by Tiya Rayne
And though it is not as thick as before, the somber feeling comes back.
Avalia sighs and stands to her feet. “It is true, we need her more now than we have ever needed her before. But, she is hurting. She’s confused and scared. We have no idea what all she went through in that cabin, but it has changed her. Made her not trust. It made her not only doubt herself, but also all of us.”
I agreed with Avalia 100%. The Lilly upstairs in that room was not the Lilly I know and love. She was frightened, skeptical, and skittish. I hated that witch for what she did to Lilly, not just the abuse, but the change in character. For the first time I can say that I am glad that the Dark King took the witch. I went back to that cabin in the woods that same night the boys were born, to end that witch’s life. I found nothing but charred remains of the small home, but no body. If I had gotten my hands on her I would have killed her. But I can guarantee that whatever the Dark King has in store for her is much worse than what I could do. And she deserves nothing less for what she’s done to Lilly.
“Can’t someone just talk to her? Tell her that we love her and would never intentionally hurt her.” Kema’s lyrical voice sings out.
When all eyes turn to me, I feel the weight of their desperation for me to fix this. But, unfortunately, I am the last person she would listen to.
“I’m afraid it can’t come from any of us. She would need someone that she looked up to and could trust more than anything. Someone who knows her better than she knows herself.”
This time I laugh. A deep rumble that is so sudden and loud that everyone seems confused by the outburst.
“Of course.” Is the only explanation I give before tracing away.
Chapter Nine
I press a soft kiss to my youngest son’s head while he suckles my breast.
I never knew I could love something or someone this deeply. My boys are my world. I can spend countless hours just watching them. It feels odd to have a connection so strong to something. The moment you have a child your entire world changes, the way you think, the things you do, the risk you take. Nothing seems as important as your child. And after two months of thinking no one loved you, it feels good to have a bond to someone that really does.
“I do not know what you see in them?” Tipper complains.
The little Familiar has remained in her silver ferret form while inside the glass castle.
Her tiny paw brush my eldest son’s nose gently and he sneezes. Then gives her a toothless smile.
“They are wrinkly, smelly, loud, and fat.”
I don’t take offense to Tipper’s words. She always complains about the boys, but she spends all her time watching and playing with them. If anyone is in the room, she is in her spider form, protecting them. She still refuses to be seen by anyone but me and the boys.
“You know you love them, Tipper.”
She harumphs in my head, but doesn’t disagree.
I remove my youngest from my breast and place him down beside his brother in the bassinet.
Suddenly, there is a knock at my bedroom door.
“Supper time already?” Tipper purrs inside my head. “A Familiar could get use to this.” She turns into a spider and settles down between the boys’ head.
“It’s not time for dinner yet.” I say suspiciously, standing from the bed.
I’m shocked by the intrusion. Everyone knows that I don’t want to be disturbed. Even Miriam, Lydell, Cleo, and Kema, know that they are only allowed in during certain times.
After the return of my memories and the discovery of Matthias’s death I’ve been keeping to myself. At first, I was having a hard time mourning the young boys sacrifice for my life. But as time goes on, I’m finding it harder to come out of my sadness.
Avalia told me about her and Assassin. She explained that she and Assassin are not in some experimental relationship. And, what Assassin and I did that day by the waterfalls actually meant something to him. Even though my heart is pleading with me to believe she’s telling the truth, my mind still believes I’m being lied to. Especially since after the boys were born and I asked to go back home, but was immediately told I couldn’t. That it wasn’t safe yet. My time with Medina has made me jaded. I question everything about this world and the reason I am really here. I cannot risk something happening to me or my sons. I’ll admit, there are other issues that keep me locked in this room, but I’m not ready to face them.
Another knock, this one more persistent, then a voice accompanies the knock.
“Lilly Ann Peters, you best open this here door.”
I freeze with my hand on the knob, not sure if I’m imagining the voice or not.
“Uncle Buddy?”
“Well who else is it gone be?”
