by Sandie Jones
A red carpet meets them at the bottom of the stairs and thankfully accompanies them, high heels and all, down the aisle. Rachel can’t wait to see how Ali manages to negotiate the unlevelled sand hidden underneath in those lace stilettos of hers.
‘Rachel, you look gorgeous,’ says Val. ‘A vision in yellow.’
‘Thanks, Val, you look lovely too,’ says Rachel, smiling as she ducks under the broad brim of her mother-in-law’s hat to give her a kiss on both cheeks.
‘She’ll have someone’s eye out with that at some point today, I’m sure,’ jokes Bob.
Rachel laughs. ‘You’re looking very dapper as well, Bob. You okay?’
He kisses her as if he’s still unaccustomed to it, even though that’s how they greet each other every time. He goes in for two when she’s pulling away after one, and there’s that awkward moment when neither of them is sure what to do. ‘You’re matching the sunshine today, kid,’ he says, by way of filling the split-second silence.
‘You know me . . .’ she says, looking down at herself, hoping that she doesn’t look like a great big round yellow blob. ‘Always trying to bring a little sunshine into the world.’
Bob smiles before extending his hand to Noah.
‘You’ve met Noah and Paige before, haven’t you?’ Rachel asks.
‘Yes, a couple of times over the years,’ says Bob, before shaking Paige’s hand.
Val does the same. ‘You’re Rachel’s friend from university, aren’t you?’ she says to Noah.
Just the association being acknowledged makes Rachel’s nerves jangle. She imagines him replying: ‘And lover actually, albeit just once, though there’s every chance it resulted in me fathering the grandchild you dote on.’
‘How’s the groom feeling?’ she says, turning to Will. ‘You okay?’
She knows that Jack is standing beside him, but can’t bring herself to look at him, knowing that if she does, she’s likely to want to punch him in the face.
Will shakes himself down, as if trying to rid any last-minute doubt. ‘She is coming, isn’t she?’ he asks apprehensively.
‘Of course she is,’ says Rachel, whilst keeping everything crossed that by some divine intervention she isn’t. It won’t make what Ali and Jack are doing any less painful, but it will make the fallout a lot easier to deal with if she’s not already married into the family. At least for Will, in some small way.
‘You okay?’ asks Jack, as if sensing something’s wrong. She can think she’s hiding it all she likes; congratulating herself on how she’s going to be able to keep this under wraps until the wedding is over. But Jack will be able to tell from the set of her jawline, the lack of eye contact and the way her lips are pressed tightly together that she’s not happy.
‘Fine,’ she says tightly. ‘Will, where do you want us to sit?’
‘Erm . . . anywhere,’ he says, looking up towards the top of the wooden stairs, desperately searching for confirmation that his bride is going to turn up. ‘Anywhere in this row.’ He points to the chairs behind his.
Rachel glances across the aisle to where Ali’s family are congregated and catches her mum’s eye. They nod their heads at each other, but Maria, Rachel notices, holds her gaze for a little longer. Rachel wonders if she knows what her daughter is up to, if she’s even positively encouraging it.
Will suddenly whacks Jack with his arm and hurriedly turns to face the ocean, implying that Rachel’s wish has been denied: Ali is here. A lone singer, who she hadn’t even noticed before now, launches into a cover of Norah Jones’s ‘Come Away With Me’.
‘I cannot wait to see what she’s wearing,’ hisses Paige next to her. ‘Although perhaps I should rephrase that to what she isn’t wearing, because that is bound to be the order of the day.’
Rachel stays focused on the waves as they edge ever closer to the gazebo, and wonders if it might save them all the trouble if a tsunami came and washed them all away. She immediately hates herself for allowing the abominable thought to even enter her head.
She watches Jack’s shoulders, so rigid in his fitted jacket, as if he’s forcing himself to stay facing forward. His hands are clasped in front of him and a vein throbs in the side of his neck. If anyone were looking on, they’d think he was the groom. Rachel can’t stop herself from wondering what he must be thinking. Has he begged Ali not to go through with it? Promised her that they could be together if she doesn’t? Or was this turning him on? Knowing that once today is over, he’ll be able to shag his brother’s wife.
