by H S Chandler
Cameron coughed. ‘Such as?’
‘All of them, really. I’d certainly like to see the video of Dr Bloxham again now that I’ve heard what the defendant said about it, just to see if any of it rings true,’ Lottie said, speaking slowly and clearly. She was fed up with listening to everyone else’s views. Hers were no less valid.
‘You know what? I think we’re all over-tired. It’s been a long day and I’ve had enough,’ Cameron stood up and put on his jacket. ‘Let’s agree to keep our powder dry until tomorrow, shall we?’
‘Can I suggest …’ Samuel started to say.
‘Suggest all you like, mate,’ Cameron said. ‘But we’re leaving.’ He walked out with Jack trailing behind him. Pan used the opportunity to exit too, and Garth Finuchin took a packet of cigarettes from his pocket and made towards the nearest exit. Lottie wasn’t sure what had happened. She felt scolded. Cameron was clearly fed up, and not just with the usual Tabitha bunch. He hadn’t been himself all day, and now he’d practically stormed out. She’d texted him her room number earlier as agreed. What she didn’t know was whether Cameron was going to turn up at her door at midnight or not, and if he did, what sort of mood he would be in.
28
The knock on her door came earlier and louder than Lottie had been expecting. She opened it ready to drag Cameron inside, reminding him that there were other jurors on the same floor as her. Instead she found Jack standing outside her door, grinning and holding a bottle of red wine.
‘Got glasses?’ he asked.
‘Um, come in,’ Lottie replied, moving aside to let him enter, turning her head to avoid the alcohol fumes. ‘It’s kind of late. Have you been drinking non-stop since dinner?’
‘Yeah, Cameron and I stayed in the bar after everyone else went to bed. Fancy a glass? It’s Merlot.’ Jack was opening cupboards to find glasses before she could reply. Lottie looked at her watch. She still had half an hour before Cameron was due to turn up and there was obviously something on Jack’s mind. ‘Sorry to crash your room but I’m just over the corridor and I saw you coming out of here earlier. I’m too wired to sleep.’
He unscrewed the bottle cap and dropped it on the floor, then began sloshing wine between two glasses, with a fair amount landing on the table. Lottie grabbed a handful of tissues and mopped the spillage before it could drip on the carpet.
‘So where’s Cameron?’ Lottie asked as Jack handed her the wine. Perhaps a drink was what she needed, she reasoned. Nothing wrong with a bit of Dutch courage before she made sure Cam knew exactly where she stood.
‘He got a call on his mobile and had to go down to the parking area underneath the hotel.’ Jack burped then laughed. ‘Sorry about that. Should never mix beer and wine. I guess Cam’s friend was late delivering his overnight bag.’ He threw himself down onto Lottie’s bed, spilling yet more wine onto his shirt. ‘I can’t believe this is nearly over. You remember the first day? I was so nervous, and to be honest I was in a really bad place, then I met Cameron – and you …’ he raised his glass in a toast to her, ‘and now I don’t want it to end. Cam will go back to work, I’ll be back at uni and we won’t see each other as much.’
‘I’m ready to get back to real life,’ Lottie said, picking up the bottle cap before taking a chair. ‘The jury duty thing has been interesting but I need to get away from the misery. I’m not looking forward to tomorrow at all. I reckon it’s going to be a series of arguments. I’m surprised Cameron managed to keep quiet this afternoon.’
‘He’s amazing, isn’t he?’ Jack said. ‘Can you keep a secret?’ He sat bolt upright, beaming.
‘Sure,’ Lottie smiled back, watching the glass in Jack’s hand sway back and forth, hoping her duvet would survive his visit. She really didn’t fancy sleeping in a bed that reeked of spilled red wine, but at the same time she didn’t want to stop him talking. He’d had such a hard time with his awful family. If Jack was about to come out to her, she had to make sure she reacted the way he needed her to, with warmth and reassurance.
‘I think I’ve fallen a little bit in love with him.’ He clapped a hand over his mouth and looked mock horrified. ‘Shit, I can’t believe I actually said that out loud.’
Lottie shut her eyes, wondering if she’d heard right. ‘Do you mean in love with Cameron?’ she checked.
