by Belle Aurora
Vik stepped out of the car, walked around to the passenger side, and helped me out with a gentle hand. And when our fingers locked, I looked down at the place where our hands connected, and my stomach twisted. Even though he was raging mad, he handled me with care. And the love I felt for him lifted to a level I didn’t know possible.
He took his time walking me upstairs, ushering me into the bathroom, leaving me with fresh towels, and picking out some comfortable clothes for me to wear. Reaching into the stall, he turned on the hot water until the spray steamed, then adjusted it with cold to get to the right temperature before making his way over to my weak, standing form by the sink. Clinically, he undressed me, carefully assessing my body as if he were an antiques dealer and I was a seven-hundred-year-old vase. The large bruise on my hip was a deep shade of purple, lined with a yellowish-green. And as Vik’s eyes came to rest on the spot, his expression dimmed. I found myself covering the bruise with my hand in a weak attempt to calm him. It really did look worse than it was. After a moment of thick, suffocating silence enveloping us, he stood, took my elbow, and walked me into the stall, staying until I moved under the spray, soaking my body in relaxing warmth.
He sounded weary when he said, “Take your time, but keep the door open. If you need me, just call out. I’ll be back up in a few minutes with food.” From my place in the shower, I watched him hesitate by the door. The words sounded as though they stuck in his throat. “Knowing where you were, who you were with, had me insane.” The following words had the same effect on my own. “Would have torn down walls with my bare hands. Would have mauled, maimed, and murdered. For you, I’d have started wars.” He lifted a hand and lightly tapped his knuckle on the doorframe, refusing to look back. “Would have done anything to see you home safe.”
My heartbeat elevated. My chest simultaneously softened, then tightened painfully.
And then I was alone.
Then, and only then, did I turn and lift my face into the spray and let it wash away the tears that demanded to be freed.
As promised, he was waiting for me when I got out. Showered and freshly dressed, I peered at him from the open doorway for a long moment before I stepped into my room and approached with caution.
On my dresser was a tray with two sandwiches, a cut-up apple, a bottle of water, and a can of soda. My stomach rumbled loudly, and from the corner of my eye, I saw Vik’s gaze snap over to me. Knowing it would make him settle, I went over to the tray and picked up a sandwich. I bit into it, and the moment I registered what it was, the food turned to ash in my mouth.
It was peanut butter and jelly. The exact sandwich Roam had made in my kitchen the same day he took me from the safety of my own home.
I decided right then that I hated PB & J forevermore.
My stomach turned as I placed the sandwich down and reached for an apple slice. It was sweet and crisp, and after a moment, I found myself ravenous, eating the entire thing in record time. I opened the bottle of water, sipped at it, then chanced a glance at Vik.
He was staring at my stomach, causing it to clench.
Testing the waters, I began with, “How mad are you?”
Crossing his arms over his chest, Vik returned a curt, “What do you think?”
So, I pulled out the big guns, speaking calmly as possible. “You’re upset with me, and that’s fine, warranted even, but I’d like to remind you that two days ago, I was taken from my home by a psychopath with a raging hard-on for you, and I haven’t blamed you once, and I won’t, because although you were the technical cause, I know it wasn’t your fault. So, if you think you can spare me a second, I will try to explain myself in the best way I can.”
Well, that worked.
I glanced up at him through my lashes submissively and watched him lose his fight, his arms falling to his sides. We stood there looking at each other with varying degrees of apology and regret.
My sigh was tired. I leaned my butt on the edge of the dresser and shrugged. “It wasn’t planned. I mean, you know that. You were there.” I took a second. “I was going to tell you.”
“When?” he bit out. “When were you going to tell me?”
My heart twinged, but at least I was frank. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?” Vik barked out a laugh. “She doesn’t know.”
“I was scared, Vik” was my feeble response.
He looked offended. “You were scared? Of me?”
That was about all I could take. I snapped, “Well, your reaction hasn’t exactly been positive.”
