Danna placed her hands on her hips. “Good try! You can go at it again!”
The male scowled at her. “I almost died.”
“But you didn’t.” Danna smiled. “Isn’t that great? Cheap thrills. Gotta love them.”
The student gave her the finger.
Agness promptly slapped him across the face with a golden vine, but Danna’s exuberance remained.
“No flipping fingers,” Danna said, waving her wand.
Danna’s vassals laughed from the side, gazing upon her like she was the most beautiful woman in Haven. The vassals who were already serving goddesses were allowed to choose whether to switch jobs or stay with their current ones. All of Danna’s vassals had stayed. I knew mine would’ve, too.
Thinking about them got me all sad again.
It made me want to shrink my consciousness back to the lake. That was where I could rest it sometimes. If I wanted to, I could simply let it sleep forever. It’d be like death. I wasn’t ready for that.
Not yet.
I still wanted to make sure my vassals were okay.
I really should check up on them.
It was too painful.
Still, how else was I supposed to ensure that they hadn’t thrown themselves off cliffs? It’d been about a month since I’d seen any of them. Perhaps now was the time. I let my attention stay with Danna until the class ended. Most of Danna’s students, fueled by the morale she provided, were able to pass their test of taming the dragons. She stayed behind to talk to the ones who didn’t make it, tending to their worries and bruised egos.
I wondered if she missed me. If she did, she didn’t show it much. Danna was making good use of her immortal life. I’d keep watching her over the years.
And when her class ended, I went to find Liam.
I’d hoped that Liam would be in good condition. That maybe he’d recovered and found someone else. There were plenty of girls in Haven. His memory of me shouldn’t hold him back.
None of my hopes had come true.
Liam opened the door of his home—a large gothic mansion that was guarded by skull-headed pit bulls and tall iron gates. He stumbled forward in a drunken stupor and crashed into the couch. He muttered my name before lifting his head, then puked into the bucket one of his servants had placed there for him. How often did he do this? Why was this a routine for his servants?
Liam’s father was a stoic man that didn’t like bullshit. He saw Liam’s conduct as just that—bullshit. Dressed in cashmere robes, he walked down the spiral stairway of his house, his hand sliding down the railing. “You’re a mess, Liam,” Wallace Javerion said. “This is not a good look for my only son.”
Liam muttered something indecipherable. Lazily, he lifted a hand, then let it drop again.
“Pull yourself together,” Wallace continued. “This cannot go on for too long. You’ve dropped out of the Sanctuary, yes, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t pick yourself back up and fulfill your familial duties. You are to take my position when you grow older, and you can’t do that as a useless drunkard.”
Liam managed to gather more energy and lift his head. “Let me”—he hiccupped— “be a drunkard. I don’t want any of—” He stopped mid-sentence, needing to reach for the bucket again. He faltered this time, tipping the bucket over instead of grabbing it. His vomit spilled, splashing across the fine carpet that lined the fine linoleum of the house. Liam threw up again, missing the bucket and causing an even bigger mess. Stomach acid mixed with alcohol dripped down the side of Liam’s mouth. He groaned, then wiped the back of his hand across his jaw.
“Filth,” Wallace said. “All this because of the goddess you’ve lost?” Unlike Danna’s vassals, Liam’s father had decided to leave his goddess when given the chance. He didn’t love her so much, instead preferring to take a position as magistrate of animal affairs. People like him sought power over love. Listening in on the conversations amongst Liam’s servants, I’d learned that Wallace had divorced his wife years ago. He now had three different mistresses, all vying for his attention and wealth. “No woman is worth this much suffering.”
“You don’t know anything,” Liam said. He pushed himself back onto the couch and lay on his back.
Wallace sniffed. “You’re the blind one. I can only pray that you come to your senses soon. I won’t let you stay in my house if you keep acting like this. Get a grip on yourself.”
A servant, hearing the commotion, scampered out of the kitchen holding a rag. She held another bucket filled with water. She kneeled next to Liam and began cleaning up.
