Chad, I liked all the information you sent me and believe me I make it a point to be aware of the other employees. For instance, in dressing for work I always made it a point to dress so that at first glance you would assume I’m a male. I never wear shorts, halter-tops, or anything that might be considered provocative. Even though it’s hot in summer, I would wear an oversized shirt, until I get into the cab of the equipment and then take it off. When I worked on the ground refueling my machine some of the men say, “If any of these ass holes bother you let me know.” They are the ones I stay very far away from because they are trying to get in my good graces.”
“I hate that there are no separate bathrooms, I drank very little, so that I only use the on the spot Johnny, when absolute necessary. Even at that, the men stop what they were doing to watch me get off the machine, sometimes they whistle, or make cat calls, as I walk to the facility. Some are blatantly bold, blowing up condoms and tying them to the side of the equipment I run, or wrote graffiti on cardboard and placed it on the windshield of my pickup truck. One man went so far as to bring in pictures from a Playboy magazine of playboy girls and put them on the seat of my equipment. There were even two other operators who complained that I tried to show them up when I keep the tracks of my backhoe clean of mud or gravel and fueled up after the shift so I will be ready to start as soon as I get to work in the morning. These complaints didn’t hold any water with Mr. Nader, he sees that I’m a good employee and ignores all the petty complains from the men, and I’m grateful,” said Amelia.
Secret thoughts :( I can’t let the male workers, crude remarks, gestures, pranks and pornography drive me from the job. Although I try to stay to myself as much as I can and don’t say too much, I still need to interact with the other employees. I have decided not to report the laborer who tried to grab me two days ago. I was really very scared but tried not to show it and told him I would hit him with the backhoe bucket if he ever tried to touch me again. Of course, I would never do that, but I was so terrified I had to say something. I keep my eyes on the excavation and don’t look directly at the men. I have a purpose and a goal, and I won’t be deterred from my target. I didn’t care what I have to endure. I remind herself daily, if this is what I must do to get to college, then I have to do it.)
She wrote to Chad and explained that, “I pretend to be deaf, dumb and blind on the job except to respond to what the foreman tells me. I have very little interaction with the men. In fact, some of them think I’m a skinny little guy, which is Ok with me.”
There was only a week to go before Amelia would be traveling to college. Everything was in place. “My God I’m so excited,” she told Deana, I’ll will miss everybody, but I can’t wait to go.” Amelia decided to buy a bus ticket because she didn’t want to spend the money to fly. All her paperwork and grants were in place. Her slot was reserved at the college. She had been promised a job in the cafeteria and she was so thrilled she couldn’t believe she was actually going to college. She practically started dancing whenever, she thought of it. She got home from work and was humming happily to herself as she walked to the milking parlor when, she saw Roger out in the field. He waved at her and motioned her over. Amelia knew something was wrong as soon as she got close and saw his face. He had a sad look on his face and his eyes were red, he looked as if he had been crying.
“What’s the matter Roger what are you doing out here? Have you been crying?” asked Amelia becoming alarmed, “Is everything alright? Is Deana OK?”
“It’s the baby, Mellie,” said Roger.
“What do you mean what’s wrong with the baby?”
Roger could hardly talk, and he broke down crying, “Deana went for her checkup today,” he blurted out, “and the doctor was concerned that the baby’s heart rate dropped, so he sent her for some kind of ultrasound test. When he saw the results of the test, he told her she had to see a specialist about the baby right way. He called the hospital and had her go right from his office to meet the doctor at the hospital. The doctor looked at the test and called in two other doctors and then they examined Deana and listened to the baby’s heart and told her the baby needs surgery.”
“Surgery before it’s born. I never heard of that,” exclaimed Amelia.
“Yeah, I couldn’t believe it myself,” the doctor explained there is a type of blockage in the baby’s heart, and they must do something to open up a valve. Amelia I’m so scared and worried for the baby and Deana, I don’t know what I would do if anything bad happened to either one of them.”
