by Shade, S. M.
I’m getting too close.
To the last person I should ever be interested in.
My whole life, I’ve always wanted a family. The whole husband and two point four kids, living in the suburbs life, but I knew when I came here I was giving up that dream. Well, the rest of the dream that hadn’t already been taken from me, anyway.
Caden is enough. I adore him, and he loves me too. I’m lucky. That’s enough.
After we finish the lunch of sub sandwiches and chips, with a kid’s meal for Caden, we let him crawl around in the grass for a bit. I swear this kid loves being outdoors. He grabs my leg and pulls himself up, steadying himself for a second before letting go. He sways there for a few moments, and I hiss, “Axton.”
It’s not the first time I’ve seen him stand on his own but it’s the first time I’ve seen him clearly trying to take a step. He wobbles then falls on his butt. Instantly, he pulls himself back up.
“Hatch, come here,” Axton coaxes, standing a couple of feet away from me. He squats down and holds out his arms.
Caden grins, and I hold my breath as he cautiously puts one foot in front of the other. One, two, three steps all on his own into Axton’s arms.
A knot forms in my throat at the expression on Axton’s face as he sweeps him up and hugs him. “Hell yeah! You did it!” Caden squeals in delight, and I damn near have a heart attack when Axton tosses him in the air and catches him.
“Axton!” I exclaim. The brilliant smile on Axton’s face kills any thought of criticizing him. While his smirk may be infuriating, his “public smile” tight and forced, his true smile is big and genuine, displaying his teeth. It’s beautiful.
“Let’s see if he’ll do it again,” I suggest.
We spend a few minutes with Caden taking steps between us. He’s a step away from Axton when a small honeybee buzzes near him, and he grabs it. With a shriek, he lets it go. “Shit!” Axton curses, and picks him up to look at his hand. “It stung him.” His eyes are wide as they find mine. “Is he allergic? Was that in his medical report?”
“It wasn’t, but you really don’t find that out until you get stung for the first time.”
“So he needs a hospital?” We’re already starting back toward the car.
I probably shouldn’t find it so adorable that he’s freaking out over a little bee sting. “No, we just need to keep an eye on him. Are you allergic?” Is that why he’s near panic? He shakes his head. “I’m sure he’ll be fine.”
Caden has already stopped crying but he whimpers when Axton takes his hand to look at it. “It didn’t leave the stinger behind.”
“Good. Let’s just go get some ice to put on it.”
There’s a small ice cream shop around the corner and Axton sits at the table with Caden on his lap until I return with a small ice cream cone and a cloth filled with crushed ice. Caden resists the cold compress being held to his hand until Axton holds the cone in front of his face. His hand forgotten, he smashes his mouth into the soft serve, making both of us laugh.
Within a few minutes, both Caden and Axton are an ice cream covered mess. The restroom looks like we may pick up more germs than we leave behind, so I do the best I can with napkins and baby wipes to clean Caden up before we head back to the hotel.
“His birthday is in two weeks,” I point out to Axton on the drive back.
“I know. I was just looking at my schedule. We have three shows in Nashville that week, but not on his birthday. I have an interview that morning, but the rest of the day off. Figured I’d get him a cake, invite the band and the roadies. Whoever wants to come.”
“You want to throw him a party?” I clarify.
He looks out the window and the evening light sends shadows dancing across his face. “That’s what you do for a kid’s birthday, right?”
“Well, you generally invite kids and have children’s entertainment, not rock stars, but for Caden I think it’s perfect. Especially for his first. He won’t remember it, but you will.”
“As long as he’s happy.”
I peek at Caden, asleep in his car seat, all sticky and dirty from his day out. “He’s happy when he’s with you.”
We pull up at the hotel, saving him from having to answer. A few photographers are milling around but security easily keeps them back as we’re escorted inside. They should be some great pictures since we all look like we’ve been rolled in a gutter.
