by Rachel Grant
How could he have put her in this situation?
She headed toward a side door that led to the garden that backed up to the national forest. She passed another salon and tucked her head down but didn’t break stride. When he passed, he knew why she’d tried to slip by unnoticed. Matt sat with his body hunched forward, elbows to knees, engaged in intense conversation with Chase.
That was an odd combination. Sean didn’t know if the two had ever met before today, but the young operative looked at Matt with rapt attention.
Unease trickled down Sean’s spine, but he didn’t pause as he passed the arched opening. Hazel had reached the French doors that led to the garden, and he had to follow her. Once she was outside, she broke into a run, heading for the woods, forcing him to do the same.
In all his thirty-eight years, he didn’t think he’d ever hurt someone this deeply. That the person he’d hurt was Hazel, a woman he cared about more than he wanted to admit, and who was fighting anxiety because of her work to identify victims of genocide, made him question everything he believed about himself.
What is wrong with me?
This was Hazel. Beautiful, sexy, brilliant, amazing Hazel.
My Hazelnut. My sweet, seductive Witch Hazel.
He’d just made the worst fucking mistake of his life.
She reached the woods and slipped between the trees. He followed her winding path until they were deep in the forest. “You need to stay in my line of sight,” he said when she kept ducking behind trees.
She turned to face him. Moonlight penetrated the branches, and he could see she’d managed to stave off tears in favor of anger. She was well and truly pissed. And he had it coming. “Why, because you want to see me cry? Because it makes you feel powerful to see me humiliated?”
“That’s the last thing in the world I want.”
“No, Sean. I think what you meant to say is I’m the last thing in the world you want.”
“Oh, sweetheart. That is so far from being true. I’ve wanted to fuck you since the first night we met. I had fantasies of pulling you into the closet by the entryway and fucking you between the coats. When you took me outside to see the Milky Way, I wanted to pull down your panties and go down on you as you watched for shooting stars. My fantasies about you are endless. Wild. And very dirty.” He took a step toward her. “Filthy, even.”
Her chest rose with a deep breath, and he was thankful for the full moon that allowed him to see her eyes light with heat. “I like filthy,” she whispered. Tentative.
“Yeah?” he asked, inviting her to say more.
She held his gaze in the darkness, her skin bright in the milky glow of the moon. Finally, she said, “That night, I wanted to escape into the woods with you and take you into my mouth. I’d just met you, but I wanted to be wild. Dirty.” She paused, then added, “Filthy, even.”
His cock hardened as he remembered that night and how sultry she’d looked in a low-cut green silk cocktail dress. Her auburn hair had shimmered in the moonlight just like now.
She continued in a husky voice, “I wanted you to plant my hands against the rough bark of a tree and take me from behind. I wanted to feel you thrusting inside me as you cupped my breasts.” She took a step toward him now.
“If I’d taken you in the woods at Rav’s,” he responded, “we couldn’t have returned to the party without everyone knowing I’d just banged my boss’s cousin in the yard mere hours after we met.” That was only part of the reason he hadn’t acted that night—his dad’s recent passing had also loomed in his mind—but it was the major reason he’d held back.
“I know. So instead when I got home, I fucked myself with my favorite toys and imagined your cock, your fingers, your tongue. It was the first of many times I’ve fantasized about you. I’ve wanted you for four and a half long years. Until this week, except for that embarrassing night in Grand Cayman, I pretty much accepted you don’t want me in the same way.”
“Oh, Hazel, that has never been true. I’ve always wanted you. I want to lick you. I want you to come against my mouth. I want your mouth on my cock, your hands on my body. I want your sweet, hot pussy tight on my cock.” He’d never dared talk dirty with Hazel before. But he’d imagined it, saying filthy things to her as he claimed her body. “You’ve been front and center in my fantasies since that night in Rav’s garden.”
She put a hand on his chest. “Show me, Sean. Take me. Here. Now.”
He wanted to, desperately. But she’d given him a very clear no to a no-strings screw just fifteen minutes ago, and nothing had changed since then. “I don’t think this is what you want.”
“Maybe this will get you out of my system.”
“What if it just makes the ache worse?”
She smiled. “That confident, are you?”
“I’ve wanted you for four and a half years, so yeah, I will satisfy all your filthy fantasies.”
“That’s a tall order considering right now, in this forest, is the only time you can have me.”
She’d just turned his own limits on him. He’d asked for temporary—until he returned to the Middle East—but she would only give him right here, right now.
And he was just enough of an asshole to accept her terms. He planted a hand on the back of her bare thigh and slid upward, under the skirt of her dress, until he cupped a bare cheek of her sweetly rounded ass. His mouth was just inches from hers. “You want me to fuck you, right now. Under this tree?”
“Yes.”
“Will you let me push up your skirt and go down on you, make you come against my mouth?”
She licked her lips. “Yes.” She ran her hand over his out-of-control erection. “As long as you give me this. Tonight, this is mine.”
His mouth hovered above hers. “All yours.” He kissed her, his tongue stroking deep. He cupped both ass cheeks and squeezed. Fuck, she felt good, and he was finally going to have her.
