by Ana Ashley
As he went around the car with the hose, I noticed he actually had defined muscles. Yes, he had a flat tummy and was the typical tall, slim guy, but he told me he liked to run, and I could see that in the definition of his long legs.
I realized I was just staring at him, so I moved to fill the buckets with water before he noticed I’d been perving. There was another hose nearby, so I used it to fill the buckets up while I added some detergent to them.
“We can see the color already with just that layer of dust gone,” Joel said, proud of his efforts.
“Yeah, Ladybug is going to be a stunner.”
We each started at one end of the car with a bucket and soapy sponge, working through all the curves to make sure they were clean.
The midafternoon sun was scorching, and I really wanted to take my T-shirt off to cool down, but I felt self-conscious about it. I didn’t know why. After all, we’d been at the beach yesterday, and we’d both been in shorts, but somehow, in this situation, it just felt different.
“Fuck, it’s hot, isn’t it?” he said.
“Yeah, let’s get this done so we can cool down in the shade.”
We’d soaped our way toward the same spot and found ourselves side by side. I could feel the heat radiating from his body, warmer than the air that surrounded us, and suddenly, I felt like I was combusting from the inside out.
“I bet my half is better than yours,” Joel teased.
“No way. With those skinny arms? I bet I’ll have to redo your half.” There was nothing skinny about Joel’s arms. They weren’t as muscular as mine, but they were defined and suited his shape perfectly. And why was I bringing his attention to my paying attention to his arms?
A wet sponge landed on my face with a splat.
“What the—”
“How skinny do you think they are now, jackass?”
The sponge fell to the floor, and I had water dripping from my face onto my T-shirt, blobs of soap hitting the floor with a splatter. “Okay, okay, I deserved that.” I chuckled.
I grabbed the big hose to wash the car down and turned on the sprayer. I didn’t realize the setting on the nozzle had changed because one moment I was pressing on the handle to release the water, and the next I was struggling to contain the water flow as it went in Joel’s direction.
“Fuck!” he shouted.
“There’s something wrong with it,” I shouted back in a panic, thinking I’d broken Joel’s granddad’s hose. “It won’t turn off. It’s stuck!”
Joel came over and took the hose from my hands. He managed to fix it and turn it off, but not before he managed to soak himself further.
“Fuck you, Lima. You’re going down.”
Up until that point, I’d been fairly dry, but Joel’s revenge was served in the form of a hose-down. I ran to the other side of the car, but the sprayer had a long reach, so despite my best efforts, I was getting wetter by the second.
I saw the smaller hose I’d used for the buckets and decided to retaliate. I pinched the ends of the hose to add pressure and create the same effect as a sprayer and pointed it over the car to the other side, hoping it would hit Joel. I heard his scream and congratulated myself for hitting my mark.
“This is war, Peterson!” I declared.
“Fine by me.” I felt a wet sponge that he must have thrown go sailing past my head.
“Hey! My face is my best asset!” I crouched and went around the car to catch him, but he predicted my move.
“No, it’s not. It’s your ass,” he said as he used a wet towel to whip me in the butt.
I lost balance as I was trying to defend myself and tried to grab hold of Joel. We both fell on the grass by the car in a fit of giggles. We were drenched from head to toe.
The water had definitely been a great help to cool me down, but I wasn’t sure for how long. Joel positioned himself so that he was lying on the grass next to me shoulder to shoulder. He looked at the blue cloudless sky and then turned to look at me.
His blue eyes were so much lighter in the sunshine and shiny from the beads of water on his eyelashes. His full lips stretched into a small smile, followed by a grin.
He whispered, “David, it’s raining.”
Drops of water fell on us like a rainstorm, cold against the warmth of the sun above. I hadn’t realized that Joel was still holding the hose with the sprayer when he fell down. He’d simply pointed the sprayer up and made it rain on us.
We smiled until we were both laughing out loud. When we were kids, we loved playing with water, although it had always been me who started it by whispering, “Joel, it’s raining.”
Of course, we’d been scolded by Joel’s grandparents each time and sent home with burning ears. Afterward, we always agreed that the scolding had been worth it for the fun we had.
We still had a car to finish up, so we got up off the grass and went back to work. In the midst of our hose wars, we actually managed to get Ladybug hosed down too.
I picked up some clean clothes to dry the body of the car, but when I turned around, Joel had discarded his cargo shorts and T-shirt. What the fuck? He was standing in front of me in his tight black boxer shorts.
“What are you doing?” I said in what I was sure was a too high pitched voice.
“My clothes are wet.” He shrugged.
“Fuck,” I muttered as I ran my hand over my face. I was going to need a lot more cold water to keep my lust at bay.
And if things couldn’t get any worse, Joel’s grandparents turned up. I saw them out of the corner of my eye and willed them away with the power of my thoughts, but when I looked back up, they were still there. In height order, from left to right: Great-grandma, Grandma, Granddad.
I instantly jumped in front of Joel to cover him up, which earned me a giggle from behind me and a grin from Vovó Deolinda. I turned around and told Joel to put some freaking clothes on.