“What did you expect?” he boomed. “I had to find out you were pregnant from the asshole who had my head in his mouth. Same guy who burned down a house, turning a fucking priest into Korean barbecue. So sue me if I don’t like the thought of the psycho who stole you away from me knowing you were pregnant before I did. How many other people know, Nas? Did you happen to tell the postman? I’d hate for him to feel left out.”
Firstly, I hadn’t told anyone. Even Anika had found out from a source other than myself. But… Oh no. This wasn’t going well.
I let out an almost desperate, “Can you stop yelling at me a minute so I can explain?”
Vik looked to be biting his tongue, quite literally, when he took in a deep breath, exhaled slowly, then shot me a hard nod.
Okay. All right.
Now what?
I suppose in instances like these, honesty was always the best policy. So, I spoke nothing but the truth.
Tired, weary, and with a deep sadness settling over my heart, I rolled my eyes and uttered a bitter sounding, “We hate-fucked a baby into the world, and you can’t understand why I didn’t tell you?” I ran a hand down my face, shaking my head lightly, admitting, “I regret how it happened, but I don’t regret the outcome, Vik. I want this baby, and I know you’re pissed at me, but I’m glad it’s yours.” When his face softened a touch, I revealed, “There was never any other. It was always you. If I had babies, they were going to be yours. I knew it from the time we were kids. And if…” Oh God. “If…” My throat tightened. “If you told me you didn’t want this baby…” I croaked, “It would kill me.” My lips trembled. “I would just die. And that was a real possibility. So, I put it off.”
Vik watched me closely, and I lowered my gaze, because it exposed too much.
I blinked away tears. “I am so sorry for not telling you. I really am. But I’m not completely at fault here. I mean, you got distant. You pulled away from me.” It stung to admit it. “I thought you were cheating. I was convinced you were stepping out on me, and can you blame me? All the hallmarks were there.” He attempted to mute his expression, but I still managed to see the shame that lie there. “I found out you’d been lying to me for almost a year. I was hurt and confused. And then, boom. I’m pregnant.”
Vik took a single step toward me.
I licked my lips and kept talking. “So, there I am, scared and overwhelmed, and all I want to do is tell you, but then you show up at my house, and you’re so excited about getting into college. And all I can think about is—” Shit. I was going to cry. “—how this baby screws up your plans.” A single tear escaped me and trailed my jaw. “How I am screwing up your plans.” I swiped at my cheek and sniffled. “And I love you so damn much that I decided your happiness should come first for once, because you’re a good man, you know?”
He advanced another step.
But I was too lost in my rant, and no matter how it broke my heart, I revealed it all. “You deserve to do something that makes you happy, even if we don’t fit into your plans. And yes, I’d be miserable, but as long as I had your baby, as long as I had a part of you, I could deal.”
The tears were trailing freely now, but I had no room in me to care. “You…” I struggled to find the words but suddenly remembered what he had told me once. “You deserve to take your time.” I relayed his words back to him, albeit shakily, “To enjoy the scenic route.”
Three more steps and he was standing right in fr
ont of me. I tilted my head up to look at him with sheer misery.
Vik lifted his hand and gently wiped away my tears with his knuckle. “And us?”
My heart stuttered. “What about us?”
The question came out starkly. “Do you want me?”
I could barely breathe. “Of course I want you. Why would you even ask me that?”
“Because I’m skeptical” was his stoic response.
Well, that did it. That lit a fire under my ass.
My brow furrowed. My sadness suddenly forgotten.
The sass was strong. “Oh, that is bullshit. I want you. I’ve always wanted you.” My voice rose. “I want you here so much that when you leave, I feel so sad, so empty, that I mourn you.” And then I was almost yelling. “I have loved you for more than half of my existence. I have been yours for a lifetime, even when I fought it. The fact that you would be skeptical of that makes me so goddamn angry. I want you, Vik. I want you by my side, forever and always. That was the plan. Forever and always.” Jesus. I had to scoff. “If I had the choice, I wouldn’t let you leave!”
Lord. I think this was as honest as we’d ever been with each other.
A therapy session we didn’t know we needed.
“Fine,” he uttered calmly, turned, and made to leave.
My mouth gaped.
Was he freaking serious?
