by Ana Ashley
"He is."
"Do you do stuff like this with him often?"
"As often as I can. Bruno is raising him on his own, and he works a lot. David doesn't mind him being in the café after school, but during the vacations, it's a little boring for him. I try to do educational stuff with him or take him to the beach. Bruno is a great guy, so I'm just doing my bit to help out."
He looked at me like he was trying to read my soul.
"Is that the only reason?"
No, it wasn't, but I didn't want to talk about it, so I got up and asked Filipe which animals he wanted to see next. After taking a few photos of Filipe with the sleeping lions in the background, we went to see the elephants.
I saw Vítor's gaze on me throughout the day. He didn't touch on the subject again, but I could tell my reaction had bothered him. Part of me wanted to tell him about Afonso, and part of me was reluctant. For as long as Vítor didn't know about Afonso, I had a little part of my life where I could be myself rather than the person on an endless search for his younger brother. The problem was that I wasn't sure how good I was at being myself any more.
When Bruno joined us in the afternoon, we'd had to wait for Filipe to catch him up on everything he'd seen before I could introduce him to Vítor.
We saw the dolphin show and went into the farm animals' enclosure where Filipe was able to pet some of the animals. I thought he was going to explode from excitement.
"Can I go on the rides, Bruno?" Filipe asked as we approached the small amusement park inside the zoo.
"You guys have a rest. I'll keep him busy for a bit," Bruno said.
There was a small coffee shop nearby, so we grabbed a coffee and sat on the metal chairs outside.
"So, what do you think of Lisbon Zoo? Is it everything you imagined?" I teased. "I bet you've never had this much fun in your life."
"It's been great, but I'm a little disappointed." His blue eyes looked anything but disappointed.
"Why are you disappointed?"
We were sitting next to each other so when Vítor turned to face me and put his hand around the back of my chair all air left my lungs.
"This zoo doesn't have a butterfly house."
It took me a while to understand what he meant because my brain was trying to cope with how close he was to me and how soft his lips looked. When I did, I looked up to his eyes. They were looking for answers I wasn't sure I could give.
"Vítor."
My voice was a whisper. Vítor stared at my mouth, his eyes hungry. I licked my lips, ready to throw caution to the wind and give in when I heard a little voice calling.
"Uncle Vítor, look at me!" Filipe called from the carousel. "I'm going fast like the cheetahs."
An unexpected sob tore through me, and I had to cover my face with my hands and press my fingers to my eyes to try to stop the tears from coming out. It was all too much. The emotions from spending the day with Bruno's younger brother when I didn't have mine with me, trying to fight the attraction to Vítor, and then witnessing Filipe "adopting" yet another uncle. It all had to come out.
"Hey, what's the matter?"
Vítor's voice was so worried it made me feel even worse. I didn't want this to happen here, didn't want Vítor to see me like this, and, more than anything, I didn't want Filipe to pick up on my emotions. Vítor's arms came around me, and I found myself pressed against his strong chest.
"Do you want to go home?"
I nodded as I tried to compose myself. Once my eyes were no longer red from crying, we went into the amusement park to tell Bruno we were going home. I wasn't sure he bought my excuse that I'd got a headache, but he didn't say anything.
"I think we'll head home, too. He's fighting his tiredness something fierce, but I know as soon as we're in the car he'll fall asleep. Thank you so much for spending the day with him. He's going to be talking about the zoo for the next month."
"Don't worry, I'll think of something else for him to chew your ear off about next time."
"Thanks." He laughed.
It took a while to get Filipe away from the rides, even though we could all see how tired he was, but in the end, Vítor came to the rescue with a small scoop of ice cream in a cup.
The car ride back to the apartment was silent. Vítor had taken the bus to meet us at the zoo, so I drove us back home.
When we arrived at the apartment, I went straight to my room. I'd taken my shoes off at the entrance but didn't bother getting undressed before I lay face down on my bed. Moments later, I heard the bedroom door open gently. I thought Vítor was checking on me and would leave me alone until I felt a dip in the bed next to me and strong arms maneuvering me so I was lying facing him with my head on the crook of his neck.
"You don't have to tell me anything, but please let me hold you."
The tears I'd been working so hard to keep away started running again. Vítor worked one of his hands up and down my back, soothing me, and the other gently cleared the tears from my closed eyes.
"I don't know where my brother is."
11
Vítor
The soul-wrenching sobs coming from Tiago broke my heart. It was like he'd been building up to say those words aloud for years, and now that he had, they came with a vengeance, bringing all the emotions he was struggling to contain and nothing could stop it.
All I could do was hold him tight in my arms and wish I knew how I could take some of the pain away because it was clearly too much for him. It probably had been for a very long time.
Tiago cried until he was so exhausted he fell asleep in my arms. If I'd thought sleep would bring him some peace, I was wrong. His sleep was fitful, and, like a few days ago, he was calling out a name that I now understood to be Afonso. Was Afonso his lost brother?
I wasn't sure how long Tiago had been asleep in my arms. I was about to drift off myself when I felt him stir. Wondering if he wanted to be on his own, I started moving to release him, but he tightened his grip around my waist.