Chapter Eleven
Naomi
We’ve been on the festival tour for a little over a month. With another month to go, I start to wonder how musicians do this for extended periods of time. Because Axton has made it clear that this is nothing, just a little taste of what the album tour will be like.
There will be some differences since Tragic won’t be a part of a traveling festival, which means the only other band traveling with them will be Patrick’s, their opener. And all the roadies and support team, of course. There will also be more air travel, and less time in each city, sometimes just long enough to play, pack up, and fly out again.
I’m worried about how Caden will handle such madness. There’s no use worrying over it today, though. Today is Caden’s first birthday and the party is getting ready to start.
Axton has reserved a large room in the hotel, and I was surprised by how much he helped in the planning of the party. He’s surprised me a lot over the last few weeks. I mean, he’s not done a complete one-eighty or anything. He’s still an arrogant jerk who could use a good kick in the ass sometimes. He still parties too much and wallows in the rock star lifestyle, but I can’t really judge him for it because he makes sure to put Caden first.
After all, Axton is young and living his dream. He makes sure his son is safe and cared for, so it’s really none of my business what he does outside of that. Or who he does. The thought of the groupies crawling all over him at after parties or dragging him to their hotel rooms shouldn’t give me even a second of pause. Too bad shouldn’t doesn’t mean anything.
We’ve both put some distance between us since our day trip to the park. I’m not sure of his reason for it—maybe he’s just that busy—but mine is obvious. I was getting too close. Feelings for your boss is never a good idea. Feelings for a rock god of a boss that can never be returned is even worse. Add to that my own precarious position and the fact I absolutely cannot lose this job, and it’s a clear choice. Stay away.
Easier said than done when those murky green eyes land on mine. Or when I remember how his hands felt on me, the way he kissed, the ferocious, skin numbing way he fucked. There are times when I swear similar thoughts are attacking him, but his smirk is a quick cover. It doesn’t matter anyway, and I’m under no illusion it means anything.
Physical attraction isn’t under our control, and no woman within ten feet of him probably feels any differently than I do. It’s a little flattering that I affect him in that way, considering the wide range of choices at his fingertips every day. Women who are down for anything. Women who would give up an organ just for a night in his bed. Women who stroke that giant ego instead of talking back.
It’s pointless to even think about. Especially when I have a birthday party to get to. Dani came by a few minutes ago to take Caden and get him dressed and ready, and I’m supposed to be downstairs making sure everything is prepared.
I groan as I try to fasten the jeans I planned to wear. Bloated as hell. No jeans for me today. It’s a good thing this is a party full of musicians and roadies and nothing fancy because I end up wearing a pair of gray leggings that have teal flowers embroidered down one calf and a long white blouse.
A cramp tightens in my stomach, followed by another in my lower back. Come on, not tonight. Just give me a few good hours, I plead with my body as I pop four Ibuprofen. And please let the tampon with the pad backup be enough because the bloating is an indicator for how this week is going to go, and I don’t want to recreate a scene from Stephen King’s Carrie in the middle of a birthday party.
Finally, I make my
way out of my hotel suite and down to the reserved event room. The place has changed since I was here last night. The company Axton hired did a good job. A small bounce house sits beside an inflatable slide that ends in a ball pit on one side of the room. Streamers and balloons fill the place with color and I grin just thinking about how much Caden will love all those balloons. And the slide.
It seems funny and a little sad to me that all this has been done, and the only kid that will be here besides Caden is Brynn, Brysen’s daughter. Still, Axton wants to give Caden a great first birthday.
The small bar set up in the corner makes me laugh. If that doesn’t scream the difference in this group’s lifestyle, I don’t know what does. Can’t say I’ve ever seen a bar at a kid’s party. The first few people start filtering in, most making their way to the bar for a drink. Within twenty minutes, the place is filling up. Some sit at the tables while others mill around.