Liam ignored his father. Wallace shook his head and abandoned his son, deciding that he needn’t waste his breath anymore.
Liam closed his eyes. The alcohol took over his system quickly, and he fell asleep shortly after, his chest rising and falling gently. He didn’t react when another servant arrived to wipe him down.
He couldn’t even take care of himself.
Liam had changed too much in my absence, and for the worse. I decided to stay to watch over him, hoping that he might show signs of getting better. I was kidding myself. He remained a wreck the entire time. He’d sobered up in the middle of the night, grunting as he came to his senses. He pushed himself to a seating position as he pinched the bridge of his nose. I thought he might take a shower and clean himself up. Instead, he stumbled toward the kitchen, searched the cabinets, and uncorked the nearest bottle of liquor he could find.
Before the tip of the bottle reached his mouth, I tugged myself away from the scene.
I was going to avoid checking in on my vassals for another long while. Maybe it was time for me to take a slumber. Would they still be the same after two years? Hopefully not.
It dawned on me: now that they didn’t have me as a goddess, they wouldn’t be immortal anymore. Vassal lives were tied to their goddesses, so now that we weren’t together, I’d have to see or learn of them dying eventually.
Even though I had no body, I felt pain.
A call distracted me from the agonizing thoughts.
Cara…
Apollo?
Why was he calling for me?
Cara… come…
I turned my attention in his direction, soaring through Haven to reach him.
Seventeen
Hansel
Squeak. Squeak. Squeak.
“It’s loose,” Jaimie said, halting the flower-filled cart. The gravel they travelled on crunched underneath the vehicle.
“I’ll check it.” Hansel kneeled in front of the cart’s sale sign. He brushed his fingertips over the wooden wheel, inspecting it. The giant screw that held the wheel to the cart had loosened. Hansel hadn’t brought a tool, but they wanted to sell as many flowers as they could today. Signing up as Cara’s vassal had given his family a decent amount of money to spend every year, but Mason wanted a little extra to spend for winter. The festival today made flowers much easier to market. Hansel gripped the screw. His bare hands would have to do. He tightened the wheel. “There,” Hansel said. “That should do it.”
“Thanks,” Jaimie said, smiling.
Jaimie was Hansel’s brother. Younger by three years and the second oldest in the family. Jaimie already had a wife to support, and a baby was coming. They were going to have a wedding soon, one that Hansel wasn’t sure he wanted to attend.
He should attend it. Cara had left them six months ago. He needed to move on. He missed her so much, but he couldn’t spend forever sulking.
At least, that was what he told himself.
The nightmares came at night. It was always the same one, with thousands of arrows flying toward Cara and him standing dumbly, having no ability to do anything about it. How could he love someone else when those images still came? It wouldn’t be fair for his new woman, and he couldn’t stomach the thought.
“Brother?” Jaimie asked.
Hansel lifted his head. “Oh, uh, yeah.” He’d been distracted by thoughts of Cara. That happened often. “Sorry about that. You were
saying?”
“I thought we could stop at the road up ahead. It’s at an intersection and on the way to the festival. Not a bad idea to set up shop there. I think we’d get a bunch of customers.”
“Sure,” Hansel replied, getting to his feet. As the oldest sibling, it used to be he that everyone looked to for direction. These days, Hansel allowed himself to just go with the flow. His family loved to drag him out for special occasions, and socializing served as a good distraction. It helped get his mind off stressful matters.
It helped him get his mind off Cara, mostly.
He wasn’t able to concentrate properly these days, so leadership wasn’t in the cards for him. He’d dropped out of the Sanctuary because of that. Perhaps he’d tried numbing his emotions too much. Often, he found his mind in a fog.
Jaimie resumed pushing the cart while Hansel ambled beside him. They found a semi-shaded spot to settle down. Hansel was tempted to ask Jaimie to find a different location. He hated this spot. It gave him a clear view of the chiasma. A strong reminder of Cara.
She was beautiful.
