Love Like Crazy

by Emma Chamberlain

  I looked over at her and laughed. Her question kind of shocked me.

  "I'm not," I said, wondering if she was teasing me.

  "Yes you are. You're super pretty. It's hard to look at you when you smile at me.”

  "Should I stop," I teased.

  I reached over and touched her forehead again.

  "And when you touch me I get all warm and happy but nervous," she said.

  Her eyes were half closed.

  I felt a stir in my stomach. The happiness and nervousness were definitely mutual.

  "What are you nervous about," I asked.

  "I get butterflies and I want to touch you more," Charli said.

  A flush of heat spread over my cheeks. "You can touch me," I said. "I like when you touch me. I touch you all the time."

  Was this why she was acting so weird back with Vic?

  "Will you lay down with me?" Charli asked.

  "Sure," I said. I hadn't finished eating but that was fine. I got up and packed my food away before crawling up the bed next to her and laying down.

  It was already dark in the room so we didn't have to worry about that.

  Charli reached out and took my hand, pulling it over and placing it on her cheek. She was facing me on her side. She moved her body closer and relaxed again. Her hand left mine to clutch Sir Winston the cat.

  "Thank you," she said, opening her eyes to meet mine.

  "Are you sure you're okay," I wondered, worried about her. All the stuff from before had really upset her.

  "Yeah, I'm good. I'll be fine tomorrow. You're sweet to me. Why are you so sweet?" She asked.

  "Charli," I laughed, overwhelmed by her. I rest my lips on her forehead and kissed her, holding her tighter and touching her face. "Try to sleep," I urged.

  I don't think she was really aware of her words or what she was saying. Earlier she wanted to lecture me so this was really different. I held her close and felt a tug in my heart. That burning feeling that meant I really cared for her.

  I only ever got that feeling with Vic.

  I was so angry before but I somehow couldn't stay mad at Charlotte. No matter how intolerant and controlling she randomly got. She literally wanted to fight Vic. Like, I couldn't decide who I wanted to be friends with or what I wanted to do.

  Originally, I had planned on trying to sneak out tonight but Vic threw me for a loop and I knew she was out there and sad because of me. She's an aggressive person but I don't think Vic actually wants to take care of me or change me so there's a big rift between the kind of person Vic is and the kind of person Charli is.

  This whole time, I guess I never realized that Charli wanted to fix me. Like, in her eyes I'm broken and I need help.

  To me, we're all broken.

  Wanting to change someone, and trying to do that, is actually pretty toxic. I'd rather get pushed by Vic than be told what to think and do so I'm kind of a mess right now.

  Charli fell asleep pretty fast. It was actually kinda cute.

  I held her and watched a movie. I was beginning to really crave her smell, something I had with Vic too only Charli was probably aware of my addiction since I kept openly smelling her things. A real serial killer trait.

  I fell asleep and left the tv on.

  When I woke up it was because Charli was moving her body. I apparently had wrapped myself around her to the point that she was ensnared.

  “Oh, shit,” I laughed. “Sorry.”

  I let go of her body and gave her some space.

  Our skin together had been clammy and hot. I was sure now that Charli couldn’t feel well. You can only get that clammy from being sick.

  “No, you helped me sleep better. I feel like shit though. Ugh,” she croaked.

  She sat up and moved to the side of her bed.

  “I hope I didn’t give you too many germs.”

  “Guess we’ll find out,” I smirked. “Should I go get you something? I can bring breakfast back.” If she didn't feel well I didn’t want her to be moving around.

  “If you don’t mind. I really want some juice and anything that isn’t hard to swallow. I’m going to shower. Maybe that’ll help,” she said .

  “I’ll go get you some stuff.”

  I got up and started to dress. It was the weekend and I’d showered last night so I knew I was fine.

  Outside, it was cloudy and pretty quiet. The dining hall had only just opened. I took a few things for Charli and grabbed a full spread for myself. I kept getting cut off when I wanted to eat. I was starving now and fully prepared to throw down when I got back to the room.

