by H S Chandler
Ruth wiped away quiet tears as Maria withdrew her hand.
‘So we’re quits,’ Maria continued. ‘Your gorgeous children are all the therapy I need. Even your mother makes me laugh more than I have in years. You’ve opened your home to me, and you saved me from him. You always seem to forget that. If it weren’t for you I’d either still be in my living hell or I’d be six feet under. Let’s both move on. We can’t change any of it. I need to embrace life. I know better than most people how precious it is.’
‘Yes, you do,’ Ruth leaned across to kiss Maria’s cheek. ‘And you deserve to be happy. Go on your trip. We’ll be here when you get back. It is time to move on. I needed to look after you to assuage my own guilt. If you can let go of your past, I guess it’s time for me to let go too. Do you have any idea where you want to go?’
‘Yes,’ Maria smiled gently. ‘I thought I’d start in Germany.’
‘Really? That’s a bit random. I imagined you saying Australia or America. Is there something specific there you want to see?’
‘Not something. Someone. I’ve been making enquiries with the army. Andrea was stationed there for a while when she first joined up. It seems she met a German man and they married, so once she left the forces, she stayed there. She’s living in a town called Königswinter on the Rhein river. It has a castle.’
‘That sounds lovely,’ Ruth said softly. ‘Although it’s been a long time. Not to be negative about it, but people change. Have you …’
‘Spoken to her?’
Ruth nodded.
‘No. She has no idea that I’ve been looking for her. I need to do this in person. There’s so much to say that I wouldn’t know where to start in a letter. If she doesn’t want to know me any more, I’ll understand, and I’ll move on. I just need a chance to tell her how sorry I am.’
‘That’s very brave of you,’ Ruth said. ‘And you’re right. It does sound like a good place to start. I can understand you wanting to take back some of what was taken from you.’
‘The rain’s stopped,’ Maria said. ‘Now, I’m going in to sign my divorce papers, then you and I are going out to lunch. We deserve it. The only rule is, we’re not to say his name. No talk of trials or lawyers or courts. We’re going to pretend we’re old friends who met at a yoga class or something utterly normal like that, and we can people-watch until it’s time to pick up the twins. Agreed?’
‘Agreed,’ Ruth said, opening the car door, then pausing. ‘You know I’d do it all again for you, don’t know? If I was back in that cupboard now, I’d grab that chair leg and hit him, probably just a little bit harder.’
‘You wouldn’t have to,’ Maria smiled. ‘The only regret I have is not doing it myself. If I could turn back time, believe me, I would.’
Acknowledgements
I need to start by having a quick chat with the lawyers. I took a few liberties with procedure in this book and I’m asking you to forgive me. The truth, as we know, is that most trials contain few surprises and I’m afraid that doesn’t make for very suspenseful fiction. So forgive me, and try to read like a reader rather than as if you were reading a brief. Know also, at a time when the criminal bar is under worse financial and time pressure than ever, that you are appreciated. The work you do ensures that our streets are safer places, without compromising on justice. It’s not glamorous, you work the night shift four or five times a week, and half of all you do effectively goes unpaid. If it were not for my outstanding agent, Caroline Hardman, I would still be there with you, travelling endless miles each day, never putting my children to bed at night, and sacrificing my weekends to reading unused material. Caroline, for giving me a chance at second career, and for making it possible to write this book, you have my everlasting gratitude (and free drinks whenever we’re together).
This story, though, is Sam Eades’ baby. Trapeze gave me a green light and let me write about extremely difficult subject matter, supporting me when the book took on increasingly relevant topics in the age of the #MeToo movement. Sam is one of those editors whose boundless enthusiasm lifts a book from the page until it burns in the imaginations of all those she tells about it. I consider myself privileged to have worked with you on this, Sam. Your insight, instincts and intellect are formidable.
It takes a team to publish a book though, and here are the publishing world’s A-listers who got Degrees of Guilt onto the page, into the shops and into the hands of readers. Jen Breslin on marketing, Claire Keep in production, Sophie Wilson – my line and copy editor – who has the patience of a saint, Debbie Holmes on design, Susan Howe and the fabulous rights team, Paul Stark with the audio team. Thank you all for making the process look so easy.
I would also like to thank the lovely Matthew Scott (known better on Twitter as @Barristerblog) who offered me advice at the very start of writing this (all mistakes are my own, though) and who has given continual support to my writing from the get-go. To the folks who make Bristol Crown Court a friendly, welcoming place to work, and a great place to set this trial, you make a difficult job look easy every day. And to David, who put up with me while I was a barrister and who thought life would get easier when I stopped, until I decided to write books for a living – don’t give up hope. I’m sure one day we’ll have a normal life together.
Copyright
First published in Great Britain in 2019 by Trapeze Books,
an imprint of The Orion Publishing Group Ltd
Carmelite House, 50 Victoria Embankment,
London EC4Y 0DZ
An Hachette UK company
Copyright © HS Chandler 2019
The moral right of HS Chandler to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act of 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.
All the characters in this book are fictitious, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
ISBN (eBook) 9781 4091 7822 4
ISBN (Export Trade Paperback) 9781 4091 8468 3
www.orionbooks.co.uk