Unlike the black chiasma Apollo had been, her round orb was multicolored. Pinks. Purples. Blues and greens and yellows. She’d always been a vibrant individual.
After he helped Jaimie set up shop, Hansel let his mind return to its usual fog, but Jaimie wouldn’t let him have peace for long. Soon after they got to work, Jaimie asked, “So, are you going to the festival today?”
“No,” Hansel replied quickly.
“Why not?” Jaimie fluffed up a bunch of sunflowers he’d arranged. “It’s the only time when the gods let commoners close to the lake. There’ll be food and drinks, and they’re going to celebrate the return of the chiasma—”
Hansel darted a sharp look at Jaimie.
“Right. The chiasma. Sorry, it’s just that Quinn has been talking about how pretty it is, and I forget that it’s… She’s your, um, you know.”
“Yeah,” Hansel said. He picked up the lilies and began sorting them. Jaimie was the only sibling Hansel had told about what really happened with Cara. Even then, Jaimie didn’t know the details well. Hansel didn’t enjoy sharing the story and preferred keeping the truth of the chiasma to himself. It hurt too much to talk about it, and he didn’t want his younger siblings, some of them half his age, to constantly ask questions about his goddess.
An awkward silence fell between them. Jaimie eventually got tired of it. “It’s still a shame that you left the Sanctuary. You don’t have to be a farmer like the rest of us. You qualify to be with the greats.”
“Mhm.” Hansel propped up the sale sign.
“You could still go back, you know. I’m sure they’d accept you. And if you get a position as an official after you graduate, the pay’s going to be quite good. You won’t have to till soil like me and Quinn. You can find a wealthier wife and live more luxuriously. The girls there are—”
“Jaimie, please.” Hansel pinned his brother with a hard look. “I’m happy like this.”
“Happy?” Jaimie asked.
“That’s right.”
“You sure about that?”
“Uh huh.”
His frown deepened. “It doesn’t seem like it to me.”
“Can we let the matter rest? I’m never going back to that place.” Too many memories would return, and Hansel wouldn’t be able to forget about Cara. He was still trying to avoid everything that reminded him of her. He failed miserably at that. It didn’t help that the chiasma was so fucking obvious, and that he had no choice but to face it every time he stepped outside his house.
Jaimie pursed his lips. “Okay. I won’t talk about it anymore.”
Hansel blew out a weary breath. “Thank you.” He spread out pieces of chiffon paper, preparing to wrap the flowers into a bouquet. They sold for more that way.
Jaimie and Hansel managed to sell most of their flowers by sundown. The day turned out to be quite profitable. They had a pouch full of silver coins by the time they finished.
“Mom and Dad will be pleased,” Jaimie said, flashing Hansel a crooked grin. He lifted the sack of coins and shook it. “Let’s pack up.”
Jaimie didn’t even have to tell Hansel to. Hansel had already begun gathering their supplies and shoving them into sacks. The festival was loud. The sun hadn’t even set yet and Hansel could hear the music from the festivities. He needed to put as much distance between himself and the celebrations as possible. What were they celebrating? Cara’s sacrifice? How did she feel, watching over everyone as that giant orb? Sometimes, Hansel would try talking to her, saying sweet, encouraging words like he used to as her vassal. He wondered if she could hear him.
Right when he finished tying up the last sack of leftover goods, Hansel received a visitor.
Someone he wasn’t sure whether he wanted to see.
The man looked different, even though his skin was as sun-kissed as usual. Hansel narrowed his eyes.
Theo.
The friendly giant swooped down from the magic carpet. Cara and the four vassals had ridden that once. They’d used the carpet in a bid to save Devon from Cara’s stabbing. Hansel eyed the carpet before turning his attention to Theo. The giant had let his blond hair grow out. It rivaled the length of Liam’s now, reaching to slightly below his chest. The texture of his hair, however, was much coarser than Liam’s. Theo’s clothes had changed from the sharp, clean look he wore in the Sanctuary to ripped jeans and a grungy T-shirt. Hansel almost couldn’t recognize him.