‘Yes. God, yes,’ he bounced to his feet again. ‘We’ve been spending a lot of time together after court, and it was so awful when Tabitha made that big fuss about us going out that evening but actually I was kind of pleased someone had seen us. Until then I felt as if I was imagining it, but he’s such good company and really funny. He seemed so closed off to start with then when I really got to know him, I realised he’s just as scared and confused as the rest of us. Can I put some music on?’
‘Best not. Don’t want to wake whoever’s in the next room,’ Lottie said. ‘Jack, are you sure about this? Falling in love takes time. You have to be sure you really know someone …’
Lottie downed the remainder of the wine from her glass and considered the kindest way to burst Jack’s bubble. Cameron’s attempts to help him out during a bad patch had obviously backfired. Lottie hated to be the one to bring Jack off his high but she couldn’t leave him to get his heart broken without trying to minimise the damage. She poured the remnants of the bottle into her own glass figuring it was best to finish it before Jack did. He found the remote control and began channel surfing to find the hotel’s selection of radio stations. Lottie took it from him and switched it off again.
‘Jack, you know Cameron’s straight, right? I mean, I know for sure he really likes you. He told me you’ve been having a bad time lately, but I’m worried you might be getting your signals mixed. It’s hard when you like someone, especially a man as attractive as Cam, not to blur friendship with something more, but I’m scared you’ll end up disappointed.’ She put her hand on his forearm and squeezed.
‘No,’ Jack said, sliding his arms around her and hugging her hard. She did her best to keep control of her drink. ‘Me and my big mouth. Cam told me not to say anything to you but there’s no one else I can tell. I know he hasn’t been in a relationship with a man before and nothing’s happened yet … but I can feel a spark between us. It’s the intensity in his eyes, and how close he holds me when he hugs me goodnight after we’ve been out.’
Oh fuck, Lottie thought, pulling away from Jack. ‘Have you told him how you feel yet?’ she asked.
‘I’m pretty sure he knows,’ Jack said, picking up the empty wine bottle and tipping it to find any last dribbles. ‘He’s talked a lot about feeling trapped inside his own sexuality, how women judge him by his looks and treat him like a piece of meat, how he can’t go to a bar without girls throwing themselves at him. He’s sick of it. I know he’s looking for something different.’
Lottie’s stomach shrivelled. If Cameron really was looking for permanence, maybe he wasn’t going to let her go as quickly and easily as she needed him to. She checked her watch again. Ten to twelve. She had to get Jack out of her room. He’d have way too many questions if Cameron turned up. It was clear she wasn’t going to be able to persuade Jack that he’d got the wrong end of the stick. Cam would have to do that himself. Just one more awkward conversation to have. Maybe she shouldn’t have drunk the wine after all, she thought.
‘I should get to bed,’ she said, looking pointedly at her watch. ‘But Jack, think about it. Cameron may have been friendly and caring, but he’s in a difficult place. I probably shouldn’t talk about this, but he lost his fiancée to cancer a while ago. I think a lot of what he’s said to you might be coming from a pretty dark place.’
‘Yeah, that was awful, right? It wasn’t his fiancée, though, it was his sister who died,’ Jack said. ‘And don’t worry, he told me all about it. He says that’s what made him realise he had to live life freely, you never know how long you’ve got left. Did he tell you he and his parents nursed his sister the whole time. It made them closer than they’d ever been as a family
. He wants to introduce me to them.’
Lottie stared at him. There were so many questions she wanted to ask. Jack had to be mistaken, but right now she didn’t want anyone else to witness Cameron turning up at her door. Her world was teetering on the edge of disaster and the fewer people who were involved, the better.
‘I see,’ she said, walking to her door and opening it a few inches. ‘Well, I’m glad you and Cameron have grown so close. I really am tired now, though. Sorry. Would you mind?’
‘Sure, sure. Thanks for listening, Lottie. Cam said you were a proper mother figure. He was right.’ Jack gave her another unstable hug, kissed her wetly on the cheek then headed out, leaving Lottie standing uselessly in the middle of her room, the empty glass dangling from her fingertips.
