"I'll have to think about it. I didn't do well before when Vi was over. It
would only be worse now."
"I think it would be worth the trade. Even if we could not fool around when
they were there, we would still be able to see each other. I do not want to
go days without seeing you."
"I think we need to think about everything. I'm not sure, the way I feel
right now, that it's at all fair to Ellie -- or to Vi -- that we keep
dating them."
I felt John tense a little. I was clearly ahead of him in where I thought
we were and where I thought we were going. Or, where I wanted to go.
Part Six
Wednesday and Thursday followed the precedent set Monday, with me bottoming
for John. I didn't mind the status quo. One, I liked the feeling of him
inside me, and how vulnerable it made me feel. I was generally very
guarded, and it was great to feel open and subject to someone else. Two,
the one time we discussed the option of me fucking him, John expressed
concern about my size.
There was no such thing as the internet, much less Google, so it was
difficult to research "how to get another guy ready to get pounded." I knew
there was a gay bookstore in the Central West End, so I stopped by there on
my way home from work on Thursday night. There had to be a magazine or
something.
At first, I couldn't go in. I tried, but I couldn't. Every time I'd reach
for the door, fear of who might see me inside swept over me.
The Loading Zone, St. Louis' most popular gay bar, was across the street. I
was definitely not going in there.
I gave myself a pep talk. I was an adult, for Christ's sake. What was there
to fear?
I went in. To my surprise, everyone kept going about their business. All
eyes did not turn to me, to judge me with "of course you're here" eyes.
I went to the magazine rack. I tentatively picked a couple up. An older man
glanced at me from the side. I must have looked lost. He held out his hand,
introduced himself as Peter, and asked if I was looking for something in
particular.
"Actually, I am. I kind of need a same-sex 'how to' magazine."
"It's not that complicated. Just do what feels good."
"That's easier said than done," I said. "I'm pretty big, and I want to make
sure I make it as easy on the other person as I can."
"Aren't you a dear? So, you're going to top a virgin, and you want to know
how to make it as painless as possible?"
"Exactly."
"You don't need a magazine. You need a friend. Come have a drink with me."
Peter walked me out of the bookstore and across the street to The Loading
Zone. I paused and told Peter I had never been in a gay bar before.
"If you're going to fuck a guy in the ass for the first time, you may as
well visit your first gay bar, too. And, we don't bite."
We went in, sat down, and ordered drinks. Peter introduced me to a couple
of his friends, laughingly told them how and where he'd found me, and I
proceeded to receive a panel tutorial on how to sex a man properly. I was
surprised when one of them asked how big my dick was, and for some reason I
shrank it in my answer.
When it was time for me to go, I thanked them for their wisdom. Peter
passed me his number, told me there was always room in his life for another
friend, and invited me back the following Wednesday, which he said was the
big night out.
I planned to tell John I wanted to make love to him that night. But, he
beat me to it. When I got home, he was already home, waiting for me in bed.
I was still in my suit.
"Where have you been?" he asked. "I have been waiting for you. I want you
to make love to me."
"Really? That's where I was. I want to make love to you, and I was out
trying to figure out how to make it as easy on you as I could."
"It does not need to be easy. It just has to happen. I am not letting you
leave for New York without it happening."
I almost ripped my suit off. "Lay on your stomach," I said. "And don't ask
any questions." He rolled over, and I started at his shoulders, massaging
and relaxing him. I worked my way past his ass to his feet and back up. I
spread his butt cheeks and started licking his ass. He did not bristle. He
was relaxed and enjoying it. I licked for as long as I could, until my
tongue got tired. I warned him that I was going to penetrate him with my
fingers, and I did, slowly working one and then two in. He was tight.
Just as I was thinking I could not wait much longer, John interrupted me.
"I cannot wait much longer," he said. "At this point, I think the
anticipation is turning to fear. I think you should just do it."
"Okay," I said. "But, you're in charge. So, let me know what you want me to
do."
As he said "I will," I covered my dick and his ass crack in as much lube as
I could. I made a complete mess.
"Lay on your left side," I said. "And roll your right leg over your left."
When he did, I moved in behind him.
"Help me to the right spot." He did, grabbing my dick in his right hand and
placing it at his opening.