“Hi,” Theo said. He forced his lips up in a morose smile. “Devon asked me to come fetch you.”
“Fetch me?” Hansel asked. “To go where?”
Theo gave Hansel a sheepish look before pointing over his shoulder, in the direction of the festival.
“I’m not going,” Hansel said without hesitation.
“The rest of the guys will be there.”
“And?”
Theo scratched the back of his ear. “Don’t you want to catch up? Talk about life?”
Hansel used to be more open to such activities, but he didn’t feel like life had been fair to him lately. He’d rather avoid facing it. A long nap back at his place sounded like a more appealing activity. Hansel shook his head. “You three go on ahead without me. I have other plans.”
“Like what?” Jaimie said. “There’s usually not that much to do at home. Quinn and Mom have the housework settled.”
“Plans,” Hansel said, not hiding the annoyance in his tone.
“You’re bailing on us?” Theo asked with a dejected look. Theo might have the body of a giant, but his heart was as soft as a puppy’s. He wore his heart on his sleeve. “It’s a festival to celebrate Cara. You can’t miss out on it.”
Hansel pushed the cart closer to their arrangement of sacks. He picked one of them up and placed it onto the cart. “And why not? I really don’t see the need for celebration.”
“It’s just for a day,” Theo said.
“There’s nothing on tonight,” Jaimie said. “Just the celebrations. After we get back home, Quinn and I were thinking about taking a look too. It’s the first of its kind.”
“How many times are you guys going to make me pass on this?” Hansel asked.
“Until you agree,” Theo replied.
“Then we’re going to stay here all night. I’m not going.”
“Sure, you are.”
Hansel gritted his teeth. “No, I’m not.”
Theo frowned. “Of course you are.”
“Theo? Can you leave me alone? I don’t want to see any of the others. I’m busy moping and sulking and trying to live my life with distractions. I don’t need any more reminders of her. Having to stare at that fucking ball—”
Hansel heard a crunching noise. A second later, he noticed that Theo had put rocks around his wrists and ankles, immobilizing him. He tried to lift his arm, but the rock was fastened tight. “What are you doing?”
“Kidnapping you,” Theo said with a flat look. “I’m taking you
to the festival whether you like it or not.” Theo took large strides toward Hansel, picked him up, then tossed him over his oversized shoulder.
“What in Haven’s name?” Hansel asked. He hardly cursed, but he really had to this time. “You are not doing this to me.”
“Oh yes, you are,” Theo said.
Hansel’s wrists were still bound, and since Hansel needed to use his hands to summon wind, he couldn’t fight against Theo like this. Theo locked Hansel’s ankles together for good measure.
“That ball,” Theo said, “is our Cara. You will not talk about her like that. And this damn festival, whether you like it or not, is to celebrate her saving both worlds. Her sacrifice. I don’t care that your poor heart is breaking. We’re going to be there for her to acknowledge her efforts. She might be able to sense us somehow, and I don’t want her to feel like we’ve abandoned her.”
Hansel opened his mouth, intending to let out a slew of insults. But then he saw the tears glistening in Theo’s eyes.
“You’re crying,” Hansel said.
“Yeah?” Theo asked. “And?”
“Why?”
“Do you even have to ask? It’s because I bloody love and miss that crazy woman, that’s why.”
Seeing Theo like that left Hansel at a loss for words.
“They’re eating candy,” Hansel said, referring to the kids. Most of them were walking with their hands in their parents’. “Walking around and pointing at her like she’s just a display for them to ogle at.” Hansel and Theo got off the carpet. Theo had kept the carpet somewhere safe so they didn’t have to keep lugging it around. After that, they moved toward the point where Devon and Liam had agreed to meet.
Theo shook his head. “They just don’t know any better.”
“It pisses me off.”
“You always babied Cara, not wanting her to face anything difficult.”
“Well, yeah. I enjoyed doing it,” Hansel said. “It was my job to spoil her.” He recalled the way her silky red hair slipped past his fingers. He’d do anything to run his hands through her locks like before.
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