I nearly pull the door off the hinges as I open it up to find my uncle standing there. He’s wearing his favorite flannel shirt with the frayed edges and missing pocket. Those familiar mud and oil stained overalls I bought him for father’s day one year. And his favorite sun dyed trucker’s cap is pulled down low over his eyes. Even his smell of motor oil, sweat, and Old Spice is there. I couldn’t have even dreamed up a better copy of him.
“Uncle Buddy!” I shout as I run into his arms.
He pulls me back to look down at me. Since I’ve had the boys I no longer have their ability to rapidly heal. All my bruises and scars are taking longer to fade. Albeit, I am not as marked up as I was, I still have a few stubborn pale lines that will probably always be there. And though my weight loss is not as obvious as before, anyone can tell that I’m not my old self. Uncle Buddy frowns as he takes me in, but I guess he thinks otherwise about mentioning my condition. His rough hands land on my shoulders.
“I hear you’re still stirring up trouble.” He laughs.
The sound of his laughter is the greatest sound I‘ve heard since the first cry of my boys. It is like a sun has risen on my constant sadness.
I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him in for a hug. The moment I’m in his arms and that familiar smell greets me, the tears start to pour.
Through blurry eyes I notice the Assassin standing a little ways down the hall. His hands buried in the front of his trouser pockets. Those silver eyes studying me intently with so much hope and desperation in them. The intensity of them are too much for me. I can’t hold his gaze. I bury my face into my uncle’s neck to get away from the questions and needs in Assassin’s eyes.
“That eldest one of yours is fatter than a pregnant cow.” My uncle jokes as he peers down at my sleeping boys.
“I told you.” Tipper announces in my head.
“He’s not fat, he’s healthy.” I explain to them both.
Uncle Buddy laughs. “Look at ‘im. You can’t even find his neck.”
I give my Uncle a playful sneer.
“I’m just joshing ya’. You got beautiful boys, Lilly-Bee. I’m proud of ya’.” He pats me on my back and then walks over to the massive bed in the middle of the room and takes a seat. He pulls off his worn cap and place it on his knee before rubbing the soreness out of his neck.
“We need to talk, Lilly-Bee.” He pats the spot beside him on the bed and I sit.
This reminds me of the many times when I was a little girl and my uncle would come to my room to talk. He had this amazing way of speaking to me on my level that made me feel like I could talk to him about anything. This time is no different.
“Now what’s this I hear about you hiding in this room?” Uncle Buddy asks.
Always straight to the point.
“A lot has happened, Uncle Buddy. I don’t know if I can do this anymore. Innocent people are dying because of me. Everybody wants me to be a hero, but I’m not sure I can be. I don’t even know if I want to. I feel as if I can’t trust anyone anymore. And now I have these babies depending on me.”
With those all-knowing brown eyes, Uncle Buddy studies me for a second. “So you’re a quitter? Is that whatcha’ tellin’ me?”
“Uncle Buddy, a child died to save me.
” I say shooting to my feet. “He sacrificed his life for my boys.” I point to the bassinet where the sleeping babies lie. “How can I continue to ask people to do that? I can’t imagine what his mother is going through. I would die if something happened to my boys. What makes my life or their life any greater than Matthias’s?”
With one arm crossed over his chest and a hand rubbing his chin Uncle Buddy continues to watch me.
Finally, he stands to his feet.
“Well, to hell with them. Who cares about some stupid kid!”
“William Buddy Peters!” I shout his full name just like Aunt Millie does when she’s angry with him.
How could he say that about Matthias? I look at the man I’ve known all my life and question is this really him.
“How could you say that?”
“I’m only repeating you.”
“I never said that.”
“No you didn’t, but you sitting up here in this room pussy-footing around says it as clear as day.”
Silence.
What reply would I have for that brutal truth? That was Uncle Buddy. He didn’t hold back. Even when I was a kid he had a way of phrasing the harsh truth that even my young age could understand. I flop back down on my bed feeling as if his simple truth has knocked me off my feet.
