He opened the door. Claire stood on the doorstep next to a caramel-skinned boy, whose hands were jammed in his pockets. His eyes were focused on the ground, and his thin shoulders held the weight of the world. A small blue bear was tucked under one arm, and a backpack slung over his shoulders held all his other possessions.
“James, I want you to meet Henry and Sandra. They’re going to take care of you until your mother can again, okay?”
James nodded and hugged his bear tighter. Sandra’s heart hurt for him. No child should have to go through what he was going through.
“Okay, I’ll be back to check on you in a few days, James.” She shrugged at us over his shoulder and pushed him forward. His little feet shuffled over the threshold and into the house.
Henry thanked Claire and shut the door behind her.
“Hi, James. Welcome to our home,” I said. “Would you like to see your room?”
James shrugged again, but I took that as a sign he might. Wheeling over to the banister, I climbed out of my wheelchair and into the sliding contraption that Henry and my father had installed.
The whirring of the motor began, and James looked up.
“What is that?”
“I lost my ability to walk in a car accident, so this helps me go up and down the stairs.”
“You mean you can’t walk?” His voice was incredulous.
“Nope, but I can still do almost anything.” The seat hit the end, and I climbed into the wheelchair we kept at the top of the stairs. “It’s very important this chair is always at the top of the stairs for me, okay?”
James nodded, his eyes still wide.
Henry had caught up to us and led the way to the blue room we had readied for James. I wasn’t sure what he might be into, so I had picked up some pictures of airplanes and sport paraphernalia that Henry had hung on the wall. A simple blue bedspread covered the bed and matched the curtains hanging from the window.
“James we have some new clothes for you in the dresser and the closet,” I said.
James blinked. “Is this all for me?”
“Why of course it is,” Henry said. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
“In my last foster house, I had to share a room with three other boys.”
Henry and I shared a glance.
“James, are you hungry?” I asked.
He gave a small nod.
“Would you like to put your stuff down, and we’ll go back downstairs? I have spaghetti cooking?”
James dropped his bag, but the tattered blue bear remained in his grasp.
I couldn’t blame him. It sounded like he had been bounced around a lot in his young life, and the bear was his only hint of stability.
After dinner, Henry took James outside to see if he knew any baseball, and I cleaned up the kitchen.
When the boys returned, I was reading my Bible in the living room.
“Did you have fun?” I asked James.
His answer was once again a nod, but he made eye contact this time, which I considered a plus.
* * *
That night as Henry and I lay in bed, I thought about what James had said about his last foster home.
“Henry?” I asked. “Do you think we should try to get more foster children? We have the room, and if they are jammed into other houses, at least we could give a few more space with us.”
He shut his book and flashed a warm smile. “Sandra Dobbs, I love you. I was thinking the exact same thing. Let’s give James a week or two to adjust to us, though. Plus, it will give me time to finish the other rooms.”
Scooting over, I turned my face up to kiss his lips. “I can’t believe we didn’t see this before, but I think this might be exactly where God wants us to be.”
The next morning, I decided to take the day off and spend the whole day with James. I called his school, so they wouldn’t worry, and then I made him a breakfast of blueberry pancakes.
His bear was still clutched to his chest as he came into the kitchen.
“Good morning,” I said, placing some pancakes on a plate for him. “Did you sleep well?”
My answer was yet another shrug. He was going to be a tough one to crack.
“I hope you like pancakes.”
I placed the plate in front of him and saw his eyes light up, but again no words. However, I was pleased to see him pick up his fork and begin eating.
“I took the day off work and excused you from school, so we could spend the day together,” I said, putting a few pancakes on a plate for myself and wheeling over to join him at the table. “Is there anything you would like to do?”
He kept his eyes focused on his plate.
“Come on, anything at all.”
“Could we go to the library?” he asked, his voice just louder than a whisper.
“The library? Of course we can go to the library.” I had expected him to say a movie or a video game store maybe, but not a library. What kind of life had this kid led that he didn’t get to go to libraries?
“How will we get there?” he asked.
I smiled, knowing he referred to my wheelchair. “I’ll drive us, of course. I have a special van that allows me to drive.”
“You’ll see.”
With breakfast finished, I put the plates in the sink, and we headed out the door to the modified van. I unlocked his door so he could climb in, and then rolled around to the driver’s side and hit the button to lower the ramp.
The driver’s seat had been removed, and the van had been modified so my entire wheelchair could lock in behind the steering wheel. Two buttons had been installed on the wheel, so I could hit the gas and the brake with my hands.
James watched the whole loading process in wonder.
“I told you I could do almost anything,” I said, winking at him.
A few minutes later, we pulled into the library parking lot, and he walked in beside me. He beelined for a section without a second glance, and I realized he had been at this library before. Perhaps library books were the only kind of books he could get, or perhaps he just loved to read.