‘Mother figure?’ she asked her reflection in the mirror on the back of the door. Was that a reference to the fact that she had a child, or because she was a few years older than Jack? Either way, it didn’t feel much like a compliment.
She took her glass into the bathroom and rinsed it out, trying to get her head round the fact that she and Jack had such different accounts of Cameron’s recent loss. He had clearly told her it was his fiancée who’d died, no doubt about it, yet Jack had seemed so sure. Perhaps Jack had only heard what he’d wanted to hear. She’d been guilty enough of that in the last three weeks. Wishing she could just turn off the lights and fall asleep, Lottie listened as footsteps from along the corridor approached her room.
29
A single knock, low and gentle, announced Cameron’s arrival. Lottie steeled herself. Their fling had to end now. No more excuses. No getting sidetracked by lust, or caught up in Cameron’s declarations of love. She opened the door. He walked straight past her and kicked the door shut.
‘I should have realised you’d be drunk too,’ Lottie said.
‘Was I supposed to stay sober for you? You stopped answering my texts yesterday and you’ve been avoiding me all day, so I figured I was going to need a few drinks for this conversation.’ His voice was ice.
Lottie had forgotten about that. Of course he’d known what was coming. That was what his bad mood over dinner had been about. Cam opened her minibar and took out a bottle of beer. She considered stopping him. The last thing she needed was a bar bill, but if it would calm him down then maybe it was a small price to pay. She walked to the chair and sat down purposefully. ‘Jack was here a few minutes ago. He’s got the wrong idea about you and him. I’m worried he’s going to get hurt,’ she said as he popped the lid.
Cameron drank half the bottle in one go then grinned at her. ‘Who’s been gossiping then?’
‘It wasn’t deliberate. He thinks … God help him, Cam … he thinks he’s in love with you.’
‘Shit happens,’ Cameron said. ‘He’ll survive, maybe even wise up a bit.’
‘That’s harsh. He just mistook you paying him some attention for a different kind of feeling. You told me he’s confused at the moment.’
Cameron walked to the window, ripping the curtains open and staring down to the street below. ‘Wow, I really am good. He’s a nice kid but you’re more my type.’
‘Could you shut the curtains please?’ Lottie asked.
‘What, you think Tabitha’s standing out there with binoculars checking on us?’ he laughed. Lottie took a deep breath. Cameron was being a jerk but she had to take responsibility for the situation she found herself in. If he was drunk, that was partly her fault. She walked over and gently closed the drapes. He smiled down at her, wrapping one arm around her waist. ‘Hey, I’m sorry, gorgeous. Can’t we just be like we were? You were so much fun then.’ He went to kiss her. Lottie pulled away.
‘Did you know how Jack felt about you? Only you don’t seem that surprised about it, or concerned.’
‘He’s a kid. I can’t help it if he got the wrong idea. You, on the other hand, didn’t misread me at all. You knew straight away I wanted you. Fuck me, it’s hot.’ He stripped off his T-shirt and tossed it on the floor. ‘Want to join me?’
Lottie sighed. Nothing was going the way she’d imagined it. Cameron threw himself onto her bed, stacking the pillows behind his head and settling in.
‘We can’t do this any more, Cam. I thought about it like you asked me to, and I reached the same decision. I have too much to lose. Daniyal has to be my priority. I can’t destroy his happiness for my own sake. I know you’ll understand.’
‘How?’ he asked, finishing his beer and tossing the bottle across the room towards the bin. He missed. Lottie fought the desire to get cross.
‘How what?’ she asked.
‘How can you be so sure I’ll understand? I might not. Maybe I’m not prepared to accept that decision.’ His lips were curled into a sneer. Lottie felt a shiver of discomfort. It was the alcohol talking, she told herself. This wasn’t the Cameron she’d come to know. He wasn’t callous or cruel. She just had to appeal to his softer side.
‘Hey, this is hard for me too,’ she said, perching next to him on the bed. ‘If things were different, if I wasn’t married, you and I could have had a real future. But you knew about Daniyal from the start. You know how much I love him. I can’t risk losing that.’