  I beat Charli and set up my food on the bed, sitting behind it with my legs crossed as I watched a Youtube video about scary books from this one girl that I liked.

  She came back with her shower basket, looking like death warmed over.

  “Thank you, I really appreciate it,” Charli said.

  She came back to the bed and sat down, looking over the food.

  “You got so much,” she said, reaching out for some juice and taking a banana. “We can pull the beds apart again if you don’t want to risk my germs.”

  I shrugged. If I got sick, I wouldn't care. It'd be an excuse to get out of class or sleep more.

  "Do you have stuff you have to do today," I wondered. That would suck to have to do things while sick.

  “Just reading a chapter in chem and then doing practice problems. I try to save that for Sunday because I hate it.”

  "No scrimmage?" I teased. "No date with your friends?"

  I ate some of my bacon and got up to make us coffee. I'd bought some new stuff to try. A little more expensive than Charli's instant coffee we shared.

  “Ha! Nooooo, not today,” she said.

  She coughed and leaned over, patting her chest.

  “I hate this feeling,” she said.

  "You need to rest," I said, watching her. Whenever she came back from the shower she smelled too good and it distracted me.

  I left some water to heat up and walked to the window to open it. We needed fresh air. "Do you want some tea?" I offered. I knew she wasn't super into coffee. Her instant told me that much.

  “That sounds good. I’ve got a few kinds if you want some.”

  She drank the juice and set the bottle aside.

  "More of a coffee girl," I shared. "Which tea?" I asked, going back to fetch a bag for her to fix her mug. I ran my hand through my hair and looked back on her.

  “I’m going to take the lemon today. That sounds really tasty,” she said.

  "You got it," I said, dipping the bag in the water and submerging it.

  “Thanks,” she said, getting comfortable with her back against the headboard. “What are you planning on doing today?”

  "I dunno," I sighed. I walked to her and gave her the tea. "It's not like I have choices anymore so that question is really frustrating."

  I went back and set some water into a mug for myself. I mixed my own drink and poured some milk into it from the fridge.

  If I was free today I'd go find Vic. Try to see if we could hang out and have some normalcy. I couldn't even leave Hanover yesterday without Charli openly vouching for me.

  “Fair," Charli said. She ate some bacon and grimaced. “Maybe the eggs,” she said, taking a fork full.

  "I can go back if there's something else you want." Charli wasn't a huge fan of any of the school's food so I'm not sure why I even tried.

  “No, it tasted good. It just hurt my throat. I think I’ve got a cold,” she said, frowning.

  "Yeah," I said. "You definitely are sick."

  I sat down beside her and drank a bit of my drink.

  “It needs to go away by tomorrow, which isn’t going to happen. I also don’t want you to get it so we should get out the hand sanitizer big time.”

  "Hand sanitizer can't fix the air," I teased. "Plus, I practically slept ontop of you," I laughed. "Don't worry about it."

  We lived in the same room and her being sick pretty much meant I'd proba
bly get sick too regardless. Even if our beds were apart and we didn't speak we still both had to breathe the same air.

  "I'm sorry," she apologized. "If it makes it better, I very much enjoyed you sleeping on me.”

  "You were dead," I reminded.

  "When I woke up I was happy even though I felt sick so there.”

  "Uh huh," I teased. "Right, right, right."

  My coffee was good and it was always fun teasing her.

  "It's true," she insisted.

  She finished off the eggs and drank some of her tea, coughing and clearing her throat after.

  "Ug," I groaned. It sounded bad. I reached over and rubbed her back. "Anything else I can do?"

  "Na, but thank you. I'll medicate and try to rest. I'm more worried about tomorrow. If I'm too sick they'll send me back here. I don't like getting behind. The first game is coming up. I really need to be at practice," she complained.

  "You shouldn't worry about that," I tried to comfort her. "It's the beginning of the season. The perfect time for you to get sick. Nothing important happens in the beginning of the season." All of Roger's friends would get sick when they were needed the most. It was the honest worst. The coach would push them too hard and they'd all break apart. So much needless stress.