“Roger,” she said hugging him in tears now herself, “I’m so sorry, is Deana Ok?”
“She is an emotional wreck. She hasn’t stopped crying since they told her about the surgery. I didn’t want her to see me crying. I really think this is something very serious, because they wouldn’t even let her come home. They kept her at the hospital, because they must monitor the baby’s heart rate constantly. I’m going to take a quick shower and go to her. She will have some more tests in the morning and then they will decide when to do the surgery.”
“I’ll go with you,” said Amelia, “and try and console her.”
“Amelia, I don’t know how to ask you this….
“Then don’t, I know you will need money for Deana and the baby.”
“The thing is,” said Roger, “they need some money up front for the tests because you know how tight things are, we couldn’t afford our medical insurance and had to cancel it. I feel like shit asking you, but I don’t know where else to turn, Deana’s parents are tapped out with all of us living here.”
“Then don’t even ask, Roger, I will help you, I have my college money, college will just have to wait, and maybe I can go next year. There’s no decision to make here, it’s a given, we must help Deana and the baby. I love her as if she was my sister, and I know she would do the same for me, just as you would. We can’t let anything happen to the baby. Not a word about money to Deana, she can’t be worried about that now, this is between you and me. You can tell her you got a loan on the farm equipment or something, which you may have to do, what I have saved may not be enough.”
“You are the best sister,” he said.
Amelia said, “mum is the word to Deana she has enough to worry about already.”
Secret thoughts: (My brain is screaming and stomach cramping, and I almost threw up when Roger told me the news. I can’t believe this is happening. I know I’m doing the right thing giving Roger the money, in all honesty it is ripping my heart out that I got so close to going to school I could almost taste it and now realistically I probably will never go. I must pull myself together and never let them see how shattered my world has become. I will bite my tongue and do my best not to burst out crying when I see Deana.)
[ Chapter 14 ]
Through tears Deana explained to Amelia and Roger that the doctor told her she would have to have the surgery soon, but they wanted her to go to the university hospital in the capitol for the surgery. Some tests needed to be done before the surgery that couldn’t be done at the local hospital. The doctors wanted to wait until they had a complete medical profile, before they operated. She had to stay in the hospital while they did all the testing to monitor the baby and study the test results.
Amelia went to work on Friday and visited Deana in the evening. On Saturday and Sunday Amelia worked overtime, and since Deana was still in the hospital, and Roger was with her, Matt had a date, she called Ida and told her she would be over Sunday to spend the evening with her. Amelia wanted to tell Ida about not being able to go to college in person, because she knew Ida would be very upset for her.
Amelia was worried about Deana and the baby, and she knew she had made the right decision to help them with the expenses; she hoped Ida would understand. After all the work, they did to plan and lining everything up. She didn’t know how she would tell Ida. She had spent so much of her time and worked so hard helping Amelia to
get the grants and fill out all the applications.
Secret thoughts: (All that time and effort for nothing, I don’t know what I’m going to say to Ida. I don’t want to break her heart. I wish I could think of a gentle way to give Ida the bad news, I hope she won’t be too disappointed. I will tell her on Sunday when I go to see her after work.)
Amelia opened the door and called out, “Hello, Hi Ida, I’m here,” she said in a sad voice trying to maintain her composure.
Ida came in from the kitchen smiling, “Hi Amelia, guess who’s here for a visit?” Chad came walking into the living room, “Hi Amelia it so good to see you again, I haven’t seen you in such a long time,” he said smiling. “Are you excited about your big day?”
Amelia didn’t say anything just looked at him with sad eyes.
He immediately knew she was upset about something when he looked at her.
“I was just telling Chad how much I’m going to miss you when you,” and Ida stopped talking when she looked at Amelia’s face,”
“Mellie,” Chad said, “As he stepped closer to Amelia what’s the matter Mellie, you look so distraught?” Amelia tried to hold back, she bit her cheek and took a deep breath, she put her hands up and covered her face, but she couldn’t control her emotions any longer. She was so torn up inside, she burst out crying and the tears flowed. Chad moved to her and she put her face into his chest and cried. He put his arms around her.
