by Lauren Asher
“But dishing some gossip wouldn’t hurt to test your loyalty.” Sophie winks.
I laugh with them. Hanging out with Sophie and Maya without worrying about the next item on my to-do list is refreshing.
Jax looks over at us and smiles wide. His eyes remain on me as Noah answers a question. I don’t bother looking away, loving every second of his attention.
Jax finishes his conference and whisks me away from his friends, claiming he needs to take a nap. We enter a waiting town car and head back toward the hotel.
I sit with Sophie’s words for five whole minutes of silence before I let curiosity get the best of me. “So…I have a question.”
He lifts one brow. “Okay?”
“Do you like to be called ‘Daddy’ while you’re having sex?”
The roar of laughter that escapes him answers the ridiculous question. “I’m going to tell Liam to buy Sophie a gag so she can learn when to speak.”
My jaw drops open. “So, it’s true! A gag is totally something a Daddy would use.”
Jax laughs to the point of coughing. “Fuck no. If you call me Daddy, I think my dick would attempt to break off my body and run away.”
“Thank God,” I whisper up to the ceiling of the car.
“But I do have other…quirks.” He smirks.
Jax shows me just how much he enjoys public displays of affection. He kisses me the entire car ride to the radio our driver blasts at eardrum-shattering levels.
Jax leads me toward a new section of the McCoy paddock, clutching my hand in his as we walk through the narrow halls.
I concentrate on the way his race suit accentuates his butt, enjoying the view. “Don’t you have to get ready for the race?”
“I’ll go to the pit once I set you up.” He smiles over his shoulder as the doors to a large room open.
“Where is everyone?” I scan the unoccupied space.
“This private place is meant for my family and friends.” He leads me toward an area with a couch and televisions showing the pre-race footage.
That explains the emptiness. Jax keeps his family life private from the public. He doesn’t let them attend any races, including his home race. The thing about Jax is he loves too much, which makes him worry about what the media will say about his mum’s disease. So instead, Jax chooses a life of isolation from the press. Seeing his race day spent by himself makes my heart ache for him in a new way. I now understand how, while his favor helped me relax, it also benefits him to have someone appreciate him.
He places a headset on my head and checks all the cords with a huge smile plastered on his face. “This lets you hear everything from my team radio.” He explains different buttons and how to mute his voice, as if I could do that. This is like an all-access pass to Jax’s head on a race day and I’m taking it.
I look up at him, smiling. “This is so cool! I’m so excited.”
“Enjoy it. I’ve been dying to have you in here, but you always find some way to work during the races.” He tugs me into him and places a kiss on my lips.
My heart threatens to become a puddle beneath my feet. From the top of my head to the tips of my toes, my body hums with approval.
“There’s water in the fridge, and you can press the button next to the TV if you want food and champagne brought to you.”
“Wow. Talk about five-star service. Be careful, Kingston. A girl can get used to this kind of treatment.” I raise a brow.
Jax chuckles to himself. “You’re simple to please.” He walks over to a drawer and plucks a bag of Reese’s Pieces from it.
If I wasn’t questioning my affection toward him already, now would be the time. The way he wants to make sure I’m provided for has my eyes stinging. “I don’t think I’ve ever had someone take care of me like this. Not since Abuela—”
“I know. And I want to be the one to take care of you for a bit—if you don’t mind, that is.” He smiles sheepishly.
Dios, ayudamé. A sweet Jax is irresistible. But a shy Jax makes me want to spin in a circle and laugh up to the ceiling like a giddy cartoon character with hearts floating around me.
I walk to him, rise on my toes, and kiss him with every ounce of appreciation I feel. For the first time in a long time, I allow myself to rely on someone else.
38
Jax
Things between Elena and I have evolved over the months. From avoiding her to liking her, everything is shifting after our summer break together in London. Ever since we left my parents’ house, we’ve fallen into a comfortable pattern together. A pattern so easygoing, I try to make her happy all the time.
After all the events she planned for me, I couldn’t help wanting to return the favor. Under the guise of fixing my reputation, I put together an event to raise money for a charity of my choice. Except, unlike my other PR events, Elena has no clue about this one.
Yup. I planned it all on my own after a week of research, Maya’s help, and begging my friends to participate.
“You owe me big time for this,” Noah grumbles under his breath.
I look around the McCoy conference room I reserved for today’s activity. Bright lights shine on Noah, Liam, and me as we sit in three chairs side by side. Maya spread out all kinds of makeup and supplies on a table in front of us. Her camera sits on a tripod in the center of the room, waiting on standby to film us.
“I bet Sophie will win.” Liam shoots us a cocky grin.
“I wouldn’t be too sure about that. I’ve seen Maya do this with Santi and he looked like the belle of the ball after she was done with him.” Noah grins.
“Okay, Sophie’s bringing her over now.” Maya jumps from her chair.
Footsteps echo through the hall. The door creaks as Sophie and Elena enter the room.
Elena checks us all out before looking over at me in confusion. “What’s going on?”
