"Hey! Ah, Veronica and Lissa this is Laura, Laura this is Veronica and Lissa," Charli said.
“Hi,” I said, waving.
"Hey! Nice to meet you," Veronica said. She elbowed Lissa in the side. Lissa gave a start and waved at me.
Charli turned towards me. "Lissa is Veronica's big sister. She graduated two years ago and left us all for USC. She comes back sometimes to remind us of how much wiser and more mature she is," Charli joked.
"Hey!" Lissa put her arm around Charli and tugged her in. "Just wait, I'll teach you a thing or two and then you'll be happy I came back," she winked.
"Uh, I'm not sure I'm willing to learn how to shotgun a beer and take five belly shots in a row," Charli shot back.
"Shut up, that was freshman year and I deeply regret it. Not that it wasn't fun. Let's not talk about me though. People have been talking about you getting recruited by everyone and I even heard Coach Williams talking about you," Lissa said.
I had been clinging to Charli but now I wondered if she even wanted me here. This girl made her smile so much. But then Charli stepped away from Lissa and grabbed my hand again.
"That's cool," Charli said.
“Sounds promising,” I added tentatively.
"I hope so. I've wanted to go there since I was twelve. Still, I'm not counting on it. I might not get in." Charli leaned on me, putting her head on my shoulder.
I smiled and checked on her. "Finally getting tired," I teased. All the girls on Charli's team seemed so nice. Every new person was another normal girl who didn't have to feel alone or even fret about stupid things. It was like being invited onto another planet. And these were all the happy people who lived their together in great peace.
What did she even see in me? As a friend, I mean?
I often tried not to think this way about Charli, but we were obviously so different and because of that, this happened a lot.
"You should come down this summer and hang out with me. I'll introduce you to some of the girls on the team. I'm taking summer classes anyway so I'm not leaving campus," Lissa said.
Okay, this girl was totally flirting with her. And she was pretty too, which made it all worse. Cute college girl, going to the school she wanted. Also, her makeup is flawless, I could see her at a bar or in a club, dancing up on Charli, touching her skin.
Okay, yikes, why does this bother me?
Stupid Vic and her toxic behavior had me all turned around. Friends should be happy for friends.
"I'm going in June. You can come with me," Veronica suggested.
"Maybe. I'll have to check with my mom and dad," Charli replied.
A few of the girls had the fire started and they crowded around it, fighting the chilly wind.
"Hey, you want to take a walk down the beach or something," Lissa asked Charli.
My heart sank and the hair on the back of my neck pricked up. Just the thought of this girl flirting with her and holding Charli's hand made me so sad.
"No way, it's freezing by the water," Charli said.
"I'll keep you warm," Lissa flirted.
Charli laughed and shook her head, holding onto my hand tighter and glancing at me.
I smiled, a little uncomfortable. "You can go," I said, trying my best to be encouraging. I wasn't a child she needed to coddle. Charli always told me how tragically single she was and how she'd never even been kissed. It made no sense to me since she was way too nice to me, and she smelled so good. Also, she was naturally beautiful in a way that was hard to explain.
If she liked this girl she should hang out with her. I'd honestly hate to ruin that, a chance at happiness for her.
"Na, you should just come along," Charli told me.
Lissa frowned but shrugged.
"Sure, you're welcome to come," Lissa offered.
That felt like an extra punch to the gut. It was obvious that Lissa had been flirting with her, why would I want to come and endure more of that?
“No, it’s cool,” I said. “I’ll wait here.”
There were old wooden chairs near the fire, chairs that looked like they’d been sat there in the sand for many years. People weren’t sitting in them since they weren’t exactly close enough to catch warmth from the flames.
I wrapped my arms around myself and stepped back a little.
"I don't want to leave you," Charli whispered, leaning in.
"Oh," I said, a little confused. "Okay," I said, walking and pushing into her a little so she'd start to walk too. This was probably the last thing I'd want to do, tag along on someone else's romantic moonlit flirt session. But if she wanted me here I'd come. Whatever.
"Are you two… a thing?" Lissa asked.
"I wish," Charli teased.
I smiled over at her and wondered why she said such wonderful things. "I'm new to the school," I explained to Lissa. "And Charli is really sweet to me. Which I don't, at all, deserve."
The waves crashed in the night, roaring beside us and making me wish we were here completely alone. With other people around, it was always different. They asked too many questions and tried to pull us apart or judge us or something.
I thought about our day at the beach and how great that had been when we barely even knew each other at all.
"Charli is pretty amazing," Lissa agreed.
"Oh my God, you guys have to stop. I'm not that great and I am only nice to you because I like you so much," Charli said.
"I've never seen you be a jerk to anyone," I reminded.
The water rushed and surprised us. It covered my feet and I gasped and stared down at it. My whole body was shocked by the cold.
"I'm not a jerk, I'm just not anything special," Charli clarified.
“Right,” I laughed and leaned into her.
More than anything, I wanted her to hold me. Today had been so long and I didn’t like that we were here with other people. “Of course you’re special,” I whispered.
