I scrambled into the driver’s seat and frantically rolled the window down. “Ramsey!”
He never looked back.
Using his hand to block the headlights, Josh swayed on his feet and slurred, “What the hell, dude? You almost hit me.”
Ramsey gave him no warning as he wrapped his hand in the front of his shirt and then buried his fist in Josh’s face.
“You motherfucker!” Ramsey thundered, hitting him again. “You think it’s okay to fucking touch a girl?”
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
He landed a crushing punch to his eye and Josh stumbled back, but Ramsey yanked him forward again before roaring in his face, “My girl!”
Josh shoved at his shoulders. “Get the fuck off me. I didn’t do shit to Thea that she didn’t want.”
My heart stopped.
Thea?
No. Oh, no. He’d done it to Thea. This wasn’t about me.
Suddenly, the memories of Josh’s hands on my body weren’t the deepest gash in my soul anymore.
Thea—my sister.
Thea—the only friend.
Thea—the love of my brother’s life.
And by not telling anyone about Josh, I’d all but held her down and let him do it.
Holding him by the throat, Ramsey continued to hit him, and I felt each and every pulverizing blow as if they had landed in my gut instead.
“Stay the fuck away from her,” Ramsey finally said, throwing him to the ground and landing a swift kick to his midsection.
Josh rolled to the side, coughing and spitting out blood, and let out a laugh. “If it’s any consolation, she wasn’t nearly as good as your sister.”
All rational thought abandoned me. A guttural scream tore from my throat, so loud it felt like razor blades exiting my body. Years of anger and frustration all tied up in one ear-piercing note. I slapped my hands over my mouth, one stacked over the other as if it could somehow silence the cry, but it just kept coming.
All the drawers in my head blasted open at once, a war of emotions battling to be the first to escape.
Choices. Everyone makes them.
And when my brother stumbled back, shock contorting his face, I made mine.
Throwing the car into drive, I slammed on the accelerator and ended Josh Caskey’s reign of abuse once and for all.
Ramsey never came home that night.
I waited until the sun broke the horizon before waking my dad up. He’d never helped me before, but if Ramsey had been arrested, surely he’d do something. I didn’t get the chance to tell him any of the details before he mumbled some variation of, “Ramsey deserves whatever he gets,” before passing back out.
The only other person I could think of was Thea, but when I looked out the window, two police cars were parked in her driveway.
Peeking through the blinds while my heart raced a million miles a minute, I waited for them to leave. When they finally came out, Thea was wrapped in a blanket, tears rolling down her face as they escorted her to her dad’s car. Together, they all drove away, leaving me more terrified and alone than ever.
I had no idea what to do. Ramsey had assured me that it would be okay, but nothing felt okay.
Josh was dead.
It was my fault.
And my brother was in police custody.
I spent the afternoon alternating between pacing and dry-heaving, like I was in a gas chamber, suffocating on poison and waiting to die.
My worst fear was confirmed that afternoon when the channel six news broke the story of Josh’s death, airing it alongside Ramsey’s mug shot with a headline reading Murderer Confessed.
Utterly dumbfounded, I stared at my brother’s picture. He’d confessed? To what? He hadn’t done anything except beat Josh up. However, since the cops hadn’t stormed our house and arrested me yet, I had a sudden stomach-churning fear that Ramsey’s confession wasn’t going to match mine at all.
The reporter was still talking when I sprinted from the house.
My brother was my hero.
He had kissed every skinned knee I’d ever gotten.
He’d held me every night after our mom left.
And he went out of his way to protect me from our father’s rage.
In all the ways that mattered, I was alive because of Ramsey.
Letting him take the fall for a crime I’d committed wasn’t going to be the way I repaid him.
Arms swinging, legs pumping, pulse thundering in my ears, I sprinted to the police station. I couldn’t breathe when I got there, but in my desperation, air was inconsequential.
“I did it!” I confessed, physically dropping to my knees in front of a young, uniformed officer. I wasn’t begging; I just no longer had the ability to stand. “My brother didn’t do it. It was me. I did it. I killed Josh Caskey.”
The cop stared at me with a bored glare. “Girl, get up off your knees. He already signed the confession.”
I folded my hands in prayer. “Arrest me. Arrest me please. I’m begging you. Just don't take him from me.”
Grabbing my arm, the slender officer helped me to my feet. “Okay, okay. Relax. You want to make a statement about what you think happened to Josh?”
I wanted to make every statement about what I knew happened to Josh as long as it led to Ramsey being released. “Yes. I just need someone to listen. It’s not what it looks like.”
Clovert was small, the police force even smaller, but there was another officer nearby who sauntered over. The small silver tag on his uniform read Perry. “Nelson,” he said to the young officer, “we don’t need a damn statement. We’ve got a motive, a confession, and charges filed. Don’t you dare put more paperwork on my desk about this.”
Panic built. “You have the wrong person. Ramsey didn’t do this!”
Officer Perry, with his yellow stained teeth and gray hair, cocked his head. “And you expect me to believe you did? I was the first officer on the scene. We had a dead body and your brother’s car covered in blood. Where the hell were you?”