‘Don’t lecture me about loss,’ Cameron shouted. ‘You knew my fiancée died but you played with my feelings and led me on without a second thought.’
Lottie stared at him. His face was the picture of grief, contorted with pain, but his eyes were shining. Her discomfort bloated.
‘You fiancée or your sister? I’m confused. You gave Jack different information. Pretty detailed though, something about you and your parents nursing her until she died?’ she said quietly.
Cameron narrowed his eyes at her, grinding his teeth together before bursting into a fit of laughter. He doubled up on the bed, clutching his stomach.
‘Shit, you two really did have a good long chat, didn’t you? Congratulations, Charlotte.’ She glared at him. He’d never used her full name before. ‘It didn’t occur to me you and Jack would compare notes about that. Actually, the tragic tale of terrible loss was based on truth, but not my own. It was a friend’s girlfriend. Amazing how using the c-word makes people do whatever you want. You were practically grovelling at my feet.’
She rose on unsteady legs, staggering away from the bed. None of it made sense. Why lie to both her and Jack? Was he so drunk he was just spouting nonsense, or was he winding her up, punishing her for hurting him? Had she grovelled to him? That’s not how she remembered it. And he’d lied about the cancer. Bile rushed, bitter and nauseating, into her throat. She had no idea who the man on her bed was, but the Cameron she thought she knew, who’d promised he would never hurt her, was nowhere to be seen.
‘I don’t think this is the right time to try and sort this out,’ she said, keeping her voice soft and non-confrontational. ‘You should get some sleep. I’m not sure what’s going on, but you’re not yourself and …’
‘I’m not myself?’ he snorted. ‘Really? What the fuck was that about earlier, wanting to watch the frigging hedgehog video again? Are you trying to make things a thousand times worse?’ He lurched to his feet and ripped the minibar door open again, grabbed two small bottles of whisky from the rack.
‘That’s enough,’ Lottie said. ‘You’re going to have to pay for those. I want you to leave. You’re too angry to be rational. Maybe this is easiest anyway. There’s no point talking any more.’
‘Oh we’ve got a lot more talking to do, Lottie. You need to understand what has to happen tomorrow.’ He ripped the caps off the miniature bottles, downed the first and sat on the floor with his back against the wall, staring at the contents of the second bottle.
‘What the hell are you talking about?’ she asked, raising her own voice. He was showing no sign of leaving, and there was no way she could get rid of him if he wouldn’t go voluntarily.
‘We agreed that we were going to vote not guilty. Now suddenly you want to start reviewing the evidence to help make up your m
ind?’ he slurred.
‘I didn’t agree anything and I don’t see what business it is of yours whether I say Maria Bloxham’s guilty or not. You know what, Cam, I was actually worried about talking to you tonight because I was really starting to care about you and I didn’t want to hurt your feelings, but you just made this an awful lot easier. We’re finished for good. You’ve got problems and I’m fed up with being on the receiving end of this crap.’ Lottie started walking towards the door, reaching out for the handle.
‘I wouldn’t do that if I were you,’ he said, shaking his head.
‘Do what exactly? Kick you out of my room? Actually I can, and if you don’t want to go willingly there are several police officers also staying here overnight who’ll be more than happy to help,’ she bluffed, stopping just short of the door and wishing she felt as positive as she’d sounded. Cameron kicked off his shoes, clearly going nowhere.
‘Come on Lottie.’ He stretched his arms above his head with a yawn, showing off his muscles. ‘I came here to offer you a carrot. Don’t make me get the stick out instead. That would be a lot less fun.’ He took his phone out of his pocket and rested it on his lap.
‘I want you to leave without a fight. We’ve got to be around each other all day tomorrow, so I’d prefer it if there wasn’t any bad feeling,’ Lottie said, wondering why she felt the sudden desire to get the hell out of her own room.
‘That’s more conciliatory. You’re nicer like that. Given that you’ve already decided to dump me, though, I might as well be straightforward with you. Tomorrow, you’ll vote the same way I vote. You don’t need to anything else except keep your mouth shut, not cause trouble, and make sure at the crucial moment you find Maria Bloxham not guilty.’