“That young man, and I call him a man because that’s what he was, believed in you. He believed in you so strongly that he bravely risked his life for you. The only thang hiding in your room and quitting is doing, is belittling his sacrifice. If ya’ scared, admit it. Cuz ain’t nothing wrong wit’ being scared. Fear is normal. Ain’t no man alive can say he don’t fear something.”
“You don’t.” my voice is so soft, like I am once again a little girl.
Uncle Buddy chuckles, his yellowing aged teeth showing through a well-used smile.
“Though I ‘preciate the compliment, I’m sorry I’m gone hav’ to let you down.” He sits back down beside me placing a heavy warm hand on my knee. “I think I’ve been more scared than any man I know. Half of the time it was over you. The day my baby sister came to me and told me she and yo’ pa was expectin’ I had a fear so strong I was shaking.”
“Why?” this is the first I had heard of this.
“Because I knew that your life wouldn’t be easy. I knew that being from where I’m from and living around folks that see color more than character, was gone be hard for ya’. And I ain’t want that for you.”
“But you told mama to keep me, when everybody else said don’t.”
“Ya damn right I did. And, I told any sum’mabitch that came around sprouting hate that I’d put a bullet ‘tween their eyes. Still will.”
I smile because I’ve heard him make that threat plenty times in my life.
“What I’m saying is, just cuz you scared, don’t mean you can’t be strong. Your youngin’ need your strength. I bet that young man was scared fo’ he died. But he still believed in what you doing here strong enough, that he laid down his life. Hiding and giving up, says you don’t value his life. It says that you don’t ‘preciate his sacrifice. And that ain’t the Lilly Ann I helped raise.
“I don’t know everything that’s going on. All I know is what that funny-eyed pretty boy told me. He says that people are counting on you. Say people are standing behind ya, because they admire you.”
I shake my head at my Uncle’s words. “You can’t trust everything he says.”
There is another moment of silence before Uncle Buddy starts laughing.
“Well I’ll be. That’s what this is about?”
Seriously confused, I ask. “What?”
Uncle Buddy smacks his leg and chuckles. “Wait until I tell Millie and yo’ ma.”
“Tell them what?”
“Lilly- Bee is in love.”
My face immediately heats up. How could he read me so easy? What did I say to give it away?
“It wasn’t like it was a mystery.” Tipper, who’s been silently observing my uncle in her spider form says. “It’s clear you’ve been sulking over the Elf this entire time. I just didn’t want to be the first one to bring it up.”
I ignore the meddlesome Familiar.
“Is he the pappy to them there youngins?”
God I wish.
I shake my head no.
Uncle Buddy grunts.
“How did you know it was love?”
He snorts. “Because I know love, Kid. I’ve been in it since I was 14 years old with your aunt. I know what it looks like, what it feels like, and I know when it’s done hurt ya’.”
He wipes at the falling tear that slowly tracks down my cheek. I had no idea I was crying.
“I’m scared, Uncle Buddy.” I whisper the words as if saying them outloud would be the end of the world.
“Of what, baby girl?”
“Of loving him again.”
And there is was.
The other reason I was scared to go out this room. I’m hurting for Matthias’, I’m scared for my sons, and I do feel as if I’m alone here with no one to trust. But it is my fear in the love I have for Assassin that has me on this self-imposed exile in my room.
I will never forget the feeling I had when the woman from Diagon Alley told me of Assassin’s plans. My pain was only muted when Rykan lied to me about what he felt for me. Then the moment Rykan chose Sarafine over me, the band–aid was ripped away and I was left a gaping hole in my chest. I didn’t care that Rykan didn’t want me. In reality I was using his attention to get over the heart ache of Assassin. I was even willing to run into the arms of Nevy to get away from Assassin’s hurt. Poor Nevy would have loved me despite the fact that I could never feel the same way for him. My uncle is right, I’m a coward.
