by Erin Wright
Zane wanted to shrink down inside of himself at her sarcastic words. He was a bastard. He didn’t deserve her putting up with him as a boss, that was for damn sure.
“Except he came home one day with a CNA in tow. They’d met at the hospital and fallen in love, right under my nose. I’d thought they’d seemed awfully chummy, but I told myself to stop being a jealous woman and to trust Matthew. Turns out, trusting Matthew was a very, very bad idea. She was pregnant, and unlike me, completely willing to drop her virtually nonexistent career in order to be Matthew’s wife. You see, I was holding out for the big promotion before we made our relationship public. I wanted the career and the family. This…woman only wanted the ring on her finger. And God, what a big ring it was. I’m surprised she could lift her hand, it was so huge and gaudy. Matt told me that I needed to move out and find a new place to live, since his place obviously wouldn’t work any longer since he needed a home to raise his new baby in, but that of course, I should stay on at the hospital. This wouldn’t change a thing between us there.”
She laughed bitterly, her brown eyes flashing. “You can imagine how I felt about that idea. I packed up, quit the hospital with no notice, and moved back to Pocatello and into my mother’s house. I completely screwed over my career by doing that, of course – the hospital won’t give me a good recommendation after I quit without notice, and Matt certainly isn’t going to help me out, not after the names I called him.” She sent him a painful smile. “I went from being on the cusp of having it all, to having nothing at all.”
“I’m sorry you hurt your career because of what that douchebag did,” he said quietly. “Somehow, it seems like the people who cause the problems rarely have to be the ones to deal with the consequences.”
“I’ll be honest, I was starting to get worn down by the pace,” she admitted. “Nurses work 12-hour shifts. I was bone-deep tired after a while. I rarely took a day off because time-and-a-half was a great way to make some extra cash to pay down student loans, and the hospital always seemed to be in crisis mode, needing someone to take on extra shifts to keep everything covered. I didn’t want to say no. I never wanted to be the one who let down the hospital in any way. And then, I just quit on them without any notice at all, soooo…yeah. I’m pretty sure my name was a swear word there for a while. No one knew about Matthew and I, and he sure wasn’t going to tell anyone, so I’m sure everyone just thinks I’m a flake.”
“But here, I make you work 24-hour shifts without a day off,” he said teasingly, trying to lighten the mood. “How are you even surviving that grueling pace?”
“Oh, even worse,” she said, leaning forward and whispering as if sharing a secret with him, “you should meet my boss. You’ve never met a bigger bastard in all your life.”
He bust up laughing at that one and she shot a grin at him, her perfect cupid’s bow lips stretching to show her perfect white teeth.
There was something about the angle, about the tilt of her head, about the sound of her laughter, and instantly, it washed over him. “That wasn’t a dream,” he murmured.
“What?” she asked, startled.
“I hit on you one night. When I was drunk. I’d thought maybe it was a dream but it wasn’t, was it.” It was a statement, not a question. The horror began to bloom inside of him at what he’d done.
She shook her head slowly. “No, that was real,” she whispered.
“I’m sorry. I don’t normally do that kind of thing. I was seven flags to the wind and I didn’t know what I was doing. That isn’t an excuse because it isn’t okay. I shouldn’t have—”
She put her soft hand on his arm, stopping him. “It’s all right. You haven’t done it since. You haven’t made a habit of it. And twice was all of the chances that you would’ve gotten, by the way. If you’d done it again, I would’ve taken Skyler’s advice, kneed you in the nuts, and walked out.” He grimaced in pain at just the thought of it, crossing his legs instinctively. She laughed. “But you haven’t. Your balls are safe, I promise.”
They both laughed for a moment and then fell silent as Zane thought through what she’d just said.
I look just like him, but even worse, I’ve wanted to act like him. Not the CNA part, of course, but the dating of a coworker – no, worse, a boss. I still do. Right at this very moment, I do, and dear God, what kind of an ass would that make me? She’s already been down this road with Matt. She’s already been screwed over by a boss. I can’t do that again to her.
