Lanie’s father narrowed his eyes as if he were trying to decide if Azarius were telling the truth. Lanie’s bottom lip was curled in under her top teeth as she looked from her father to Azarius and back again.
“I don’t approve of the way this started, but I do see that you are trying to make a difference,” her father said. He extended his hand. “Welcome to the family.”
Relief flooded Azarius as he shook the outstretched hand. Maybe they could be a real family after all.
Chapter 15
Lanie couldn’t believe how well the interaction with her parents had gone. “Were you serious about what you said about praying?” she asked Azarius as she backed out of her parents’ drive.
“I was and I am,” he said with a smile that showed off his white teeth. “Are you pleased?”
“Pleased and surprised,” she said as she pulled into a space in front of The Diner. “I honestly thought that might be the one thing we’d fight over in the future.”
“Well, now we have nothing to fight over,” he said, flashing a wink at her.
“Good, now come and meet my friends. I want to show you off.” She parked the car and opened the door, but as she stepped out a pain shot through her abdomen and she doubled over.
Azarius rushed to her side, concern etched on his face. “Are you alright?”
She took a deep breath, hoping to ease the pain. “Yeah, I think I’m just hungry.” The pain receded, and she stood, flashing him what she hoped was a confident smile, but he didn’t look convinced. “Come on, it’s nothing.”
Lanie led the way into The Diner, waving to the people she knew as she made her way over to the back booth Layla was holding down. She slid in across from Layla and patted the seat next to her for Azarius to sit.
“Layla, I want you to officially meet my husband, Azarius. Azarius, this is my friend Layla.”
“It’s nice to meet the man who’s made my friend smile again,” Layla said as she shook Azarius’s hand.
He nodded, forcing a smile on his face, but Lanie could still see the concern residing in his eyes.
Max appeared a few minutes later, clad in his usual flannel. “Back for food this time, huh?” he asked Azarius as he plopped three menus on the table top.
“Max, behave,” Layla said, raising her eyebrow at him. “This is Azarius, Lanie’s husband.”
Something akin to a snort came out of Max’s mouth as he leaned back and folded his arms across his chest. “Husband, huh? Well, congrats I guess.”
“Thanks, Max,” Lanie said. “Maybe our nuptial will spur you into action, huh?” She cringed again as Layla kicked her shin under the table, but it was worth it. If her friend wasn’t going to push him, someone ought to.
Max opened his mouth to speak, but thought better of it and turned back to the kitchen without a word.
“Is that guy the owner?” Azarius asked in a hushed voice.
Layla belted out a laugh, throwing back her head and letting her dark hair swish back and forth. “Yeah, he’s the owner. He’s a little gritty on the outside, but he’s really a sweetheart underneath all that gruff.”
“Max is Layla’s boyfriend,” Lanie explained.
“Oh, I see.” Azarius unfolded the menu and glanced over the contents.
“Yeah, he is an acquired taste,” Layla said with a smile.
Lanie grinned back before another shock of pain shot through her. She tried to keep her face passive as she reached over and pushed on her abdomen. It was odd to have cramps if she were pregnant, wasn’t it? As the pain receded again, she pushed the thought from her mind and decided to enjoy lunch with her friends. After this it would be time to get ready for the Summer Fling Dance and she had the perfect dress. She couldn’t wait to show Azarius.
Two hours later, Lanie was curled up on the couch watching cartoons with Azarius. She wasn’t much for cartoons herself, but if it meant laying in his arms, she didn’t care what they watched. As she looked up at him though, an old doubt resurfaced and tumbled from her mouth before she could stop it.
“Azarius, why didn’t you tell me your birthday the first time I asked?”
“Huh?”
He kept his face turned to the television, but she had felt him stiffen slightly and she knew he had heard her. Well, two could play this game. She maneuvered to a sitting position, so she was blocking his vision.
“You heard me. Why didn’t you tell me when your birthday was?”
