by Alicia Rades
“She saved you?” I asked in a small voice.
Venn nodded. “She was working a deal with Maliya, but Sondra refused monetary payment. She ended up trading me for payment instead.”
I didn’t know it was possible for my heart to break any further. It wasn’t fair that Venn had gone through all that. He didn’t deserve it. He deserved happiness and love.
I didn’t know what I was doing when I reached out to touch him. My hands ran over his exposed shoulders. A tingle spread through my body upon contact. He gazed down at my arms, his eyes slowly drifting past the bandages until they landed on my hands. A hint of a smile touched his lips, like he welcomed my touch. I gently wrapped my arms around him, and he rested his head on mine. His body heat was strangely comforting. I didn’t know how I could sit there with him feeling so comfortable, like this was where I was meant to be.
Now’s not the time to get attached, I reminded myself. But I didn’t pull away. I let myself enjoy the moment. I forgot how good it felt to hold someone, to be held.
Venn took a long breath. “Anyway, I’ve been with the family ever since. What about you? How’d you get here?”
I was shocked by the question, but for some reason, it felt perfectly natural opening up to Venn—like we’d had conversations like this a million times before.
“I grew up in a really close family,” I said, surprised to hear the words tumbling out of my mouth with such ease. “It was just me, my sister, and my mom and dad. My life was basically perfect before the vampires came.”
Memories of that night flickered through my mind. The screams. The blood. The mark of the Soulless.
I swallowed hard. “When I was sixteen, a group of vampires raided my house in the middle of the night. I heard my parents’ screams downstairs. I remember shaking in fear. I’d never felt so scared in my life. That was the first time I shifted.”
I took a deep breath as images flickered across the back of my closed lids. I remembered a vampire’s voice from Jenna’s room. ‘No, she’s mine,’ he said. The sound of her voice shrieking at me to run… A vampire barged into my room, but I was in raven form, crouched into the small space between my bookcase and the ceiling. The vampire flipped my mattress and pulled my closet door off its track. I remembered how he reached up to the bookshelf I was on. His hand getting so close to me, the mark of the Soulless coming closer and closer… I remembered how I thought he’d found me. He just knocked all the books off the top shelf instead. He never saw me.
But I didn’t tell Venn any of that. I didn’t want him to know I was after the Soulless. He’d want to protect me from them.
“I tried to follow them when they took Jenna, but they piled in this van and disappeared.” A sob broke out in my chest, but I held the tears back. I shouldn’t be crying. I was stronger than that.
“It’s okay,” Venn told me, readjusting so that he held me close to his chest.
I wanted to tell him it wasn’t, but in his arms, I could almost believe it was okay. It felt as if a huge weight had lifted off my shoulders when I shared my story. It was different than when I’d told Fiona. Fiona got the vague, watered-down version, but with Venn, all the memories came rushing back as if I was reliving them.
I sniffled and wiped the tears from my eyes. “The police investigated my family’s murder, but the vampires responsible were never caught. I had no other family, so I was put into foster care. I was only there a few months before I filed for emancipation and moved to the city. My landlord gave me a deal on my apartment.”
Though, my landlord was a pig who raised my rent as soon as I turned eighteen. I was sure it was because I wouldn’t indulge in his advances. I didn’t mention that to Venn.
I shrugged. “One thing led to another, I started killing vampires on my off-hours, and here I am.”
Venn pulled me even tighter and placed a warm kiss on my forehead.
Damn it. He was going to make it hard to leave. I wanted to be close to him. I wanted to get to know him better. I wanted to stay with this family because for the first time in years, I finally felt like I belonged.
And that scared the hell out of me.
“I’m so sorry,” Venn whispered, the sound of his voice melodic, entrancing.
Before I knew what I was doing, my body leaned into him as if magnetized. My lips brushed against his. The kiss was like magic, melting away the pain in my veins and making me feel as if I was floating. Venn kissed me back, and desire ignited deep in my belly. I parted my lips, inviting him to deepen the kiss. His tongue grazed against my lower lip. For a moment, all was perfect in the world.