She thinks back to last night, in their room, when he’d wanted to have sex, and a tiny glimmer of hope ripples through her that she might have got this all wrong. If he was so hung up on Ali, why would he want to make love to her? She almost laughs out loud at her naivety when it dawns on her that that was precisely why he was desperate: he’d been watching his mistress strut around all night, in a dress that left absolutely nothing to the imagination, and no doubt Ali had teased him mercilessly whenever she could get away with it too, showing him what he was missing out on. Who knows? Maybe they even managed a quick fumble when no one was looking. Which would all go to prove why Jack would have been climbing the walls by the time they got home. It wouldn’t have mattered who it was; he’d probably have just closed his eyes and pictured Ali anyway.
The thought makes her feel sick and if she had a knife right now, she’d fancy shoving it right between his twitching shoulder blades.
As the singer reaches the end of the second chorus, Ali appears at Rachel’s side, just as Will – and Jack – turn around to see her for the first time.
Rachel can’t decide who is going to give the most away with that initial glance; she doesn’t suppose Ali would be stupid enough to look at Jack before Will, so Rachel concentrates on every flicker of emotion that crosses her husband’s face. His eyes drink her in, his gaze so intense that it could set a person alight. Ali must be able to see it, feel it . . . the whole goddamn congregation must be able to feel it.
But if they do, they pretend not to. There are ah’s and aw’s as Will smiles proudly and takes Ali’s hand in his. Her mum bursts into noisy sobs the moment she sets eyes on her daughter, theatrically throwing kisses for Ali to catch. ‘Look at my baby,’ Rachel overhears her saying to the row behind her.
Jack pulls at his restrictive collar as the ceremony gets underway, the heat of the occasion seemingly getting to him. He breathes heavily and clenches and unclenches his fists, as he no doubt questions why Ali’s putting him through this arduous torture.
When the registrar asks if there is anyone present who knows of any reason why Ali and Will should not be married, Paige digs Rachel in the ribs. She daren’t look at her as she honestly doesn’t know whether she’s referring to today’s proceedings or harping back to her own wedding day when she was clearly expecting Rachel to stand up and object. She can’t think about either right now as she’s concentrating solely on the twitch that has appeared, involuntarily she presumes, in Jack’s jaw. She silently begs him to throw his hand in the air, to put her out of her misery and to negate the responsibility from being firmly on her shoulders.
But it’s too late.
‘I now pronounce you husband and wife,’ says the registrar, as Stevie Wonder starts blaring out ‘Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I’m Yours’.
‘Great,’ says Jack, as he and Rachel follow the happy couple back down the aisle. ‘Now I need a fucking beer.’
‘Don’t we all,’ pipes up Paige from behind them.
‘What can I get you?’ Jack asks as he strides purposefully towards a pop-up bar set up at the back of the beach.
‘If they’re doing gin and tonics, I’ll have one,’ says Paige. ‘But otherwise, wine or beer, whatever’s on offer – I’m not fussy, as long as it’s cold.’
‘Rach?’ asks Jack.
‘Rosé, if they’ve got any,’ says Rachel tersely.
‘I’ll come with you,’ says Noah.
‘You know you’re not going to be able to kee
p this up all day,’ says Paige, as the men drop out of earshot.
‘Can’t I?’ challenges Rachel.
‘So, I’m assuming things haven’t improved any?’
Rachel snorts derisorily. ‘They’ve got worse.’
Paige looks at her wide-eyed. ‘Have you spoken to him?’ she asks.
‘I don’t need to,’ says Rachel. ‘I found—’
‘Wasn’t that a lovely service?’ comes a voice, next to them.
Perturbed by the interruption, Rachel turns to see Ali’s friend – the one who was wearing the red dress the previous night. Her smile is twitching with nerves and her eyes flit around anxiously.
‘Oh, hi,’ says Rachel. ‘It’s Chrissy, isn’t it?’
The woman nods and breathes out a palpable sense of relief.
Rachel offers her hand and introduces Paige. ‘So, you’re a friend of Ali’s?’
‘Yes,’ says Chrissy. ‘We were at school together.’
Rachel feels Paige come alert, the barrister in her ready to pounce, as if knowing what Ali was like back then will somehow shed light on why she’s a homewrecker now.