He sighed and shifted his glance to her eyes. “I told you, I don’t want anyone to make a big deal of my birthday because I don’t reciprocate well. I’ll probably forget yours at least once in this marriage.”
“I know, but that doesn’t seem like the real reason or at least not the whole reason. I just want the truth.”
“That is the truth, Lanie,” he said.
She knew there was more and the fact he wouldn’t tell her miffed her. “Fine, I thought you were going to open up to me, share your life, but I guess not.” She stood and walked to the bedroom, her feet stomping on the floor harder than she intended.
“Lanie.” She heard his voice behind her, but she shut the door and locked it, blocking out his noise. As she did, another wave of pain coursed through her abdomen and she fell against the bed, clutching her stomach. She might be angry at him for concealing the whole truth, but wasn’t she doing the same thing?
The pain had gotten worse, but she hadn’t told him about it and she didn’t even know why. Shouldn’t she be sharing everything with him now that he was her husband? Yet, she couldn’t stop from telling herself that she’d take care of it Monday after he left, that surely it wasn’t anything to worry about. She fell asleep with that thought in her head, curled up with her hands over her stomach.
Incessant knocking at her door woke Lanie sometime later. She opened her eyes, concentrating on her stomach, but the pain was gone. At least for now. Rolling off the bed, she trundled to the door and opened it.
“I don’t want to fight, Lanie, I’m sorry,” Azarius said. “I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.”
Lanie shook her head as she stepped into his arms. “No, I should be the one apologizing. I know you’ll tell me when you’re ready.” Just like I’ll tell you about the pain when I’m ready.
His arms wound around her, and Lanie sighed against his muscular chest. “It’s almost time for the dance. You still want to go?” She tilted her head up to look at him.
He leaned down to place a kiss on her nose. “I’ll go wherever you want to go. I know I’m not the best at expressing my feelings, but I promise to work on it.”
“It means everything, right?” she said with a smile, remembering the song he had once sent her via text.
His arms tightened around her. “That’s right. It means everything.”
An hour later, Lanie and Azarius walked arm and arm into the large red barn. Pink, white, and blue balloons hung from the ceiling amid streamers of the same color. A few tables filled the right side, each covered in a different table cloth cover. Amid those, a small table with a speaker system blared songs for those on the dance floor. At the very back, a long table was laden with a myriad of cookies and bowls of fruit punch.
“Never see anything like this back in Dallas, huh?” Lanie said, squeezing Azarius’s arm.
“There might be a reason for that,” Azarius said with a smile.
Lanie punched his arm and led him to the dance floor.
“Lanie, I don’t dance in public,” Azarius said, planting his feet.
“You do today. Come on, it’s a slow song. You just put your arms around me and sway. Please.” She put on her best puppy dog face and batted her eyes at him.
He rolled his eyes and shook his head, but followed her to the floor. “Fine, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
As his arms wound around her, Lanie breathed in his manly scent, put her head on his shoulder, and sighed. The grey shirt he was wearing tonight hugged his chest and his arms, accentuating his well-t
oned muscles. She couldn’t imagine any place she’d rather be.
“See, this isn’t too ha…..” Lanie never finished her sentence as the worst pain yet shot through her stomach. Her hand clutched at Azarius’s arm as she crumpled downward.
“Lanie? What’s wrong?”
Lanie shook her head, the pain too strong to talk over. With a strength she didn’t know he had, Azarius scooped her up in his arms and headed for the door.
“What’s going on?” Layla’s concerned voice reached Lanie’s ears as the cooler air hit her skin.
“I don’t know,” Azarius said. “She just collapsed, holding her stomach. She’s grabbed it a few times today. Where’s the closest doctor?”
“Closed for now, but there’s an ER clinic on the far side of town. Come on, I’ll drive.”
“Where are we going?” Max’s voice had joined the conversation.
“The ER, come on.”