“No.” He challenged.
“Your grandparents are looking at you in your underwear!” I clenched my fists on my sides.
“You’re the only one looking at me in my underwear.”
I turned around and saw that all three grandparents had retreated inside, and now it was just me and a nearly naked Joel standing in front of each other, mere inches apart.
“Fuck it,” I said. I took my T-shirt and shorts off, bending over to place them on the ground, and turned around. I heard a sharp intake of breath. Yeah, two could play this game.
After that, we carried on cleaning the car, and by the time we were finished, our clothes were dry. I could say I kept my eyes to myself all the time we’d been waxing and polishing Ladybug, but I’d have been lying.
It had been a real effort to hide my erection from Joel. I was glad my navy boxer shorts were dark and tight enough, but if he came any closer, I wouldn’t be able to deny my arousal. His body’s movements as he worked the wax and polish on Ladybug were simply stunning.
Ladybug was a very lucky lady indeed.
When we finished, we stood back to appreciate the results of our hard work. Ladybug was standing proud, clean and shiny like a pearl. Her headlights were like a clear pair of eyes staring back at us.
We got dressed before we went back in for coffee and sandwiches with Joe’s grandparents. After we ate, Joel’s Granddad gave us a short lesson on how to drive Ladybug. The gearshift was tricky, but we got the hang of it in the end.
We were going to test her out tomorrow for the trip to the Sanctuary, and I could barely contain my excitement.
10
Joel
It had been two days since David and I had read the journal and made plans to go on a road trip to visit all the places our moms had documented. It had also been two days since I’d asked David to come with me to the Sanctuary and two days since he’d given me the most caring, comforting, and heartfelt hug I'd received in a long time.
Despite our height difference with me towering over David, we’d fit together perfectly, and I’d felt cared for and rooted in his st
rong embrace. I’d held him tight and breathed him in, hoping I could keep some of his strength for myself when the time came to use it.
We also now had our moms’ car, and that made such a difference. The time we’d spent together after we found out about the car had brought us to the same space, but the car itself brought us together.
Now I was sitting in Ladybug, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly, waiting for David to join me.
"Hey, I'm here. You ready to go?" David said, getting in the passenger seat and looking for the seatbelt. "Joel?"
I looked back at him, and, with a tight smile, I said, "Yeah... sure." I put the car in gear and left the parking space, heading toward my parents’ final resting place.
"Ladybug is beautiful,” David said, touching the dashboard of the car. "I love the windows and the soft top too."
I had to admit the car was a gem. My favorite feature was also the soft top, which just rolled back and was held in place by two snaps. My second favorite feature was the folding front windows, which were hinged in the middle, lifting up and out and folded back against the door.
"Yeah, it has its quirks, but I like it. It feels like I'm driving an old race car. Not that this car would ever be capable of chasing anything faster than a moped." I laughed.
The road to the Sanctuary was windy and with variable speed limits for which I was thankful as it allowed me to focus on driving rather than thinking about where I was going. David was silent beside me, almost as though he knew that was what I needed, his presence calming me in the same way a long run in Central Park did. Silence, concentration on the road, and focus on shifting the stiff gears were all I could cope with.
I had been to the Cape and the Sanctuary of the Cape with my parents before. They told me the story about their wedding day and why the location meant so much to them. They used to go there to watch the sunset when they were dating. Dad had said there was no question about where to propose, and when he did, they decided they would get married at the Church of Our Lady of the Cape.
The Sanctuary was at the end of a long open courtyard with lodges on either side that apparently used to accommodate pilgrims when they visited the area. I wasn't big on history, but the place was important to my parents, and they’d talked about it with such passion that I couldn’t help memorize what they’d shared.
They married on a weekday, and the lack of any other religious ceremony allowed them to set up a long table in the courtyard for the reception party. The marriage took place in the afternoon and then they partied right outside the church with all their family and friends until my mom offered her bouquet to the Lady of the Cape by throwing it out to sea.
It was a beautiful story. I remember asking my mom to recount it over and over when I was a child, completely fascinated by the romanticism of it all.
One hour later, we were arriving at the Sanctuary. We got out of the car, and I grabbed the container that had the small portion of the ashes I had decided I would scatter myself.
"Wow, this place is beautiful," David said, almost in reverence.
"I know, right? Just wait till we get to the other side of the church." I walked past the cross at the end of the courtyard toward the church, David following. I looked behind me and saw him taking in the surroundings.
"I'd like to go inside the church just for a few moments. Is that okay?" I said
"Of course. I'll come inside with you," David said.
We went in and sat on one of the last pews by the aisle, and I took a moment to look around and then up toward the ceiling. The church was beautifully ornate considering its small size. I let my gaze wander to the altar and focused on all the beautiful gold-painted pillars surrounding the statue of Our Lady and immediately knelt.