“We have one problem, Hazelnut. I left the condoms in our hotel room.”
“When was the last time you were tested? Are you clean?”
He considered the question. Raptor required annual checkups, mental, physical, the works. He always had the doctor run the full battery of STD tests. “About three months ago. I’m clean. I haven’t been with anyone since before Grand Cayman.” It was rare for him to go so long without even a casual hookup, but since that night, he hadn’t wanted anyone but Hazel.
“I haven’t been with anyone since my last round of tests before Croatia. I’m clean, and birth control is covered—I had the three-year implant eighteen months ago.”
“You want me to fuck you bare?” His cock thickened even more. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had sex without a condom. He rarely dated women long enough to reach the no-condom stage.
“Yes. Tonight is all we get. Might as well have the full fantasy.”
He should tell her he wanted more than right now, but the words wouldn’t leave his mouth. He was such an asshole to take what she was giving him without offering her more. But he didn’t know how to give more. He could—and would—satisfy her now.
He dropped to his knees and pushed up her skirt, just like he’d fantasized so very long ago. Her tiny thong was hardly in his way, but he ripped it off anyway, breaking the thin straps and shoving the scrap of satin into his pocket. She gasped as he spread her legs and licked her clit for the first time.
She’d trimmed but hadn’t shaved, and he wished the moonlight would let him see just how red her curls were. She moaned as he licked from clit to labia. He spread her folds and slid his tongue inside. She was tangy and slick and so fucking good. She bucked as he focused on her clitoris, licking and sucking, grazing his teeth over the bundle of sensitive nerves.
Her legs wobbled. He pushed her back against a tree to stabilize her, then stroked her with his tongue until she came to a shuddering orgasm against his mouth. Her moans rang through the forest, and he hoped no one else had opted for an outside tryst. These sounds she made were his and
his alone.
She cupped his shaved head as she came, both holding him to her, then pushing him back when the pleasure got too intense.
He released her and stood as she flopped back against the tree, breathing hard. He needed to be inside her slick, wet heat now. He turned her around and peeled off the coat she wore. He wanted to see her bare back in that sexy dress as he fucked her. The cool air on her shoulders triggered goose bumps, but he’d warm her from the inside out. She wouldn’t feel the chill in just a moment. He pressed her palms into the rough bark of the tree, then unzipped his fly and freed his cock.
He raised her skirt and looked at her bare ass in the moonlight. Holy fuck. She was giving herself to him, letting him take her bare. He stroked his thick erection as he looked at her beautiful ass. “You ready for this, babe?”
“God, yes.”
He placed the head of his cock against her opening and slid deep in one hot, slick stroke. “Holy hell.” He groaned at the sensation of being deep inside Hazel MacLeod. He placed his right hand over her right, pressing it into the bark. His left hand slid under the halter of her dress and cupped her breast. He kissed her neck as he fucked and squeezed.
Taking Hazel exceeded his fantasies, a feat that shouldn’t be possible given the years he’d had to perfect them.
“Sean.” His name was a moan. A perfect, sexy breath of sound, drawn out because he was making her feel wild. Dirty. Filthy, even.
He thrust into her, taking her hard, going faster than he’d intended, but it felt too damn good to stop. He moved a hand to her clit and stroked, determined to make her climax again before he got his own orgasm.
She tightened around him, and her breathing changed. She was almost there. And she was pulling him with her. She let out a guttural cry at the same time his orgasm overtook him. He pulsed into her, letting out his own grunt as he came.
He held her still against the tree, his heart pounding.
He knew only one thing in that moment. One time with Hazel would never be enough.
21
Well, that was one way to stave off a panic attack. Hazel had a feeling Dr. Parks wouldn’t approve, but then, whatever works, right? And she’d been so close to a full-blown panic attack when Sean said those sexy words that pulled her from the brink.
Definitely not something that would be found in psychology texts. Or would it? Hazel’s ology expertise was of the osteological variety. She knew nothing about studies of the mind, which was probably why hers was so messed up.
She let out a soft whimper as Sean slid from her body, his fingers stroking her clit on the dismount. He kissed her neck and whispered, “Don’t think this is over, because we’re just getting started.”
She wanted to sink into those words. She could have Sean. Today. This week. Even next. He’d give her that if she asked. But then he’d leave for the Middle East, taking her heart with him.
If she was to have any dignity left when it came to her feelings for Sean Logan, she had to be the one to end this. She had to be the one to walk away.
So far, she’d done all the begging and he’d done all the rejecting. Time for a role reversal.
Always leave them wanting more, right?
She’d said yes to wild, dirty, outdoor sex. She’d even agreed to no condoms, because if she was going to have Sean only once, it would be as perfect a connection as she could make it. A memory to last until her heart found a way to quit him.
But now, for the first time in the four and a half years of their pathetic association, she was calling the shots. She pushed away from the tree and scooped up her jacket from the ground where he’d dropped it. She patted the pocket and was thankful to find the bandana she always stored there.
She used it to wipe between her legs, cleaning the evidence of Sean’s ejaculation so the walk back to the inn would be more comfortable. Sean reached out, offering to help with the intimate task, but she refused. “No, thanks.”
