“Don’t worry, Ileana. I plan to give her that much.”
She nodded, and Mac gently brushed his knuckles against her cheek before he turned and headed to Frankie’s room.
After a light knock on the door, he stepped in the small space to find his mother in the same armchair she’d been sitting in yesterday. This morning she was dressed in a frilly pink bed jacket, and her shoulder-length hair, still mostly black, was brushed loose around her face. She looked fifty instead of sixty, a fact that would be different, he figured, if she’d chosen to stay on the McCleod farm.
A wobbly smile touched her lips as he moved toward her. “Mac,” she said quietly. “Thank you for coming.”
His insides felt like coils tightened to near breaking point. “Ileana said you wanted to see me.”
The smile on her face turned resigned. “And you’re here because of her. Well, that’s all right. As long as you’re here.”
There was a wooden chair sitting against the wall. Mac pulled it closer to hers, and once he’d removed his hat and settled himself in the seat, he said, “To be honest with you I wasn’t sure that I wanted to see you again. This isn’t easy for me, and I expect it’s no better for you. Yesterday you seemed pretty upset, and I don’t want to be the reason to give your health a setback.”
She made a weak, dismissive gesture with her hand. “We’re not going to worry about my health. I’ll be fine. And you’re wrong about one thing. Seeing you yesterday wasn’t hard. It was something I’ve wanted for a long, long time…To see you—and Ripp.”
Shaking his head, Mac desperately tried to hold on to his emotions. “I’m sorry, Frankie, but that’s hard to swallow. You knew where your sons lived. All you had to do was fly to Texas. Drive to Texas. Even pick up the phone.”
Regret etched her features, and as Mac looked into her eyes he saw something that resembled fear. But what did this woman have to fear? he wondered. For years now, she’d been living an easy, pampered life.
“Every day, for the past thirty years, I’ve been aware of that, Mac. But things weren’t all that easy. For a long time I was afraid to go back to Goliad County. And then later, after I heard that Owen had died—” She drew in a long, ragged breath, then released it. “Well, I figured you and Ripp were better off not knowing about me or what had happened. Betty Jo told me that you’d grown into fine young men and that you’d become respected deputy sheriffs. She made it sound like your lives were good, and I didn’t want to mess that up for either of you.”
Amazed, Mac stared at her. “Mess us up? What do you think you did when you walked out on us? Ripp and I watched the road for days and days. We kept telling each other that you’d come back, that you wouldn’t really leave us behind! Thirty years after the fact is a little late to be worrying about messing up your sons’ lives!”
Her eyes turned watery, and as she reached for a napkin, Mac tried to steel himself against her tears. She’d hurt him and his brother in the deepest way a parent could hurt a child. Yet it appeared she’d lost something in the process.
“Yes, I deserve your anger and more,” she said with a sniff. “But I really did mean to come back after you, Mac. Things just got—” She looked at him, then with an anguished groan, she covered her face with her hand. “Oh, Mac, my son. My son. I never wanted you or your brother to know any of this. That’s why I’ve stayed away all these years.” She removed her hand and looked at him through a wall of tears. “But I can see that you don’t understand and you need explanations.”
Mac hadn’t expected to feel as though his heart, his very insides were being torn out of him. But it did, and he struggled to hide the pain from his voice. “The not knowing has been hell for me and Ripp. Can you understand that?”
She nodded miserably. “Yes. But I believed that hearing disparaging things about your father would be even worse for you both.”
Scooting to the edge of his seat, he leaned toward her. “Things about Dad? What things?”
Her jaw suddenly grew rigid, and he could see she was fighting to toughen her resolve. “I have no doubt that Owen was a good father to you boys. He loved you both so much. But our relationship was troubled, Mac. Owen was a hard-nosed, hard-driven man. His sons and the farm were his entire life. I was just something on the side, something to make his family complete.”
“If you knew he felt that way, then why did you ever marry him?” Mac questioned.
