giving up before, never returning to the ocean, never singing my song again, never luring another soul to their deaths. I could wither and dry up on land and eventually disappear with the wind; but Damion would only put another siren in my place. It wouldn’t actually save the humans. They would still die; and, depending who was chosen as the seeker, may be even more ruthless in ways.
“There’s no other way?” I ask, already knowing the answer. If I can’t think of another one, I know Kai won’t.
“I’m afraid not.” Kai brushes my hair behind my ear.
I sigh, resigned to the task in front of me. Just as I think I can wait until the morning, Kai speaks again.
“Go now, Iris. Before you rethink the decision and it’s too late to make a change.”
As I walk to the beach and dwell on the idea, the more it seems like finding a substitute is my only realistic option. My feet move from concrete to sand in a matter of minutes.
If I can find a substitute like those I used to take in the beginning, it won’t really even be a sacrifice; although, I know in reality that’s a lie. It’s always a sacrifice.
When I first arrived at Santa Cruz, I had to drag myself onto the beach, lost and alone. I was barely able to keep my weak ankles under my body. I’d never had to rely on fleshy human legs to carry my weight before. I staggered and stumbled my way through the city to a nearby inn. I had no money; but when you’re a siren, you don’t need money. All you need is your charm.
The innkeeper would’ve killed himself for me if I’d asked it. Instead, I asked him to secure me a room, and he did. He led me a filthy hole in the wall with dusty bedding and stained furniture. Paint chipped from the walls and cigarette smoke barreled in from the rooms next door.
I lied down on the bed, the stiff mattress boring into my back when a roaring shout bellowed through the flowered wallpaper. The cries grew in intensity and after a few minutes were followed by a scream and a thud against the wall. Quiet whimpers floated through the paper-thin walls and then a gunshot. Before the shot finished ringing, the hotel room’s door opened and slammed shut. I watched through the sheer curtains covering my window as a man climbed into a black SUV and drove away.
I couldn’t help myself. I slipped into the room next door, my hand not even shaking as it twisted the dented metal doorknob. The room was trashed, furniture upturned and broken apart, sheets ripped away from the rest of the bed, a broken TV. I nudged destruction out of the way as I carefully placed each step. LED lights flickered through a small slit in the bathroom door. The room was drenched in red. A woman’s body slouched against the vanity mirror, blood pouring from a wound in her stomach, filling up the sink. Her eyes lifeless.
I touched her face trying to shake the life back into her, but she was already gone. I left the hotel that night following the scent of the man who’d previously been with the woman. He didn’t run away too far; it was easy for me to find him, to distract him, and to lure him away from safety. He was my first prey.
I always enjoyed the thrill of the hunt, but it was even more satisfying when the hunt was laced in revenge for those unworthy to live. I traveled across the coast of the entire state of California and found corrupt men hiding in banks and corporate offices who beat their families at home. Others spent their time idly watching young girls at parks, only to try and kidnap them later. There was always an endless supply of disgraceful humans here until one day I’d taken the last one.
My gaze focuses on the ocean, the sun setting on the horizon. When did it get so late? If I can find others that aren’t worth keeping alive… my thoughts stop there. Everyone is worth keeping alive. I used to kill those I judged as undeserving; but after living with Kai, I’ve realized there can be no redemption for them now. They may have been unworthy, but had they lived they may have found restitution. Now it’s no longer an option.
Besides, there’s a short supply of detestable humans in Santa Cruz after I plucked off the final one I could easily find last year. Everyone else is just an innocent, just like the girl I found years ago at the inn. I try not to think of myself in the same league as the man who’d murdered her.
Unseen cords attach themselves inside of me like chains on my heart. I no longer control my steps toward the blue ocean; I am dragged to it. I close my eyes; this is the beginning of the end. I tak
e a deep breath, releasing into the pull. It feels so pleasurable to just let go of myself, to give in to the pull of the ocean. I smile a little. How I love the ocean, how I crave after it. I resist the urge to run into the frothing waves awaiting me.
When I’m far from the ocean, it’s all I can think about. When I sit on the beach, unable to step in, the pull feels as though it might literally rip me off my feet, drag me across the sand, and into its dark depths. But when I am in the water with Damion’s approval, it brings me peace. It brings me familiarity; it brings me to myself.
As I dream of the ocean behind my closed eyelids, Jace’s face appears in my mind. I stop two steps from where the water laps onto shore. Jace pulls on me as well. It’s not as strong as the ocean’s pull because he’s not here; but he still has a claim on a part of me. Taking a deep breath, I finish those two steps into the water.
The moment the tide covers my feet, the inner peace that comes from the ocean soothes the unquenchable fire that burns in me every day. Everything is pristinely clear. I soak up the peace, the tranquility, the calm, the serenity of who I am. Suddenly, I hear his voice.
Are you failing us, daughter?
Damion. This is who I came here to speak with. Damion is the leader of our clan. He rules just under Achelous, king of all the river gods… and king over the entire siren race. I smother the thought that I’d rather be speaking with Achelous himself. Damion has control over our entire clan and he is a ruthless enforcer.
I respectfully nod a greeting out to the dark ocean, seeing nobody, but knowing he’s there.
“I do not fail,” I say boldly, tucking back the fear inside of me.
Then why do you come alone?
I take a deep breath. “I have a proposition to make with you, Father.”
I can almost feel him mulling it over in the growing silence. What do you propose?
I try to keep the trembling from my voice. “A boy has heard my song, one who was not meant to hear it.”
An easy kill.
“It would appear, Father. But unfortunately, he proves to be strong enough to fight against the pull of my song.” I know I’m exploiting a weakness in my own ability, my own song; but if Jace heard my song that night at the dock, he should not have been able to walk away. He should have died that day.
