The nurse that was in earlier tries to take control of the situation. I see her and the doctor whispering and I’m sure they will need to sedate her.
Ryan takes a step toward me, placing his hands on my shoulders his eyes stay on mine. “Is she…”
“According to Bethany, yes, but…”
He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment. “We can find out later, but for now, Grace, Frank they need you. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here with you.”
Frank puts his hand on his shoulder, offering him some comfort. “Ryan, you should go with Ellie and the nurse. You need to take the test it’s the only way you’ll get any answers.”
“B-but…”
“No, go. Grace and I will stay and see Bethany. If she is… that little one is going to need you.”
They might all still be questioning if he is her dad, but I already know. The painful look on Bethany’s face told me all I needed to know.
And right now I’m not sure how to handle the news that crushes me.
Chapter 29
“Ellie, come on. Let’s go home. There’s nothing more either of us can do tonight.”
I stare at him and wonder how he can remain so fucking calm. Has his life not just been turned upside down? I want to go back to speak to Bethany, find out what the fuck is going on, but I also feel obligated to keep my promise to her of being here for the baby. “Sweetheart, please,” Ryan says. “I’ve called Bob and he’s here to pick us up.”
I left the ward ten minutes ago. I’ve not been allowed in but the doctors did give us an update and a social worker has been assigned to her. She’s not even got a name and I’ve been standing here in the corridor since, not really knowing what I should be doing. So many emotions running through me, and if I’m honest, I want to cry.
“Can he drop me off?” His eyes widen and he’s not happy, but I don’t care. I’m not sure how to cope with it all.
“What? Ellie, please come home with me tonight?” His contorted face is pleading with me, but I can’t.
“Not tonight.” Maybe not ever.
“Ellie, I need you. Please. I’m not above begging for you.”
“Ryan, I need…shit, I don’t know what I need.”
“I do. You need me just as fucking much as I need you.”
I allow him to guide the way as, at after two in the morning, we are finally leaving the hospital. I’m emotionally drained at how the last twenty-four hours have played out. From being nervous and excited about his race, to the overwhelming feeling of fear and emptiness that swept through me when I saw his car spinning out of control on that track. Then to the unknown of being here in the hospital, to the most perfect baby girl I have ever seen.
Frank and Grace left shortly after midnight when Bethany refused to speak to them. They came to the ward before leaving to see how I was coping. Trust Grace, she’s always thinking of someone else. I suppose that’s her way of dealing with certain situations. I told her I’d come back with her tomorrow, or today, as it now is, if I’m allowed. Technically I’m not related by blood so the hospital can refuse me.
As Ryan leads me to the waiting car, I’m unsure about coming back. The selfish part of me wants to hide away, but I know my family need me. They’ve always been there for me and I have to be here for them, regardless of how I feel at the moment.
Ryan opens the car door and I get in because I don’t have the energy to run away. He speaks to Bob before joining me in the back seat. I stare out the window into the dark night sky, wishing more than anything we were back in Monaco because I know for sure we’d still be celebrating his win.
“We should talk,” he whispers, taking my hand in his.
“Ryan, I can’t talk now. It’s been one hell of a day for me. I’m not sure what else I can take.”
“Sweetheart, I know.”
“Do you? You have a baby. What am I supposed to do, pretend tonight hasn’t happened?” My words sound harsh, even in my tired state, and I catch the look Bob throws our way in the rear-view mirror.
“We don’t know the baby is mine.”
“You can deny it all you want until the results come back, but I already know it’s the truth. She’s your daughter. Bob, please can you take me home,” I say turning, my back away from Ryan.
“Of course.”
“Ellie, please!”
“Ryan, I need time to process. I need space.”
The journey to my home is long and quiet, the atmosphere thick and heavy in the car, reminding me that, regardless of my feelings for him, we are practically strangers. Strangers brought together by circumstance.
The car comes to a stop and I quickly open the door without looking at him. “Thank you, Bob,” I say before closing the door behind me.
I’m at the front door when I hear the car door opening. I freeze, waiting for his touch when I hear his footsteps running toward me. “Please don’t make this harder. I beg you.”
“And I’m begging you to let me stay with you tonight. Neither of us should be alone. I need you, and if you’re honest with yourself, you need me to.”
I don’t want to turn around, but my body disobeys me. Standing before me isn’t the confident, arrogant man I met that very first night as he pushed his way into the ladies’ bathroom. Before me is a man scared of what the future holds for him.
My front door is pulled open and we’re greeted by Dani.
“Okay, I’m not sure what the hell is going on since I thought you’d be celebrating in style in Monaco, but can you either get inside or go somewhere else because some of us have to be up for work in a few hours.”
“Sorry,” Ryan says. “We’ll come inside.”
“Will we?” I raise my eyebrows.
“Yes. I need to hold you. I need to be with you tonight.”
“Fine,” I huff reluctantly.
“Thank fuck.” Dani steps aside to let us enter. I hear the car leaving. Poor Bob. Is he always on call for Ryan?