Moments later the car door opened and Lanie felt Azarius sliding her into the backseat. Then he climbed in beside her. The feel of his hands smoothing her hair warmed her heart. She remembered a time a few months back when she had done the same for him.
He hadn’t wanted her to come over, insisting he didn’t feel well, but Lanie had promised to work and let him rest. When she got there, he had curled up on the couch with his head on her lap and she had stroked it until he felt better. It had been a loving gesture then, but she had never expected the gesture to be returned.
The car roared to life, and Lanie could tell by the erratic driving that Layla was behind the wheel. A few minutes later, Lanie rolled forward as Layla slammed on the brake and threw the car into park.
Azarius helped her out of the car before picking her up again and striding into the ER.
“Can I help you?” a woman’s voice said.
“My wife is having stomach pains, and she’s pregnant.”
“She’s what?” Max’s voice broke through the haze of pain.
“Sssh! Not now.”
Layla’s voice hushing Max was the last thing Lanie heard before the darkness took her over.
Chapter 16
When Lanie opened her eyes, the first thing she noticed was the cold, numb sensation inside her veins. The awful searing pain was gone, but the emptiness in its place was even worse. It reminded her of that old Robert Frost poem "Fire and Ice." She had always thought the fire would be the worse, but she would gladly trade the ice she felt now for the earlier fire. She splayed her hands across her abdomen, but there was nothing.
It’s just too early, that’s all. I didn’t feel anything yesterday either.
But the truth nibbled at her brain. The pain earlier hadn’t been natural. Even though this was her first pregnancy, she knew that. Of course she knew that, but God wouldn’t take her baby, would he?
Not when she had come back to the fold. What was that old story? The one about the shepherd who rejoices when the lost sheep returns or the prodigal son. That’s what she was - the prodigal daughter. And Azarius had started praying. Surely that gave them some points, some cushion from the grief of life. He might never have started praying had there been no baby.
“Lord, I know we didn’t do it right in the beginning, but if you’ll save this baby, I promise we’ll do it right from now on. We’ll be there every Sunday. We’ll attend Bible studies. I’ll join the choir. We’ll do whatever you want us to do if you’ll save the baby.”
Lanie waited for some warmth, some sign of healing, but the cold emptiness remained. Maybe God was no longer listening. Maybe he had turned his back on her because of her divorce and her sexual slipup.
“Ah, you’re awake.”
Lanie turned to the door. An elderly nurse with a kind face and blue scrubs smiled at her.
“How are you feeling?”
“Cold,” Lanie replied.
“Oh, well, let me get you a blanket.”
Lanie nodded, though she knew no blanket would warm up the cold she felt.
The nurse exited the room and returned a moment later with a folded blanket in her arms. “Here you go, fresh out of the warmer. That should help.”
She spread the blanket over Lanie’s body, but it made no difference. The bitter cold still ate at her insides.
“You have people waiting to see you, but I’ll send the doctor in first, okay?”
“Is it gone?” Though Lanie was certain she had lost the pregnancy, she needed to hear the words.
The woman’s face held her smile, but her eyes dropped a little. “I’ll send in the doctor to talk to you shortly.”
She exited the room, leaving Lanie in silence. She hadn’t said yes, Lanie reasoned. Maybe the baby wasn’t gone; maybe there were just complications. She could handle complications, but the loss? If the baby was gone, would Azarius be gone too? As much as she wanted to believe he had married her for her, a shred of doubt that the marriage had occurred only because of the baby remained.
The door opened, and a young man in a white coat entered. He didn’t look much older than Lanie, except for his receding hairline. “Hello, Lanie, I’m Dr. Fredrickson, how are you feeling?”
A darkness like nothing she’d felt before descended on Lanie, and her eyes narrowed. “Why does everyone keep asking me that? How do you think I’m feeling?”