As I got closer, I realized he was in the non-fiction section. He already had three books out and open on the floor.
“Look, Sandra,” he said, holding one up to me. “This is Saturn. I learned about it in school. It’s my favorite planet because it has rings.”
His enthusiasm brought a smile to my face, and I hoped I would get to see more of this side of him.
We spent almost an hour in the library with him showing me all sorts of different books on planets, and we walked out with a stack of books for him to look into later.
“Would you like to get some planet posters for your room?” I asked as we loaded into the van again.
“Why?” he asked. “I probably won’t be there long.”
His words tore at my heartstrings. “Well, that room is yours as long as you are with us. We might as well make it something you like.”
He stared at me as if my head were on fire, but I just laughed and turned the car towards the local Walmart.
Once inside, he picked out three planet prints, a solar system bedspread, and a book he could keep with planetary facts in it.
“Why are you being so nice to me?” he asked as we headed back to the car after checking out. “None of my other foster houses were ever this nice.”
“I’m sorry they weren’t,” I said. “They all should be, but we’re this nice because we want you to enjoy your time with us. We can’t have kids of our own, so you’re helping us out too.”
“Is it because of your accident?” he asked.
He was too young to hear about my sordid past. “Something like that,” I said.
When we arrived back at the house, I grabbed some pushpins from a kitchen drawer, and we headed upstairs to decorate his room.
“I’m afraid I can only put this them high,” I said, holding one up. “If you want them higher, you may have to wait for Henry.”
“No, it’s fine,” he said. “I don�
��t mind them low.”
I smiled to myself as I hung up the posters and then helped him change the bedspread.
“What do you think?”
He placed his hands akimbo on his little hips and turned in a circle, surveying the room. “I think it is satisfactory,” he said.
I stifled the laugh that rose in my throat as I had no idea if was he serious or being silly. “Wonderful, well here at the Dobbs house, we aim to please.”
He walked over to my chair and held out his hand for a shake. “Thank you, Miss Sandra.”
“You’re very welcome, Mr. James.” I said, returning his shake.
The rest of the afternoon was spent poring over his books, and when Henry arrived home, he started over with him while I prepared dinner.
As we sat down at the dinner table, we reached for James’s hands.
“What are you doing?” he asked, folding them in his laps.
“We’re going to pray,” Henry said. “In this house, we pray before meals and before bed. Plus, anytime you feel the need to pray.”
“I don’t pray,” he said, shaking his head. “God doesn’t love me.”
“That’s not true, James,” I said after a moment’s shock. “God loves you very much. I know it’s hard to see that sometimes when life deals us crappy hands, but it’s true. I was angry at God for a while too when I lost my ability to walk, but if I hadn’t ended up in this chair, I would probably still be working long hours as a nurse, and we might not have become foster parents and met you.”
“If God loves me, why doesn’t he fix my mom?”
I looked to Henry, hoping he had a good answer for James.
“James, God gave us this thing called free will, so that we had the choice to follow him or not. He wants all of humanity to want to be with him, but some people use their free will to deny God, and some use their free will to make poor choices that hurt others, but we’ll pray that your mother stays straight this time.”
James still didn’t offer his hands, and we didn’t force him, but we did still pray over dinner, and we prayed when we tucked him into bed that night.
“It hurts my heart that he has suffered so much,” I said as Henry and I got ready for bed that evening.
“Mine as well, but we’ll keep praying for him.”
The next day, I had to take James to school, even though I would have preferred to continue bonding with him. I was thankful that he was able to stay in his familiar school. At least that gave him some stability in this trying time.
Slowly, he began opening up to us and sharing more of his likes and dislikes with us. I found out that he loved hamburgers, but hated tacos and that he was scared of moths.
A month later, I invited Raquel and Alyssa over. We hadn’t had much time to chat as she was busy with work, and I was busy with James, so it was nice to catch up.
James was playing on the floor with Alyssa, and I could hardly believe he was the same boy who had come to us so shy. His eyes sparkled as he regaled Alyssa with his vast knowledge of the solar system. At three years old, she had no idea what he was talking about, but she would nod and repeat after him.
“They seem to be getting along well,” Raquel said. She and I were crocheting blankets to take down to the pregnancy pantry I had started at our church. In it we stocked diapers, wipes, blankets, clothing, and other items to help women get started. We had also begun partnering with the local food bank to help low income women get food assistance so they could feel secure they could provide for their babies.
“Are you guys going to have any more?”
“I don’t know,” Raquel said. “We want more, and it’s not like we aren’t trying, but we can’t seem to get pregnant again.”
My heart went out to her; I knew exactly what that felt like. James wasn’t blood, but he was filling the empty hole that had been in my heart for years.
“Do you still see him?” she asked, placing a hand on my arm.
I didn’t have to ask her who; it was almost like she had been reading my mind.