Stunned, I moved too late. I left my room in time to see him walking the hall, toward the front door. That was the moment I lost my mind.
I had just bared my soul to this man, and he was leaving?
“Where are you going?” I balled my fists and hollered from the top of the stairs like a shrieking banshee.
His slow, casual descent felt like it took forever. Finally, he got where he was going. Vik opened the front door.
Oh my God.
He walked out.
Don’t you dare.
The door closed behind him, and my eyes widened.
Don’t you dare!
The latch clicked over, and the quiet sound echoed loudly in my ears.
I gasped in outrage.
Unbelievable!
I think that might have been the exact moment I went insane. “You know what? Fine. If that’s how he wants things to be… whatever. Perfect.” My voice wobbled. “I planned on doing this alone anyway, so…”
So…
My temples pulsed.
So…
My eyes blurred, and my breath hitched.
So, I did the only thing I could.
Utterly grief-stricken, I slowly sat on the stairs, lowered my face to my knees, and began to cry like I never had before.
My bed felt cold, and no matter how many layers of clothing I added or how many pairs of socks I wore, I just couldn’t seem to get warm enough. I lay in the center of the mattress, curled up under the covers, stroking my stomach lightly, silently apologizing to my unborn child for screwing up its life.
Yeah. I messed up big time, and now we would both suffer for it.
I reached for my phone a number of times to call him, only to realize Roam still had it. So, when I heard the front door open, followed by heavy footfalls and what seemed to be the sound of clash and clatter, I threw the covers off my head and headed for my bedroom door. When I got there, I peeked out but saw nothing. Moving closer to the top of the stairs, I held onto the railing, taking the steps slowly, and when I saw him enter again, stopping only to drop a box in the foyer, then leave again, my brow creased.
What was he doing?
He came and went constantly, and during a brief pause, he finally noticed me.
“You’re back,” I croaked.
“Yeah” was all he said.
Why was he here? And what was this attitude? Was he still pissed at me?
Because, newsflash, buddy! Two could play that game.
I took another step down. “What’s all this?”
“My shit,” he said in a way that stated it should have been obvious.
My feet met the landing of the stairs. “Why?”
“I’m moving in,” he stated, leaving no room for arguing, and my heart began to race, because, what the hell? “And, I swear to God, Nas. Don’t start. If you think I am missing a second of this—of my child’s life—you are out of your goddamn mind.” Oh God. This wasn’t happening. “I’ll sleep in another room if you really want me to.” Like hell he was. “But I’m making it clear. The only place I want to sleep is by your side. So, if you want to fight me, fight me, but I gotta warn ya. I plan on winnin—” He twisted to shoot me a glare, but the moment he saw my misery eating away at me, his entire demeanor changed, grew softer somehow. His rigid shoulders turned lax, and his tone turned warm. “Baby? Tears? Why? What’s happening here?”
Was I crying?
Ah, shit. I was.
“You came back,” I choked out the high-pitched words as a sob shook me whole, but I was too moved to feel embarrassed by the audible hitch that left me.
And Vik lowered his face, taking a deep breath, exhaling slowly. When he lifted his head, his attitude was gone. He took the few steps over to me and searched my face before taking the hem of his tee and lifting it to my face to blot away my tears.
“Where else would I go? Huh?” he uttered like he wasn’t killing me slowly with his sweetness. “No place I’d rather be.”
Oh my God. He needed to stop.
It was too much.
I struggled to breathe through the desperate need for release, and as my lips trembled, I blinked rapidly as Vik’s hands came to my hips to steady me. His brows furrowed as I shook my head, unable to say all I wanted to say right then, and as if he knew I needed it, those hands slipped around my body, to my back, and he pulled me in close, into the warm barrier of his body. My breath caught and shuddered as I pressed my forehead to his shoulder and closed my eyes.
Vik rocked me gently, one hand stroking my back, as though I was a child, and the dam broke.
“I love you so much.” My breath shuddered as I struggled to say the words.
“Good,” he sniffed, “because you’re a serious pain in my ass. Kind of makes up for the fact.”