“Do you and I need wine for a Monday night?” she asks quietly.
“Yes.”
“Okay, and it will just be the two of us?”
“Yes. He’ll be gone by then.”
She frowns, her eyes darting to the man standing in our hallway. “Okay. I’ll say goodnight.”
“Night, Dani,” he calls after her.
I wander into the living room and kick off my shoes. “You should’ve gone home.”
“Please just let me be with you. We could argue about this all night, but it wouldn’t be fair on Dani.”
“I know.” I sit down on the sofa and yawn.
“Ellie, you are exhausted.” He sits down beside me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me closer to him. “Come on. Let’s sleep. I’ll still be here when you wake up.”
“That’s what I’m worried about,” I say, accepting the warmth and comfort he provides.
I’m wrapped around him, and I know he’s awake. I heard him talking to Dani before she left. I know he and I should talk before I go back to the hospital today with Grace.
I stretch in his arms. “Good morning,” he says softly.
“I’ve not decided what’s good about it yet.”
“Maybe you’ve not, but I have.”
I sit upright, waiting for him to be forthcoming with his answers. Instead, he just gazes at me. “Well?”
“You managed to sleep. That’s something good. And I’ve had a lot of time to think.”
“And have you found any answers?”
“I’m not sure.”
“You and Bethany. Will you tell me?” I wrap my arms around myself.
“Maisie. She told me that was her name. It was one night. One stupid drunken night on my part. She hounded me when she realised there was never going to be anything more between us. I realised soon after the night we were together that she was hooked on drugs and the drug scene is something I’m not prepared to be a part of. I’ve worked too damn hard in my career and charity work to let it into my
life.”
“One night? And what the hell brought you two together in the first place?”
“We were at the same party. You’ve heard my reputation. I don’t keep anyone in my life, until now. You can’t deny it.”
I’m focusing on the first part of his sentence and that’s not really giving me anything about how he and Bethany ended up together. “So you were at a party, and?”
“What is it you want to know? All the gory details. Do you want to know that I was so drunk I didn’t care who I was sleeping with that night? Because that’s the truth. I’m not proud of my past but I can’t change it.”
I have nothing to say to that.
“We have something special between us, Ellie. I want something more with you. Something I’ve never wanted before.”
“But the baby?”
“You seem certain it’s mine. I’ll await the results before I believe the word of a drug addict.” Ouch, that hurts. His eyes are cold and the tone of his voice lacks emotion. I cross my arms in front of my body putting a barrier between us. I’m biting the inside of my cheek as my body tenses and a warm wave of heat flushes through my body. Right now I’m visualising launching myself toward as my anger towards him grows.
“But if she’s yours, then what? Bethany has been family to me for as far back as I can remember, and regardless of my own upbringing, I believe… oh, it doesn’t matter what I believe.”
“If she’s mine, I won’t walk away from her and what’s more important is that, no matter what, I know you won’t walk away from her. My heart fucking melted seeing the pained expression on your face when you realised the amount of care she’s going to need. I’ve never given a future a second thought, never wanted a family. Even though my parents were pretty incredible. You’ll say it’s too soon, but I want everything with you. From that very first night pursuing you into the ladies’ bathroom, even then I felt the electricity between us.”
“It’s too soon.”
“Maybe, but is it really? Who says it’s too soon? Not me. Ellie…”
My phone ringing stops his conversation and I’m grateful for the reprieve, although I sigh seeing Frank's name flashing before me.
“Morning. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s changed since we all left the hospital. But we do have a problem. You and Ryan are splashed all over the front page of the newspapers.”
“Shit! When are the pictures from?” I ask, standing and pacing the room. Ryan jumps, stepping before me.
“Monaco, just after the race. The story is about why Ryan skipped out on his own celebration party last night and naming you as his current bit of skirt.”
Of course. I knew that’s what people would think, but it hurts like hell knowing that’s what has been printed. “I can confirm or deny the story. Whatever you want, Frank. It’s your call.”
“Let me think about it.”
I hear car horns in the background. “Where are you?” I ask.
“On my way to the office.”
“Is that wise?”
“Ellie, what else can I do? Bethany wants nothing to do with me or her mum, and the baby is in special care. I need to do something and the office is the best place for me because given what’s going on with you and Ryan…I just need to…oh hell, I don’t know anything anymore. You’ve to call Grace when you want to go into the hospital.”
“I will. And, Frank…”
“What, sweetheart?”
“I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I’ll talk to you soon.”
“Ellie, what’s going on?” Ryan asks, looking tired.
“There’s a story in today’s papers about me and you.”
“That’s fine. I’ll happily confirm whatever’s written about us. But, what aren’t you telling me?” I try to sidestep him as I remember the message I received yesterday.
“Ellie!” He grabs my hand. “Tell me.”
“You know that girl in the office, Felicity? I’m almost certain she messaged me yesterday about me sleeping my way to the top.”
“Show me.”
