by Ashley Jade
Which is why when Preston makes the mistake of leaning in…I do something I shouldn’t.
I bend and break…
Because I need this more than my next breath. I need to feel connected to someone. Even though it’s not real…I need the illusion.
And I can’t think of anyone better than Preston to provide it.
It’s not possible for me to ever fall for him…and he’s not capable of falling in love with anyone other than himself.
He’s safe. I can use him for comfort and he can use me for...
A moan leaves me when he pulls me onto his lap, sucking and biting every inch of my skin his lips touch. “So fucking perfect.”
I cling to his shoulders, desperately needing more. “Keep kissing me.”
He complies, and my hand goes to the nape of his neck, deepening the kiss. “More.”
I flick my tongue along his and he groans into my mouth. “Bishop.”
It sounds like a warning, but I can’t stop. If I do, I’ll go back to feeling dejected and miserable.
Or worse—empty.
His palms slide up my thighs, stopping to cup my ass firmly. “Do you have any idea how bad I want to fuck this perfect ass of yours?” He rolls his hips, creating a friction I’m not sure how to navigate.
My insides begin to shake in protest and the haze I was in lifts. “Preston.”
The lines of his face draw tight. “Take it out and ride it, angry girl.” A small smirk unfurls. “Maybe have mercy on me and suck it a little first. I am an injured man after all.”
I’d almost laugh if I didn’t feel so sick to my stomach. My hand flies to my mouth and for a moment, I honestly think I’m going to add insult to his injuries and puke all over him. “I’m so sorry.”
I’m not the type to use and lead someone on. I know what it’s like to be on the opposite end and it’s never a pleasant experience. “I can’t do this.”
He reaches for me when I get off his lap. “It’s my fault. I forgot you wouldn’t know how—”
“Seriously?” I back away, putting as much distance between us as I can. “You say that like there’s something wrong with me because I won’t drop to my knees and suck you off or fuck you. Newsflash, Holden. I’m not defective because I don’t want your junk. It just doesn’t interest me.”
The muscles in his neck tighten. “You know, for someone who claims not to like cock, you sure like to tease it.”
The statement physically hurts, his words an intentional sucker punch. “I thought you were different.”
His gaze burns right through me. “Yeah, me too.”
We can’t keep doing this.
I’ve only been glued to his side for forty-eight hours and already he’s turned my life upside down.
Because that’s what Preston Holden does.
You let him get one foot inside your door…or worse, inside your heart…and it’s utter mayhem.
Chaos and destruction.
“We can’t kiss anymore. All it does is complicate things between us and make us cross lines we shouldn’t. Lines we can’t.” My throat locks up as I continue. “We have an unexplainable bond, I’ll never deny that. But it will never be enough…we’ll never be able to give the other one what they need. It’s not fair to either of us.”
“You’re right.” He starts to stand, and it takes everything in me not to rush over when he curses under his breath and grips the ledge of the sink. “But I can’t help but wonder. Is it really the kissing that upsets you…or the fact that you liked it?”
“I’m gay.”
“And I hate country music. But I still listen to Johnny Cash.”
“Are you really trying to compare my sexual orientation to something as trivial as your choices in music? That right there proves you don’t understand a damn thing about this. Me being gay isn’t a joke, it’s who I am. I’m sorry if that’s an issue for you—”
“The only person in this room who has an issue with your sexuality is you, Kit.”
I open my mouth to tell him off, but there’s a knock.
“The doctor is waiting,” Reggie informs us curtly.
I pick up the first aid kit off the floor. “My nanna wants her doctor to see you.”
He limps toward the door. “I don’t need a doctor.”
“My nanna said she’d go over the will while he checks you out.” I look him up and down. “You could be seriously hurt, let him examine you. Please.”
Brushing past me, he turns the knob. “Fine, but after that, you’re giving me a ride to the airport.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to protest, but there’s no point. It’s probably best we don’t spend any more time together. “Fine.”
With that, we go our separate ways.
Chapter 10
“Two bruised ribs. A concussion. A fractured finger. A laceration on his cheek that required four stitches.” The doctor clears his throat and pushes his glasses up his nose. “And some bruising in his genital area.”
I glance at my husband who has a dopey grin plastered on his face. “There she is. Told you my wife was hot, doc.”
Reggie and I exchange a glance. “Is he okay?”
“The bruised ribs will take a few weeks to heal as well as his finger, but other than that he should be fine in a few days. I’ve given him some pain medication to make him more comfortable, but you’ll need to keep a close eye on him for the next forty-eight hours. Make sure his symptoms don’t become worse and there’s no nausea, vomiting, memory impairments, or bleeding when he urinates. If so, bring him straight to the ER and call my cell phone.”
He hands me a bottle of pills. “What I gave him should last for a little while, but you can give him one of these every six hours. A little sooner if he’s complaining of pain. I’ve given him a splint for his finger, but I would like to see him in two weeks to see how he’s healing.”
My nanna ushers the doctor over. Whatever she’s written on her notepad makes him turn red. “Barring his symptoms don’t become worse and after the bruising in the area subsides, he should be able to resume his usual activities.”