‘That must have been a blast,’ says Paige. ‘I can’t imagine what she was like back then.’
‘How long have you known her?’ asks Chrissy, deflecting the implied question.
‘Long enough,’ says Paige.
Rachel throws her a warning glance, and Paige looks at her as if to say, ‘What?’
This is going to be harder than Rachel thought and she bitterly regrets telling her anything. It’s hard enough keeping a lid on it herself, without having to worry about Paige, who, it has to be said, is far more unpredictable. It had seemed like a good idea at the time – she’d probably done it in the hope that Paige was going to talk her out of the downward spiral she’d got herself in, except she’d somehow fanned the flames. It wasn’t her fault – she was only doing what a good friend would naturally do, but Rachel wishes she’d kept her suspicions to herself, at least until she’d worked out exactly what she was going to do about them.
‘I’m married to Will’s brother Jack,’ Rachel says to Chrissy, whose confused expression suggests she’s waiting for Paige to elaborate.
‘Oh,’ says Chrissy, visibly relaxing. ‘So you and Ali are now sisters-in-law.’
Rachel nods, unable to comprehend how any kind of sister could do what she’s doing. ‘Yes, I suppose we are.’
‘Cool,’ says Chrissy. ‘You’re going to have so much fun. She’s such a great girl.’
Rachel and Paige snatch a glance at each other.
‘So, you’ve known each other forever,’ says Paige.
Chrissy smiles. ‘Since primary school. We met when we were nine and have been as thick as thieves ever since.’
‘What was she like when she was younger?’ asks Paige. ‘I assume not the same as she is now.’
The line of questioning is making Rachel feel uncomfortable and she wonders how far Paige is going to go.
A perplexed expression crosses Chrissy’s face as she mulls it over. ‘I guess not, but so much has changed between then and now that I suppose it’s impossible to stay the same. But for Ali, it’s all been for the good – mostly.’
‘Mostly?’ presses Paige.
‘Well, compared to what she was like back then, she’s definitely come out of her shell.’ Chrissy smiles, as if remembering fondly. ‘We were so similar when we were growing up – I think that’s what drew us together.’
‘I can’t imagine you ever being similar,’ says Paige disparagingly.
Chrissy, in her floor-length maxi dress, seems to shrink into the ground. Her knees bend, her shoulders round even more than they do already and her head dips, as if she’s trying to make herself invisible.
‘We wouldn’t say boo to a goose,’ she says quietly. ‘She was even shyer than I was.’
Paige laughs falsely. ‘And now look at her.’
They all turn to where the most noise is coming from, knowing that that’s most likely where Ali will be – right in the middle of it.
‘Oh my God,’ she shrieks, as her family circle around her. ‘I honestly thought I was going to pass out. When the registrar said, “Do you Alison Foley take Will . . .”, I could feel myself swaying and thought, I’m gonna go! I don’t know how I didn’t.’
Will walks over to the group and they all cheer and crowd round for hugs and celebratory pats on the back. ‘Please may I introduce my husband,’ shrieks Ali, holding a glass of champagne in the air. ‘Woo-hoo!’
‘I’ve never seen her so happy,’ says Chrissy, smiling reflectively. ‘It’s so wonderful to see.’
‘Especially after everything . . .’ says Paige, leaving it hanging there.
Rachel looks at her, dumbfounded, wondering where the hell she’s going with this. She can suddenly visualize Paige in her wig and gown, commanding a court room in a criminal trial. If she followed this line of questioning at work, she’s sure the judge would accuse her of leading the witness. For a moment, it feels like Chrissy isn’t going to take the bait, and Rachel breathes a sigh of relief, but a part of her hopes that she might, even if it’s just to give her a tiny window into Ali’s world, and the slightest explanation as to why she would do what she’s doing with another woman’s husband. With her husband’s brother.
‘Exactly,’ says Chrissy. ‘The accident hit her really hard.’
‘Her mum’s, you mean?’ asks Rachel.
Chrissy nods. ‘She still blames herself, no matter how many times Maria tells her not to.’