  "I know you're right but it just makes me anxious. I feel like I'm just going to get buried," Charli said.

  "By what," I asked. None of it actually mattered.

  "Work, expectations, everything.”

  “Work,” I laughed. “You know we can always just run away and work on a farm,” I smiled over at her.

  "Ha, my parents would hunt me down when they finally realized I was gone," Charli said.

  "Oh," I said, dropping it. I was trying to cheer her up but instead it brought me down.

  “I think I’d like to work on a farm, though. Could there be horses? I’ve never gotten to ride one and I’ve always wanted to do it.”

  "Sure," I said. It was all hypothetical.

  “Awesome. Wait, have you ever ridden a horse?”

  "Uh… I think it was like, a pony," I remembered. "There was like, this, traveling fair thing once and it was more like a photo op." I never really wanted to ride a horse.

  “Oh, cool. That’s more than me. Oh well, maybe someday. Life goals and all that,” she said.

  "It'd be easy to achieve," I teased her. "Much easier than soccer champion or whatever you're trying for."

  "I'm just trying to be the best and win all the things," Charli joked.

  She rolled over in the bed and sighed. Her body was across both beds now, dramatically taking up space.

  “Yeah,” I laughed. “You’re adorable and literally insane.” I stretched my legs out to cover her stomach and trap her beneath them. “You need like a tranquilizer. What am I gonna do with you?”

  I was still sore about how she acted the night before but she easily distracted me from my own judgements and issues.

  "I don't know. My brain is spinning with possibilities," she laughed.

  "Stop," I laughed too, leaning up and poking her side. Insufferable.

  "I can't. Sorry. It's just my brain." She put her hands on my legs. They were warm hands, radiating care into me. "It's partly because I slept so well," she said.

  "Well, you need to calm down or you won't get better," I goaded.

  "Are you bossing me around?" She asked.

  She couldn't stop herself from smiling.

  “I might be,” I said, with the straightest face I could muster.

  “Ohhhhhhh, cute,” she said.

  She relaxed back and turned her head so she could still see me.

  “I’m probably so annoying right now,” she said.

  I laughed. "You're too hyper for a sick person. Sick people are supposed to relax."

  “Don’t worry, I’ll be crashing soon. It’s a momentary burst of energy brought on by delerium.”

  "Ah, okay," I nodded, amused. "I'll keep that in mind."

  My thoughts kept slipping back to Vic and what happened. Both Vic and Charli were upset with me and I still couldn't really understand what I could've done differently for either of them.

  "I might go visit Vic tonight," I let slip.

  Charli’s eyes narrowed for a second and then she blinked.

  "Okay," she stated, looking away. "I hope it's a good visit." I knew when it came to Vic, Charli wasn’t so happy with me.

  “I’ve been kinda shitty so… I dunno,” I confessed.

  "She'll forgive you and it'll be okay," Charli said.

  “I’m not sure how things can be okay,” I confessed. “It’s almost like we can’t be friends anymore. This place makes all of that impossible.”

  "Why can't you still be friends? You can hang out on the weekends," she replied.

  “Oh what, like I’m actually allowed out?” I asked, bothered. Charli had to vouch for me yesterday and even then I want to stay out all night and not be ruled by some stupid schedule. This place is the worst.

  "She can come here and Serena was just being a dick. She'll let you go out. Especially, now that we have already gone out," Charli said.

  I sighed and tried to hide my frustration. “You don’t get it,” I said. “There’s no point in doing anything if I’m always going to be on a leash.”

  "You're not. It'll chill. There's no leash unless you mean just being here is a leash.”

  “It’ll be too late for anything by then.” She really didn’t understand. “And yes. Being here is like being on a leash. Or in a cage. It’s like being a lost puppy. My life wasn’t anything like this before, Charli. I could go where I wanted and do what I wanted. I had freedom. I wasn’t monitored when I ate. And school wasn’t some over-challenging nightmare I had to participate in actively. Everything happening here right now, other than you, is the opposite of ideal. You're the only exception.”