His fingers itched to follow the curve of her cheek but he balled them into fists instead.
Absolutely not, asshole.
He pitched his beer bottle into the trash and snagged another one from the fridge. “I better go do…” and finished the sentence with a mumble that even he didn’t understand. Go anywhere but here and keep my hands off you was how he wanted to finish the sentence but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t. He popped the top off the beer, swigged some back, and headed out to the den in his workshop. Some time spent watching TV and not staring at Louisa’s lips would be time well spent.
He left her in the kitchen, staring after him, and he let himself wonder, just for a moment, what she was thinking. Did she want him as much as he wanted her? Surely this couldn’t be one-sided. Surely…
But he’d never know, would he? Because the one thing in life he could not have was Louisa Vargas.
CHAPTER 18
LOUISA
L OUISA SNUCK a peek at Zane as they headed for Dr. Whitaker’s place. Over the course of the summer, he’d started coming occasionally to the therapy lessons, and her first instinct had been to tell him he didn’t have to. After all, he was paying her obscene amounts of money to take care of Skyler, and surely driving Skyler back and forth to the lessons was part of that deal.
But then, she’d taken one look at Skyler’s thrilled face and had shut her mouth. More than learning how to balance on a horse, more than learning how to transfer correctly, more than the exercises they continued to do together each morning, Skyler building a relationship with his father was the most important thing Louisa could help facilitate that summer. After she was gone, Skyler would still need his dad – would need his dad even more than ever, actually – and she wouldn’t be doing him any favors by telling Zane not to worry about going with them to the lessons.
Not to mention that Skyler would probably never forgive her for it.
After she was gone…
There was a stab of pain in her chest, sharp and hard and cold, at the thought. It’d only been a couple of months but already, she had a hard time imagining life without them. Skyler was getting better every day – stronger, more control over his legs, more meat on his bones, more color in his face – and Zane…
Well, how did one improve on perfection?
No, scratch that. He hadn’t been perfect, at least not when it came to his relationship with Skyler, that was for damn sure. But the two of them were getting along better now than ever before, and she could actually see a real connection building between them, one day at a time. Zane coming to therapy camp with them each day was just one more sign of that. By the time she left, would their relationship be strong enough to survive without her help?
If she’d done her job right, it would.
That’s one hell of an if, Louisa.
She tried not to let the weight of her task overwhelm her.
They pulled into the open parking lot of the Whitaker place, Juan there waiting for them, hopping from foot to foot, impatiently gesturing for Skyler to get out and get to work with him. Skyler unloaded himself from the SUV – there was no longer any mention of anyone else helping him; he was doing it all himself, another big change from when Louisa had first started – and together, Sky and Juan zipped off for the barn, talking a million miles an hour to each other like they hadn’t seen each other in years, instead of just over the weekend.
Louisa sent Zane a small smile and got out to follow after them. After their…discussion in the kitchen on Saturday, when Lo
uisa had finally told Zane the truth about her stupidity, she’d wanted to hide under the couch and not come out for the rest of the day. Preferably the rest of the month. He must’ve thought she was so dumb, having a secret affair with her boss, believing her boss, living with her boss. Stupid Louisa. Ignorant Louisa.
She was grateful that he’d seemed to understand just what she’d wanted, because he’d headed into the depths of the mansion and she hadn’t seen him for the rest of the day.
Perfect.
Except now they were back to interacting with each other and she wasn’t sure how to navigate this new world. Did they talk about the whole disaster more? Or just pretend like nothing happened?
Ignoring it all seemed like a stand-up idea to her.
She heard Zane’s boots crunching on the gravel behind her as they headed for the barn, but she didn’t slow down to let him walk beside her, and he didn’t hurry up to walk beside her. Good. They were in agreement then. Another handful of weeks just like this and then she’d go back to Pocatello and find a real job and get on with her life.