“Hold her son and try to comfort her,” Ida said, something very bad must have happened. Stepping beside them Ida stroked Amelia’s hair.
Chad sat down with her and held her, she cried and cried, it sounded as if her heart was breaking and Ida was crying also.
Chad began talked to Amelia softly trying to calm Amelia down. He told her she was going to be Ok; they would help her and all this whatever it was would pass.
Ida sat quietly in a chair. After a time, Amelia raised her head and said, “Chad, Ida, I’m so sorry,” she squeaked out, “I got your shirt all wet and wrinkled, I didn’t mean to breakdown I couldn’t stand to hold it in any longer, I was trying to be brave but I could only stand so much.”
“Don’t worry about my shirt, I’m glad mom and I are here for you.” He gave her his handkerchief and she leaned on his shoulder and covered her face.
When she was calmer, Ida said, “Amelia, what’s happened honey? Tell us what’s going on.”
“Ida, I spent the whole day trying to think of how I would tell you, now I can’t remember what I planned on saying. It’s that I can’t go to college. I must give the money I made this summer to Deana and Roger. The baby has something wrong with its heart and they have to operate on it very soon before it’s born. Deana and Roger don’t have any money or medical insurance, so they don’t know where to turn. Her parents are having a hard-enough time helping all of us. Even at that, the money I have saved may not be enough. I’m so sorry you wasted all that time on me, Ida, with applications and grants and everything and now I have to disappoint you, I’m so sad about all of it, I must be cursed,” and she started to cry again.
“Amelia, my dear, don’t cry honey,” said Ida, “don’t worry about me, what about you going to college.”
“I can’t go now even if I had the money. I’ll have to keep on working to help the family. Roger will be working extra hard, too, he has to take out a loan on the farm equipment. After Deana has the surgery, she won’t be able to do much. When she has the baby, they will have to watch it very closely. It’s a stroke of bad luck. They say when it rains it pours, but we have had a hurricane. I’m sorry you both have had to hear this terrible news, I don’t usually cry hysterically, I was trying to hold it in, I guess the dam broke, mostly on your shirt Chad. I must admit I’m so disappointed, that I won’t be going to college, there’s no hope for it, my family, has to come first, and of course the baby and I will never tell them how disappointed I am about not going to college.”
Amelia went in the bathroom, washed her face with cool water, and felt a little better.
Chad said, “come on Amelia, mom, let’s go in the kitchen and have a glass of wine and try and eat something. Then we’ll talk more and see if we can’t make you feel better.”
They went in the kitchen and had some food and two glasses of wine. She told Chad all about her construction job and that while it was interesting work; she wouldn’t want to do it her whole life. Ida reassured Amelia that she was disappointed for Amelia, but not angry or upset with her.
“I didn’t write to say I was coming home because I didn’t know for sure I was going to be able to get off. I’m glad that I was here though,” said Chad.
“We’ll have to get really clever and keep working on the future and figure something out,” Ida said, “Please don’t worry about me.”
The evening passed by quickly and Chad told his mom he was going to drive behind Amelia because the Lane farm was pretty far away, and he wanted to make sure she got home ok. He stopped at the end of the long driveway and got in Amelia’s truck. “Are you Ok?” he asked her.
“I’ll be Ok, I have to suck it up and get used to the idea that I’m not going to college right now. I must try my best and be cool about it because I know my family is unhappy about it too, but there’s no hope for it now. I will get there one day, you’ll see.”
“That’s the girl,” he said, “I love to hear talk like that.”
They got out of the truck and he kept his arm around her.
“Will you come to see us for supper after work tomorrow?”
“I’ll try, if I get all my stuff done, I’m trying to do a little extra for Roger so he can go to the hospital to be with Deana, I’ll call and let you know. Thank you for being there for me, Chad. Sorry I dumped so much on you and your mom.”
“Don’t worry about us. I hope to see you tomorrow. He kissed her on the cheek and gave her a hug and left.