I didn’t want to laugh, but it was funny, so I did, quietly ignoring the way I snorted into his shoulder. But as quickly as the laughter came, it went.
I felt awful. “I’m sorry, Vik. I know you didn’t plan for this—”
But he cut me off with a harsh furrow of his brow. “Are you kidding me? This was always the plan. Sure, it came a little unexpectedly, but,” he emphasized the statement, “this was always the plan.” What he said next had my heart stuttering in my chest. “I hoped we’d be married first, but this is more our style, don’t you think?” His lips tipped up teasingly in the corners. “Wild. Irresponsible. Reckless.”
But I was still stuck on that thing he said.
The question came out cynical. “You want to marry me?”
He looked at me like I’d lost my damn mind. “Eventually, yeah.”
He said it like it was no big deal. As if he hadn’t just rocked my entire world with the admission.
“But…” Every breath burned my lungs. “But…” I was a mess when I swallowed hard and said, “But you’ve never even said you love me.”
Vik frowned. He frowned. “What are you talking about? Of course I have.”
Uh. No.
He hadn’t.
I shook my head. “You haven’t.”
“Really?” he prompted in a bored manner. “Are you sure?”
I could have smacked him. I spoke through gritted teeth, “I’m sure.”
And the jerk I was having a baby with? He said, “Maybe the words just don’t mean that much to me, Nas. I’m an actions man.” Huh? Excuse me? “So maybe you just haven’t been looking hard enough.”
What was he talking about? I was this close to losing my mind.
With a sweetness unmatched, he reached out to push a loose strand of hair behind my ear, focusing on the spot with warm eyes and a
soft heart, and then he began to list things. “Waking you with whisper-soft kisses. Bringing you coffee every damn morning, whether you’re speaking to me or not. Making you laugh ’til you snort just so I can watch you smile. Driving forty minutes in the wrong direction to make sure my girl gets the Chinese food she’s been craving, because I keep my woman fed.” The next one had his brows rising. It also had my heart swelling. “Keeping tampons in my glove compartment. Making sure you get home safely, and going home afterward, even when it breaks my fucking heart, because you’re too scared to ask me to stay.” How did he know? “Telling you how beautiful you look and meaning it, because, baby, I’ve never had anyone stun me into silence with an innocent glance.” My heart felt so full it was sure to burst. “Waking in the middle of the night to find you next to me and counting myself lucky that this stunning creature wants a fuck-up like me.”
Oh my.
Vik scoffed lightly. “And you don’t know if I love you? Baby… was there ever any doubt?”
Dear God.
Was there ever any doubt?
My heart caught in my throat when he finally uttered an unquestionable, “I love you more than I’ve ever found a way to put into words.”
Oh.
Oh no.
Oh no.
All this time apart, all this time without him, I would never get back the time lost. And it killed me.
My heart broke. My lips quivered. My face crumbled as I said the remorseful words, “I never should have let you go.”
His arms tightened around me, and when I looked up at him through my teary gaze, he conceded, “And I did what I promised I’d never do. I took you for granted. So, you know. We’re both stupid.”
We were, but it seemed we were smarter than we were yesterday.
I smiled, though it wobbled. And when he brought his face close to mine, I stopped breathing altogether. No other man could make me feel the way he did. No other man even came close.
Vik was the other half of my soul. Only together did we make a whole.
And just as he moved to kiss me, I whispered, “Say it,” and waited.
His blue eyes soft, they smiled as they roamed the tender look on my face. And just as he always had, he said what I needed to hear at the very moment I required it. “I have loved you since before I really knew what love was. Since I was a boy with feelings too big for his body. Life without you is cold and empty and cruel. I can’t live like that, and I don’t think you can either. I want your sweetness. I want your sass. I want your smiling mouth on mine every moment of every day, because a kiss from your lips is a drug, and I’m an addict. You are the addiction I’ll never be cured of. You make me a better man, and if you let me, I’ll make an honest woman of you.” Holy shit. My heartbeat raced, and he leaned in, running the length of his nose against mine tenderly before letting out a hushed, “Let’s make a deal. I’ll trade you. My heart for yours.”
