I bit my lip. Should I have asked Liam if he wanted to help? Should I ask if he wanted to keep anything? He and Derek had been like brothers.
Liam planted his hands on his lean hips. The stance made his shoulders appear even wider. “I told Grandma Gin I’d get there by four, so I got a couple of hours. What can I do to help?”
Liam
* * *
I pushed the lid down on the blue tote. It wasn’t half full. Kennedy had kept a pair of Derek’s cargo shorts. They were the ones he’d proposed in when they were walking along the Missouri River after a romantic date. Same with the white-collared shirt that sported the logo for the pesticide supplier he’d worked for as a salesman. She’d also kept a pair of his boxers that they’d bought during their honeymoon in the Black Hills—I didn’t want to know what those had signified, a Drillers ball cap he favored, his unused cologne, and a pocket watch that he’d gotten from one of his great-grandfathers. It was probably the Grandpa Barron that had started the town—also my grandpa, but I didn’t care. I considered Bob Pewter my only grandfather.
I hefted the tote. “Want this downstairs?”
She was staring into the empty half of the closet. With my help, she’d been efficient, almost ruthless. I didn’t want to rush her, and if she wanted everything hung back up and put in its spot, I’d do it in a heartbeat.
She worried her plump lower lip with her thumb and forefinger. “I should move my stuff over.”
“There’s no rush.” There was a time I hadn’t thought she’d make it this far in her grief. She’d been lost to all of us. Me. Her mom and sister. Her in-laws. I hadn’t been able to talk to anyone but Grandma Gin about how worried I was. My uncle Bruce liked me less than he had when Derek was alive. He probably hated that he couldn’t blame Derek’s death on me. At first, we’d all thought Derek had had a car accident. He did—after he’d had an aneurysm on some country road where he was going to meet a farmer to talk about pesticide.
All the trouble Derek and I used to get into, and he’d been taken out by a tiny broken blood vessel in his brain while he was working a job we would’ve laughed at as kids. But when two twelve-year-old boys were riding horses through a river that could have and should have swallowed us alive, it wasn’t like we’d thought he’d be a salesman and I’d be a single dad by the time we were each twenty-two. Or that he’d be dead by the time he was twenty-five and I’d be making sure his widow took care of herself so I didn’t have to bury another friend.
I drank in the sight of Kenny. She had always been attractive. When she’d shown up as a new junior on the first day of my senior year, I’d plotted my approach. But Derek had swooped in, and I’d been friend-zoned ever since.
Her creamy skin was regaining a healthy glow. Her face could summon a blush now instead of remaining perma-pale. And her hips—those were good to see again. For months, she had wasted away. Short of sitting on her and forcing donuts past her lips, I hadn’t known what to do. She had barely talked, but I was grateful she’d at least answered the door.
Today was a big deal. She knew it. I knew it. And when I had called home, Grandma Gin had known it. She’d told me to come home when I thought Kenny was okay. The boys had earned a movie for picking up their room and sweeping the kitchen. I missed them. I wanted to get home to them. But for Kenny, I’d wait a little longer.
“Yeah,” Kenny finally said. “I think I did enough for the day.”
“I think you earned dinner out. With me. You’re a lucky lady.”
She laughed, her head dipping back and baring her slender throat. “I would be the envy of all the single women in the county, but I don’t feel like peopling right now.”
I wasn’t interested in any single women in the county. Those who knew about my past and that I was the mighty Cameron Barron’s greatest shame either wanted to fuck me because of it or wanted to fuck me and ditch me. I didn’t come with the Cameron Barron bank accounts. None of the oil money he’d inherited from his parents or that he had accumulated as the CEO of the refinery would come to me, nor would any of the profits from the large ranches he and his siblings ran. And that was okay. I wanted nothing to do with Cameron Barron or any of the rest of the family.
Derek had been the only one worth my time, and he was gone. “I can pick up some pizza.”
She slanted her gaze to me, her warm brown eyes questioning. “You need to get home.”
“I already talked to Grandma Gin. They’re watching a movie.”