The next day things didn’t work out well at work, there was a water main leak and Amelia had to stay late until it was repaired. She tried to get her chores done quickly and then she remembered she promised to do the milking because Roger was going to the hospital. She called Ida and told her she couldn’t come over it was already 9:00 and she hadn’t finished her farm chores yet. Ida was disappointed, but she understood.
On the third day, Chad got a call and had to cut his leave short and return to the army base. Amelia didn’t get done with her chores until well after 8:30 so she didn’t go over to Ida’s that evening either.
Later that evening Chad went to the Lane’s farm. It was 10:00, almost everybody had gone to bed Chad knocked lightly on the door, and Roger opened it.
“I’m sorry to disturb you so late Roger, I was called back from leave early and I wanted to say goodbye to Amelia I’m sorry you and Deana are having troubles.”
“Thanks Chad Amelia and Matt sleep out in the barn,” he said pointing. “She must still be up I see a light is still on.”
“Ok, I’ll just be a minute,” said Chad, “good luck with Deana and the baby,” and he shook his hand.”
“Thanks,” said Roger, “I appreciate that.”
Chad was a little taken aback he had no idea that Amelia was sleeping in a barn. He went to the barn and knocked on the door. Amelia came to the door and looked very surprised. “Chad what are you doing here and in your uniform.”
“I’m sorry it’s late, I got a call and I have to get back ASAP, so I have to take the red eye. I wanted to say goodbye to you before I left and see how you are doing.”
“I’m Ok,” she said, “Deana’s baby is going to have the surgery in two days, so we are all holding our breath hoping everything will be Ok. I think it’s so odd that the baby is not born yet and must have surgery. The doctor says if he doesn’t do the surgery; the baby might have heart problems after it’s born. I have settled down now, I have sort of resigned myself to the fact that I can’t cha
nge anything, so I need to accept what’s happened. I think it will be alright.”
“That makes me feels better,” he said, “I was worried about you. Go and see my mom whenever you can, she thinks the world of you. She’s still cooking up some ideas for you to go to school, she not angry with you she just feels bad about your situation.”
“She has been so wonderful to me, she’s like a mom to me, and I love her. Please be safe, your mom says you do dangerous things, and thank you for thinking of me and coming by to say good-bye. I’m sorry I messed up your shirt the other night.”
“No worries about that, I’m going to ask you to make me two promises,” he said.
“What’s that?” she asked.
“I want to tell you I think so much of you, for being so loyal to your family to do this for Deana and your brother. I know Deana from school and I always thought she was a nice girl. First, I want you to promise that if you ever get upset like that again you call me or email me or mom if you can’t get me, I wouldn’t want you feel like that and be alone. The second one is not to lose the hope of going to college, Mom and I will help you, and you’ll get to college, it will just take a little more time.”
Amelia said, “Chad, I wish I could go to college now, the only way my family has survived is that we have stuck together. I’m not thrilled about our situation, but I could never let them down, not now. I promise I will try and do what you ask,” she said.
I know what you said about sticking together is true and I admire all of you for that. Chad kissed her on the cheek and ran the tips of his fingers along her face. “Remember your promises,” he called back to her, “and keep on writing to me.”
“I will, please stay safe,” she called, as he walked to the car where Ida’s handy man, Luke was waiting to take him to the airport.
The next day when Chad got back to the base he phoned his mother, “Mom I want to help Amelia, I was thinking about the whole situation on my way back and I was wondering if you could try and find some classes Amelia could take online that would transfer to college. It would be good for her to take one or two courses, so she won’t be so far behind, when she does go to school. I think the cost at the community college is reasonable and I’m fairly certain, although we would have to check, that the credits would transfer. I know she doesn’t have a computer, but she could use yours on the weekend. If you could find the classes and check about credit transfer let me know and I will pay for them, but we won’t tell Mellie. I think it would boost her morale; she is feeling pretty low now.”
Secrets of Amelia Page 8