"My mom married my stepfather when I was five," Tiago said. "When he told me I could call him dad, it was the best day of my life. I was ten when he took me on our first fishing trip. I'd been so excited. He taught me how to set up the rod and the bait. I never caught anything that weekend, but I'd come home beaming. For weeks I asked him when we would go again. My brother was two, so he couldn't come, but I wanted to learn so one day I could teach him."
He took a deep breath, and I wasn't sure he was going to continue with his story. I was about to reassure him he didn't have to relive memories that were clearly painful to him when he resumed.
"I think we had a few trips that were really good. It was just the two of us messing around and not catching anything. Sometimes, when it was really hot, he'd let me swim in the river. Things changed months later when, during the summer vacation, he suggested we go fishing for the whole weekend and camp by the river. I'd never camped before, so I was really excited. We lit a fire to keep warm and had sandwiches and cake my mom had made us.
"That night was cold, so he said we should sleep in the same sleeping bag so we could keep warm and use the other bag as a blanket. We were both dressed, my back was to his front, and he had his arms around me. He didn't touch me, but I felt him move against me. It was slow at first, his breathing was heavy in my ear, and he kept whispering."
Tiago stopped, and I could tell he was crying again.
"That's okay, baby. You don't need to tell me."
I continued moving my hand around his back in a circular pattern to soothe him.
"No. I… I need to do this."
"Okay, but please know you can stop any time. I'll hold you for as long as you need until you don't need me anymore."
He sighed. "That could be a long, long time."
I kissed his head. "I'm not going anywhere."
He was quiet for a while, so I thought he'd fallen asleep when he continued his story.
"He said I was a good boy for helping to keep him warm, and my mom would be
really proud of me."
"Meu menino, tão bom, meu menino. My boy, so good, my boy."
"I still have nightmares where I hear the sounds he made."
"Did you ever tell anyone?"
"No, I was embarrassed for him because at the time I thought he'd accidentally wet himself, so I didn't mention it. Nothing happened on the next trip, so I thought it had been a one-time thing."
"It wasn't, was it?"
I felt him shake his head against my chest.
"He wouldn't do it all the time, but I started noticing when he was going to do it because during the week, he'd be all over my mom with little touches and kisses. It was two years until he took the next step. I never wanted him to touch me, but my body reacted."
My shirt was soaked from his tears and the pillow was soaked from mine. My heart broke for the little boy who thought he'd gained a new dad and instead, got a sexual predator.
"It's okay, baby. You were a teenager, even if you didn't want it, your body didn't know what was happening."
"He thought I liked it and started doing it more often. He never went all the way, but he did everything else, and he made me—"
"Shhh, it's okay, you don't need to say it."
I held him tighter, kissed his hair, his forehead, and then tilted his head so he was facing me and I could kiss his tears away. It was the only way I could try to give him some comfort and express the pain I was feeling for him, because I wanted to go out and find the monster that did those things to my beautiful young man and beat the shit out of him.
"Vítor."
"Yes, baby."
"I haven't finished telling the story."
"Shall I stop kissing your face?"
"No."
I was going to lose my heart to this man. When I didn't think I had it in me to love someone else other than my husband, I was finding that maybe my heart still had some room for more.
"I asked him to stop, but he wouldn't. He said he was in love with me and couldn't stop thinking about me. I knew it was wrong, and I didn't want it, but he said if I said anything to anyone that my mom would be the one to suffer. I knew she loved him, and in a way, he loved her, too, but he was also a sick bastard.
"When I realized I couldn't make him stop, I did everything I could to leave. I'd been helping some elderly neighbors with gardening and shopping since I was thirteen to earn some pocket money, but as soon as I turned sixteen, I got a job and started saving money. I studied so hard I got a scholarship to go to university. When the letter came through, it was like I was finally free."
"Did it stop when you went to university?"
"It did for me."
Fuck. I knew what he was saying. The abuse stopped for him because the monster found a new victim.
"I didn't come home for the whole of the first year. I used work as an excuse because even with the scholarship, I still had to pay my living expenses, so I got a part-time job during term time and worked full-time during the breaks. When I finally came home after almost a year, Afonso was different. He'd always been such a chatterbox and used to follow me everywhere. Even when I was doing my homework, he was in my room with me. That summer, he was quiet. I tried to do things with him, but he didn't want to do anything. He was eleven then. I never thought my stepfather would do the same to his own son. I thought he did it to me because I wasn't his."
Tiago's hands clenched around the fabric of my shirt.
"You have to believe me, Vítor. I didn't know. That bastard was doing it to his own son, and I let it happen for three years until he'd had enough and ran away from home. He didn't even try to call me. I would have come for him; I would have brought him to the city and kept him with me. I would have told the truth."
"I know you would have. Your brother was scared and probably felt as alone as you had in all those years. Maybe he saw running as the only option to keep you safe, too."
Tiago looked up and locked eyes with me. I saw the questions there, but this moment was about him letting go and sharing his pain.