I recognize almost everyone. Musicians and some of their family and friends, assistants, roadies, tour bus drivers. I’m surprised to see a few children as well, and when Dani comes in, I wave her over and whisper, “Whose kids?”
“Hotel staff and some of the local musician’s families. Axton invited everyone,” she laughs. “There’s some kid’s entertainer coming. He sings songs about toilet training and brushing your teeth and stuff.”
“That should be interesting.” Axton should be bringing Caden any time, and I crane my head around looking for them just as they step through the doorway. Axton wears dark pants and white t-shirt, nothing out of the ordinary, but it’s Caden’s outfit that makes me gape at Dani. “Did you plan that or him?”
Caden is dressed identically, dark pants and white tee, but his shirt has clear mesh arms that are painted with bright pictures, giving the illusion that his arms are as covered in tattoos as his father’s. It’s fucking adorable.
“That was all him.” Dani beams at them as they enter, Caden grinning at Axton as he carries him on his hip.
“Hatchet!” a voice calls out. I can’t tell who it was but the crowd laughs and starts singing happy birthday.
There are times when Caden will hide his face in my neck if he gets overwhelmed with a lot of new people, but he’s not a bit bothered today. Maybe he feels safe or more confident in his father’s arms. He grins, showing his teeth, and kicks his feet as Axton makes his way through the room with him.
I’m taking pictures like crazy while Dani records video. We don’t want to miss a second of Caden’s milestone. They’re an amazing sight, the two of them, the pride on Axton’s face as they stop and visit with guests, and the happiness on Caden’s. It’s beautiful. It’s a moment I know I’ll always remember. Especially because it seemed like a long road to get here, and there were many nights that I lay awake worrying Caden wouldn’t have this.
The party is a roaring success. Caden has the time of his life being played with and doted on, especially by Axton and the rest of the band. Every time I looked, one of them was taking him down the slide, into the bounce house, or swatting around balloons with him—one of his favorite games.
The other kids have a lot of fun too. Pizza is brought in, and after Caden smashes into the little personal cake, everyone digs into the big cake. It’s a great time and I’ve done my best to enjoy it, though I’m really not feeling well.
Worse by the minute, in fact.
I know what it is, and there’s no danger of passing something on to the kids or other guests, but all I really want now is my heating pad and bed.
Dani approaches me with a pinched face. “Are you okay? You’re pale as milk.”
“Time of the month,” I murmur with a shrug.
“Well, go lie down. I’ll take Caden tonight.”
“I don’t want to miss him opening presents.” The pile on the table is more like a mountain.
“Axton doesn’t want to open them in front of the other kids and make them feel bad. We’re handing out the gift bags, then calling it a night. Well, I’m sure most of the adults will hang out for the booze and stuff, but Caden’s falling asleep on his feet. He can open them tomorrow.”
Glancing around, I consider her offer. “If you’re sure.”
“I am. Do you need some painkillers? I have some Naproxen.”
I give her a quick hug. “I have some, thanks.”
At least I manage to leave without drawing too much attention or causing a scene. By the time I make it to my room and see the amount of blood, I know this isn’t going to be a good night. It always gets worse before it gets better, so I do my best to prepare by grabbing a few water bottles and the bottle of painkillers to sit on the nightstand. My heating pad is plugged in, phone on charge and within reach, along with my tablet and the TV remote.
Hoping I can sleep through most of the pain, I lay a couple of towels on the bed, and crawl under the covers.
I manage to sleep through the night but the pain piercing my abdomen shakes me from sleep the next morning. Nausea washes over me, and I groan, reaching for a bottle of water. Hoping they stay down, I pop a few more Ibuprofen, then throw back the sheet and bedspread.
Fuck. It looks like a murder scene. No wonder I feel so weak. It’s almost nine o’clock in the morning and I need to get moving but I have no idea how I’m going to keep up with Caden today.
The effort it takes just to climb out of bed and drag myself to the shower to wash off is ridiculous. I’m going to have to see if Dani can keep Caden today, as much as I hate to when she had him all night.