She shook her head but stayed quiet, leaning toward me again.
"Everyone knows you're special. Not just because you're a badass player, you're also nice to everyone, funny, and really cute," Lissa said.
It was true.
"See," I teased.
We walked along in the water and I wondered why we weren't by the warm fire with everyone else. Why did Charli want me to come with her for this talk? It was just weird.
"You wanna swim?" I teased, looking over at her.
"Sure, you first," she teased back.
Lissa didn't say anything, she just started to strip down to her underwear. Charlie's head turned and her eyes widened. She watched Lissa with obvious interest.
"Shit," I muttered. A few seconds ago I was itching to do that myself just to stop this awkwardness but now there was no point. And what did it matter anyway? "Okay, yeah, you guys have fun," I said, rolling my eyes and walking away from them.
I was totally fine with Charli flirting with girls just not in front of me in some sort of forced-witness situation. What the hell?!
This was honestly Vic level annoying and I'd never experienced this with Charli before so I didn't like it at all.
"Are you gonna come in?" Charli asked me.
"Nah. I'm good," I shouted back at her from ten feet away. She and Lissa could get all close and do whatever they wanted. I didn't care.
My feet took the cold sand and clawed at it as I hurried to leave them and get away.
"Wooooop!" One of the other girls ran past us tearing her clothes off as she went. There were more behind her.
"I'll catch you later!" Charli yelled.
I had already turned so whatever. "Yeah sure," I mumbled. But then I heard footsteps and felt her beside me. She caught up to me and slipped her arm through mine.
"You wanna go back to the fire or down the beach the other way?" She asked.
"You should go swimming," I said, not wanting to stop or look at her.
"I'd rather be with you," she said.
"Why?!" I asked, irrationally mad.
&
nbsp; As soon as I said it, I realized I was being a brat. I let out a breath and wiped my hair from my face.
"Woah, okay… I can leave you alone if you want," she said.
I should apologize but I was just so mad.
Instead of saying sorry I started to walk toward the other end of the beach where nobody was. I just wanted to cry.
"What's wrong?" Charli asked. She was keeping up with me.
"Seriously Charli, go have fun," I asked, sounding sad now without any way to help it. The tears were coming again and I couldn't stop them this time, I could tell right away.
She hung on to my arm and refused to go.
Eventually we were far enough away from everyone so I knew it'd be fine to just stop and sit down in the sand.
Charli sat next to me and crossed her legs, wiping sand off her knees.
I wanted to be alone but she wouldn't let me be.
"I'll leave if you want but not till I'm sure you're okay," Charli said.
I buried my eyes in my arms and cried quietly. It was hard to breathe and also pretend I wasn't uncontrollably weeping.
There was nothing I could say to her that I hadn't already said.
Chapter 19
This whole night was confusing. Every time I thought Laura might have feelings for me she did something that made me wonder if she even liked me.
Lissa had come out of nowhere. Even I could tell she was flirting. She and I had been friends but not close before she graduated. I'd barely talked to her since then but all of a sudden she was right there, openly being into me. It made me even more confused about Laura and what I was feeling.
She was so funny and cool and the kissing. My body betrayed me every time I thought about it. I'd catch myself looking at her lips and remembering how they rendered me thoughtless.
I put a hand on Laura's shoulder and then slid it around her back, giving her a side hug.
"Did I do something?" I asked.
"No," she whispered sadly. She was struggling to breathe through her sobs.
"I'm sorry," I said.
I hugged her again and put my cheek on her head.
"I already told you. It wasn't you," Laura breathed. The crying was slowly now, she was at least catching her breath enough to speak.
"I don't care. I'm sorry you feel bad," I said.
I moved her hair away from her face so I could see her face.
"Did Lissa say something?"
"No," she wept. "I'm just stupid. It's stupid, really. No one did anything. I'm just fucked up."
"You're not fucked up. You're just going through something. It'll be okay," I swear.
"I dunno," she whispered sadly.
"I do. I know it can seem like it won't but it's gonna get better. What are you thinking about?" I asked.
Instead of talking she moved her body until she was hugging me and I couldn't see her face.
"Aww, Laura," I whispered.
I hugged her tightly and kissed the side of her head near her temple. I still had no idea what was wrong.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered. I could feel her heart beating against my own chest.
"Don't apologize to me. I brought you out here and you're having a terrible time," I said.
"Still, I didn't mean to snap at you," Laura said.
"It's okay. I know you didn't mean it," I said.
"I still hate that I did it," she said, breathing deeper and snuggling into me.
"I know. It's still okay. I'll let you get away with it this time,” I teased.
Laura rest against me a little longer, until the wind picked up and reminded us both that we were actually freezing.
She pulled away from me and stood up. "We better go," she advised.
"Only if you want," I said.
I stood up with her and waited.
"It's too cold to stay," she sniffed. She took my hand and started to pull me to walk with her over to the fire.
Most everyone was off playing in the water but there were a few people by the fire and no one off in the direction that we were in.
"Sure you don't want to swim with me? We could go in here and I can have you to myself," I said.