Rachel desperately tries to claw back any nuggets of conversation that she’d had with Ali on the subject, but there’s little to glean. Either Ali hadn’t divulged the details, or Rachel hadn’t bothered to listen.
‘That must be an awful burden to carry,’ offers Paige.
‘It doesn’t help that she came out of it unscathed, of course,’ says Chrissy. ‘I honestly think she would have coped better if she’d been injured in some way. Because at least then she would have got what she thought she deserved.’
Rachel audibly gasps and instinctively goes to put her hand to her mouth, but Paige stops it in mid-flow, discreetly taking hold of her wrist and lowering it, as if a show of emotion might detrimentally affect whatever Chrissy says next.
Whatever Ali may have told Rachel about the accident, she’d certainly not confessed to being the driver and causing it. Who would?
Had she momentarily lost her concentration? Been going too fast and lost control? Rachel shudders at the thought that she might have been drunk, having convinced her mother that she was fine. But then she would have been arrested and would no doubt be carrying a criminal record. Rachel looks to Paige, wondering if she’s thinking the same thing.
‘She should be thankful,’ says Paige, taking a gamble. ‘It’s a miracle that she was able to walk away from the wreck that was left. Not many people would have survived it, let alone come away unhurt.’
Chrissy looks at Paige for a moment, as if wondering how much she knows and how far she can trust her.
‘Well, it was thought that her weight cushioned her from much of the impact,’ says Chrissy.
‘Her weight?’ repeats Rachel, unable to see how someone so slight could be protected against the ravaged metal of a stricken car.
Chrissy half-laughs as she looks down at herself. ‘Yes, apparently there are some advantages to being morbidly obese.’
Rachel’s mouth drops open as her brain struggles to compute what Chrissy’s suggesting. Morbidly obese? Ali? That just wasn’t possible. She’d always been slim, hadn’t she? ‘I guess I’m one of the lucky ones’, she’d said just yesterday.
‘I don’t understand . . .’ she starts, before Paige cuts her off by saying, ‘She’s done so well to lose it all.’
‘Yes,’ agrees Chrissy.
‘Have you got a picture of you two?’ asks Paige, as casually as she can. ‘It’d be great to see you as teenagers together.’
Chri
ssy’s hand instinctively goes to the bag that’s hanging across her, as if creating a barrier. ‘Erm, I don’t think Ali would be too happy about me showing pictures of her past to all and sundry,’ she says, shifting from one foot to another.
‘Ah, no worries,’ says Paige. ‘It’s just that she’s already told us about what she went through back then. In fact, she mentioned her weight just the other day, didn’t she, Rach?’
Rachel nods, but she and Paige both know that it wasn’t in the way that Chrissy might imagine.
‘I’d love to be able to put it into context,’ Paige goes on. ‘But I’m sure she’ll show me when she’s got a minute, once she’s back from honeymoon and all that business.’
Chrissy looks around furtively, as if she’s about to give out class-A drugs in a school playground.
Rachel hopes that she’s not going to get her phone out, because there’s nothing to be gained from either her or Paige seeing the photos.
‘I’ll just show you one quickly,’ says Chrissy as she flicks a finger over the screen. ‘If Ali has already spoken to you.’ She looks directly at Rachel.
Rachel wants to shake her head and tell her to put it away. She doesn’t want Ali’s lifelong friend to get into trouble for revealing something she hasn’t chosen to herself. But then she wonders if it’s not Ali that’s let Chrissy down, by pretending to remove any semblance of the person she once was.
19
‘Can you believe it?’ says Paige, as soon as they’re out of earshot of Chrissy.
The photo had shown her and Ali, as early twenty-somethings, sitting in a back garden on a sunny day. At first, it was impossible to tell who was who, as they were both so far removed from the women they are today. But slowly, Ali’s sunburnt features had presented themselves from under a mane of frizzy red hair.
‘I mean, she was huge,’ Paige goes on, as they go in search of Jack and Noah and a much-needed drink.
‘It doesn’t matter how overweight she was,’ says Rachel, impatiently. ‘It’s why she lies about it. That’s the bit I don’t get.’
‘She can’t stop herself,’ says Paige. ‘She lies about everything. That’s why we have to take her denial that anything’s going on with Jack with a pinch of salt.’