She momentarily closed her eyes. “Because I loved him. And he wasn’t that way when we first married. He was charming and affectionate. He treated me as his partner and cared about my interests and wants. But after you boys were born, he began to change and draw away from me. Planting, harvesting, paying the bills—that’s all that mattered.”
“We never had much money,” Mac reasoned. “That’s hard on a man who wants to give his family security.”
She sighed. “That’s true. But I wanted to help him. I wanted him to include me in his worries, his plans. I wanted him to see that I needed more in my life than feeding livestock and cleaning away the blowing grit of plowed fields. Not monetary things—I just needed him to love me.”
“So instead of sticking it out with Dad and trying to make it work, you had an affair with Will Tomlin.”
Horrified, she looked at him. “No! Sure, everyone in town believed that’s what was going on, but they were wrong! Will was a fine and decent man. All he did was befriend me and give me a place to stay while I tried to talk some sense into Owen. Betty Jo was pregnant, and I didn’t know where else to go. I’d left the farm in desperation. I wanted to do something to wake him up, to make him see that we needed to make changes in our marriage. Owen would have nothing of it. He was convinced that I was having an affair, and he wanted a divorce.”
Mac felt dead inside. All these years he’d believed his father was above reproach and that his mother was the guilty deserter. Now he had to face the fact that he’d been wrong and misguided about both of his parents.
Wiping a hand across his face, he muttered, “So you agreed to a divorce.”
“No! I didn’t want a divorce. I loved Owen. I went against my own parents’ wishes to marry him. They wanted more for me than being the wife of a farmer. But I didn’t care—all I wanted was Owen. But after ten years of marriage, he’d grown into a hard, angry man. When I told him that I wanted to come home, that I didn’t want a divorce, he told me that I didn’t have a choice in the matter and that if I ever tried to see you boys again he would kill me.”
Stunned, Mac stared at her. “Surely you didn’t think he was serious?”
She dabbed the napkin at her eyes. “I didn’t want to think he would ever hurt me. But one day I got up my courage and drove out to the farm. I’d decided I was going to get you boys and run. Owen met me at the edge of the property and threatened to choke the life out of me. And if you could have seen him that day—” Pausing, she shivered as though she was reliving the moment. “I’ve never seen such rage or hatred on anyone’s face. I didn’t have any choice, Mac, but to turn around and leave.”
Rising from his seat, Mac began to pace around the small, sterile room. “You could have gone to the police, through the courts,” he accused. “Didn’t that ever cross your mind?”
“Of course it did. All sorts of plans went through my mind. But was fighting Owen for custody going to make anything better for you boys? My reputation was already shot. The whole town considered me an adulteress. If I dragged Owen through the court system, then even more ugliness would come out. You and Ripp would have been devastated. I didn’t have money or means to care for you. Besides, Owen’s threats grew more and more frightening, and I realized if I didn’t leave Texas entirely, he would probably take my life. So I signed the divorce papers and left.”
The ache in Mac’s chest was so deep that it was almost impossible for him to breathe. “How did you happen to settle here?” he asked thickly.
Frankie continued to wipe her eyes. “That happened by chance. My car bro
ke down, and I didn’t have the money to go any farther. I found a job at the racetrack and slowly began to start my life over.”
“When you left Texas where were you headed? To stay with your folks?”
“I was going to California,” she admitted. “But not to them. They wouldn’t have welcomed me. I didn’t know where I was going. I was scared, and I knew if I tried to contact you and Ripp, Owen would hunt me down.” Her head was bent, and she covered her face with both hands. “When I met Lewis, my plans about California changed. I told him the whole story about my marriage. He wanted to get you boys and bring you both back here to live with us. But I knew how much you loved Owen, and by then I figured you hated your mother. I decided you needed to be with your father and that I’d be doing you a favor to stay out of your lives.”
“You never told Quint or Alexa,” he accused. “Were you ashamed of me and Ripp?”