She shook her head. The move was enough to knock her bun halfway down her head. The knot of her rich brown hair had loosened throughout the day, and I’d gotten way too much joy watching it fall.
She crossed her arms and kicked a hip out. I yanked my eyes off the way her boobs hitched over her arms. Kenny had been off-limits for eternity. Nothing had changed—except my schedule and two little boys who kept me from dating, getting laid, and enduring all the trouble the two former activities caused. Kenny was my safe zone.
“I’ll shower. You grab the pizza, and I’ll meet you at your place.” Her brows crinkled.
There was something she wasn’t saying. “What do you need me to do?”
She worried her lower lip. “Nothing. I was thinking maybe I’d stop by the cemetery before I went to your house.”
She’d cleaned out Derek’s clothes and now she needed to let him know that she hadn’t forgotten him. Her intentions were written in the depths of her chocolate-brown eyes. The first time she’d told me that she talked to Derek regularly, she’d whispered it like she was confessing state secrets. She continued to trust me with that information, and I had a feeling she didn’t tell her family or her in-laws.
“Take your time. The boys will be thrilled no matter when you show up.” But I’d keep an eye on the time. Three months after Derek died, I’d had to carry her from his cold resting place. She hadn’t answered her phone, and she hadn’t been at home. I’d found her there. She’d gone there and cried for hours after she’d quit her job. Eventually, she’d been too cold to think clearly. Today she seemed fine, but when it came to Kenny, I didn’t take chances.
“Thank you.” She breezed past me, smelling faintly of Derek’s cologne, fabric softener, and herself: roses and vanilla.
I had no business inhaling, but I rented a bedroom in a welding buddy’s place in Williston. By the end of our shifts, we smelled like singed cloth, hot metal, and sweat.
“Canadian bacon pizza?” she asked over her shoulder.
“With pineapple.”
She spun, her eyes narrowed. “Don’t. You. Dare.”
I grinned, letting her know I would indeed dare.
With one last determined glare, she disappeared into the bathroom.
I waited for a few moments. The shower curtain rings clattered. The water kicked on. The cabinet under the sink where she stored the towels creaked open. She wasn’t breaking down where I couldn’t see her. Which was her right, but it’d only been four months since she’d announced there was a paraprofessional opening at the school. Three months since she’d gone to her first day of work. Derek died over a year and a half ago, but Kenny had only started resembling her former self since she’d mentioned the job opening.
I wasn’t leaving until I was confident she wasn’t breaking down in the shower. If she made it through the shower, then she might withstand the graveside visit.
Leaning against the wall, I closed my eyes. Sometimes I forgot that I needed a moment too. Derek and I had grown up next to each other. My grandparents, Bob and Ginny Pewter, had raised me on a ranch next to Bruce and Willow Barron. Keeping two boys the same age from hanging out was a futile effort, no matter how hard Bruce and Willow had tried.
My family ranch was defunct. Grandma Gin owned the land, but she’d leased it out just before I’d moved home to help her. She’d made the deal with Bruce and Willow, thinking Derek would be the one to carry on the ranch after his parents retired.
Bruce hated me because Cameron had ordered him
to. Same with their sister, my aunt, Kira. Their children had picked up on that and instead of cousins, I had enemies. Other than Derek, only one other cousin talked to me, and I suspected he did it to piss my father off. Derek hadn’t. His conviction that I was his best friend had been stronger than any of his family’s hate.
I’d have done anything for Derek, and that included making sure his widow survived his death.
I entered the one bar and grill Coal Haven had to its name, The Rattler Brewhaus. Half family restaurant, half rowdy bar and future brewery if the rumors were true. Coal Haven was home to hole-in-the-wall bars that had little more than a pizza oven, but nowhere to get alcohol and food together. The key to Rattler’s long-term survival would be the hungry shift workers coming, going, and passing through on their way to the coal mine, the coal gasification plant, and the oil refinery. The rest of the town took advantage of not having to travel an hour to a bigger town for a perfectly seasoned steak that they didn’t have to grill.