She could make it that long. She could do almost anything for only a handful of weeks.
They stepped inside the cool of the barn where they found a flustered Dr. Whitaker, trying to herd the kids all in the right direction and failing miserably. Louisa knew almost nothing about horses – her experience was limited to the few times her family had come to Sawyer to visit Tia Carmelita and one of the Miller brothers would saddle up the horses for her and her younger siblings to ride around the farm a bit – but she did know about getting kids to all move in the right direction. That, she could do blindfolded.
Leaving Zane behind to do whatever it was that he did best – probably schmoozing and flirting with the gaggle of women who’d all started coming to the lessons, dressed to the 9’s and hair sprayed to perfection – she hurried over to Dr. Whitaker. “Need help?” she asked.
“Yes, please,” he said, his deep voice strained with trying to keep it together in the face of chaos. “I need to start turning people away. I just hate to do that because I want every kid to have a chance to ride, but once word got around that Zane Risley was here…Well, let’s just say that this is the most popular my therapy camp has ever been.” He flashed her a quick smile. “If you can just wander around and break up the arguments between kids over who gets what horse and which bridle, that’d be great.” A pair of heated voices rose above the general roar of human speech, and they both turned to look at the disturbance and then back to each other.
Louisa laughed. “Well, I’m off.”
It was a blur after that of children and horses and oats and leather, a sort of general pandemonium that others would find exhausting but Louisa found exhilarating. This was her in her element. This was what she was good at. Maybe she wasn’t busy dispensing pain killers or discussing treatment options with patients, but still, directing traffic and breaking up arguments and prioritizing who got what and went where…it kept her on her toes. It wasn’t boring, and if there was one thing Louisa could not stand, it was being bored.
Finally, all of the kids had somehow managed to find their way onto a saddled and bridled horse – there’d been a few who’d tried to skip the bridles, much to the dismay of the horse that was getting its mane yanked out by its roots, so Louisa’d had to put a stop to that – and out the door and into the arena. With a happy sigh of relief, she walked out and leaned against the fence to watch the parade of riders, some holding on for dear life while others were comfortably riding, moving smoothly with the horse. It wasn’t hard to tell who was new to the program, or at least to riding in general.
She heard the crunch of Zane’s boots on the gravel behind her and knew who it was before she even saw him out of the corner of her eye. He just lit up the world around her like a beacon of lust and attraction.
No big surprise that he made it to the top. His magnetic personality…there was no way he wouldn’t thrive.
“You were a marvel to watch back there,” he said, his deep, husky voice sending chills up her spine as he leaned against the fence next to her. “You’re like a one-woman tornado of order and discipline. Instead of creating chaos everywhere you go, you make everything work right.”
She rolled her eyes at his over-the-top praise. “It’s not hard to work with kids. They’re straightforward. They haven’t learned how to lie yet, or at least aren’t very good at it. It’s the adults who make life difficult. They always have a hidden agenda that doesn’t match the side that they show everyone else.” She realized how bitter she sounded and snapped her mouth shut. She needed to put the brakes on her whining. No one wanted to listen to her whine, least of all herself. “So,” she said brightly, bluntly changing the subject, “how are your legions of fans?” She subtly tilted her head towards the gaggle of women all clustered together off to the side, laughing too loudly, sneaking glances at Zane whenever they thought he wasn’t looking.
And sometimes when he was, in a bold attempt to catch his eye.
“Oh, the herd?” he said, no interest at all in his voice. Louisa snort-laughed at the term and he sent her a sly grin. “You’d never catch me saying that within earshot of ‘em, but yeah, that’s what I’ve nicknamed them.”
“I call them the gaggle,” she whispered in a confidential voice, leaning close to him so no one could overhear them.
He threw back his head and laughed uproariously. “I’m not sure which I like better,” he said after finally drawing in a breath. “You’re doing good, Skyler!” he called out as Skyler bounced by, Juan on the next horse over, his ride a little smoother.