To his surprise she rose from the chair and steadied herself with a hand on one padded arm. “Never, Mac. I was ashamed of myself. Ashamed of failing my sons. But as time went on, Lewis and I decided it would be harder on Quint and Alexa to hear they had brothers in Texas but would never be able to see them.”
Mac had never felt so cold, so utterly drained in his life. Everything he’d believed about his family had just been torn to shreds. Everything he’d imagined his father to be now appeared to be just a larger-than-life lie.
“Dad’s been dead for over six years. Were you never going to see us? Never going to tell Quint and Alexa about their brothers?” he asked in a low, accusing voice.
“I honestly don’t know, Mac. Ever since Betty Jo told me that Owen had passed away, I’ve been praying for the courage to face you and Ripp. But Owen discarded me as though I’d been no more to him than a broken-down tractor he no longer wanted. And after all these years I’ve feared that my sons would reject me, too. I guess God answered my prayers by sending you here.”
Wiping a hand over his face, Mac walked back over to his chair and picked up his hat from where he’d placed it on the floor. After he’d levered it onto his head, he turned to face her.
“I’d better be going,” he said in a choked voice.
To Mac’s surprise, she reached out and touched his forearm. “Is that all you have to say?”
He forced his eyes to meet hers and wondered why he’d never been able to forget the image of her bending down and pressing a kiss to his cheek, of her smile as she’d called him her sweet boy.
“I wish there was something I could say to make it easier for both of us,” he said in a low choked voice. “But I can’t. There’s nothing left in me, I guess.”
Pain pinched her features. “I thought…I was hoping you could call me Mother—maybe just once.”
His gaze dropped to the floor. “I’m sorry, Frankie, but I haven’t had a mother since I was ten years old.”
Before she could make any sort of reply, he turned and quickly left the room. Staying wouldn’t have helped matters and like he’d told her, there was nothing left for him to say.
Back at the nurse’s station he caught Nurse Walker’s attention as she hung up the phone.“Is Ileana still here in the hospital?” he asked.
The blond nurse shook her head. “Sorry, Mr. McCleod. She had an emergency at her clinic. I’m sure you can find her there.”
“Yeah. Thanks.”
Numbly, Mac walked out of the hospital and climbed into his truck. But once he was sitting behind the wheel, he didn’t make a move to start the engine. Instead he sat staring out the windshield trying to make sense of all the things Frankie had told him.
Owen had been a hard-driven man. Mac and his brother had always understood that much about their father. But had he really been the insensitive brute that she’d described? How could the man he’d admired and loved, the man who’d spent fifteen years protecting the citizens of Goliad County, threaten to kill his own wife? If Frankie’s story was true, Owen had been too stubborn and selfish to try to mend his family back together. He’d deliberately kept the mother of his children away from her sons.
Oh, God, nothing was ever going to be the same, Mac thought miserably. Everything he’d ever believed in was shattered in pieces at his feet. Who the hell was he? He’d thought he was the son of a tough sheriff, who’d been loved and admired by everyone. But no one, not even his own sons, had known the real Owen McCleod.
There was no way in hell he could relay this news to Ripp over the phone. Whether he was ready or not, he had to go back to Texas and face Ripp with the truth, or at least the truth as Frankie had told it.
Closing his eyes, Mac rested his forehead against the steering wheel. He was going to have to say goodbye to Ileana, and he didn’t know where he was going to find the strength.
Ileana’s day was so chock-full of patients, she hardly had time to swallow a bite of her sandwich, much less take a minute to call Mac. Renae had sent her a message from the hospital that he’d asked for her, but he’d not shown up at the clinic. Nor had he called.Now as she headed her old truck across Bar M land, she wondered what had taken place between him and his mother. Had he gotten his answers and was his time here in New Mexico over? Just asking herself the last question sliced her with pain.
She’d passed over the bridge crossing the Hondo and was flying on up the road past the main ranch house when she spotted Mac’s black truck parked in front of the pink stucco.