“Look what the oil fields puked up!” The shout came just as I crossed the door and started past the hostess station. I recognized the voice. Holden Barron. The only other cousin who talked to me. He was friendly enough, but I didn’t know his motivation and remained cautious. He was still one of those Barrons.
The rancher swaggered toward me. His jeans were still dusty from planting. He ran a cow/calf operation and farmed small grains like wheat and barley on the side. Like the rest of my estranged family, whatever he touched was golden. Holden’s pastures were full of cows that earned him three and a half grand a head. His grain bins were full, and when he needed some cash, he’d check the market and take a load to the elevator.
If I’d been able to stay in town, maybe I could’ve helped my grandparents’ ranch. Kept our family operation from folding. But between Grandpa Bob’s illness and his poor retirement planning, there hadn’t been much of a choice. By then, I’d had two young kids and had needed the job and the benefits I got from welding at one of King Oil’s sites outside of Williston. Splitting my time between here and Williston was all I could offer since my father had made it impossible for me to find work anywhere around Coal Haven. Besides, I wanted my kids to grow up in a place where they weren’t starting from behind just because some arrogant asshole said so.
Holden clapped me on the back. He was here with a couple of other guys. My half brother, Stetson, glowered at me from a table deep in the bar. He was a year older than me. Which had made my birth much harder for Cameron to explain to his wife.
The third guy at the table was an employee of Holden’s. Technically, my aunt Kira still ran the ranch, but she couldn’t do it without Holden, and they couldn’t do it without Colt. The man was older than Holden, gruffer, and not that friendly. Catnip for women with his short dark beard and intense gaze. He looked like my aunt could hire him to assassinate me as a favor to my father, but the only impression I’d gotten from Colt was that he wanted to be left alone, much like me.
I smirked at Holden before he caught wind I was in anything less than a jovial mood. He wouldn’t be making a spectacle out of greeting me the way he had if Stetson weren’t here. Holden and Stetson were close, but that didn’t stop Holden from pissing the guy off.
Holden and Stetson were friends and cousins, like Derek and I had been. A harsh pang of longing dimmed my smile. “How are ya?”
He adjusted a white and navy ball cap that was dustier than his jeans. “Good. Haven’t seen you for a while.”
“Back for my ten days. How’s...?” My aunt that pretended I didn’t exist? His sister that I would barely recognize if I passed her on the street? His dad, who had never been in the picture as far as I could remember? He and his sister had different dads, and neither one had stuck around. I shared the same last name with Holden and little else. Unsure who to ask after, I stuck with, “How’s work?”
“Got in the fields today.” He lifted a shoulder. “Planting by mid-April. It’s a good year so far.”
“Only cuz it just began,” I pointed out.
“Are we talking old farmer already?”
“Is there any other way?” This was our usual banter. Quick and superficial.
Holden laughed until he glanced at the table he’d come from. He stiffened as Stetson’s gaze turned into a laser and burned a swath to us. “Well, it was nice seeing you. Don’t be a stranger.”
I lifted a brow but nodded. “See you around.”
Don’t be a stranger. I almost snorted as I wove my way to the bar where I had to pick up the pizzas. Thankfully, it was on the opposite side from Holden and Stetson. The middle-aged bartender lifted her chin when she spotted me and scurried away. She wasn’t originally from Coal Haven, but I ordered pizza often enough for her to know who I was.
I was pulling my wallet out when a sultry voice drawled, “Ho-ly shiit.”
Only trouble had come from meeting women at the bar. It might work for some couples, and while Eli and Owen were the best thing to have happened to me, they’d resulted from a tumultuous—and brief—relationship that had started just like this.
I turned, preparing a quick brush-off. It died on my tongue.
This was a face I hadn’t seen since graduation, when she’d lit out of town. “Laney? When did you—?” I stopped the question, but not late enough to be awkward. I’d heard what had happened to her brother. The whole town knew when and why Delaney Granger had returned to Coal Haven. “How long are you back for?”