Skyler nodded his head in acknowledgement but didn’t say anything. Juan hollered, “Hi, Mr. Risley!” and added in a wave as he went. Skyler looked as if he took his hands off the horn in front of him, he’d end up in the dirt.
“Not to put too fine a point on it, but I don’t think Skyler’s going to grow up to train horses for a living,” Louisa said dryly as the pair passed and began curving into the corner of the track.
“No, I don’t think he will,” Zane agreed. “If it wasn’t for you, Juan, and the Miller family in general, we would’ve headed back to Tennessee a long time ago.”
Louisa felt a blush start in her toes and wash over her body in an instant. More so than even his compliment about creating order out of chaos, the idea that they’d stayed in Idaho because of her was…
She was busy trying to figure out exactly what that meant, actually, when Dr. Whitaker walked up.
“Thanks for the help, Louisa,” he said gratefully, doffing his hat as he shook her hand in gratitude. “I probably ought to break down and hire someone else to help out but I keep thinking that as the kids get used to the routine, things will calm down. Plus, the summer is almost done, so…” He shrugged. “As my thank-you, would you guys enjoy a ride of your own? Not in the riding ring with the kids?”
“Ooohhhh…that’d be fun,” Louisa said happily, and then stopped and looked at Zane. He was the boss. She was the hired help. Just because she lived with him and his son and they went a lot of places together didn’t mean he wanted to go somewhere with just her. They’d always gone places together with Skyler.
Get a grip on yourself. No one wants to go out for a Monday afternoon horse ride with the nanny.
Except Zane’s face was lit up with excitement and he looked like he wanted to do nothing more than just that. “Do you have horses left for us to take?”
“Just barely,” Dr. Whitaker admitted. “Once the enrollments started rolling in, I asked some friends of mine around the valley if I could stable and feed their horses for the summer in exchange for using them in this program. Only the gentlest of horses, of course. I have just two left after getting all of the kids out the door today.”
“Where would we go ride?” Louisa asked, stalling for time, trying to figure out if she should agree to this insane idea or not. What happened to the no-interaction-let’s-pretend-nothing-happened Louisa of just an hour
ago? She searched frantically inside of herself for that version of her.
Completely and totally gone.
Great. All of that self-discipline that you’re normally infamous for has just disappeared in the face of a certain country music star. Nice time for it to go AWOL.
“If you follow that trail,” Dr. Whitaker pointed to a faint dusty trail leading away from the riding ring, “it’ll lead you out into the trees and down by a little stream. It’s gorgeous. After I get all of the kids able to ride in circles without falling off or running into each other, I was going to try taking them down there for an afternoon picnic or something. We’ll see. It just depends on how well they start listening to instructions.”
Just then, a small argument broke out amongst the riders and all three of them looked up. Thankfully, it wasn’t Juan and Skyler, who were at the other end of the arena, working on their cantering. Dr. Whitaker let out a sigh. “Better go see what’s going on,” he said over his shoulder as he headed for the squabbling children.
Zane looked at Louisa with hope in his eyes. “Do you want to go out riding?” he asked. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to but…I’ve never ridden before and have wanted to ever since we got here.”
“You’ve never ridden a horse before?” Louisa just gaped at him, her mind blown. “But you’re a country music star!” she protested. “Isn’t that some sort of prerequisite?”
“You and my publicist would have a mighty fun discussion together,” Zane grumbled. “She told me once that I’d have an easier time explaining away robbing someone at gun point than I would not knowing how to ride a horse.”
Louisa paused for a fraction of a second as that sunk in, and then let out a howl of laughter. “I would love to meet your publicist,” Louisa gasped, wiping away the tears in the corners of her eyes. “She sounds like my kind of gal.”
“She really is,” Zane said, and then headed briskly for the barn. “C’mon, before the herd descends.”