And then reality came crashing down on me.
“No!” I pushed him away and sprang to my feet.
He stared back at me with utter shock, as if to ask what he’d done wrong.
“I—I’m sorry.” My voice shook. “I just can’t do this.”
“Rae,” Venn whispered, reaching out for me.
I took another step back. “I’m sorry, Venn. I’ve already lost too many people I love.”
Venn bit his lower lip. “You’re saying you don’t want to lose me, either?”
I wasn’t sure what I was saying, but that was a pretty darn good way of putting it into words.
I nodded. “I can’t go with you, Venn.”
He didn’t say anything for a long time. My chest started to hurt as I stared down at his wounded expression. I’m sorry didn’t even begin to cover it.
He finally lifted his head. “What will you do without us?”
I considered his question for a moment. I was leaving the city. I knew that much. But I was leaving alone.
I sat back down beside him. “I’m going after my sister.”
I didn’t know how I was getting to Seattle, but assuming Cowen made his flight Maliya mentioned, that’s where I’d find him. And he was my only lead on Jenna. One way or another, I’d get to him.
After a beat, Venn spoke softly. “I don’t want you to go alone.”
“But I have to,” I countered. “You have Sondra, and I have my sister. I can take care of myself.”
“I know. You told me that the night we met.”
It already felt like a million years ago.
“Stay with us, Rae,” Venn begged.
I shook my head. “I don’t think I can.”
“You can’t go alone,” he whispered. “Is there nothing I can say that’ll make you come with us?”
He was already saying all the things that could make me stay, but I fought against them.
I shook my head. “I can handle myself, Venn. Don’t worry about me.”
“I’m going to worry,” he promised.
Damn it. Why was this so hard?
“I have to go,” I insisted. “Alone. I can’t stay here, and you can’t come with me.”
I knew I was being unfair. His family just risked their necks for me, and I repaid them by hitting the road. But my only choices were to walk away from them or walk away from Jenna. Guilt twisted in my gut, wrenching at my insides so fiercely that it almost overshadowed the venom.
“Yes, I can,” he insisted. “I can—”
“Venn,” I cut him off. “This isn’t up for discussion. I’ve been on my own for years. I’ll be fine.”
Venn sighed. “I just want to be with you, Rae… I want to keep you safe.”
The guy was tempting as hell.
“Please don’t treat me like I’m incapable of making my own decisions,” I said, tears welling in my eyes.
Sorrow crossed Venn’s eyes. He still didn’t want me to go, but he knew he couldn’t stop me. He had no choice but to give in.
“I hope you find what you’re looking for,” he whispered. “If you ever feel like your journey is over, you can always come find us.”
I cracked a smile. “Thank you.”
Venn stood and crossed over to his dresser. He grabbed a pen that lay there and returned to my side. He scribbled a number on the palm of my hand. “There’s my phone n
umber. And if you can’t reach me there, take this.”
He held an object so small in his hands that I couldn’t see it. I held out my palm to accept his offer. He placed a piece of blue plastic the size of a quarter in my hand. A guitar pick.
“You don’t get to keep it,” Venn said.
Of course not. How could I find him if I claimed it as mine?
He reached out and curled my fingers around it. “I want it back. When you find me.”
I pressed my lips together to keep the tears from falling. I nodded. Damn him. Why was he making it so hard to leave?
A light knock came at the door. I quickly dashed the tears away.
“Come in,” Venn called.
Fiona stuck her head inside the room. “Oh, good. You’re up. I was just wondering if you needed anything.”
Venn shook his head. “I have a few more things to pack, and then I’m going to take Rae home.”
Fiona's face fell. “You’re leaving?”
I nodded because I couldn’t bear to speak. I bet I could’ve been really good friends with Fiona.