Again, the details are not necessary. Suffice to say, it was not the
magical first time experience you read about in online stories. It was hard
work. A couple of times, we almost gave up. It took about half an hour or
so, but I finally found myself about halfway in. He would not let me go any
deeper. Or move.
"Take deep deep breaths," I instructed. "And, push back against me."
"I feel like I have to go to the bathroom."
"I know. But, you don't. "
I clamped him to my chest with my right arm. I kissed his neck. I sucked
his ear. I whispered, "thank you for letting me do this . . . I love you."
John turned to me and gave me freedom. "Go ahead. I want to feel what you
feel when I come inside you." I started sliding in and out of him. I
noticed I went in a little deeper with each thrust. Before long, I was all
the way in. The sensation had my entire body tingling. I could feel an
orgasm starting in my feet. I stopped thrusting and turned his face to
where I could kiss him.
"You feel so good, Josie," I said as I bucked a couple more times, my body
convulsed, and I came inside him. I got light headed. I thought I was going
to pass out. I pulled out and dove on his dick, making him come in my
mouth, and swallowing all he gave.
We were curled up in each other, ready for sleep. "What did you think?" I
asked.
"Physically, it was difficult. Emotionally, it was awesome. I felt like we
were melting into each other."
"I know what you mean. When you do me, I feel so close and open to you,
it's scary."
"You do not need to be afraid of me."
"I'm not afraid of you. I'm afraid of what you're doing to me."
*****
I was leaving straight from the office for New York. So, Friday morning was
our last private time together before we returned to our girlfriends. I
wound up making love to John for the second time. It was his idea, and he
wanted to try it on his back. It was still a lot of work, but I li
ked that
I could see his face, especially his eyes, as we made love.
As I picked up speed, John said "whoa whoa whoa," and I stopped.
"Oh, I did not mean for you to stop," he said. "You hit something in there
that made me tingle. Start back up and see if you can find it again."
I must have, because it appeared as if John was enjoying being fucked. The
hint of pleasure on his face was too much for me, and I came, driving
deeply into him as I did, making him gasp. When I was drained, I pulled
out, and finished him again with my mouth (I loved having his dick in my
mouth). I gulped him dry, then licked down his legs and licked and sucked
his feet and toes.
"You have to stop," he said. "It is way too intense after what I have been
through this morning."
I climbed up, settled in next to him, and put my head on his chest. I loved
hearing his voice through his chest.
"You seemed to enjoy that," he said.
"I did. I love blowing you."
"No, I meant what we did before that."
"Oh, yeah, that was awesome, too. I especially liked being able to see you
while we did it."
"You found something in there," he said.
"I think it was your prostate," I answered, thinking of what Peter had told
me.
"What is that?" he asked.
"I don't know. I just know it's in there somewhere and that, when it's
found, it's supposed to be transformative."
"It was. It actually felt good having you inside of me."
We laid there quietly, listening to each other breathe.
"Are you going to think about me this weekend?" he asked.
"Of course. Are you going to think about me?"
"Only when I am awake. When I am asleep, I am going to dream about you."
I rolled onto him, and put my hands under my chin on his chest. We stared
at each other for a long time, smiling. We said a lot, without uttering a
word.
We had lunch before I headed to the airport and he headed to Chicago. I was
melancholy as I flew east. I was sad to be leaving John for days. And, I
was pensive that a weekend with Vi would shock him back to reality and who
he was.
I did not have the same worry for me. I had never felt for another what I
felt for John. It really was lightning in a bottle, although not for the
reason John claimed.
*****
Ellie and I had a fine weekend. I tried not to talk about John, as I did
not want to arouse any suspicions. And, we went at each other hard. We were
young, so sex usually led to more sex. And, we were good at it. There was
no work, just easy pleasure.
By Sunday morning, I was tired. And, I was trying to save something for
John, who was picking me up at the airport. But, Ellie would have none of
it, taking my soft dick in her mouth, working me to hardness (I loved
getting hard in someone's mouth), and then deep throating me until I filled
her throat.
I thought reciprocation was only fair, so I went down on her. As I was
getting her close, she begged me to fuck her. When I told her that I was
not sure I could, she told me to look at my dick, which I knew was hard.