“I ran home. I…” My stomach rolled at the memory. “I…” Oh, God, where were the words? I couldn’t tell them Ramsey told me to leave. It would make him an accessory or something. No. If I was going to get him out of there, this had to be all about me even when it seemed irrational. “I did it. I swear. You have to believe me.”
He shook his head and rolled his eyes. “Get outta here, girl. Go home. Your brother’s getting locked up for a long time. Don’t tie yourself to a sinking ship.”
"He’s all I have left! You don’t understand. Josh did things to me. And to Thea. And… And…” My breathing stammered.
There was a long silence while I tried to catch my breath, and the two men exchanged pointed glances. Officer Perry shook his head while Officer Nelson looked down at his shoes and scratched the back of his neck.
Officer Perry spoke first. “All right now. That’s enough of that.” He rested a hand on the backstrap of the gun on his hip. “If you quiet down and stop all this nonsense, I might be able to let you see him for a few minutes before transport gets here to take him over to the county jail.”
My back shot straight, and my lungs filled with what felt like my first ever breath of air.
He was still there. Ramsey was still there.
He’d know what to do.
He always knew what to do.
“Okay. Okay. I can do that.” Frantic, I started wiping away my tears and willed the shaking in my hands to still. I smoothed my T-shirt down and tried to hide the evidence of how I was tearing apart at the seams.
The men exchanged mumbles I couldn’t quite make out, and then young Officer Nelson led me down an empty hall, florescent lights humming above us.
“You got about five minutes, so make it quick,” he said, swinging a door open.
He might have said something else, but my eyes, mind, and heart homed in on my brother sitting on a metal chair, both of his hands cuffed to the table.
>
“Nora,” he breathed, shooting to his feet, his red-rimmed eyes obliterating the tiny fraction of what was left of me.
“Oh, Ramsey!” I cried, racing over to him and throwing my arms around his shoulders. The second his warmth hit me, I dissolved into a puddle of hysterics. “What’s going on?”
When he was unable to return my embrace, he tilted his head to rest on top of mine. “Shhhh, it’s okay. I’m good. Everything’s fine. Just breathe.”
“Please tell me you didn’t really confess.”
His whole body turned to stone. “Nora, look at me.”
Never releasing him, I tilted my head back.
Tears welled in his eyes, but it was Ramsey, so he smiled through the pain. “I did because I’m guilty.”
“No, you aren’t,” I hissed.
“I am. That’s the way it has to be from now on. I killed Josh. End of story.”
I took a step away and stared at him incredulously. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I love you. You know that, right? I don’t say it enough, but I have loved you since the day you were born. And I know you’re fourteen now and think you’re all grown up, but you’ll always be my baby sister. It’s my job to protect you. I get it, I failed, and I will live with it for the rest of my life. But I can fix it.”
“You going to jail for something you didn’t do is not going to fix anything. That’s creating a whole new set of problems. I was the one behind the wheel of that car. I hit the gas pedal. I made the choice. This is my problem. Not yours.”
He sighed. “It’ll always be my problem because I wasn’t there when he did those things to you.” His voice cracked, but he cleared it and kept going. “I wasn’t there for Thea, either. But I can be here now. The Caskeys are powerful people. They will never rest until one or both of us are behind bars. So let it be me.” His long lashes fluttered closed with a mixture of regret and agony. “I saw Thea tonight. What he did to her. The marks he left.” He let out a low growl, shaking his head as if he could somehow erase the memory. “And now, knowing he did that to you too… Jesus, Nora. You’ve been through enough.”
He was right. I’d been through hell, but it didn’t mean I was going to allow him to take my place in the flames.
“I won’t let you do this.”
“I’m not asking for permission. It’s already done, but you have to keep your mouth shut.”
“I don’t have to do anything!” I yelled.
With his hands chained to the table, he couldn’t stand at his full height, but his large body swelled until it felt as though he were filling the room. “I won’t survive, Nora. If you push this and we both end up in prison and something happens to you, I will not survive it. I promise you that. I just need to know you’re okay. We can visit and write letters. Thea’s going to need you too.”
“Oh, God, Thea,” I croaked, crossing my arms over my chest to ward off the sudden chill. She would never be whole without Ramsey. “She’s going to hate me for this.”
“Which is why you can never tell her.”
“What?”
His voice became sharp with urgency. “You can’t tell anyone. Do you hear me? Not the cops. Not Dad. Not Thea. No one. Thea will look after you,” he choked and cut his eyes over my shoulder before he was able to finish. “And I know you’ll take good care of her for me too.”
“But—”
His gaze collided with mine. “For me, Nora. I can take care of the rest, but I need you to do this for me.”
“They’re going to put you in jail though. Do you understand?”
“I know. What is it you always say about choices? Everyone makes them? Well, this is my choice. And if comes down to choosing between you and freedom, I’ll choose you every single time.”
How did those words feel good and hurt so fucking much at the same time?
My head spun as though I were trapped in a maze that kept changing. “I can’t.”
“You can and you will.”
The door suddenly swung open. Officer Perry and his tobacco-yellowed teeth appeared on the other side. “Time’s up.”