I glare at her. “Please tell me you did not just ask the doctor when he can have sex. What is wrong with you?”
At that, Preston laughs. “My dick works just fine, Nanna.” He winks, his dopey grin growing wider. “I tested it out in the bathroom with your granddaughter earlier. Although she—”
“Preston,” I grit through my teeth before he says something he shouldn’t. “Spare everyone the details.”
I lead the doctor to the far side of the room so no one will overhear. “So that’s it? You sure he doesn’t need to stay at a hospital?”
The doctor shakes his head. “Not unless his symptoms become worse, no. Like I said, he just needs someone to keep an eye on him.”
“Right.” I can feel the color drain from my face. “Is there a place I can bring him…like a service that will do all that? You know…almost like a pet sitter…but for humans.”
The doctor raises an eyebrow and my nanna takes the opportunity to wheel her nosy ass over.
Thinking quick, I add, “It’s just…I have to go to New York for work in a few days. I don’t want to leave him without care.” I give him a saccharine smile. “I worry about my shnookums.”
From across the room, I hear Preston snort.
The doctor looks between us. “I suppose you can hire a private nurse if you’re that worried, but I don’t think it’s necessary. The worst should be over by then.”
“I’m fine,” Preston slurs. “Just drive me to the airport.”
“Airport?” Reggie questions.
I glare daggers at my husband. “Sorry, lovebug. We’ll have to reschedule the honeymoon until after I get back from New York. That’s what happens when you mess around with mobsters.”
My nanna pinches Reggie and thrusts her notepad at him. “Your grandmother said she’ll make the arrangements for a new honeymoon after you get back.”
“Th
at won’t be necessary.”
With my luck, she’ll end up sticking us on a remote island together where our only option of getting back home is to procreate.
I hold out my hand. “But I will take the keys to my parents’ house.”
Reggie tuts. “It won’t be ready for at least another twenty-four hours. The workers are there now.”
I fold my arms across my chest. “Workers?”
“She hired a cleaning crew and she’s having it inspected. No one has lived there in over fifteen years.”
I know.
She pinches him again. “She’s also having some renovations done, but the contractors won’t be there until next week.”
Irritation crawls along my neck as I turn to her. “I don’t want any renovations. Leave everything as is.”
The way they left it.
She flips her notepad around. Too late, I already paid them. You’re welcome.
If it weren’t for the fact she’s still alive and can change her will at any moment, I’d strangle her.
I wave Preston over. “Come on, let’s go.”
He jostles to his feet, swaying slightly. “If she’s gonna start changing shit, you should ask her for one of those saunas. Fuck knows I could use one right now.”
“Perfect, I’ll be sure to drop your ass off at the Four Seasons,” I snap, linking my arm with his to keep him steady. “See you around, Nanna.”
My husband, ever the polite one, salutes her with his middle finger as we walk out of the room.
And even though I shouldn’t, I can’t help but smile.
“What kind of drugs did he give you?” I gripe as I help him up the stairs to my apartment. “Horse tranquilizers?”
“I wish,” Preston quips, his voice sounding more slurred than before.
“That makes one of us. If you were any heavier, I’d leave you at the bottom of the stairs.”
“Come on, Bishop. I carried you into my place.”
“Big difference. Unlike you, I don’t weigh the same as a baby elephant.”
“Yeah, well, I told you I didn’t need your help in the first place.” He pauses. “And for the record, baby elephants only weigh two hundred pounds. I’m about fifteen pounds heavier. Maybe less, considering breakfast sucked and it’s almost midnight now.”
I fish my keys out of my purse when we reach the top of the stairs. “Well, aren’t you just full of useless information.”
He waggles his eyebrows and gives me a boyish grin. “Depends on who you ask.”
Maybe it’s because I’m exhausted after a stressful day, but I can’t help but laugh. “God, if that’s how you flirt with women, I have a feeling I’ll be the one and only Mrs. Preston Holden.”
His expression is dour as I stick my key in the lock. “You will. I don’t believe in marriage.”
I open the door and take off my shoes. “Really?”
“Nope. It’s nothing but a government-sanctioned union. Something people do to shut their friends and family up as some bullshit rite of passage. If you really loved someone…you shouldn’t have to pay thousands of dollars to declare it in some fancy building full of people you barely talk to.” He leans against the doorframe. “I’m also not too fond of being permanently tied to one person until the day I die. You shouldn’t have to surrender your life or your freedom to anyone other than your spawn. It’s why the divorce rate is so high. Marriage is a bet you’re all but guaranteed to lose.”
“Shoes,” I scold when he starts to walk inside.
His tongue finds his cheek as he shucks them off. “And so it begins.”
I roll my eyes. “The last part of your statement aside, I kind of agree with you. I’ve never been big on the idea of marriage. In the traditional sense.” I raise a finger. “And before you say it’s because I’m gay, that’s not why—equal rights are an entirely different argument.” I place my purse on the table and walk over to the fridge. “But marriage itself? I don’t really get the purpose. You know, in the general sense. You shouldn’t need a piece of paper to prove you love someone or that you’ll remain faithful to them…you should just do it. Put them first and show them you love them every single day…including the bad days when it’s not so easy. Fuck the paper.”