“Surprise!” Sophie claps. “We’re doing a makeup challenge!”
“Makeup challenge?” Elena’s mouth drops open and her eyes snap toward me. “You remembered?”
Oh, hell did I remember. After making fun of her on the plane months ago, here I am doing exactly what I accused my friends of participating in one day. A makeup challenge for charity.
That’s me—romancer extraordinaire. Noah’s sappiness and my dad’s life lessons have rubbed off on me in more ways than one.
“Your boyfriend here wants to fundraise in a different kind of way using Maya’s vlog.” Liam shoots me a telling look.
Yeah, I get it. After all the shit I’ve given them about their girlfriends, I’ve fallen into the same trap. Pot, meet kettle.
“No way.” Elena can’t help smiling at me.
Okay, maybe this is worth all the shit my mates will give me based on her smile.
“Yes! And he chose such a wonderful charity. He wants to raise money for Alzheimer’s Disease using the ad money on my video.” Maya checks on her camera.
Elena’s eyes soften. She walks up to me and stands between my legs. “You planned this for me?”
I tug her onto my lap. “Well, I did think my reputation could use a little help.”
She raises a brow. “And you thought a makeup challenge was the right idea?”
“Someone once told me committed wankers did this kind of thing, so I thought I’d give it a try and see what the hype is all about.” Okay, that someone was me, but screw it.
“Your mom was right.” She grins.
“What do you mean?”
“She told me you were all marshmallow fluff, and I have to agree with her.”
“Marshmallow fluff? Now I’m very curious to see how Jax acts with you when no one else is around,” Liam calls out from the other side of Noah.
I flip him off. “Call me that again and I’ll ram my boot so far up your arse, you won’t walk straight for a week.”
“Fuck marshmallow fluff. Jax is more of a Vegemite kind of guy,” Noah chimes in.
“Okay, moving onto the more important part of our prog
ramming. Makeup time!” Sophie checks out the supplies on the table. She plucks a clamping tool that looks like a small torture device and waves it at Liam. “Your lashes are going to look so pretty, I’ll be jealous.”
“Jax, you owe me a weekend stay in Ibiza after this.” Liam groans.
“Deal.”
Elena kisses my cheek. “Thank you for this. It means a lot to me that you chose a charity to honor Abuela.”
Everything inside of me warms at her approval. I’m glad I decided to do something to support people like her grandma while giving Elena her very own version of something she enjoys watching every day on her phone.
“Ladies, get to your battle stations,” Maya calls out.
Elena hops off my lap. “That’s my cue.”
“Make me look the best, love. Please show these boys who’s the sexiest of them all.”
Something within me is changing, and it’s not only because of a new medication. It’s more than that. It’s because of time with Elena, sessions with Tom, and a growing feeling of hope within me.
Hope my life will turn out differently.
Hope that I might not have Huntington’s Disease.
Hope that I can end up happy with Elena, living without worry and sadness.
“Are you ready for the Prix this week?” Tom welcomes me into his office before taking a seat in the chair opposite of me.
“As ready as I can be.” I get comfortable on the couch. “So, I’ve been thinking.”
“Thinking is good.”
I let out a loud laugh. “Well, actually I’ve been thinking about a few things. The first is that I didn’t realize I like being in a relationship.”
“And how’s that going for you?”
I tap my fingers against the hole in my ripped jeans. “Good. Surprisingly good.” So fucking good I hope I don’t cock it up.
“You sound surprised by that.”
“I am. I’ve never made the time for anything serious like this before.”
“How long have you been dating Elena? Has it been two months already?”
“Close. And trust me, I’m equally shocked.”
Tom laces his fingers together. “What about being in a relationship shocks you?”
“Do you need more besides the fact that I’m me, and Elena’s Elena?”
He tilts his head. “Tell me what that means to you.”
Oh, Tom. As we’ve grown more comfortable around one another, he becomes bolder with his questions. I’m not exactly opposed to it, but it does challenge me to be more open with him.
“Elena has her life pretty put together besides a few hiccups. Even her messed-up parts are tame compared to mine. She wants to achieve the highest standards, and has no problem facing her issues. And fuck me, she trusts me to help her through her fears.”
“Does that scare you? Someone relying on you to be their rock?”
“It’s fucking terrifying.”
Tom chuckles. “I can attest to that.”
“You’re married. Talk about reaching the highest level of reliance.” I point at his ring.
“Of course. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
I fight to roll my eyes. “Of course, you would say that. You’re married and a therapist, so you’re bound to preach about good vibes and Motivation Monday quotes.”
Tom lets out a roar of laughter. “Tell me something. How does it feel to know Elena trusts you enough to count on you when she is scared?”
“Good. Really fucking good. Like I’ll do whatever I can to banish all the shit holding her back, one way or another.”
“Then there you have it. I feel similarly about having someone rely on me, too.”
Shit. Talking to Tom gives me a new perspective.
“I have another problem.”
“Let’s hear it.”