“No,” I breathed, the mere thought of leaving him there igniting me into a frenzy. “No. No. No. Just a little longer.”
“Sorry, kid.” He grabbed my arm and gave me a tug toward the door.
My fight-or-flight response exploded—and it was all fight. “Get your fucking hands off me!”
His lips thinned and his jaw muscles flexed, making his features nearly murderous. “You seem like a sweet kid, so I put my ass on the line and did you a solid by letting you talk to him. Now, I’m not playing games anymore. You’ve got two seconds to get your ass out of here before you end up in a cell beside him.”
“Screw you,” I spat as if this were his fault and not my own.
“Nora,” Ramsey seethed, catching my attention. “You have to go, but promise me first.”
The cop grabbed me again, dragging me toward the door, and I dug my heels in, desperate to stay with my brother even if it meant living inside that tiny room for the rest of my life. “Please don’t make me do this. Please, Ramsey! This isn’t your fault.”
“Promise me,” he ordered, emotion pooling in his eyes. “I need to hear it. I need to know you two will be okay.” Tears rolled down his cheeks and they branded my soul in ways time would never heal.
I'd spend every single day he was behind bars rotting away, miserable, the seed of guilt growing and winding until its vines eventually choked the life out of me, but if my promise was what he needed, no matter how much I hated it, I would have given it to him a million times over.
“Okay. I promise!” I choked out between sobs.
“Swear?” he asked, opening his hand flat on the table and lifting his pinky in the air.
Looking back on that day, it would seem stupid. Lives had been lost, taken, and altered forever and he was asking for a pinky promise. But we were kids who had relied on each other for everything. A pinky promise was the most solemn, unbreakable swear we had.
I dove forward, breaking the officer’s hold on me, and hooked my pinky with his. The second our fingers touched, Ramsey’s entire body sagged with relief so palpable it stabbed me in the heart.
The cop caught my arm again, cussing and making threats as he yanked me away, but through it all, I held my brother’s stare, making silent promises I had no idea if I could keep.
“I love you!” he called out. “It’s going to be okay.”
It wasn’t.
I was confused and beyond devastated, but I knew to the marrow of my bones it was never going to be okay again.
“I love you too.”
And then he smiled because he was Ramsey—facing life in prison for a crime he didn’t commit and smiling because he knew his girls would hopefully be okay.
I had no idea what I was going to do with my life without him. Ramsey leaving, even if it wasn’t necessarily his choice, had never even crossed my mind.
Not long after that day, the blistering grief only raged hotter when he signed a plea deal downgrading his charges to manslaughter, however sentencing him to sixteen years in prison.
I’d never forget the wails of my aunt and uncle as Josh was lowered into the ground. It wasn’t because they affected me with such a profound sadness that the emotion would forever be ingrained into my subconscious.
Rather, I’d never be able to forget because it was the first time I realized how sweet vengeance could feel.
The day I realized Nora wasn’t coming back to the creek, I called my parents and asked them to come pick me up. They refused, but I was belligerent enough on the phone for them to at least drive the three hours so they could ground me.
When they arrived, I pulled them both into my room and carefully tiptoed around what Josh had done without specifically naming Nora. She’d trusted me with her secrets, and I’d never betray her. But somebody had to know. Josh couldn’t get away with what he’d done while my Nora suffered in silence.
Not surprisingly, my tiptoeing wasn’t nearly good enough, because Nora’s name came up almost immediately. She was, after all, the only girl I knew.
My mom hugged me and said it was okay to be jealous of my cousin.
My dad lectured me on beating up a family member over a girl—then winked.
I did enough yelling for my grandparents to get involved.
My grandpa said something about boys being boys.
And my grandma asked me who else I’d told.
My aunt and uncle showed up about an hour later, and after a hushed conversation, they berated me for making up such a heinous story about their sweet little angel.
While Dad loaded up my bags in the car that night, my mom assured me they would take care of everything.
And for some asinine reason, I thought it included Josh. I should have known better. The Caskeys were infamous in Clovert. One black sheep and the entire name would be tarnished.
They never made it more clear than when Josh was killed.
They knew about Thea Hull. They saw the pictures from the hospital. They heard what she’d told the investigators. For fuck’s sake, they had actual DNA evidence of what the piece of shit had done to her. And instead of admitting any possible culpability on Josh’s behalf, they asked their attorney to rush through a plea deal for Ramsey so they could avoid the truth coming out during a trial.
You know, priorities and all.
So, no. After I’d warned them about how Josh was a monster and they did not do one fucking thing about it, short of sweeping it under the rug, the only remorse I felt as I stood at Josh’s funeral, listening to my family’s cries, was that I hadn’t put him in a grave two years earlier when I’d found out what he’d done to Nora.
After the funeral, as over half the town congregated at my aunt and uncle’s house, I couldn’t stand being in the same room with those people for a minute longer. So I took off for the only place I’d find any peace. I’d spent entire days out at the Leonards’ creek in the week I’d been back to Clovert. I’d long since given up on seeing Nora there, but I hadn’t gathered the courage to go to her house, either. If being a Caskey had hurt her a few years earlier, it would have slayed her now.
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