“But we just…” Fiona stared at me like a deer in the headlights. After a beat, she crossed the room and pulled me into a hug. “We’re going to miss you, Rae.”
“Don’t be silly.” My voice cracked. “You just met me.”
She drew away and wiped at her eyes. “Maybe in this life, but I feel like I’ve known you forever. We all do.”
It was strange how I felt the same way about them.
Maybe I should stay, I thought.
I pictured myself with the family, leaving the city and leading that quiet life they talked about. In my mind, I rocked on a porch swing. Fiona sat curled up next to me in her fox form, and Sondra sat in a chair nearby sketching the landscape. The sun was high in the sky, spreading happiness across our property. The wind gently rustled through my hair. The wrap-around porch we sat on overlooked a wide-open lawn that stretched out to a line of trees that blocked our view of the quiet road. In the distance, Ryland and Teagan tended to our garden, and their future son pedaled his tricycle down the driveway. The strum of Venn’s guitar and the melodic sound of his voice filled the air. He smiled at me from where he sat playing on the steps. Everything was perfect… except Jenna wasn’t there.
I returned to the present. It was clear to me now why I was doing this. If Jenna was still out there, I’d never find her if I went with the family. And I’d never be happy with them without closure.
“Are you ready to go?” Venn asked.
As much as it broke my heart, it was time to leave.
21
It was incredible how you could feel so strongly for someone you just met. I sat on my bed alone in my apartment, rolling Venn’s guitar pick around in my fingers. I couldn’t stop thinking about him, about leaving him.
The pain in my muscles had eased to a dull ache. There must’ve not been as much venom on Maliya’s blade as I thought. My bag sat beside me, packed and ready to go. I didn’t have many belongings, so it only took me five minutes or so to pack everything up.
All I needed to do was leave my key on the table and slip the note I’d written under my landlord’s door explaining I was leaving and he could lease the room to someone else. Luckily, he was lazy with his record keeping, so he wouldn’t have much luck tracking me down for unpaid rent on the contract. I’d take what cash I had and head to the bus station, where I’d hop on a bus to Chicago and take the first flight to Seattle. There, I’d find Cowen and get answers.
And yet, I couldn’t bring myself to actually rise to my feet and leave. It wasn’t like I was attached to this place. I mean, I just used it as somewhere to crash and keep my stuff. It barely fulfilled its purpose. At least I was able to get a shower one last time. I wasn’t sure when I’d see a bed or a shower again. It could be weeks.
But it still felt like I was leaving something behind. I racked my brain, trying to think if I’d hidden anything in the cupboards or behind a baseboard, but I figured if something was valuable enough to hide, I would remember it. I wouldn’t miss this creaky old bed, the pipes that made noises every time I turned on the faucet, or the water stain on the ceiling. I wouldn’t miss my job, though Devin deserved a phone call to know I quit. About the only thing I’d miss was patrolling. It was the only time I ever felt something. Before I met Venn, of course.
That was what was holding me back.
I wasn’t ready to take a break from slaying vampires… from being the Ravenite.
One more night, I told myself.
The last night I went patrolling, I ran into Cowen, and he got away. I wouldn’t let that be my final fight in Nocton. This city may’ve sucked as bad as Hell’s armpit, but for the last two years, it’d been my home. The people here deserved one last fight from the Ravenite.
I shot up from my bed. Fiona said I had until morning. I wouldn’t let tonight be a night I’d forget. I was going to find the biggest, baddest vamp I could, and I was going to kick his ass. It would be my greatest fight yet.
I sat perched on the roof of Red Whiskey, knowing that if I was going to find a vampire worth killing, this was as good of place as any to hunt one down.
So far, the night was a total bust.
I was disappointed, and frankly a little bored, but my determination hadn’t waned. A vampire would die by my hand tonight. I’d wait all night if I had to.