He props himself up against the counter and even when I turn to fetch us something to eat, I can still feel his eyes on me. “You’re a paradox, Kit Bishop.”
I grab a carton of eggs from the fridge along with the rest of the fixings to make omelets since I never went food shopping before I left for Vegas. “How so?”
He hands me a bowl from the cabinet I can never reach. “You’re an old soul with a young heart. I don’t think they make them like you anymore.”
I have to refrain from rubbing the painful spot forming in my chest as I pour the eggs into the pan and face him. “My dad used to tell me they broke the mold.”
Those intense eyes slide over me again. “He was right.” And just as quickly the heat from his stare is gone and it’s all I can do not to shiver from the loss. “I’ve never met anyone like you…don’t think I ever will.”
“You sure that’s not the painkillers talking?”
“No, but now that you mention it, I’ll take another one.”
“You don’t look like you’re in that much pain.”
His eyes narrow, sizing me up. “Are you a doctor?”
“No, I’m just worried about you is all.”
“Clearly.”
An awkward silence descends. It’s not that I want him suffering, but it hasn’t been that long since he had his last one.
Fidgeting, I try to word my next statement carefully. “I am worried. You obviously have an addictive personality—”
“How very Freudian of you.”
“This isn’t a joke, Preston.”
His face is an impassive mask. “Do you see me laughing?”
Smoothing my hands on my thighs, I inhale a deep breath before I unveil the big, ugly elephant in the room we keep tiptoeing around. “Look, it’s no secret you have a gambling problem. And given your preference for drinking beer for breakfast along with all the empty bottles around your motel room…it wouldn’t be that much of a stretch to say you enjoy alcohol more than what’s considered healthy as well.” I chew on my bottom lip. “It’s only been a few hours since your last dose…you shouldn’t play with fi—”
The pungent smell of eggs burning has me turning back to the stove. My annoyance grows when I see the shit-eating smirk on Preston’s face out of the corner of my eye. Given his height and where he’s standing, he watched it happen.
I reach for the spatula and point it at him. “You could have told me.”
“And disrupt your riveting after school special where you make assumptions about a person you haven’t seen in three years based on a few beer bottles.”
“Fine—you might not have an issue with alcohol, but what about the fact that we were reunited due to you playing poker with mobsters? Call me crazy, but if you’re willing to play with dangerous thugs and die over a stupid game…I’m pretty sure it’s no longer a harmless pastime. It’s a serious issue.”
He runs a hand down his face. “You know what? You’re right.” I open my mouth to tell him I’m proud of him for admitting it but then he says, “I should have told Campanelli I didn’t want to work for him anymore. I’m sure he would have been very accommodating.”
I start to open my mouth again, but he slams his fist on the kitchen counter. “Newsflash…when you work for the mob, there are only two ways out—money or blood. And it’s usually the latter, because unlike some people, not everyone has a rich family to fall back on when shit goes south.”
Acid burns my throat. “You’re an asshole.”
He smiles, deep dimples and all. “Tell me something I don’t know, angry girl.”
My heart squeezes in protest, but I say it anyway because maybe it will get through to him.
Maybe no one ever told him.
“You’re one o
f the smartest, strongest, and most capable people I know. You could do anything you want in this world and succeed. It’s a pity you let all your potential go to waste and choose to intentionally fuck up your life instead.”
Maybe no one’s ever called him on his bullshit before.
He’s silent for several agonizing beats of my heart.
When it becomes more than I can bear, I turn and scrape the charbroiled eggs into the trash.
I’m preparing to bring the bag to the dumpster, but Preston snatches it from me. “I got it.”
Before I can say a word, he’s gone.
For a moment I’m worried he’ll leave, but when I peer out the small kitchen window above the sink, I see him toss the bag in the dumpster. The full moon and the dim streetlight above him illuminates his suit-clad form, and from this angle, he looks so much like the Preston on the bridge—my breath catches and I’m immediately brought back to that night.
He was nothing more than a silhouette when I first saw him, but I was completely transfixed. Heavy footsteps and the way his shoulders slumped as he walked to the other side of the bridge made it seem like he was carrying the weight of the world on them. Like he lost everything and was having the worst night of his life. Or rather, a lifetime full of the worst nights of his life—which was something I could relate to.
And even though his back was to me as he looked down at the river, his misery was palpable—as if he was in a perpetual state of grief.
For one fleeting moment, time stood still and it felt like there was an invisible cord connecting us. A profound reason he was on my bridge that night…less than sixty seconds after I made the decision to join my parents, because the pain caused by another person I loved ripping my heart out had become too much.
But then he turned around and started walking to his car…and I realized he wasn’t my kindred spirit after all…
He was my archenemy.
And if he hadn’t been there and said what he said—if he hadn’t given me the tiniest bit of hope…I wouldn’t be here now.
“You, Kit Bishop, deserve the real fucking deal. The best kind of love. The constant, unwavering, selfless, for better or worse, never goes away and they'd do anything to see you smile kind of love. And one day, someone is going to come along and give it to you in spades. They're gonna crash right into you and never let go.”