“You have the Peters’ curse.” Uncle Buddy shakes his head. “The whole lot of us. We love hard, Lilly-Bee. Always have. It’s why, despite Millie’s nagging and meddling, I wouldn’t dream of being without her. It’s also why your ma settled for that no good Billy Ray. She knew she wouldn’t love another man after your pa’ passed and it was no use of trying. Truth is, love can hurt something fierce. It can leave you as raw as a day-old rash. But real love is worth every second of the pain.”
“He’s been lying to me, Uncle Buddy.” I say placing my head down on my Uncle’s bony shoulder. “He’s known me since I was six years old. He never thought to tell me that. He’s watched over me and protected me but never once did he tell me any of this. What if he’s keeping something else from me? It may not be about him and Avalia, but what if it is something else that will break me. I can’t risk that hurt. I have to be strong for my boys and he makes me weak. What if I give my heart to him and he realizes the same thing Rykan did and decide that I ain’t worth it.”
My uncle harrumphs. “Well I don’t know who this Ryan fella is, but if I did I’d whoop his ass for making you feel like you ain’t worthy.”
This makes me laugh thinking of my Uncle fighting Rykan. I knew that if I pointed Rykan out, my Uncle would absolutely try to whoop his ass.
I place my chin on his shoulder staring at the side of his weather worn face.
“I don’t think you have to worry about pretty boy changing his mind about ya’. You got that boy’s nose open so wide he’d drown in a puddle. He and I had a good long talk about you fo’ he brought me here. He’s in love with ya’. I recognized it the moment he said your name. And as for the lying, well he told me about that too,”
For heaven’s sake what didn’t Assassin tell him? Then I blush as I think about something I’m pretty sure he didn’t mention.
“Sometimes men lie, it ain’t right,” He defends before I could protest. “But we do it because we love ya. You think I really believe ya’ Aunt Millie’s hair is still naturally blonde?”
This time I throw my head back and laugh. The good Lord knows, Millie J. Peters has fought valiantly to maintain her “natural” blonde hair. I’ve seen that woman go without food before she misses a hair appointment down at Ernestine’s. She even pun
ched out the pastor’s visiting sister one Sunday. The woman tried to tell everybody that she saw Aunt Millie three towns over buying store brand dye. That poor lady hadn’t been back to our church since.
“I imagine he thought telling you that he knew you back then would ruin his chances of knowing you now.”
I guess that made sense. I wouldn’t say that information would have kept me from falling in love with Assassin. It might would have delayed it a bit.
“I like to think I’m good at judging people’s character. Remember I was the one that told you that Tommy Tucker boy was no good. I took one look at his shifty eyes and I knew he was trouble.”
Trouble with a capital T. Tommy Tucker was a kid from my elementary school. For a whole two days he was my best friend. He lived over on the next road from our trailer park. My Uncle took one look at Tommy and made me stay away from him. Good thing too, found out he was abusing his neighbor’s kid—poor girl was scarred for life.
“I think them folks out there are real nice. They seem to be genuinely concerned about you. Even that big ugly thang seemed to care for you.” I smile at the thought of Mogo. “I ain’t saying that your concerns ain’t valid. Sometimes we make things harder than they are. Holding up in this room ain’t doing you or my nephews any favor. If you won’t the truth Lilly-Bee, just ask for it.”
It amazes me that a man that dropped out of school in 7th grade could be so smart.
“Thank You, Uncle Buddy!” I say placing a kiss on his cheek.
He squeezes my knee.
“You’re welcome, Baby girl. Now, git’ ya’ self up and give your favorite Uncle a tour of this nice place. I want to see that Queen again before I go back home.”
I laugh. “Why, Uncle Buddy, do you have a crush on Queen Avalia?”
His face turns a shade of red. “Hush up! You say it too loud your Aunt might hear. I swear that woman has the hearing of a hound-dog. It doesn’t matter if we in the same house or in another layer of that damn onion.”
Again I toss my head back and laugh, it seems Uncle Buddy got the same description about the onion layers as I did.