Laura laughed and I could sense her relief. "That's okay," she said. "It was a stupid idea anyway. Middle of winter and all."
"Then we can sit by the fire and be all cute," I tried.
"You'll be cute," Laura said, getting her old self back again. "I'll still be the girl who doesn't belong here," she smiled, accepting it.
"You belong with me and you're cute, don't argue. I can totally take you," I teased.
"Take me then," she shrugged.
I pursed my lips and stopped walking, reaching out to stop her as well. I opened my arms and attacked her, pulling her down to the sand to lay on her back. I held myself up above her.
"Okay, dramatic," she laughed, completely floored by me.
"Yeah, but I just did what you said. What's your next move?" I asked.
"That's it. I'm done," she said.
"Boo, that's no fun." I rolled off of her and onto my back.
The sound of the waves and the sight of the stars so far away made me feel homesick for something I'd never had.
Laura rolled onto her side and held her head up with her hand. I felt her fingers on the strings of my hoodie again, lazily playing with them. "I don't have as much energy as you."
"I'm pretty tired right now but I get frisky at the beach. I can't help it," I replied.
"I noticed," she said, staring down into me.
"Why do you have to be so pretty?" I asked.
We had been flirting already tonight so I was getting more brave and less able to stop myself.
"Uhhhh, genetics," she said, like she was placing a guess.
"Yeah, but also your personality," I pointed out.
"Yeah, especially the part where I randomly snap at my friends."
"Pretty sure it wasn't random but it's not unique. People get frustrated or in a mood and snap at people, myself included," I soothed.
There was the friends word again. I couldn’t get past it.
"Yeah but it's you," Laura said. "Which means I really hate myself right now."
She laid down onto my body and hugged me again. This time pressing her cheek to my chest right over my heart.
"That just means you like me so I'm okay with that. I'm not okay with you beating yourself up over it though. You don't deserve that. You can just make it up to me instead," I teased.
"How," she asked sadly.
"I dunno. I was just kidding. You don't have to do anything," I assured her.
She moved her nose to my hoodie and breathed me in. "Why do I like you so much," she wondered out loud.
"I have no idea. I'm still trying to figure that out."
I put my arms around her and tried to keep her warm.
"I like you so much," she confessed. "You're the only person who really makes me feel good inside."
I didn't know what to say but my heart was pounding and I didn't want to ruin this feeling.
"Maybe I was in the right place at the right time when you needed someone," I replied.
Laura bit the fabric of my hoodie and growled as she looked up at me.
"What?" I laughed and squeezed her. It was unbelievably cute and I had the urge to kiss her.
She pushed up and off of me, standing and offering me her hand. "You owe me snacks," she said.
“Right,” I said, sad that we’d have to go back. People around us made things different. Didn’t really matter who it was. I took her hand and let her pull me up.
The fire was pretty high by this point. The only adult that had come with us, the bus driver was still back in the bus just reading. He was a pretty cool guy. Technically, he was our chaperone but he always stayed back and let us do our thing. We were generally good kids. Nothing really ever got out of hand. There were some of us that were always there to make sure of that.
We walked up to the little card table that had been
set up with food, most of it dips and veggies but also hot dogs to roast, both veggie and beef. There were marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers for s’mores, a requirement for any bonfire.
“What do you want?” I asked, grabbing a roasting skewer and sticking a hot dog on it. “I’m going to need two of these,” I said, grabbing another hot dog to roast after the first.
"That looks good," she said, standing close.
I grabbed another skewer and handed it to her, moving aside so she could get what she wanted.
“We can go to the fire, roast them and come back for buns,” I said.
"Yes boss," she teased.
“Boss? I like that. I can boss you around if you want,” I flirted.
"You already kinda do," she said, staring at me.
“Do you like it?” I asked.
She had gotten her hot dog so I led her to the fire and chose a place to start roasting my first one. The fire crackled and flames licked at the meat on my skewer. It wouldn’t take long to cook.
"I guess I must," Laura smiled. "I haven't told you to fuck off yet."
“Yet is what I’m concentrating on. I’m pretty sure you’ll get tired of me,” I teased.
"I keep finding myself more addicted to you so I'm not sure why you think that. If anything, I'm the one in trouble here. You've got all these other people and things to fall back on. A future worth something. I don't have any of that."
"I'm guessing that means you don't know how into you I am. You're future is worth everything mine is. We came from different places, that doesn't mean I'm any better than you. You're like fresh air," I said.
Planning out my words never worked with her. She threw me so far off that I couldn't even predict my own reactions.
"Wow, you really don't get it," she shook her head, smiling. "It's fine. It's fine. You don't get it. You won't ever get it. It's fine."
"What?" I took my hot dog off the fire and looked at her. "What am I not getting?"
"Nothing," she smiled defensively. "Forget it."
"I can't forget it. When you say things like that I feel like an idiot cause I'm missing something obvious. I'm not exactly the best at figuring people out. So, tell me again. Maybe I'll actually understand," I tried.
I tried not to frown but my fear and sadness crept back like it did whenever she told me things like this.
Love Like Crazy Page 20