Slamming on the brakes, she turned the truck around in the middle of the road and headed it up the long drive to her parents’ home.
When she entered the house through the kitchen, Cesar was at the gas range stirring a pot of pasta.
She walked over and kissed his leathery cheek. “Supper isn’t ready yet?”
“Nobody is here, except me and Mac. Wyatt and Chloe went to some kind of drilling conference in El Paso. They won’t be back for a couple of days.”
“Oh. I wasn’t aware that they were leaving.” Usually her parents informed her if they were going out of town, but she’d been so involved with Mac for the past few days, she might have missed their call.
“It was a last-minute thing,” Cesar explained, then gestured toward the sauce he was stirring. “You going to stay and have some of this?”
“I’m not sure. I need to speak with Mac first.”
She left the kitchen and walked out to the living room. When she found it empty, she decided to try the room he’d been using before he’d been stranded at her house.
After knocking lightly on the door, she called his name. “Mac? Are you in there?”
He opened the door almost immediately. “Ileana. I wasn’t expecting you to stop by the ranch house.”
“I saw your truck parked out front,” she explained, then her brow quickly furrowed in confusion. “Why are you here?”
He opened the door wider and gestured for her to enter the room. The moment Ileana stepped inside, she spotted his open bags lying on the bed.
“You’re packing?” she asked incredulously. “You’re not leaving tonight, are you?”
He looked at her, and Ileana could clearly feel the misery on his face. It matched the horrible pain slicing through her chest.
“Yes,” he said flatly. “I don’t see any point in putting it off.”
Behind her back, her hands gripped tightly together as she watched him walk over to the bed and begin to stuff the remaining clothes in one of the duffel bags.
“I expected you to be leaving soon, but I—” Her throat began to ache so badly she had to stop and swallow before she could go on. “I didn’t think it would be tonight.”
He stared down at the bag. “I wasn’t planning to leave like this, Ileana, but…Well, after this morning I have to.”
Hearing the pain in his voice, she hurried over to him and placed her hand on his arm. “What happened, Mac? I was so swamped with patients today I couldn’t call. I’ve been so worried.”
He looked at her. “You didn’t see Frankie this evening?”
&nbs
p; “No. Dr. Vickers made my hospital rounds for me. What happened when you went to see her?”
A long breath rushed out of him. “She gave me the details of what happened all those years ago.”
“And you believed her?”
“I have to,” he said grimly. “She has no reason to lie about it now. And when a good lawman hears the truth, he usually knows it.”
Ileana waited for him to explain more and just when she’d decided he wasn’t going to share anything with her, he spoke again.
“My mother wanted to come home. Dad wouldn’t let her. He threatened to kill her if she ever tried to get near her sons.”
Ileana gasped. Even though she’d always suspected that it must have taken something dire for Frankie to leave her sons, hearing it spoken out loud was shocking.
“I guess that must have knocked your feet out from under you,” she said quietly.
Leaning his head back, he stared helplessly at the ceiling. “I don’t know who or what I am anymore, Ileana. My childhood, my young adult life was shaped by a man I didn’t know.”
“Do you think he really would have been capable of hurting Frankie?”
He dropped his head and shook it back and forth. “At first I didn’t want to think so. But now that I’ve had a bit of time to mull it over, I have to admit that he was capable. He seemed to have an obsessive love/hate for Frankie. He forbade us boys to talk about her. Other than the one Ripp and me hid, he destroyed every photo of her in the house. And after she left the farm, he never looked at another woman.”
Ileana shook her head in dismay. “Oh, Mac, I’m so, so sorry. I wish none of this had ever happened to you.”
His features softened, and he sadly touched a hand to her face. “At least, out of all this, I got to know you, Ileana.”
Tears were suddenly burning her throat and the back of her eyes. “Do you really mean that?”
A wry smile twisted his lips. “I’ve never meant anything more. Our time together has meant everything to me, Ileana. Everything.”
A Texan on Her Doorstep Page 16