She shoved the dirty cloth back into her pocket and met his gaze. His brow furrowed. He probably expected her to want to kiss and cuddle.
And she did want that. But if she gave in to it now, it would be that much harder to push him away later. Thankfully, they were in the woods, not entwined in a bed. Really, she couldn’t have planned this better. She’d had her taste of Sean Logan in a way that fulfilled her very first fantasy of him, but without the intimacy that would allow him to see how utterly broken her heart was that he didn’t want more than a passing fling.
She’d known for years she could fall in love with Sean. What she’d never quite realized until this week—maybe she’d just figured it out tonight—was that she was already in love with him, and had been for a long time.
There was no way she could continue with this charade of fake boyfriend/real bodyguard. Her heart would shatter like calcined bone under pressure.
She took Sean’s shirt in her hands. This would be their last kiss. Her goodbye to all the hope she’d had of sharing her life with this man. “Thank you, Sean. That was just what I needed.” She kissed him. His lips were stiff against hers at first, wary. He knew she was withdrawing, and he didn’t understand. Of course he didn’t.
For him, this was the simple start and end of a fling, while for her, she was losing a friendship that had mattered a great deal to her. Hell, she was losing this entire group of friends except her sister and cousin. She’d never belong in this group once she and Sean officially broke up. These were his friends, not hers.
A shame, because she really liked everyone.
All at once, Sean’s mouth relaxed and he deepened the kiss. Showing emotion with his mouth that he never gave her with words. He knew this was a good-bye as much as she did.
Finally, she ended the kiss. Sean’s arm was a tight band around her back, holding her against him, but when she pushed back, he released her.
“Tomorrow, I’ll tell Alec that we no longer require your services. If he still insists I need a bodyguard, he’ll have to hire someone else.”
“It doesn’t have to be this way, Hazel.”
“Don’t worry about your job. I’ll make sure he knows it’s my fault. Not yours.”
“I don’t give a fuck about my job. I’m talking about us.”
“There has never been any us. It was all a charade.”
“But it doesn’t have to end this way. Now.”
“Yes. It does.” It’s the only way I can protect myself from completely falling apart. “I told you before we screwed, this was all we’d have. I meant it.”
His nostrils flared. “I guess I didn’t believe you.”
Frankly, she hadn’t believed herself either. She was rather proud she’d followed through, considering he was the one thing she wanted in the world. But she was taking care of herself, which should have been her focus all along. “You don’t want me, Sean. I’m more broken than not.” She glanced over at the tree she’d held on to as he thrust inside her. “I was about three steps from a full-blown panic attack. This method of dealing with it wasn’t…conventional, but I’m thankful just the same.”
Sean’s eyes widened, and he stepped back. “I took advantage of you while you were losing it?”
She shook her head. “No. You helped me. But I really need to take it from here if I’m going to get better. Can’t always count on you to be there to fuck me back to my senses, can I? Not when you’re heading to the Middle East. I’ve got to figure this out on my own.”
“I’m sorry—”
She waved him off. “Don’t be. I enjoyed it. A lot.” She leaned forward and stroked his cheek. He’d shaved right before the wedding, and his skin was silky smooth. “You are every bit the amazing lover I knew you’d be. I’m glad I got a sample.”
That last part might’ve sounded insulting. She couldn’t really tell, but she meant it. What she didn’t say was how much she would cherish the memory of their hot, dirty, fantasy-fulfillment screw.
He caught her wrist when she would’ve turned to walk away. His
eyes burned with remorse and anger, as if he didn’t know which emotion to go with. “Don’t do this, Hazel.”
“Do what? Walk away from you after fucking you? Isn’t that what you’d planned to do to me?”
His eyes widened, and he stepped back. “So this was revenge? To put me in my place?”
She shook her head. “No. It was just a screw. Because I wanted to try you at least once.” Then she turned and walked away.
Sean couldn’t quite believe what had just happened. One moment, he had everything he wanted in the world, and the next, she was walking away from him.
And once again, it was his own stupid fault.
He never reacted rationally to Hazel, because she’d spun him up and tied him in knots for years. The woman he’d always wanted but never thought he could have.
And now he’d had her, and she was rejecting him. He wanted to hold on to anger, but how could he? He’d screwed her as she was fighting a panic attack? What kind of asshole did that?
He should have recognized what was happening. After her appointment with Dr. Parks, Hazel had explained the techniques he could employ to help her. And nowhere on the list of grounding exercises was banging her in the woods.
He followed her through the trees. A chill breeze licked through the leaves, making a soft rattling sound. The air smelled of crisp, dry earth, but he still had Hazel’s scent on his body and the memory of the sweet, chocolate nutty oil that permeated her skin and teased him as he’d kissed her neck and thrust inside her.
All at once, a gust whipped through the leaves, the cold portent of fall. Hazel wore her skimpy dress, sneakers, and a lightweight coat. She shivered as she marched ahead of him.
A loud crack sounded, the unmistakable sound of a bullet. He dove for Hazel, pushing her to the ground, covering her body with his own. The only protection he could give her.
A moment later, a massive boom rang out as light flared beyond the woods, illuminating the dark night.