“Sometimes, but never as clear. I can’t seem to see his face anymore, it’s more like a shadow or a feeling of him. He would have been a little older than James, can you imagine?”
Raquel nodded. “My first would have been twelve, almost a teenager.” We sat in silence for a time, remembering the children we’d never had.
When I received the call from Claire that she had another child, I asked her for a few hours to discuss it with James first. He had adjusted so well, that I didn’t want to do anything that might disrupt his progress.
I picked him up from school and drove to the Dairy Queen where we ordered two small ice cream cones.
“James, Henry and I have three other rooms in our house, and we were thinking about asking to foster some additional children. Would that be okay with you?”
His big brown eyes regarded me, a maturity beyond his seven years showing through. “Will I have to share my room?”
I smiled at the sincere question. “No, though we would love to help as many children as we can, we think that it’s important you each have your own room.”
“In that case, I’m okay with it. It would be nice to have other kids to play with.”
He shrugged and returned to eating his ice cream, and I marveled at his resiliency. When we got home, I called Claire to share the good news.
That night, Stephanie, a four-year old blond pixie who had been abused by her parents entered our home. James took her under his wing immediately, giving her the grand tour of the house.
As he tugged her little hand and pulled her upstairs, I looked up at Henry. Tears shone in his eyes, mirroring my feelings.
“I always thought I needed my own children to feel fulfilled,” he said, “but there is something special about being able to help these kids.”
I couldn’t have agreed more.
As Time Goes On
After Stephanie, two more children came to our house. The house was soon full of children’s laughter and fighting, but I wouldn’t have traded the sound for the world. So when Claire showed up on the doorstep, I wasn’t prepared.
“Hi, I wanted to tell you in person, but James’s mother is getting released next week, and James will be returning home.” Her stoic face told me that this was often her least favorite part of the job.
My heart broke. Losing James was almost like losing Isaac all over again, but I had known when we started this process that it might happen. “Can I tell him?” I asked.
“I’ll be back for him next Wednesday. You have until then.” Claire turned and walked back down the porch.
With the door shut, I rolled back to the backyard where James and the other children were playing. “Lord, give me strength,” I said. I watched them play until it was time to call them in for lunch.
When Henry came home that afternoon, I met him on the front porch.
“Uh oh, what’s wrong?” he asked upon seeing my face.
“Claire came by today. James’s mother is being released next week.”
Henry sighed and ran a hand over his forehead. “I knew it wasn’t forever, but I guess I had hoped it would be longer,” he said.
“I know it’s selfish, but I had hoped it would be forever. I feel like we’ve all become a family, and I don’t want to lose him.”
Henry grabbed my hands and together we prayed for strength and for the will of God to be done regarding James.
“Let’s not tell him until tonight,” I said. “I think he should know before we tell the others.”
Henry agreed, and though the words ate at my heart the rest of the day, I pasted a smile on, so the other children wouldn’t suspect anything.
As we sat at the dinner table, I focused on James, wondering how different our lives would be without him in it. Though he wasn’t the oldest, he had been with us the longest and was therefore kind of the leader of the group. As I looked from Matthew to Jessie, I wondered if one of them would step up and be the new leader.
When it was time for bed, Henry and I helped get everyone to bed, and then we returned to James’s room together.
He looked up in surprise as we entered as we had already prayed with him and said goodnight. We prayed with each of the children before putting them down for the night. Because we had no idea what they might return to, we wanted to be sure they at least had some knowledge of Jesus to help them through.
“James, we need to tell you something,” Henry said as we approached his bed.
“What is it?” James asked, his chocolate brown eyes jumping from Henry to me.
“It’s your mother,” I said. “She’s being released next week, and you’re going to get to go home.”
I don’t know what reaction I expected, but it wasn’t the expressionless face that stared back at me.
“I suppose I don’t have a choice,” he said.
“You don’t want to go back?” I asked.
The eyes he turned on me were so much older than his seven years. “I love my mom, but she’ll just go back to drugs, and I’ll wind up in care again. Do you think I’ll be able to come back here?”
I glanced at Henry, who was fighting the same struggle with emotion that I was. Grabbing James’s hand, I looked into his eyes. “You will always have a place with us.”
We told the other three children the next day, and Stephanie burst into tears and clasped onto James’s leg with a death grip.
“You can’t go,” she said. “I’ll miss you too much.”
“I’ll miss you too, Stephanie, but I’ll leave you my planet comforter to remember me by, okay?”
Tears stung my eyes as I watched the exchange. I wondered if it was this hard every time, or if someday we’d get so used to it that it wouldn’t phase us.
Stephanie spent every moment she could with James over the next few days, and Tuesday night, Henry and I helped pack his little suitcase.
I shoved in as many clothes as I could since I didn’t know what he was going back to. Then Henry and I each penned a heartfelt letter to him in his planet book, so he’d have a memory of us whenever he looked in the book.
Where It All Began Page 17