I scroll through and show him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“On race day, and have you not concentrating? I think not.”
He takes me in his arms. “I’m here for you. Shit like this, you need to talk to me because if you don’t, I can’t help. Now, why don’t you go for a shower and I’ll see if I can find us something to eat before you go with Grace.”
“What are you going to do today?”
“Attempt to sort out my life. Our life.”
He kisses me on the forehead and releases his hold. I nod and walk away with his words firmly in my head.
Our life.
Will we get a life together?
I don’t know.
Chapter 30
“Ellie, how are you really? And please don’t tell me everything is okay because I’ll know. This is me. You forget how much I know you.” Grace picked me up in a taxi today, insisting neither of us should get stressed about the journey to and from hospital.
“What do you want me to say? That I’m angry that Bethany slept with Ryan? That he’s the father of that beautiful little girl that’s now our family? Grace, I want to be angry with her, I really do, but this is Bethany. The girl I grew up with. I honestly don’t know how to process all this information.”
“Oh, honey. It’s okay to feel that way. I’m pretty stunned by the turn of last night’s events. I’m angry with her too. I thought I would be bringing up my granddaughter and now… well, this news about Ryan being her dad, I’m not sure what’s going to happen.”
“Do you think Bethany will change her mind about the baby?”
“I’d love to think she would, but you and I both know what she’s like. She doesn’t want the baby and that’s her choice, but I do want to play an active part in my granddaughter’s life. How is Ryan?”
“He’s in denial about the baby. Says he wants to wait until the tests come back.”
“And what do you think?”
“I believe her and I think Ryan will have decisions to make.”
“Where does that leave the two of you?”
I shake my head, tears forming in my eyes. “I don’t know, Grace. I’ve already fallen for him. Stupid as it sounds. I expected better of myself. I never fall for the bad boy.”
She wraps her arm protectively around me, the way a mother comforts her daughter, and I can’t stop my tears from falling.
“Ellie, who says he’s a bad boy? The press? It doesn’t matter about his reputation. This is about you and him and what there is between you. Now, here we are,” she says as the taxi stops in a parking bay.
We pay the driver and exit the taxi. I stare up at the building before me. It really doesn’t feel that long ago since I left, but it has been twelve hours. “Are you going to see Bethany?”
“She’ll turn me away, I know she will. Last night when she chose you to stay with her instead of me, I was so hurt, but I now understand why she did it.” I stare at her and I’m pretty sure the look on my face is asking why. “Oh, honey. After standing out in the corridor with Ryan, I knew what she was thinking. That you’d be the better person to bring up her baby.”
“No!” There’s no way I’d be able to bring up a baby. Promising to be there is different, but I’m not sure I’m cut out to be a parent.
“Please, don’t get yourself worked up over this. There are so many things going on right now. Let’s not stand out here when we could be inside with my granddaughter.”
We link arms and walk in through the entrance doors.
The special care baby unit is busy, and obviously, the staff are all different from last night. Grace explains who we are and a nurse takes us straight to the baby. She’s in a cot with a white sleepsuit on that is far too big for her. She’s also wearing a cute baby pink hat. We’re given an update on how she’s been since I left in the early hours of the morning. She’s been doing really well,
the doctors are happy with the progress she’s making, and she’s responding to the treatment plan really well. Grace’s face lights up at this news.
“Can I hold her?”
“At the moment no. We try not to handle any baby who comes to us in the intensive care unit too much. It’s unsettling for them. I’m sure if things keep improving it won’t be long until Granny gets to hold her,” the nurse tells us.
Grace nods her head and I take hold of her hand offering a little comfort. “She will come on leaps and bounds, you’ll see. Have we got a name for her yet?”
“No, not yet,” replies Grace as she gazes lovingly into the cot where her grand-daughter is hooked up to a monitor. There’s a feeding tube through her tiny nose, a drip in her foot which we are told is given her a slow release of drugs needed. Grace is all teary-eyed.
“This takes me back to when I had Bethany, but also when you were born. I remember coming to see you and you were so tiny…and your mum…well, we won’t go there. I wanted to keep you.”
“I wish you had taken me away from her then.”
“So do I, especially knowing what I know now. You do know that in our eyes, you are also our daughter?”
“Yes, and I’m forever in your debt for everything you’ve done for me.”
“Nonsense, you silly girl. You don’t owe us anything, and you must remember that.”
I sit with her, my thoughts wandering to Ryan, wondering what the hell I’m going to do about him. It should be easy enough to stay away from him; after all it’s only been a few short weeks. But the thing is, I don’t want to and he’s right in what he said to me. There isn’t a time frame on when it’s appropriate for couples to get together and make things official.
Is that really what he wants?
Or is he just toying with me and telling me what he thinks I want to hear?
“Grace, I’m going to go and see Bethany, give you and this little one time together.”
“Are you sure? She might refuse to see you.”
“I know, but I have to at least try for myself.”
Collision: A Driven World Novel (The Driven World) Page 20