Cornered, I lowered myself into her. She rolled me onto my back, and rode
me, soaking me with her wetness and making herself -- and then me -- come.
As we tried to recover, I offered that my dick was exhausted.
"How do you think I feel?" she asked.
"Like a popsicle?" I answered.
She cocked her head and thought for second. "You know, I had never thought
of that, but, yes, I felt like a popsicle, impaled on your stick."
We parted as I hailed a cab to LaGuardia. There was no sadness or tearful
"I love you's." We didn't love each other. That's not what we were doing.
We were sex partners and not much more. For a year, it had been enough.
Now, it wasn't.
*****
John was waiting at the gate for me. Rather than shake my hand, he wrapped
me in a full embrace, and turned me in a circle. "Oh, Mace, I am so glad
you are home."
"Me, too."
"Now, take me to bed, or lose me forever," he demanded, quoting Meg Ryan
from Top Gun.
We floated through the airport. In the car, we held hands. I loved John's
hands, especially the hair on the back of them. I raised his right hand to
my face and kissed it.
Neither of us talked about our weekends. I am sure we assumed the other
didn't want to hear about whatever had happened with Ellie and Vi. I know I
had no interest in knowing what, if anything, they did together.
We were pawing at each other as we climbed the stairs, and we were both
naked by the time we got to the bedroom. We climbed into bed and kissed
just like we had the first time, rolling back and forth across the bed and
mauling each other with reckless abandon. When we finally calmed down, I
asked John to make love to me. He, of course, agreed. I was on my back when
he entered me. He lasted longer than he ever had, sliding in and out of me
over and over. I was about to ask him to stop when he hit my prostate, and
a jolt shot through me. He kept going as I thrashed back and forth and
cried out, coming spontaneously all over my face and neck. My orgasm took
him over the edge, and he came, too, before collapsing.
"My arms were getting sore," he said.
"Well, then imagine how my ass and legs were feeling, Mr. Selfish."
"But, they are not my ass and legs, so I am not sure why I should imagine
anything about them," he rejoined, laughing.
"If I could, I'd grudge fuck you right now."
"Carrot, you make everything sound so romantic. What am I supposed to say,
'I wish you could grudge fuck me, too'?"
"Probably not," I said. "But, I bet you do."
"Actually, I do. A little."
We rolled into each other, I put my hands in front of my face, and John
pulled me into his chest, resting his chin on my head. "We have to live
together this year," he said. "I cannot go two days without seeing you
again. It made me ache."
"I know how you feel. I had a decent time, but every time I saw a blue
Cherokee, my heart skipped a beat."
"You love me."
"I do. Tons."
It was early evening, but we fell asleep. When we woke up, the room was
pitch black. It was like a haunted house. The clock said 10:15. It wasn't
even bedtime.
We went to the living room to listen to music and talk. John sat on the
couch, and I laid with my head in his lap.
"Where does this wind up?" I asked.
"I am not sure. It will be difficult to explain you to my wife and
children."
"I had the same thought."
"But, I definitely want a wife and children."
"Me, too."
"I do not think we need to make any big decisions tonight," John said. "I
think maybe we should just let it ride and enjoy the love of a lifetime.
And, that is what this is, at least for me."
"It is for me, too. And, that means it's going to be hard ever to let it
go."
"I know, Mace. . . . I know."
We fell asleep. When we woke up, it was light out.
Part Seven
/> Our summer went on like that. During the week, we had sex most mornings. We
went to work. We visited each other throughout the day. We went home. We
had sex most nights. We went to sleep. We usually slept wrapped up in each
other. Often, we slept mouth to mouth.
On weekends, we lounged the mornings away in bed. After sex, I would place
my head on John's chest, and he would read aloud to me, always from P.G.
Wodehouse. I loved feeling John's voice resonate in his chest. Often, I
would move to his crotch as he read, taking his soft dick in my mouth and
toying with it until it got hard. He'd keep reading, pausing only when it
was time for him to come. I'd swallow him and move back to his chest.
Other times, I would get hard listening to him. I'd grab the book from him
and read to him while I straddled his chest and he blew me, pausing only
when it was time for me to come.
We got really good at sexing each other. Of all the things we did, I
preferred having him in my mouth. I loved controlling and delivering his
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