The doctor appeared not to register her anger as his voice did not change in emotion or inflection. “I’m sure you are feeling a lot of things. Probably guilt and anger at the loss of your pregnancy.”
Lanie squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. No, it wasn’t true. If she didn’t listen to him, it wouldn’t be true.
“And those feelings are completely normal,” he continued. “But Lanie, it’s important that you also know this wasn’t your fault. It was an ectopic pregnancy. It never had a chance, and the pain you felt today was your body rejecting it. The good news is that it didn’t rupture, and there appears to be no damage to your fallopian tubes so you’ll be able to get pregnant again. In fact, a lot of women get pregnant within months of a miscarriage like this.”
Lanie continued to shake her head. Waves of denial and anger fought within her.
“I’ll give you some time, but your family would like to see you.”
Family. The word elicited a single tear from her right eye. She had no family. Her chance at a family had died with the fire and only the ice remained, and the ice was so much worse.
Azarius paced the floor of the hospital, worry lines etched in his face. He needed word on Lanie’s condition. In his brain, he knew it wasn’t cancer, but he couldn’t help fearing he’d lose Lanie just like he’d lost his mother. He didn’t think he would survive if something happened to her.
A young doctor approached the waiting area. “Azarius Jacobson?” he asked after glancing at his clipboard.
“That’s me,” Azarius said and Lanie’s two friends joined him.
“Well, physically your wife is going to be fine. She’s resting now. Emotionally though, well, you need to speak with her. Lanie’s not herself right now, and she might not be for a while. She’s going to need time and a lot of patience.”
“Can I see her?”
“Yes, but I suggest one at a time, and remember patience.” He motioned for Azarius to follow him down the sterile hallway.
This, this was the green mile. Azarius had thought the walk to her parents’ house had been bad, but the fear and sadness he felt now were so much worse.
Azarius knocked gently on the door before pushing it open. Lanie lay still and stiff under the white sheet. She glanced his way as he entered and then returned her focus to the television up on the wall which was playing some game show. He wondered what she was thinking behind her expressionless face.
“Hey Lanie. How are you?” he asked when he reached her bedside.
“I lost our baby, Azarius, how do you think I’m feeling?”
“We… we lost the baby?” He couldn't keep the shock from his voice. The baby was gone. The baby that had brought the
m together. Did that mean they would fall apart now? Or were they strong enough to survive this? Fear they weren’t flooded his veins.
“Not we, Azarius. Me. I lost the baby. It was ectopic.”
Azarius blinked at the flat tone of her voice. He had never heard her normally bright cheery voice so empty.
“It wasn’t your fault, Lanie,” he said reaching for her hand. Though she didn’t pull it away, she made no move to return the gesture and her hand remained limp like wilted lettuce in his hand. “It it was an ectopic pregnancy, there was nothing you could have done.”
“It’s our punishment, don’t you see? We’re being punished for intimacy outside of marriage.”
Azarius sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. “Lanie, I know I’m new to this religion thing, but I don’t think God works that way. Ectopic pregnancies happen all the time. Did the doctor say anything else?”
“He said there was no damage, that we'd be able to try again.”
“Well, that's a good thing. I'd say we're lucky then.”
“Lucky?” she snorted. “We eloped to save ourselves from the embarrassment of having a child out of wedlock, and now there is no child.”
Azarius shook his head. His words were coming out all wrong. “Lanie, I don’t care about all of that,” he began.
“You don’t care about our baby?” Lanie’s voice dripped with venom as she turned fiery eyes on him. “That’s all we had holding us together.”
“That’s not true.”
“It is true, and you know it!” Her voice rose in volume until the last two words were almost shouted. “You know what? Just get out.”
“Lanie…”
“Out!” she screamed. “You can go back to your secrecy and riddles and the other women you probably have on the side.”
Azarius sucked in his breath. She’s not herself, he had to remind himself. “I’ll go for now, Lanie, but I’m not leaving forever.”
Love Conquers All Page 11