I swallow back my nerves. “I want to do the predictive test. I need to know if I have Huntington’s or not so I can move on. I’m going to ask my mum to set up the genetic counseling and the actual test.”
Tom’s eyebrows raise—his only tell of surprise. He leans in closer. “That’s very brave of you. What changed?”
Everything. Every fucking thing and there’s nothing I can do about it. Not when Elena has infiltrated my carefully erected walls, blowing through them like they were made of paper.
“I’ve decided maybe I’ve been going about this situation the wrong way. With the new medication, some of the tremors have been better, and I’d hate to think I’ll keep worrying over nothing.”
“I’m glad to hear the medication change has been helping you. I can tell you’ve made some big improvements in your life so far, and I’m really proud of you.”
I nod my head. “I don’t want the worries to take over my life anymore. It’s exhausting.”
“You know I will always play devil’s advocate. While I’m impressed by the progress you’ve made, I worry what would happen if you don’t receive the news you want to hear. Especially if you find out bad news before the season is over. What then?”
My eyes slide from Tom’s eyes to my hands. “Then I do what I do best.”
“And what’s that?”
“Self-destruct.”
39
Jax
I dial my mum’s number with shaky fingers.
She picks up on the first ring, not giving me much time to prepare myself. “Hey! What a surprise treat!”
I take a deep breath. “Hey, Mum. I have a question.”
“I’ll do my best to answer it.”
“You’ve said the same thing since I was a kid.”
“Because you were too curious for your own good, and you’d ask a million questions. Have sympathy for raising a child without a smartphone.”
“Wow, I forgot how old you were.”
She giggles. “What did you want to ask?”
“You told me you would have someone do the predictive testing if I wanted it?”
Her lack of a response adds to my nervousness.
I continue, wanting to fill the silence. “I can always wait for the end of the race season. But—” Maybe that’s a better plan in case things don’t go the way I want them and I’m slapped with the life sentence I didn’t want.
“No! It’s fine. I can have a genetic counselor meet with you through telehealth sessions before you can see them in person when you land in Italy. They can get the results expedited.”
“Will you come to Italy? I don’t know if I—”
“Of course,” she says without hesitation. “Dad and I can fly there and meet with you before we all go to the counselor. That gives us about two weeks to make arrangements.”
“Thank you.”
“You don’t need to thank me. It’s my job as your mother. And I’m so proud of you for wanting to do this—for being brave enough to try.”
“I’ve been watching someone else face their fears, and it’s time I did the same.”
40
Elena
A scream rushes out of me as I jump from the bed. Darkness makes me shiver as a wave of nausea hits. I take in big gulps of air to ease my rolling stomach, wanting to fight the distress.
It’s not real. It’s only a nightmare. I’m in Italy, not Mexico. I’m an adult, not a kid anymore.
“Fuck, I’m sorry. I forgot to leave a light on.” Jax’s sleepy voice is barely audible over my heavy breathing. He hurries to find the nightlight switch.
Low light illuminates his groggy face. I attempt to rise out of bed but Jax tugs on my arm, making my head land on his chest.
“Don’t go. You don’t need to run from the nightmares anymore,” he whispers into my hair.
A few tears trickle down my face and land on his bare chest.
“Do you want to talk about it?” He runs his hand through my hair in a gesture I’ve come to love.
I shake my head. “It’s embarrassing that I can’t sleep in the dark. What kind of life is that?”
“One where you’re still heali
ng. Things like this take time.”
“How would you know?”
“Because I’m learning to heal, too. It’s not as easy as the movies make it look.”
I let out a hoarse laugh. “You’re secretly a dork.”
“Why do you think Liam and I get along? He has his books and I have my movies.” He wraps his arms around me, squeezing me into his chest. His spicy scent calms me.
Silence wraps around us. With Jax holding me, the darkness doesn’t seem as intimidating. The mental prison I’ve created over the years loosens its hold as Jax runs his hand soothingly through my hair.
I take a deep breath, centering myself before I chicken out. “Jax?”
“Mm.” His chest rumbles beneath me.
“I think I’m falling in love with you.” The words leave my lips in the faintest whisper.
He keeps quiet for a solid minute. I second-guess myself, but he squeezes me tighter into him. “Elena?”
“Mm.” I copy him.
“I already know I am.”
41
Jax
My mum held true to her promise, scheduling me a coveted spot with an Italian genetic counselor who could expedite my tests. Mum isn’t one to throw money at people, but she’d do about anything to get me tested quickly before I chickened out. I had the blood withdrawal done on Monday. By Thursday, I had the results.
My parents and I sit together in the doctor’s office. I scan the doctor’s facial features, hoping for a smile or a sigh of relief. His face reveals nothing as he reads the document in front of him.
Mum and Dad each grab one of my trembling hands. I let them care for me, anxiety making it difficult for me to breathe right.
The doctor looks up at us, and he opens his mouth.
It takes one word to change someone’s life.
Only one word to destroy all the hope I’ve built with Elena.
Eight letters. Three syllables. One meaning.