"Tell me what I can do to take the pain away, baby."
I knew if I did this, there would be no going back. Dri had been the first and only man I'd ever been with, and here I was contemplating intimacy with another man. But even as doubt crossed my mind, it wasn't that I thought I'd be cheating on Dri or that I didn't have enough experience, but that I knew deep down being with Tiago would change my life.
"It'll never go away," he said.
"Then how about we put it in a box and seal it away just for a little bit?"
His nod was so slight I could have missed it if I wasn't so focused on giving him the respite he needed. His hand came up from my chest to reach behind my neck and pulled me into a kiss.
His kiss was gentle, not more than a peck, but it was enough to set my body on fire, and I had to fight hard to keep my hands where they were, resting on his waist. I didn't want to deepen the kiss before he was ready for it. Not that I had to wait long because when Tiago reached under my shirt and touched my skin, I gasped, which gave him the right opening to explore my mouth with his tongue.
Tiago was everywhere, while his mouth hadn't left mine, he'd positioned himself on top of me and was using his hands to touch any part of me he could reach, and even though they hadn't been anywhere near my cock, his hip movements were enough to get me close to coming.
There was a desperation in his touch. I wanted to believe that desperation was for me, but I suspected in that moment, he just wanted to feel so he could forget.
"Baby," I whispered when he left my mouth to kiss all around my chin and down my neck, "fuck… Tiago, baby."
He stopped and looked at me. I could see he was about to apologize and stop, which hadn't been my intention, so I pulled him into a stupor-inducing kiss, and then said, "Let me look after you."
He nodded and followed my direction when I asked him to lie down on his back. His glasses had been on the bedside table all this time, and I was in two minds to ask him to put them on because I'd been fantasizing about him in nothing else but those damned glasses since the night we'd met.
I didn't bother taking off his T-shirt because the sounds he was making as my hands roamed his body told me he was already on the edge, so I went for the buttons of his jeans.
"One day I'm going to chart the miles of your skin and make a map of all the places I'll want to come back to."
"Vítor, please…" His voice was demanding and desperate.
I chuckled.
"Trust me?" I asked.
"Yes. Yes…"
I removed his jeans and underwear in one go, freeing his cock with it. The man was beautiful with clothes on, but with clothes off, he was a work of art, and he'd been hiding the most perfect, thick cock I'd ever seen. My hole clenched in hope of one day feeling the thickness filling me and hitting all the right spots.
"I'm not very big." His self-doubt had no place on this bed, and I wanted to kick whoever it was that had made him feel he was less than perfect. Instead, I took my own pants off and set him straight.
"You are perfect, all of you, and I can't wait to feel your beautiful, thick cock inside me. Got it?" I asked as I kissed him again and pressed my hips against his, allowing our cocks to rub against each other, trapped between us.
I'd planned to unravel him with my mouth, but now that I was face-to-face with him, I had this inexplicable need to see his face when he came. In all my years, I'd never had such an intense need to protect and care for someone like I did with Tiago. I put the thought aside and focused again on the man under me.
He lifted his hips up to meet mine in an attempt to get his relief, and our cocks leaked between us, which gave us some lubrication. I opened my legs slightly and moved so I could create a tight cocoon around his cock. Tiago gasped when he realized he was now sliding his cock between my legs and close to my desperate hole.
Our mouths met again; our kiss desperate like we were trying to draw a breath from the other. His cock slid against my balls an
d teased my hole, making me perilously close to coming, so I clenched my thighs and increased the speed of my movements.
Tiago's expression as he came was one of wonder. He only closed his eyes for a short moment before he opened them again and locked his gaze with mine. That was enough for my orgasm to tear through me like a freight train.
I lost my ability to speak, to think, to do anything other than feel. When my brain function returned, I moved so I wasn't on top of Tiago. He didn't let go of his hold on me but whispered, "thank you," before he fell asleep in my arms.
I waited until I was sure he wouldn't wake up and went to the bathroom to grab a washcloth to clean us both and then settled next to him in bed. My last coherent thought before I fell asleep was that I hoped he wouldn't freak out in the morning, or worse, regret what happened, because as much as I thought I should, I couldn't regret a single second I'd spent in Tiago's company.
12
Tiago
It had been a while since I'd felt like I'd actually slept during my sleep. I wondered if it had anything to do with the man currently lying in my bed with his arms around me. I opened my eyes to see Vítor's face. Even in his sleep, he was the sexiest person I'd ever seen.
I'd never intended on telling anyone about what my stepfather did to me. Many times I'd considered seeking support from a counselor, but I didn't think I suffered from PTSD, so I hadn't felt it was necessary to open the wound.
All I'd needed was to find my brother and everything in my life would be perfect. What I hadn't realized was that I was a pressure cooker ready to explode.
I tried to find the embarrassment or the regret about everything I'd shared last night and what we'd done after my confession. It wasn't there. That was a surprise I wasn't expecting, and I couldn't stop letting out a small laugh because I'd never felt more lighthearted in my life. It was almost like I could float away if it wasn't for the heavy arm around me keeping me grounded.