Her crystal-blue eyes darkened, but she flipped her flaxen hair. “Here to stay. What are you up to?” She patted the empty stool next to her.
I shook my head. “Sorry, I’m just grabbing some pizzas.”
“You can stay for one drink.” She tipped her head in a way that came off as practiced. She’d left Coal Haven a caustic cowgirl and come back a sophisticated woman. Her bronzed shoulders were bared by a billowy top, and while it might be spring out, she was showing off enough toned leg to make me think it was eighty degrees without a cloud in the sky.
For a while, she’d been as off-limits as Kenny. Laney Granger had been almost as forbidden to Derek as me, but that hadn’t stopped him from dating her. Until he broke up with Laney to ask Kenny out our senior year. The entire time Laney and Derek had dated, she’d acted like she barely tolerated me. I had taken her boyfriend’s time.
Tonight, her eyes brightened like she was happy to see me, but I didn’t get the impression she was hitting on me. Laney used to be an open book. Tonight, she was guarded.
“I can’t. My kids are waiting for me.”
Some women got panicked looks in their eyes when I mentioned I had kids. A guy my age with kids meant baggage. I had that. Other women grew hearts in their eyes and I got the sick feeling they thought my kids were the way to my heart. They were, but not in the way most girls thought. The only woman I’d brought around them was Kenny, and that was the way it would stay. Eli and Owen would have enough feelings to figure out about their mother, they didn’t need other women streaming through their life.
Laney studied me, mild curiosity in her eyes. “Did not picture you the family type.”
“It’s just me and them, but yeah.” I wouldn’t be displaying a Dad of the Year award anytime soon. Pretty sure a guy had to be home at least half the month for that.
I was working on it.
People could judge my situation, but it was better than what Eli and Owen had been born into. For the first year of their lives, their mom, Payton, had used them to try to control me. We weren’t together by then, and I refused to be her puppet. The next year, she’d left them with me for days until I had to track her down so I could work before I got fired. Or she’d leave them with friends until I had to track her down to find out where the fuck my kids were.
Before their second birthdays, I’d had a long talk with Grandma Gin. The next time I had seen Payton, I had papers for her to relinquish her rights, along with the contact information for my lawyer if she wanted to fight me. Payton hated
having to put effort into anything that wasn’t self-gratifying. She’d signed the papers and I hadn’t heard from her since.
“No wife?” Laney asked.
“No time.”
“There’s nothing but time in Coal Haven.” Her bitterness was swallowed as she took a swig from her White Claw.
The bartender appeared with my pizzas. “I’ll get you a total, hon.”
As she rang up my order, awkward silence descended. I asked Laney, “How are your parents doing?”
She smacked her lips against her teeth. “Peachy.” Another swig.
I should ask about her brother, but her rigid posture after I’d asked about her parents was enough to make me rethink that line of conversation.
I handed a couple of twenties over the counter and waved off the change. “Well, it was nice talking to you.”
“We’ll have to catch up sometime.”
I didn’t immediately reject the idea. Laney hadn’t been my number one fan, but it’d had nothing to do with my father. It had been refreshingly not personal, a product of being young and selfish, but I wasn’t in a place to be social. “I’m only in town ten days at a time.”
She leaned a little closer, and her soft floral scent flowed over me. After high school, when she smelled like she’d dunked herself into a vat of Bath & Body Works lotion, I had expected a cloud of smothering perfume. “I doubt it’ll take long to catch up.”
Was she flirting with me? Loud, obnoxious, teenaged Laney had scared off everyone but Derek, but he’d grown up next to her, as had I. The Grangers’ land bordered mine and his. I’d joked with Derek about how he’d been afraid to break up with her. He’d find his tires slashed and his dog Bruster responding to a name like Petunia or something.
This Laney oozed confidence and enough aloofness to tell me she wasn’t looking for anything permanent, if she were interested in anything at all. She reminded me of…me. A familiar and possibly friendly face when we were surrounded by Barrons.
Make Me Whole: Oil Barrons, Book 1 Page 2