I wasn't very religious, but I felt compelled to pray. I prayed that wherever my parents were, they would be together, that the reason they were taken from me so young was that their love was so pure and good that it was needed elsewhere. And most of all, I prayed that I would become someone my parents would be proud of. If in my life I could have half as much love as they did in theirs, I would be the happiest person on the planet.
And just like that, I was ready. Willing to set my parents free, let them fly away, and become part of the breathtaking landscape of the country they left but had never stopped loving.
David looked deep in thought, and I wondered what he was thinking about. Was he praying for his mom? Whatever it was, I hoped he would share with me whenever he was ready. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I had this gut feeling David was living with something sad, raw, and painful. I desperately wanted to take that away from him.
I put my hand on his arm and got up to leave. David smiled gently and got up too.
There were a couple of arched doorways on either side of the church that gave access to the cliff. Once we went through the arches, I could feel the coastal wind now that the building wasn't sheltering us. The view was just breathtaking, and I could see why my parents had loved it so much.
The sea was rough against the rock and took on a variety of shades of blue, from pale turquoise to azure, and ended in a dark blue that almost turned to green in the distance.
We went as close to the cliff as safely possible and sat down on the wild grass. I imagined my parents coming here together. Thirty years ago, they would have looked at the waves crashing against the same rock formations, the miles of uninterrupted beaches in the distance, the colors of the ocean, the almost cloudless blue sky, and the occasional seagull flying past.
No other place on the planet held such a significant meaning to my parents, and letting them rest here wasn’t just about following their wishes but doing what was right for them.
My chest ached and my hands shook as I opened the small box I was carrying. I dropped to my knees and ran my fingers through some of the small wildflowers. I didn’t know what they were, but I liked the riot of colors.
I let some of the ashes fall from the box onto the spaces between the flowers and allowed them to mix with the brown-orange soil, making my mom and dad a part of this special place.
I got up and took just a few more steps closer to the cliff edge. David was right there with me, and he held my hand and squeezed it tight, showing his support.
In one swift movement, I released the ashes toward the ocean. I let out a sob when I saw the cloud of ashes caught on an updraft, making them float in front of us for a moment before they dispersed in the wind, flying to their final destination.
With each particle that settled on rock, soil, or water I said goodbye to my parents. They would now live in my heart and my memories.
I thought of all the great moments we had as a family and knew I would never forget them. The day I told my parents I was gay and found nothing but unwavering support, the day Max and I graduated from high school, and the day I secured a job as a teacher in one of the top elementary schools in Manhattan. If one day I married and had children, I would tell them all about my parents so they’d know what amazing and caring people they’d been.
I almost forgot I wasn’t on my own, and I didn't realize I was sobbing until David scooped me up into his arms and wrapped them around me. David, my best friend, the first person I ever remember, other than my family; he was here for me now even when I was breaking. Little did he know that his presence alone was enough to glue together all the tiny shards of my broken heart.
We stayed like that for some time. Minutes, hours, who knows, until I felt ready to start the next part of my life. My family would have their moment to say goodbye this weekend, and then I would continue to live, be happy, and make my parents proud.
I unwrapped myself from David's arms, feeling the loss of his warmth. We sat down and watched the sun slowly disappear behind the horizon in comfortable silence.
I always felt at home around David ever since we were little, and now, despite the years we’ve been apart, it was no different.
Sitting on the cliff’s edge looking into the sunset w
ith David’s strong presence next to me made me remember the last day we’d been together thirteen years ago. We’d taken the train to Fonte da Telha beach and spent the day swimming and sunbathing. I’d always hated that last day before going back to America. I’d been sad and frustrated that I’d have to go back and would miss out on more beach days and fun. At the same time, another smaller part of me always looked forward to going back to New York and my friends there.
That summer had felt different. I had no longer felt like a child, and alongside the changes happening in my body, there were the changes in my mind and heart. I could feel David was different too.
I’d started questioning my sexuality earlier that same year when I realized I wasn’t interested in the girls my friends spent so much time talking about. I also wasn’t interested in the boys, so I’d been very confused up until I arrived in Portugal for the summer holiday.
All I wanted was to be around David; he made me feel like I belonged somewhere, like I was part of something, even if I didn’t know what that something was.
On the last day of the holiday, we couldn’t stop touching each other, almost like our fingers were creating memories to keep. David would stroke my arm if he were pointing something out to me, or he would touch my hair and ask if I was allowed to keep it that long at school.
Thinking back, I think we had a unique kind of relationship that was so innocent and pure.
Up until that day, we'd never done anything that was remotely sexual, almost like our bodies knew they weren’t ready yet because our minds hadn’t caught up.
There hadn’t been many people on the beach at the time with it being late afternoon on a weekday, so we knew we wouldn’t disturb anyone with our games in the water. I can’t remember when it happened, but one moment, we were tumbling roughly in the water and the next, we were chest to chest, facing each other.
David’s brown eyes were somehow lighter and sparklier with beads of water all over his long eyelashes. We were laughing and catching our breath. Then David moved forward, put his hands on the backs of my elbows to pull me to him, and kissed me.