The sidewalk in front of the bar was quiet, apart from the heavy bass shaking the building and spilling out onto the street every time someone opened the door. It was a slow night, nothing compared to last Friday when the street was buzzing with nightlife.
A group of people—humans, it looked like from this distance—walked along on the other side of the street. Other than that, there wasn’t much to see. If there was anything worth watching, it was all going on inside the bar.
Which was why I decided I should check it out. I never admitted to being the sharpest tool in the box, but this girl really needed to see some vampire action or she was going to lose it.
I swooped down into the alley and shifted. I peeked around the corner of the building, but there was no one close enough to see me slip out of the shadows.
The music pulsed through me like a bass drum when I stepped inside Red Whiskey. It was like the building had completely transformed since I was in here last. There were fewer tables than before—all thanks to Ryland, I’m sure—so most people stood and danced. Women wore short skirts and held their drinks in the air. Most of their glasses were filled with a thick red liquid, and they sure as hell weren’t Bloody Marys.
I was about to sit at the bar, but then I spotted Kieren and immediately turned in the other direction. I’d probably get thrown out if he saw me. I threw myself into the crowd so I wouldn’t be seen. Bodies pressed in on me. I swayed my hips to the music to blend in.
“Hey,” a girl beside me called over the music. She had long blonde hair, pale skin, and silver eyes. She held a red drink in her hand and moved her hips expertly to the beat of the music. “You looking for someone?”
I hadn’t realized I’d been that obvious scanning the crowd.
“My friends,” I lied.
“You can dance with us until they come back,” she offered. The hot vampire lady grabbed my wrist with her cold fingers and pulled me toward her group of friends.
What was I doing? They probably wanted to eat me alive.
The girl swayed her hips beside me, bumping into me every so often.
“Come on,” she encouraged. “You’re not scared of me, are you?”
Hell no! I just wasn’t used to dancing like this. Heck, I hardly ever danced at all. This girl knew what she was doing with her hips, and I’d been wondering how to use mine since puberty hit.
Vampire Girl grabbed my hand and held it up above my head. I twirled for her, but my eyes remained on the crowd. So far, no one caught my eye.
She laughed when I completed my twirl and faced her. “You from around here?”
/> “What?” I shouted over the music.
My eyes locked on a group of three guys who’d all stopped dancing. They glanced down at a phone then back up, scanning the crowd like they were nervous.
“I said, are you from around here?” she repeated.
I barely processed what she’d said. “Huh? Oh, I’m sorry. I think I see my friends. It was good dancing with you.”
She winked at me. “Feel free to come back if your friends aren’t any fun. I’ll show you a good time.”
It wasn’t until I pushed through the crowd and was halfway across the bar that I realized she’d been hitting on me. Weird.
The guys I had my eye on hurried off the dancefloor and down the hall that led to the bathrooms, where there was some relief from the music.
I followed behind them and dropped my head. My hair fell in front of my face as I pushed myself into the girl’s bathroom. It was empty, so I didn’t feel weird about opening the door a crack and peeking through it to spy on the three guys. Two had silver eyes, but the other guy’s were dark brown. My guess was he was either a shifter gone bad or a blood slave. With his strong build and smug expression, he certainly seemed to fit into the vampire crowd. Maybe these three would be worth taking out tonight.
“What’d she say?” the short vampire asked.
“Maliya found them,” the taller vampire said.
All the blood drained from my face. Please don’t let him mean what I think he means. I thought the family had until tomorrow. I listened as closely as I could, ignoring the music.
“She wants everyone but Cowen to report to the location now,” the tall vampire said.
“What’s Cowen doing?” the guy with brown eyes asked.
“He’s headed to round up some old friends on Valander,” Tall Vamp replied.
I swear my heart stopped. That was where we’d gone before, where Kieren had led us and Teagan got bit. I could easily intercept him on his way and finally get the information I needed from him. But—
“I’ll let the others know,” Short Vamp said. “What’s the address we’re supposed to meet at?”