  "Maybe you'll get used to it and it'll be more positive later. It sucks," Charli answered, deflating and looking down.

  "Yes. I'm sure I'll get used to it," I laughed. "Doesn't mean it's normal or okay."

  I was definitely bringing her down.

  "Okay, that's it," I said, standing. "I am going to evacuate so that you can have some space. And I may come back with a few scratches. We'll see."

  I got up and collected my stuff. I could do my makeup outside and sneak out that back way since Serena was always roaming about like a weirdo. From what Charli told me, Serena was supposed to be off campus today.

  "If you need anything just call," I said, a little worried about her. I walked close and touched my hand to her forehead. It was depressing, her being so sick.

  "Scratches? What do you mean? And text me. I'll let you in if you're out later.”

  "I was just joking," I smiled down on her. "You seemed really scared last night. Like I'd really get hurt or something."

  "Oh. I was. Be careful and call if you need anything," she smiled.

  "Don't be scared," I whined. "Nothing bad is gonna happen to me."

  "Awww, I know but just in case. I like precautions," Charli said, shifting to watch me.

  "Okay, well. Rest please. I'll see ya in a little bit."

  "Yes ma'am!" She saluted me and then cuddled into the bed.

  I laughed to myself and shook my head. Charli was really cute sometimes in a kind of frustrating way.

  I snuck out of the room and walked to the back of the hall, sneaking out.

  Yesterday's storm had come and gone. The sun shone down on the manicured landscape as I pulled my phone from my pocket and walked toward the back fields where I'd seen some other girls going when they were out really late.

  Vic hadn't tried to text me since the store. She was pissed and I got it. From her perspective I'd given up on us without a fight. I just couldn't imagine getting kicked out of Hanover and having to deal with my parents then. They were already painting me as some troubled child. And Vic wasn't about to move out of her house to cohabitate with me, at least, we never talked abou
t it.

  The fields were immaculate. Greenest grass I'd ever seen.

  Too bad I didn't care.

  My parents cared and they liked this shit but they weren't hanging out in large manicured fields so they were actually full of shit. They liked going to restaurants and being served and going to hotels where they didn't have to touch or clean things.

  The line of the bushes was shaded by the towering trees. I followed the shadows into the edge of the fence. Sure enough there were a few boards conveniently missing behind one of the more towering tree trunks. It was the kind of thing that made me laugh. There was no way the staff was unaware. They probably preferred there to be only one damaged corner of their property versus twelve.

  "Oh shit."

  "Sorry," I said. "Didn't mean to scare ya."

  "Nah, I'm good," the girl smiled. She was sitting down on the curb just outside the Hanover property, smoking a cigarette, and probably waiting for someone.

  I dug a cigarette out of my purse and lit it up. The feeling was heaven and I knew I was smiling before the girl even said anything.

  "Already sneaking out," she teased.

  "They don't really give us much of a choice," I said.

  "Yeah. It’s stupid. My parents have them watch me. Most of the other girls can come and go as they please."

  I nodded. "Have you been here long?"

  "Since fall," she said. "I'm one of the few charity cases. They don't take many."

  "What do you mean?"

  "I mean. I fucked up and they felt bad for me. All the other girls pay a lot to be here or they're really fucking smart and the school wants to stamp them all over with that Hanover brand."

  I laughed. "You're funny."

  "Yeah," she scoffed a laugh.

  Down the way, an old car was coming toward us. It was white with some rust and peeling paint.

  "Finally," the girl said, standing up. "Do you need a ride?'

  "Uh, no. Thanks," I said, eager to be alone.

  "Alright. See ya," the girl smirked.

  "See ya," I smirked back.

  I liked her. She was cute.

  The car drove off quickly. I tugged my phone out again and dialed Vic.

  Awkwardly, I stared at the concrete and the cars that were coming and going from the actual entrance to Hanover far down the road.

  "Hey…"