I’ve just managed to pull on my dark yoga pants and an oversized tee shirt when I hear Dani call my name. And then Axton’s voice. Shit. I haven’t changed the bed yet. They’ll see the gross mess I left.
“In the bathroom! Be out in a sec!” I call, trying to sound normal when I feel like I’m dying.
Dani isn’t so easily fooled. She eases open the bathroom door and peeks around it. “Naomi? What happened? Are you okay?”
Waving her in, I sit on the edge of the tub. God, I slept all night and I’m still exhausted. “I hate to ask, Dani, but I need a huge favor.”
“Of course, but girl, there’s so much blood. That’s not normal.”
“It is for me,” I interrupt. “I have endometriosis. Most of the time it’s under control and I’ve learned to live with it. This is just a rare bad month. I’ll be fine. But if you could keep Caden today—”
“Of course I will. I’ll keep him as long as you need, but I really think we should call a doctor.”
She frowns at my forced grin when I shake my head. “He won’t be able to do anything but give me some stronger painkillers and tell me to take iron supplements. And I’m sure I can send someone out for the iron pills. I just need to rest and wait it out.” I barely get the words out before nausea grips me again and I gag, turning my head away. Slowly, it abates. Nausea isn’t out of the ordinary. It rarely actually makes me throw up, though I think I’d feel better if it did.
Dani looks distressed. “There has to be something they can do. A surgery or something?”
“I’ve had two surgeries. They can’t get all of it which means it always regrows. I’m sure I’ll have the surgery again in the future if it gets bad enough, but not yet. One bad period isn’t reason enough.” I’m sugar coating a bit. It’s not just one bad period, but this is the more severe side of it that doesn’t happen very often.
She nods and squeezes my hand. “I’m sorry. You look miserable.”
The door pops open and Axton pokes his head in.
“Jesus, Axton, I could’ve been naked!” I scold.
His lips press together. “Or dead on the floor for all I knew. There’s a bed full of blood out here. Are you hurt?” His gaze lands on the towel on the floor that’s also streaked with crimson.
My face flushes. “I’m fine.”
“The fuck you are.”
“I’ll be fine,” I correct. “But Dani is keeping Caden today.”
“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?
”
Exhaustion pulls at me and I glance at Dani. “Would you mind explaining while I strip my bed and get someone up here with some clean sheets?”
“I’ll do both,” she says, holding up her hand when I try to protest. “Go lie on the couch. You look like you’re going to faint.” Pausing, she whispers, “Is that a possibility?”
“Not likely. I never have before.”
Axton’s gaze jumps between us, his brows turning inward at being left out of the conversation. Dani grabs his arm and pulls him out the door as I hear Caden begin to fuss. Axton must’ve put him in the crib.
I take a moment to splash some cool water on my face before slipping out the door and moving quietly to the couch. Dani has already stripped down the bed and a maid arrives within moments to collect the sheets and replace them. I’m glad I thought to put the towels down so at least the mattress wasn’t ruined.
Axton walks in the living room with Caden. “I’m going to get a doctor to come and see you today.”
“No, I already told Dani. I know my condition. There’s nothing a doctor can do. I just need some rest, and to get some iron supplements.”
“I’ve already sent for those.”
“Oh…thank you.”
He stands there for a few moments like there’s something more he wants to say, then finally adds, “Get some rest.”
Caden babbles at him as he leaves the room with him, and I make my way back to the bed.
“I hate to leave you,” Dani worries.
“I’ll be fine. I swear.”
“I’ll be back to check on you after lunch, and you call me if you need anything, understand?”
“Yes, mother.” I grin up at my friend. “Thank you.”
One of the security officers taps on the door not even an hour later and hands me a box. Inside I find not just the iron supplements, but a package of pads, a box of tampons, a new bottle of Ibuprofen, and some assorted snack crackers. If Axton relayed the list, he thought of everything.
